The Hogwarts Herald
Issue 2, First Week and a half
~~~~~~~
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.
-
Remus: I am here today with Alexander Clearwater and James Potter. We are going to be discussing about the differences between the houses of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw.
James: Well it's obvious which house is better, Gryffindor!!
Alexander: I'll excuse your arrogance, Mr. Potter.
James: *mocking in a squeaky voice* I'll excuse your arrogance, Mr. Potter.
Alexander: Well I personally believe that the differences between the two houses lay in the field of intelligence. Ravenclaws are by far superior when it comes to learning.
James: So explain why I'm smarter than everyone in your house!
Alexander: Because you cheat!
James: I do not! YOU cheated off of me!!! How dare you say such a hideous lie!! I'll spit on you! *cock-tueey*
Remus: Break it up you guys! BREAK IT UP!!
James: SHE'S a DISGRACE to Ravenclaw!!!
Alexander: I'm not a female!! I'm a male!!
James: Well you sure look like a female...
Alexander: Your completely pointless comments do not trouble us. Your useless brain must be the size of a pea. I sympathize you.
James: Well, guess what?! Your brain is size of a grain of rice!! Beat that!
Remus: OKAY! STOP FIGHTING BOTH OF YOU!! *Alexander and James stop talking instantly* YOU BOTH ARE ARGUING OVER NOTHING!! STOP NOW!!
James: We already stopped Remus...
Remus: Oh. Ehhem. *rustles with shirt's collar* Well, this is the end of our interview with Mr. Potter and Miss, I mean MR. Clearwater.
~~~~~~~~~~
Sports by James Potter
Quidditch...the sport of the century
-
Welcome! Quidditch try-outs are going to be held at the Quidditch Pitch next Tuseday! Arrive there at 5:30 P.M. and please be on time! The new members of the team will be announced after about a week or so. Please be prepared for the try-outs by bringing everything that is needed. Madame Hooch will be there to greet you all and will briefly discuss about Quidditch. Try your best and good luck to all who try out!
Tips:
* Be prepared
* Listen and follow the directions
* Follow ALL rules! If you break a rule or more, it is unlikely that you will be chosen!
~~~~~~~~~~
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.
-
Q: I wanted to do something horrible to Snape or Malfoy that I won't get in trouble for. Who would you do this to and what do you suggest I do?
A: Meet me in front of Zonko's on the first trip to Hogsmeade. Bring lots of money. Oh, a box of new socks would be excellent too!
-
Q: My frenDz hAytE ghEttiNg mAiL frUm mEeH. WhY dO yOO thInK thAt isSsS?
A: Oh I DoN't kNoO. PeRhaPs iTs b-cUz iT TaKes fOreVeR tO ReAd iT!
-
Q: This girl says I'm a loser when I asked her out. Why?
A: Probably because you are a loser. The truth hurts, I'm sorry you're ugly.
-
If you need some advice from Sirius, send him an owl. If you've got questions, he's got answers.
~~~~~~~~~
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!
-
Believe it or not, but this time we're cooking Ramen Noodles!!Yes!I can see what you're thinking! You're thinking, 'This is impossible! How can I cook such a wonderful meal without any problems?!' Well the Food King is here to give you the BEST and one of a kind recipes! Get ready for some exciting cooking!
Ingredients:1 cup of Ramen Noodles, Water, 1 Spoon, 1 Napkin, 1 Very-Good-Microwave-That-Can-Withstand-Something-Very-Hard-To-Cook
Directions: Take your cup of Ramen noodles and open the cover just a bit, not too much but not too little. We don't want your noodles to get soggy or too soft! Pour water into it until it reaches the line at the top. If you put more than that, it'll turn out VERY yucky. If you put too little it, it'll be as dry as a rock! Now place the cup inside the Very-Good-Microwave-That-Can-Withstand-Something-Very-Hard-To-Cook.
Set the microwave for 1 minute. If you would like, you could watch the microwave and count down until it's done. Take it out VERY, VERY carefully! *Warning: If you do not be careful, you WILL BURN yourself. I repeat, if you aren't careful enough, you WILL get burned!* Let it cool off for about 1 minute, but if you're a bit frightened that it might burn your mouth, then wait for 5 whole minutes. Yes, 5 WHOLE MINUTES! I know, I know. It's a disaster, but it will be quite all right. Don't worry. After your noodles have cooled off, take your spoon ( I recommend using a plastic spoon, so no harm can be done) and then you eat!
Don't forget to share with me!
~~~~~~~~
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.
-
Hat Attack!
Hats are SOO last week, you dolt! Black pointy ones are anyway. It seems the Muggleworld has taken this stereotype too far again by putting it on even more television shows so once again, it is OUT! But of course, once something is out, something new is IN! The growing popularity is now 'Mickey Mouse Ear Hats". How these became popular I'll never know, but it seems that more and more witches and wizards are sporting this hip new look of two round ears on a "baseball cap". Don't ask me where to get it because its made by some Walt-Disney muggle and I really have no idea who he is. Stupid fashion, I STILL hate this job.
~~~~~~~~
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!
-
10 Ways To Piss Off A Ravenclaw Student
1. Make a lot of noise
2. Throw a book on the ground
3. Say, "I hate homework."
4. Get a higher score on a test than them
5. Raise your hand higher than they can
6. Go to the library and don't read anything
7. Sing rap/hip-hop songs while amongst them
8. Quote something from Sitffler from American Pie
9. Discuss how intellect can only get you so far in life loudly in front of them
10. Use big words that even they won't understand
I guarantee these will drive the house mad. Do YOU need suggestions on how to do something? Send me, Lucius Malfoy, soon to be Minister of Magic, an owl, and MAYBE if you're pure enough, I'll "help" you.
~~~~~~~~
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....
-
Cats, are they really that boring? Or is there more to them?
Many cat owners say they love their pets because they're so loyal, but what does this loyalty consist of? Your reporter went on a school wide search to find out what makes cats "loyal" animals.
S.D., 4th Year: My cat can read my mind and I can read his. He's saying he wants to eat you right about...........now.
E.C. 2nd Year: My feline friends know how to cook for me! I swear its true! This one time, at band camp, I was starving after flute lessons, and in came my kitty, with a basket full of picnic food! It was so magical!
P.P. 7th Year: I'm scared of cats. I used to have one, he used to get my mail for me, deliver my packages, do my online shopping for me too. But one day, he tried to kill me, so I sat on him. Ever since then, I don't trust any cats.
At the end of my search, I concluded that cats are indeed quite loyal pets, that can be ruthless killers as well. Oh what's that's tingly yet sharp knawing feeling at my feet? Oh hello Pumpkin Paws!
-
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.
~~~~~~~~~~
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers
Homework is Fun-work!
-
Homework is coming soon! Be on the lookout for essays and pop quizzes! *gets excited*
~~~~~~~~~~
The Weather by Allen Fletchsky
Ever wonder whether the weather will be fair or fairly fair? I'm here to help...
-
For the rest of the week and into the weekend, these early Septermber days will be long and COLD! That's right, not even a hint of sun coming along. You should have taken advantage of the cool days for Quidditch when I told you because the frigid winds from the north isn't leaving for days! Its still a playble condition, but beware of gusts of wind coming from the northern end of the pitch. Fly safely and don't forget to wear that extra undershirt!
~~~~~~~~~
Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!
-
Ravenclaw: 26.85
Gryffindor: 26
Hufflepuff: 21
Slytherin: 20
There's more gossip this week! There's a rumor spreading around that the Forbidden Forest is going to be cut down completely. No more threstals, centaurs or unicorns! Is this rumor REALLY true?
"Yep! That's what I heard! The Forbidden Forest is going down! Maybe Hagrid won't bring any more of those monstrous beasts. *shiver* I would rather work with flobberworms..." says disgruntled Hufflepuff, 4th year.
It's not quite a sure fact, but lets hope that the Forbidden Forest stays with Hogwarts. Now on to even more interesting gossip. It was said that Severus Snape was caught in a dress full of pink daiseys and tulips. Yes ladies and gentlemen, you heard it! Snape in a dress! The student, who prefers to remain anoymenus due to certain circumstances, has taken a picture of Snape while this happened.
"Snivellus deserved what he got! Making fun of him and doing pranks on him are one of the highlights of my day!" exclaims the student.
How did he manage to find Snape in a dress and why was he in a dress? We do not know and we probably DO NOT want to know.
"Well it was quite simple! It's the magic of modern computers!" snickers the student.
Computers are electronic devices used by Muggles.
"WHAT'S THIS!?! THIS CLEARLY ISN'T ME! HOW REVOLTING!I FIND THIS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!" shouts Snape as his voice echoes a mile away. "THIS ISN'T ME! THIS-THIS IS MY LONG LOST COUSIN! HE LOOKS LIKE ME!" says Snape in a rather nervous voice.
Yes, yes. Whatever you say. We don't really want to know the ACTUAL story behind it. What a disturbing case. Soon, pictures of Snape in a dress were plastered all over the corriders, making them practically impossible to take the picture off the wall. Well that's the gossip for this time!
Send me an owl if there are any rumors/gossip that you would like to share!
~~~~~~~~
A/N: All issues after this one will be written by 4 authors, not just Flo and Jen! Sensational guest writers Kym and Ble will be joining the team for this special fic! Issues will be written by the four of us until school starts, (August 25th) then it will probably switch back to just Flo and Jen.
Issue 2, First Week and a half
~~~~~~~
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.
-
Remus: I am here today with Alexander Clearwater and James Potter. We are going to be discussing about the differences between the houses of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw.
James: Well it's obvious which house is better, Gryffindor!!
Alexander: I'll excuse your arrogance, Mr. Potter.
James: *mocking in a squeaky voice* I'll excuse your arrogance, Mr. Potter.
Alexander: Well I personally believe that the differences between the two houses lay in the field of intelligence. Ravenclaws are by far superior when it comes to learning.
James: So explain why I'm smarter than everyone in your house!
Alexander: Because you cheat!
James: I do not! YOU cheated off of me!!! How dare you say such a hideous lie!! I'll spit on you! *cock-tueey*
Remus: Break it up you guys! BREAK IT UP!!
James: SHE'S a DISGRACE to Ravenclaw!!!
Alexander: I'm not a female!! I'm a male!!
James: Well you sure look like a female...
Alexander: Your completely pointless comments do not trouble us. Your useless brain must be the size of a pea. I sympathize you.
James: Well, guess what?! Your brain is size of a grain of rice!! Beat that!
Remus: OKAY! STOP FIGHTING BOTH OF YOU!! *Alexander and James stop talking instantly* YOU BOTH ARE ARGUING OVER NOTHING!! STOP NOW!!
James: We already stopped Remus...
Remus: Oh. Ehhem. *rustles with shirt's collar* Well, this is the end of our interview with Mr. Potter and Miss, I mean MR. Clearwater.
~~~~~~~~~~
Sports by James Potter
Quidditch...the sport of the century
-
Welcome! Quidditch try-outs are going to be held at the Quidditch Pitch next Tuseday! Arrive there at 5:30 P.M. and please be on time! The new members of the team will be announced after about a week or so. Please be prepared for the try-outs by bringing everything that is needed. Madame Hooch will be there to greet you all and will briefly discuss about Quidditch. Try your best and good luck to all who try out!
Tips:
* Be prepared
* Listen and follow the directions
* Follow ALL rules! If you break a rule or more, it is unlikely that you will be chosen!
~~~~~~~~~~
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.
-
Q: I wanted to do something horrible to Snape or Malfoy that I won't get in trouble for. Who would you do this to and what do you suggest I do?
A: Meet me in front of Zonko's on the first trip to Hogsmeade. Bring lots of money. Oh, a box of new socks would be excellent too!
-
Q: My frenDz hAytE ghEttiNg mAiL frUm mEeH. WhY dO yOO thInK thAt isSsS?
A: Oh I DoN't kNoO. PeRhaPs iTs b-cUz iT TaKes fOreVeR tO ReAd iT!
-
Q: This girl says I'm a loser when I asked her out. Why?
A: Probably because you are a loser. The truth hurts, I'm sorry you're ugly.
-
If you need some advice from Sirius, send him an owl. If you've got questions, he's got answers.
~~~~~~~~~
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!
-
Believe it or not, but this time we're cooking Ramen Noodles!!Yes!I can see what you're thinking! You're thinking, 'This is impossible! How can I cook such a wonderful meal without any problems?!' Well the Food King is here to give you the BEST and one of a kind recipes! Get ready for some exciting cooking!
Ingredients:1 cup of Ramen Noodles, Water, 1 Spoon, 1 Napkin, 1 Very-Good-Microwave-That-Can-Withstand-Something-Very-Hard-To-Cook
Directions: Take your cup of Ramen noodles and open the cover just a bit, not too much but not too little. We don't want your noodles to get soggy or too soft! Pour water into it until it reaches the line at the top. If you put more than that, it'll turn out VERY yucky. If you put too little it, it'll be as dry as a rock! Now place the cup inside the Very-Good-Microwave-That-Can-Withstand-Something-Very-Hard-To-Cook.
Set the microwave for 1 minute. If you would like, you could watch the microwave and count down until it's done. Take it out VERY, VERY carefully! *Warning: If you do not be careful, you WILL BURN yourself. I repeat, if you aren't careful enough, you WILL get burned!* Let it cool off for about 1 minute, but if you're a bit frightened that it might burn your mouth, then wait for 5 whole minutes. Yes, 5 WHOLE MINUTES! I know, I know. It's a disaster, but it will be quite all right. Don't worry. After your noodles have cooled off, take your spoon ( I recommend using a plastic spoon, so no harm can be done) and then you eat!
Don't forget to share with me!
~~~~~~~~
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.
-
Hat Attack!
Hats are SOO last week, you dolt! Black pointy ones are anyway. It seems the Muggleworld has taken this stereotype too far again by putting it on even more television shows so once again, it is OUT! But of course, once something is out, something new is IN! The growing popularity is now 'Mickey Mouse Ear Hats". How these became popular I'll never know, but it seems that more and more witches and wizards are sporting this hip new look of two round ears on a "baseball cap". Don't ask me where to get it because its made by some Walt-Disney muggle and I really have no idea who he is. Stupid fashion, I STILL hate this job.
~~~~~~~~
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!
-
10 Ways To Piss Off A Ravenclaw Student
1. Make a lot of noise
2. Throw a book on the ground
3. Say, "I hate homework."
4. Get a higher score on a test than them
5. Raise your hand higher than they can
6. Go to the library and don't read anything
7. Sing rap/hip-hop songs while amongst them
8. Quote something from Sitffler from American Pie
9. Discuss how intellect can only get you so far in life loudly in front of them
10. Use big words that even they won't understand
I guarantee these will drive the house mad. Do YOU need suggestions on how to do something? Send me, Lucius Malfoy, soon to be Minister of Magic, an owl, and MAYBE if you're pure enough, I'll "help" you.
~~~~~~~~
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....
-
Cats, are they really that boring? Or is there more to them?
Many cat owners say they love their pets because they're so loyal, but what does this loyalty consist of? Your reporter went on a school wide search to find out what makes cats "loyal" animals.
S.D., 4th Year: My cat can read my mind and I can read his. He's saying he wants to eat you right about...........now.
E.C. 2nd Year: My feline friends know how to cook for me! I swear its true! This one time, at band camp, I was starving after flute lessons, and in came my kitty, with a basket full of picnic food! It was so magical!
P.P. 7th Year: I'm scared of cats. I used to have one, he used to get my mail for me, deliver my packages, do my online shopping for me too. But one day, he tried to kill me, so I sat on him. Ever since then, I don't trust any cats.
At the end of my search, I concluded that cats are indeed quite loyal pets, that can be ruthless killers as well. Oh what's that's tingly yet sharp knawing feeling at my feet? Oh hello Pumpkin Paws!
-
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.
~~~~~~~~~~
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers
Homework is Fun-work!
-
Homework is coming soon! Be on the lookout for essays and pop quizzes! *gets excited*
~~~~~~~~~~
The Weather by Allen Fletchsky
Ever wonder whether the weather will be fair or fairly fair? I'm here to help...
-
For the rest of the week and into the weekend, these early Septermber days will be long and COLD! That's right, not even a hint of sun coming along. You should have taken advantage of the cool days for Quidditch when I told you because the frigid winds from the north isn't leaving for days! Its still a playble condition, but beware of gusts of wind coming from the northern end of the pitch. Fly safely and don't forget to wear that extra undershirt!
~~~~~~~~~
Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!
-
Ravenclaw: 26.85
Gryffindor: 26
Hufflepuff: 21
Slytherin: 20
There's more gossip this week! There's a rumor spreading around that the Forbidden Forest is going to be cut down completely. No more threstals, centaurs or unicorns! Is this rumor REALLY true?
"Yep! That's what I heard! The Forbidden Forest is going down! Maybe Hagrid won't bring any more of those monstrous beasts. *shiver* I would rather work with flobberworms..." says disgruntled Hufflepuff, 4th year.
It's not quite a sure fact, but lets hope that the Forbidden Forest stays with Hogwarts. Now on to even more interesting gossip. It was said that Severus Snape was caught in a dress full of pink daiseys and tulips. Yes ladies and gentlemen, you heard it! Snape in a dress! The student, who prefers to remain anoymenus due to certain circumstances, has taken a picture of Snape while this happened.
"Snivellus deserved what he got! Making fun of him and doing pranks on him are one of the highlights of my day!" exclaims the student.
How did he manage to find Snape in a dress and why was he in a dress? We do not know and we probably DO NOT want to know.
"Well it was quite simple! It's the magic of modern computers!" snickers the student.
Computers are electronic devices used by Muggles.
"WHAT'S THIS!?! THIS CLEARLY ISN'T ME! HOW REVOLTING!I FIND THIS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!" shouts Snape as his voice echoes a mile away. "THIS ISN'T ME! THIS-THIS IS MY LONG LOST COUSIN! HE LOOKS LIKE ME!" says Snape in a rather nervous voice.
Yes, yes. Whatever you say. We don't really want to know the ACTUAL story behind it. What a disturbing case. Soon, pictures of Snape in a dress were plastered all over the corriders, making them practically impossible to take the picture off the wall. Well that's the gossip for this time!
Send me an owl if there are any rumors/gossip that you would like to share!
~~~~~~~~
A/N: All issues after this one will be written by 4 authors, not just Flo and Jen! Sensational guest writers Kym and Ble will be joining the team for this special fic! Issues will be written by the four of us until school starts, (August 25th) then it will probably switch back to just Flo and Jen.