Author's note: I do not own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters that
do not belong to me. Grr.stupid Document Manager still refuses to accept my
documents. -_- sorry for the long time no update.I hate it when I can't
post up my stories. Sorry for the last few Episodes of Espeon-injuring.I
just had a string of bad days and needed to get it off my chest. Now let's
get on with the story! ^_^ Hey.if anyone is reading this from Microsoft
Word on my com.GET OUT!
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 15: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon watching Cartoon Network.)
TV: No! Dee Dee, do not push that butto.(Explosion.)
Jolteon: haha! Poor Dexter.
(The TV shows static for a while, and then Joseph Stalin comes on TV.)
Stalin: greetings, comrades. Here I have the latest invention of the U.S.S.R to sell to you!
Jolteon: not another stupid commercial.
Stalin: I introduce.the Thundergun! (Unveils a thingamajig.) Note its effectiveness! (Calls a Russian soldier over.)
Russian Soldier: (with Russian accent) you called me, sir?
Stalin: yes! (Points Thundergun at Russian soldier and pulls the trigger.)
Russian soldier: AAAAAaaaaa!!! (Turns charred)
Stalin: now you have seen for yourself the power of the Thundergun! Do not hesitate, pick up your phone and call 1200-666-USSR to order your own Thundergun! All major credit cards accepted. Batteries not included. That's 1200-666-USSR! Call now!
Jolteon: wow! Cool! I gotta buy one! (Picks up phone and dials number. Shortly after, a voice is heard.)
Voice: (with Russian accent) what would you be wanting?
Jolteon: I want to order a Thundergun.
Voice: yeh?
Jolteon: you know, the portable electric-shooting thingy.
Voice: ah. You be wanting to buy portable Tesla Coil, no?
Jolteon: um.yeah.
Voice: very well. Money be sent to our great leader Stalin's private coffers. Tesla Coil be sent by chronoshift. Please wait.
(Jolteon puts down the phone. Suddenly, there is a funny sound outside, followed by the sound of something hitting the snow. Jolteon goes outside.)
Jolteon: (picking up a parcel and tearing it apart) that was fast.
(Eventually the parcel is opened to reveal a funny-looking thing.)
Jolteon: now how does this work? (Looks around for the instruction manual and finds it. It is written in Russian.) Crap.
(Jolteon takes the Thundergun and examines it. He finds a trigger and a hole marked "insert batteries here".)
Jolteon: what the hell. (Sticks thumb into the hole and pulls the trigger. A white arc of electricity leaps from the front into the distance.) Cool!
Narrator: some distance away.
(The scene changes, and we see Espeon leaving Vaporeon's cave.)
Espeon: thanks Vaporeon.
Vaporeon: (cheerfully) don't mention it. After all, you came all the way to see me. How sweet it was of you.
Espeon: well, I.(The arc of electricity leaps over and strikes Espeon.) AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! (Espeon falls flat on the floor, charred.)
Vaporeon: (Looking down at Espeon) I think you should get back in before you're injured further. (Drags Espeon inside.)
Narrator: and now back to Jolteon.
Jolteon: was that a scream I just heard?
(Umbreon walks over.)
Umbreon: Wazzzzzzzzzzzuuuuuuppppppp, dude?
Jolteon: I bought this new toy! (Waves Thundergun about)
Umbreon: cool!
Jolteon: hey, go back and get your Railgun and we'll go hunting! My larder is almost empty!
Umbreon: sure, dude! (Runs off)
Narrator: 30 minutes later.
(We see Jolteon and Umbreon walking in a pine forest holding their weapons. Jolteon is stuffing his face with Mysteryberries.
Umbreon: what're you doing that for?
Jolteon: need to keep up my PP.
(They come across two Stantler trying to eat the bark off a pine tree.)
Umbreon: I bet you can't hit one of them from here.
Jolteon: I bet you can't do the same.
Umbreon: oh, really?
Jolteon: yeah.
Umbreon: then prove it!
Jolteon: gladly.
(They fire both their weapons at the same time. The Stantler explode in a shower of blood.)
Jolteon: at least we don't have to carve them up. Come on, help me stuff the pieces into this sack.
(Twenty minutes later. We see Jolteon and Umbreon roasting some Stantler meat over a fire.)
Jolteon: so, what do we do while we wait for this to cook?
Umbreon: let's make a bet.
Jolteon: and that would be?
Umbreon: (pointing to a figure in the distance) I bet you can't hit that human there.
Jolteon: isn't that the very tall cliff?
Umbreon: yeah.
Jolteon: the one with the freezing river below?
Umbreon: yeah. So, you take up the bet?
Jolteon: sure! You're on! (Raises the Thundergun)
Narrator: some distance away.
(The scene changes, and we see Misty near the edge of the cliff)
Misty: (to herself) wha.what happened? I was playing with that Abra.and next thing, I was here.
(Suddenly, a white arc of electricity strikes her. She screams and falls over the cliff, and hits the frozen river, breaking the ice, which re- freezes over her.)
Narrator: and now it's time for Professor Oak's science facts!
(The scene changes, and we see Professor Oak in front of a blackboard with some ridiculous drawings on it.)
Professor Oak: given that the law of conversation of energy holds true and there was no air friction, we can use the formula mass*gravity*height to find out how much energy Misty had. In this case, her mass was about 45 kg, gravity was 10m per second per second, and the height was 10000m. Therefore, we can conclude that Misty hit the Ground with 4500000 joules of energy, which caused her to die instantly and not drown to death under the ice.
Narrator: um.ok. And now back to our heroes.
Jolteon: HIT!!!
Umbreon: 'k. the food is done.
(They stuff themselves big time.)
Jolteon: (with mouth full) ever wonder why we don't get fat or explode? I mean, we eat so much!
Umbreon: (with mouth full too) dunno. Always had a good digestion.
Jolteon: or it's just maybe that Lccorp2 won't let us.
Umbreon: um.yeah. So, what you wanna do now?
Jolteon: I gotta go to the bank at Maghony to deposit my pay from Lccorp2.
Umbreon: 'k. see ya.
(Three hours later)
(The scene changes. We see Jolteon going into the bank, which is queerly named "The First Bank of Mom". He walks into it, which is crowded with pokemon, and joins the shortest queue, which isn't very short! ^_^)
Jolteon: grr.I HATE lines.
(Thirty minutes later)
Jolteon: (to himself) must resist urge to kill everyone.must resist urge to kill everyone.
(Suddenly, four figures wearing masks and holding guns leap into the bank.)
First figure: everyone hands up! This is a robbery!
Bank teller: aren't you the teletubbies?
First figure: we used to be.until the BBC sacked us because Stinky Winky was GAY! Now we are the Terror Tubbies, faithful members of Al-Qooeda, founded by the holy Osama Bin Pika!
Jolteon: how do we know you're for real?
Second figure: look at our name tags! Duh!
(The camera zooms in on their name tags. They are marked "Stinky Winky", "Dipshit", "Laah-Laah" and "Pojo".)
First Figure: now stick 'em up and give me your cash!
Jolteon: that's it. I'M DISSED!!! (Whips out Thundergun and Zaps them all. The Terror Tubbies fall onto the floor, twitching.)
(Officer Jenny rushes in)
Officer Jenny: what's going on in here?
Jolteon: (pointing at the Terror Tubbies) officer, take them and make sure they spend at least twenty years in the slammer.
Officer Jenny: 'k. (Drags them off)
Jolteon: finally.some peace.
(Camera fades out)
Narrator: and so ends another stupid episode of Eskimo Jolteon!
How'd you like this silly story? The review button is down there, PLEASE USE IT! I'M BEGGING YOU!
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 15: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon watching Cartoon Network.)
TV: No! Dee Dee, do not push that butto.(Explosion.)
Jolteon: haha! Poor Dexter.
(The TV shows static for a while, and then Joseph Stalin comes on TV.)
Stalin: greetings, comrades. Here I have the latest invention of the U.S.S.R to sell to you!
Jolteon: not another stupid commercial.
Stalin: I introduce.the Thundergun! (Unveils a thingamajig.) Note its effectiveness! (Calls a Russian soldier over.)
Russian Soldier: (with Russian accent) you called me, sir?
Stalin: yes! (Points Thundergun at Russian soldier and pulls the trigger.)
Russian soldier: AAAAAaaaaa!!! (Turns charred)
Stalin: now you have seen for yourself the power of the Thundergun! Do not hesitate, pick up your phone and call 1200-666-USSR to order your own Thundergun! All major credit cards accepted. Batteries not included. That's 1200-666-USSR! Call now!
Jolteon: wow! Cool! I gotta buy one! (Picks up phone and dials number. Shortly after, a voice is heard.)
Voice: (with Russian accent) what would you be wanting?
Jolteon: I want to order a Thundergun.
Voice: yeh?
Jolteon: you know, the portable electric-shooting thingy.
Voice: ah. You be wanting to buy portable Tesla Coil, no?
Jolteon: um.yeah.
Voice: very well. Money be sent to our great leader Stalin's private coffers. Tesla Coil be sent by chronoshift. Please wait.
(Jolteon puts down the phone. Suddenly, there is a funny sound outside, followed by the sound of something hitting the snow. Jolteon goes outside.)
Jolteon: (picking up a parcel and tearing it apart) that was fast.
(Eventually the parcel is opened to reveal a funny-looking thing.)
Jolteon: now how does this work? (Looks around for the instruction manual and finds it. It is written in Russian.) Crap.
(Jolteon takes the Thundergun and examines it. He finds a trigger and a hole marked "insert batteries here".)
Jolteon: what the hell. (Sticks thumb into the hole and pulls the trigger. A white arc of electricity leaps from the front into the distance.) Cool!
Narrator: some distance away.
(The scene changes, and we see Espeon leaving Vaporeon's cave.)
Espeon: thanks Vaporeon.
Vaporeon: (cheerfully) don't mention it. After all, you came all the way to see me. How sweet it was of you.
Espeon: well, I.(The arc of electricity leaps over and strikes Espeon.) AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! (Espeon falls flat on the floor, charred.)
Vaporeon: (Looking down at Espeon) I think you should get back in before you're injured further. (Drags Espeon inside.)
Narrator: and now back to Jolteon.
Jolteon: was that a scream I just heard?
(Umbreon walks over.)
Umbreon: Wazzzzzzzzzzzuuuuuuppppppp, dude?
Jolteon: I bought this new toy! (Waves Thundergun about)
Umbreon: cool!
Jolteon: hey, go back and get your Railgun and we'll go hunting! My larder is almost empty!
Umbreon: sure, dude! (Runs off)
Narrator: 30 minutes later.
(We see Jolteon and Umbreon walking in a pine forest holding their weapons. Jolteon is stuffing his face with Mysteryberries.
Umbreon: what're you doing that for?
Jolteon: need to keep up my PP.
(They come across two Stantler trying to eat the bark off a pine tree.)
Umbreon: I bet you can't hit one of them from here.
Jolteon: I bet you can't do the same.
Umbreon: oh, really?
Jolteon: yeah.
Umbreon: then prove it!
Jolteon: gladly.
(They fire both their weapons at the same time. The Stantler explode in a shower of blood.)
Jolteon: at least we don't have to carve them up. Come on, help me stuff the pieces into this sack.
(Twenty minutes later. We see Jolteon and Umbreon roasting some Stantler meat over a fire.)
Jolteon: so, what do we do while we wait for this to cook?
Umbreon: let's make a bet.
Jolteon: and that would be?
Umbreon: (pointing to a figure in the distance) I bet you can't hit that human there.
Jolteon: isn't that the very tall cliff?
Umbreon: yeah.
Jolteon: the one with the freezing river below?
Umbreon: yeah. So, you take up the bet?
Jolteon: sure! You're on! (Raises the Thundergun)
Narrator: some distance away.
(The scene changes, and we see Misty near the edge of the cliff)
Misty: (to herself) wha.what happened? I was playing with that Abra.and next thing, I was here.
(Suddenly, a white arc of electricity strikes her. She screams and falls over the cliff, and hits the frozen river, breaking the ice, which re- freezes over her.)
Narrator: and now it's time for Professor Oak's science facts!
(The scene changes, and we see Professor Oak in front of a blackboard with some ridiculous drawings on it.)
Professor Oak: given that the law of conversation of energy holds true and there was no air friction, we can use the formula mass*gravity*height to find out how much energy Misty had. In this case, her mass was about 45 kg, gravity was 10m per second per second, and the height was 10000m. Therefore, we can conclude that Misty hit the Ground with 4500000 joules of energy, which caused her to die instantly and not drown to death under the ice.
Narrator: um.ok. And now back to our heroes.
Jolteon: HIT!!!
Umbreon: 'k. the food is done.
(They stuff themselves big time.)
Jolteon: (with mouth full) ever wonder why we don't get fat or explode? I mean, we eat so much!
Umbreon: (with mouth full too) dunno. Always had a good digestion.
Jolteon: or it's just maybe that Lccorp2 won't let us.
Umbreon: um.yeah. So, what you wanna do now?
Jolteon: I gotta go to the bank at Maghony to deposit my pay from Lccorp2.
Umbreon: 'k. see ya.
(Three hours later)
(The scene changes. We see Jolteon going into the bank, which is queerly named "The First Bank of Mom". He walks into it, which is crowded with pokemon, and joins the shortest queue, which isn't very short! ^_^)
Jolteon: grr.I HATE lines.
(Thirty minutes later)
Jolteon: (to himself) must resist urge to kill everyone.must resist urge to kill everyone.
(Suddenly, four figures wearing masks and holding guns leap into the bank.)
First figure: everyone hands up! This is a robbery!
Bank teller: aren't you the teletubbies?
First figure: we used to be.until the BBC sacked us because Stinky Winky was GAY! Now we are the Terror Tubbies, faithful members of Al-Qooeda, founded by the holy Osama Bin Pika!
Jolteon: how do we know you're for real?
Second figure: look at our name tags! Duh!
(The camera zooms in on their name tags. They are marked "Stinky Winky", "Dipshit", "Laah-Laah" and "Pojo".)
First Figure: now stick 'em up and give me your cash!
Jolteon: that's it. I'M DISSED!!! (Whips out Thundergun and Zaps them all. The Terror Tubbies fall onto the floor, twitching.)
(Officer Jenny rushes in)
Officer Jenny: what's going on in here?
Jolteon: (pointing at the Terror Tubbies) officer, take them and make sure they spend at least twenty years in the slammer.
Officer Jenny: 'k. (Drags them off)
Jolteon: finally.some peace.
(Camera fades out)
Narrator: and so ends another stupid episode of Eskimo Jolteon!
How'd you like this silly story? The review button is down there, PLEASE USE IT! I'M BEGGING YOU!