The Hogwarts Herald
Issue 1, First Week of School
~~~~~~
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.
-
Remus: This is Remus Lupin interviewing enemies, Sirius Black and Severus Snape.
Snivellus Severus: Let's get this over with.
Sirius: Tsk tsk! That temper of yours! Go to some Anger Management.
Remus: Well I have a few questions for you two. This is from LaLaine. "Why are you so mean to Snape? What has he done to you?"
Sirius: It's quite easy to explain. He's a git. Done.
Remus: This is from Carey to Severus. "If you had one word to describe yourself. What would it be?"Severus: Decent.
Sirius: Decent?! Peeves is more decent than YOU!
Remus: Right. Now, here's a question for you Snape. From Greg. "You're ugly." Well, that isn't technically a question but any comments to that Severus?
Severus: It's the beauty inside that counts.
Sirius: *snorts* Where did you get that from? Your grandmother?
Remus: *talks over Sirius' and Snapes argument* Well that's it for now! See you all next week!
~~~~~~~
Sports by James Potter
Quidditch...the sport of the century
-
Welcome to the Sports column! For all students who would like to become part of a team, please report to the Transfiguration classroom next week at 5:00 sharp, to see what to expect if you're part of the Quidditch Team. Madame Hooch will be there to discuss the game of Quidditch and answer any question that is needed. The only part of the team that is needed at the moment is a Chaser for Ravenclaw, a Beater for Slytherin, and a Keeper for Hufflepuff. Good luck to all who want to make the team!
~~~~~~
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.
-
Q: I often dream that I'm falling into a big hole, what does this mean?
A: How am I supposed to know? What do I look like, an advice columnist or something? Go ask Professor Trelawny.
-
Q: Two days ago, Professor McGonagall gave me a detention for sending notes during class. Is there anyway to get out of it? Please think of something! I'll be killed by my parents if they ever find out!
A: There's nothing you can do. Get over it.
-
Q: You turned my hair pink! How do I get rid of it!?
A: I forgot...
-
If you need some advice from Sirius, send him an owl. He'll try and answer you in our next issue
~~~~~~~~
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!
-
This week we have a special recipe! Something so exotic, so delicious, so tender and sweet. CEREAL! Yes everyone, I am going to be explaining the complicated and complex recipe of cereal. There's such a huge selection of this one of a kind food but I'll make it simple, so everyone can enjoy the cereal!
Ingredients: 1 Carton of Milk, 1 Box of Cereal, 1 Bowl, 1 Spoon, 1 Napkin, Sugar Cubes (This is an option. Sugar cubes are added to make things sweeter!)
Directions: Take the bowl and gently place it on a table. Grab your cereal box and easily pour the cereal into the bowl. Keep your eyes on the cereal to make sure no mess is made. Then the hard part comes. Add the milk to the cereal. Do not add too much milk because the cereal may indeed become soggy. If you would like to add more flavor, add sugar cubes. To make your cereal more exotic add food coloring to your cereal to add color. I especially recommend the color maroon! It brings out the color of the cereal! Now you take your spoon and eat!
Don't forget to share with me!
~~~~~~~~
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.
-
Pink is IN! Orange is OUT!
Get rid of those old dress robes that were orange with white polka dots you gits. Pink is the new hot colour. Its not only ultra feminine, its also very flirty. Try to not get caught dead in a shiny pink though, that might put you on my tacky list. Go for a soft to bold pink but nothing too glitzy. Yes, got to love the pink. Okay. Merlin I hate this job.
~~~~~~~~
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!
-
10 Ways To Get That Boy To Notice You!
1. Put on extremely strong perfume
2. Cough a lot while he's around
3. Giggle stupidly and bat your eyes a million times per second
4. Talk obnoxiously loud when he's near
5. Follow him around the school, even try to get into the boy's lavatory
6. Send him notes, flowers, chocolates to show you care for him
7. Tell all his friends you two are going out
8. Occasionally do a jinx or hex on him to tell him that you're always there for him
9. Talk about marriage to his parents
10. Always remember to drop your quill in front of him so he can pick it up for you
Now if you do these things and the boy still doesn't talk to you, find a new person to like!
~~~~~~
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....
-
Beneath the Waves
Merpeople, what do we REALLY know about them? Are we supposed to trust them? What if they just PRETEND to be nice to us, so we continue to swim in their lake. Perhaps they're planning againest us. Maybe while we're swimming, they come up to take our picnic food! Or maybe they try to steal our clothes that we leave next to the shore? I don't recall having my purple hat after taking a nice little nap by the lake...
-
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.
~~~~~~
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers
Homework is Fun-work!
-
No homework for now. So have fun..while it lasts.. But be prepared for essays when the time comes!
~~~~~~~
The Weather by Allen Fletchsky
Cool and breezy, perfect Quidditch conditions. Get out there!
~~~~~~
Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!
-
Gryffindor: 25
Ravenclaw: 23.64
Hufflepuff: 19
Slytherin: 10
-
Hello everyone! This week there's rumors flying around that Severus Snape is deeply in love with Lily Evans! It's just a rumor but it seems that both are denying that there's any form of relationship between the two.
"Bloody hell! That creep?! I wouldn't date him if he was the last man alive!" screeched Lily.
Ah yes, love in denial! It seems as though Snape isn't the only wizard who has something for Evans.
"Lily Evans is the most beautiful girl I've seen. She's extremely talented as well," says James Potter, Gryffindor Chaser on the Quidditch Team. Then James adds, "By the way Snivellus, Lily's mine and don't go near her! She sees enough of your grease stains!"
"Get a grip on yourself Potter! I'm not YOURS!" shouts Lily.
At this point, people have witnessed James trying to hug Lily and Lily ended up setting Stinkpellets and Dungbombs near him. His stench hasn't been unnoticeable. Very unfortunate case. This is the gossip of the week and if any fellow student that would like to share any gossip, please send me an owl!
~~~~~~~~
A/N: So...how did you like it? Review! Tell us how we can improve. Got a question for Sirius? Put it in a review and Sirius might answer it! Got a request for a dish recipe? Peter will whip one up for you ASAP! (No guarantee it'll actually work. Lol)
Issue 1, First Week of School
~~~~~~
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.
-
Remus: This is Remus Lupin interviewing enemies, Sirius Black and Severus Snape.
Snivellus Severus: Let's get this over with.
Sirius: Tsk tsk! That temper of yours! Go to some Anger Management.
Remus: Well I have a few questions for you two. This is from LaLaine. "Why are you so mean to Snape? What has he done to you?"
Sirius: It's quite easy to explain. He's a git. Done.
Remus: This is from Carey to Severus. "If you had one word to describe yourself. What would it be?"Severus: Decent.
Sirius: Decent?! Peeves is more decent than YOU!
Remus: Right. Now, here's a question for you Snape. From Greg. "You're ugly." Well, that isn't technically a question but any comments to that Severus?
Severus: It's the beauty inside that counts.
Sirius: *snorts* Where did you get that from? Your grandmother?
Remus: *talks over Sirius' and Snapes argument* Well that's it for now! See you all next week!
~~~~~~~
Sports by James Potter
Quidditch...the sport of the century
-
Welcome to the Sports column! For all students who would like to become part of a team, please report to the Transfiguration classroom next week at 5:00 sharp, to see what to expect if you're part of the Quidditch Team. Madame Hooch will be there to discuss the game of Quidditch and answer any question that is needed. The only part of the team that is needed at the moment is a Chaser for Ravenclaw, a Beater for Slytherin, and a Keeper for Hufflepuff. Good luck to all who want to make the team!
~~~~~~
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.
-
Q: I often dream that I'm falling into a big hole, what does this mean?
A: How am I supposed to know? What do I look like, an advice columnist or something? Go ask Professor Trelawny.
-
Q: Two days ago, Professor McGonagall gave me a detention for sending notes during class. Is there anyway to get out of it? Please think of something! I'll be killed by my parents if they ever find out!
A: There's nothing you can do. Get over it.
-
Q: You turned my hair pink! How do I get rid of it!?
A: I forgot...
-
If you need some advice from Sirius, send him an owl. He'll try and answer you in our next issue
~~~~~~~~
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!
-
This week we have a special recipe! Something so exotic, so delicious, so tender and sweet. CEREAL! Yes everyone, I am going to be explaining the complicated and complex recipe of cereal. There's such a huge selection of this one of a kind food but I'll make it simple, so everyone can enjoy the cereal!
Ingredients: 1 Carton of Milk, 1 Box of Cereal, 1 Bowl, 1 Spoon, 1 Napkin, Sugar Cubes (This is an option. Sugar cubes are added to make things sweeter!)
Directions: Take the bowl and gently place it on a table. Grab your cereal box and easily pour the cereal into the bowl. Keep your eyes on the cereal to make sure no mess is made. Then the hard part comes. Add the milk to the cereal. Do not add too much milk because the cereal may indeed become soggy. If you would like to add more flavor, add sugar cubes. To make your cereal more exotic add food coloring to your cereal to add color. I especially recommend the color maroon! It brings out the color of the cereal! Now you take your spoon and eat!
Don't forget to share with me!
~~~~~~~~
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.
-
Pink is IN! Orange is OUT!
Get rid of those old dress robes that were orange with white polka dots you gits. Pink is the new hot colour. Its not only ultra feminine, its also very flirty. Try to not get caught dead in a shiny pink though, that might put you on my tacky list. Go for a soft to bold pink but nothing too glitzy. Yes, got to love the pink. Okay. Merlin I hate this job.
~~~~~~~~
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!
-
10 Ways To Get That Boy To Notice You!
1. Put on extremely strong perfume
2. Cough a lot while he's around
3. Giggle stupidly and bat your eyes a million times per second
4. Talk obnoxiously loud when he's near
5. Follow him around the school, even try to get into the boy's lavatory
6. Send him notes, flowers, chocolates to show you care for him
7. Tell all his friends you two are going out
8. Occasionally do a jinx or hex on him to tell him that you're always there for him
9. Talk about marriage to his parents
10. Always remember to drop your quill in front of him so he can pick it up for you
Now if you do these things and the boy still doesn't talk to you, find a new person to like!
~~~~~~
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....
-
Beneath the Waves
Merpeople, what do we REALLY know about them? Are we supposed to trust them? What if they just PRETEND to be nice to us, so we continue to swim in their lake. Perhaps they're planning againest us. Maybe while we're swimming, they come up to take our picnic food! Or maybe they try to steal our clothes that we leave next to the shore? I don't recall having my purple hat after taking a nice little nap by the lake...
-
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.
~~~~~~
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers
Homework is Fun-work!
-
No homework for now. So have fun..while it lasts.. But be prepared for essays when the time comes!
~~~~~~~
The Weather by Allen Fletchsky
Cool and breezy, perfect Quidditch conditions. Get out there!
~~~~~~
Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!
-
Gryffindor: 25
Ravenclaw: 23.64
Hufflepuff: 19
Slytherin: 10
-
Hello everyone! This week there's rumors flying around that Severus Snape is deeply in love with Lily Evans! It's just a rumor but it seems that both are denying that there's any form of relationship between the two.
"Bloody hell! That creep?! I wouldn't date him if he was the last man alive!" screeched Lily.
Ah yes, love in denial! It seems as though Snape isn't the only wizard who has something for Evans.
"Lily Evans is the most beautiful girl I've seen. She's extremely talented as well," says James Potter, Gryffindor Chaser on the Quidditch Team. Then James adds, "By the way Snivellus, Lily's mine and don't go near her! She sees enough of your grease stains!"
"Get a grip on yourself Potter! I'm not YOURS!" shouts Lily.
At this point, people have witnessed James trying to hug Lily and Lily ended up setting Stinkpellets and Dungbombs near him. His stench hasn't been unnoticeable. Very unfortunate case. This is the gossip of the week and if any fellow student that would like to share any gossip, please send me an owl!
~~~~~~~~
A/N: So...how did you like it? Review! Tell us how we can improve. Got a question for Sirius? Put it in a review and Sirius might answer it! Got a request for a dish recipe? Peter will whip one up for you ASAP! (No guarantee it'll actually work. Lol)