Author Note: Ok, sorry about the extreme wooliness of last chapter's plot. I know no self-respecting spy would be seen dead using a plan like that but you have to use your imagination or whatever the little motto at the top of the page tells you to do.

Part One, Chapter Three: Outsmarted


. . . but no suspicion no clue you've been . . . outsmarted. ~The Hives

Malkovich has been waiting in the sewers for some time now. She leans against the dirty brick wall, listening intently. She could hear the pair's voices faintly. Now she was beginning to worry. Maybe they weren't going to follow her. . . But she wasn't prepared to let it wait for much longer. She was going to have to do something to capture their attention. Inspiration struck, and she quickly fired three shots from her handgun and dropped to the floor, faking injury.

As she had expected, Yuri and Alice run in soon, worrying about the source of the unidentified gunfire. Malkovich keeps her eyes firmly shut, feigning unconsciousness.

It's that woman...' Alice cried, somewhat surprised.

Oh, asleep again, eh?' Yuri laughs. What should I do?' He bends down close to Malkovich, who is finding it very hard not to burst out giggling, let alone look knocked out. Um, hello? Good heavens, she's out cold. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I just. . .?'

Alice sighs. Yuri doesn't notice.

Go ahead,' replies Malkovich, who thinks it's better that she comes round before long.

Whoa!' Yuri yells, jumping backwards with a start.

Ooh, that hurts,' Malkovich groans to herself. Then, louder, Now look here, sonny boy. Aren't you going to help me up with an Are you all right, fair lady?' and a smile?'

B-but you obviously don't need any help. . .' Yuri was slightly confused.

I never thought there'd be monsters in the sewers,' Malkovich lies smoothly. I guess even I slipped my guard THAT time. That was nearly the end of my epic saga! If the press lost me now they'd be positively crushed.' She was unsure if she had talked too much here and let slip a degree of her nervousness. She scans their faces for any sign of suspicion, but Yuri looks like he is taking it all in his stride and Alice just looks mildly concerned.


Are you all right?' Alice asks timidly as Malkovich pulls herself to her feet.


Yes, I'm fine. Thanks. Oh, you're the two I met before!' As if anyone else is going to be wandering around in the sewers, she thinks. But still, she does her best to act surprised. The terrorist boy and the mysterious girl.'


YOU'RE the terrorist! We're just a couple of helpless murderers!' snaps Yuri, annoyed at Malkovich's constant terrorist comparisons. But, she tells herself, he can't be too angry using a line like that. Best to show that she was anti-terrorist too, though.


Terrorist!' she snaps back, matching Yuri's anger level but being careful not to surpass it. Don't lump me together with those barbarians! I'm a spy. S-P-Y. Get it?' She tries to
lighten the tone a little. A ravishing beauty that just happens to be Miss Spy Genious. The name's Malkovich. Of course, Malkovich is only my code name. Say, tell you what. I'll let you in on a little secret. My real name!'


Look, I didn't come here to save me and you don't need to tell me your name!' says Yuri, who doesn't think getting involved with a spy who also appears to be high on the Japanese Army's Wanted list was a very good idea. Malkovich was loathe to admit he had a point and, not for the first time, doubted the validity of Kawashima's plan. It was very uncharacteristic. Usually Kawashima's plans were foolproof and mapped out to the last detail. She knew Kawashima was waiting for her to mess up, but it really wasn't like her to jeopardise an important mission just out of spite. She was determined not to fail, anyway. Partly not to spoil her reputation and partly to prove a point to Kawashima. She found she didn't have any malevolent feelings towards the pair involved though. That was unusual. She told herself to stop letting her personal thoughts interfere and get on with the matter in hand.

Hey, wait! And here I was gonna give you my phone number, too!'



Jeez, I got it already! OK, so what's your name?' asked Yuri, who secretly quite wanted to know.


You wanna know that bad, huh? My my, I can't keep em away with a stick!' she decides to try flirting. It had worked very well on past occasions, and she had a feeling that she was mainly appealing to Yuri's judgment. Alice seemed to trust his opinion on most things, she thought, because she didn't appear to be expressing one of her own.


Fine, forget it!' Yuri didn't want to know that badly and was eager to move on before Kawashima got there. Malkovich almost panicked. Best to just say it, she decides, and get it over with before Yuri loses interest completely.


Hold on! OK, OK, here goes. My real name is Margarete. Margarete Zelle.'


Alice speaks for the first time in a considerable while.


Margarete, then? My name's Alice Elliot.' Like I didn't know that, Margarete thinks. And this is Yuri Hyuga.'


Hyuga?!' Margarete thinks, considering this name. She is sure she's heard it before. Then it dawns on her. Ben Hyuga! It couldn't be a coincidence. Hyuga was a fairly unusual name. Kawashima will be interested to hear this. All the more reason not to tell her for a while. If she's going to make this mission hard for Margarete, Margarete decides she's damn well gonna make this mission hard for her.


Pleased to meet you both,' Margarete says, conscious she has been lost in her own thoughts for a while. She certainly meant this statement. You won't regret having me on board.'


I've got a bad feeling about this. . .' Yuri murmours. Margarete heard, though she didn't know if she was supposed to have. She raised her eyebrows a tiny amount and made a mental note to keep a particularly close eye on Yuri.






Anyone reading this? Review? Please? Anyone there?Hello?

Roger Bacon: No, no-one's reading this. They have LIVES, Miffy, LIVES. They don't sit about all day reading crap that mangles a perfectly good plot and doesn't even feature me.

Miffy: Oh shut up. YOU'VE read this, I noticed.

Bacon: . . .well I'm not going to review. . .

Miffy: You know, for the second coolest alchemist in a game you're crap at comebacks.

Bacon: AHEMdid you say SECOND coolest?

Miffy: Yeah. I bet ALBERT would have a snappy line for that! (Actually, IS Albert an alchemist? I can't remember, I know Bacon taught him though. Hell, Bacon's way cooler, but don't tell him that. He'll just get big-headed about it).

Roger Bacon sulks and Miffy does a little I-won-the-argument' dance which takes away any dignity she might actually have gained from winning the argument. So we'll leave on this touching scene, I think, before either Miffy or Bacon actually kill each other and there's no-one to write the next chapter.