The Hogwarts Herald
Issue 3, Week 2
~~~~~~~
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.
-
Remus: This week I am interviewing Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. They have agreed to share a memorable event which was skating. Muggles wear these shoes that have four wheels attached to them and then glide around. They (including me) decided to try it out at our own risk.
Sirius: *rubs behind* Ouch...painful experience...quite painful...
James: I've got bruises twice the size of a galleon! I can barely move.
Remus: Well you all fell before you even entered the skating rink!
Sirius: It's Peter's fault! He fell, then I tripped over him, then James toppled over too.
Peter: It was NOT my fault! I lost control of my skirts!
Remus: They're called skates Peter..
Peter: Whatever. Same difference.
James: *says sarcastically* Hm... I wonder why you fell...Oh I dunno..Maybe 'cause you put the skates on the wrong foot!
Peter: I was new at this. At least I didn't crash into people like a maniac like Sirius did!
Sirius: For YOUR information, I ONLY crashed into 6 people!
James: I crashed into 2 people.
Peter: 3 people for me.
Remus: The wall for me...
Remus: Anyways, this is the end of our interview! See you all next time!
~~~~~~~~~~
Sports by James Potter
Quidditch...the sport of the century
-
Many students showed up to try out to become a new member of the Quidditch teams for each House. The names of those who have made the team are the following:
* Justin Lason (Ravenclaw Chaser)
* Calvin Dane (Slytherin Beater)
* Susie Trone (Keeper of Hufflepuff)
Congratulations to those people! Now the real game begins! Quidditch matches start in October!
The match of Slytherin versus Gryffindor will take place on the 28th of October! GO GRYFFINDOR!! WE CAN BEAT THOSE SLIMY GITS!! Anyways, the teams will be practicing day and night and I'll keep you updated about practice and more!
Note to those who keep cheering "GO JAMES! CATCH THAT SNITCH!" I am NOT a seeker! I'm a chaser! Where do you guys get that I'm a seeker from?
A/N: Reread Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone! Don't base facts from the movies.
~~~~~~~~~~
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.
-
Q: What can I do to be better lookin'?
A: Face it, dude. You're NEVER gonna be as hott as me.
-
Q: There's a guy that likes me and keeps asking me out. I don't want to be mean. What should I do?
A: Go out with me and I'll tell him you're taken!!
-
Q: I need a good jinx to put on Severus. Can you think of a good one?
A: Oh YEAH! The list goes out the door. Meet me and we'll talk...for a price of course.
-
Q: How self-absorbed are you!?!
A: Very. But I prefer to call it self-love.
~~~~~~~~~~
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!
-
Welcome everyone! I hoped you enjoyed my latest recipes! This time we'll be making PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES! Yes! I can feel the excitement! This is an EXREMELY difficult delicacy to create, so please take the time to read the instructions thoroughly before starting! Now on to our cooking.
Ingredients: 2 slices of bread, 1 jar of jelly, 1 jar of peanut butter, 2 butterknives, and 1 napkin
Directions: Take your two slices of bread and lay them on the table side to side.
Afterwards, grab your knife (be VERY careful, butterknives have been known to give DEEP cuts if not handled correctly! Ask an adult to help!) and scoop some of the jelly from the jar. Put a decent amount onto one side of the bread (I like to put about 1 kilogram of jelly on my bread).
Now take your knife and scoop peanut butter onto your other piece of bread on one side.*Warning: Do not overflow your sandwich with jelly and peanut butter. It might be hazardous to small children.*
Once that's done, put the two pieces of bread together so that the jelly and peanut butter are in the middle. Be sure to use your napkin if any mess is made! Now you can eat!
Don't forget to share with me!
~~~~~~~~~
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.
-
Moccasin Madness!
The new item are moccasins! Yes, you heard right, moccasins! Now, I know many of you are wondering, what are moccasins? Well I, Severus Snape alias FASHION QUEEN, I mean, KING, will explain. Moccasins are a soft leather heelless shoe or boot with the sole brought up the sides of the foot and over the toes where it is joined with a puckered seam to a U-shaped piece lying on top of the foot. Believe it or not, these shoes are rather comfortable! They seem to be replacing regular sneakers and dress shoes in all of the houses. The frenzy seems to be scaring some cattle farmers because they fear that the rage will come to a point where children might become cow-poachers! I believe I am starting to like this job.
~~~~~~~~
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!
-
10 Ways to Make a Girl Cry
Are you just looking for some good ol' fun by hurtin' a girl's feelings? Here's how!
1. Call them fat.
2. Ask them if they got their clothing from the Rag Shop.
3. Flick peas in their hair during supper.
4. Tell them that they could put all the make-up in the world on and they'd still look like a toad.
5. Ask them if that pimple on their nose was a spell that went wrong.
6. Date their boyfriend.
7. Make fun of their hair.
8. Point and laugh at them until they can't take the pressure anymore.
9. Pinch them really hard.
10. Jinx them.
~~~~~~~~
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....
-
There's something fishy about fish...
I don't know about you, but if I'm swimming underwater at night, I wouldn't be able to see a thing. How do fish do it? Do they have secret underwater goggles? Or maybe ultra nightvision? How are the fish of the lake able to swim around without running into a rock or some floating purple hats that were left behind by merpeople? Here's what the student body believes,
"Fish have laser beams in their eyes that let them shoot whatever is in front of them and blasting it into a million, maybe a BILLION pieces! Then they won't hit anything!"
"I think the fish communicate to each other, and they tell each other where the bait and fishers are located so they won't run into them. I heard them the other day, they went *bloop, bloop...bloop bloop bloop arrrrghetech*!"
"Fish are stupid."
-
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.
~~~~~~~~
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers
Homework is Fun-work!
-
I have heard rumors from 5th year Hufflepuff that the Potions Master is going to give all 6th and 7th years a pop quiz between now and the end of the week, so stay alert for that! 3rd years down must watch for Charms essays, I heard one Gryffindor 2nd year that he has been assigned a 2 footer! As for 4th years, beware of Transfiguration! McGonagall always tests on the last Friday of every month for your year!
~~~~~~~~~
The Weather by Allen Fletchsky
Ever wonder whether the weather will be fair or fairly fair? I'm here to help...
-
CAUTION WHEN FLYING! It looks like this week will be wet and windy! A hurricane that was supposed to be heading toward Florida in the U.S. has SOMEHOW turned off course and is now heading toward England! It is currently a category 3 hurricane but can turn into a 5 (deadly) overnight. Avoid walking outside from now till Friday and if you must, I urge you to strap on a 20 kilogram weight so you don't fly away. Happy sailing!
~~~~~~~~
Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!
-
Hufflepuff: 56
Slytherin: 52
Gryffindor: 45
Ravenclaw: 38.4865
-
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? Lily is of course!" James Potter was spotted saying just a few hours ago. 3 students, who wish to remain anonymous reported to me, Vivian Starr, that the super Chaser of Gryffindor house was caught in an empty classroom talking to a mirror, appearently practicing lines that he was going to say to Lily Evans.
"Yeah, Jamesipoo has it bad for her. He was holding flowers in one hand and chocolate frogs in the other. Remus can show you exactly what he was doing! Show her Remy!!" says one source.
"No." Person B says.
"Sirius, Remus, we're supposed to be staying anonymous!" squeaked Person C.
I asked Lily Evans what she thinks of all this and this is what she had to say,
"Sick freak."
-
In other news, many Ravenclaws seem to be feeling the anxiety of homework. As I was making my way to my table for dinner, I heard one 4th year Ravenclaw say to her friend,
"I, can't take, it, anymore." Her friend meanwhile was twitching and blinking one eye at a time. As I began observing the rest of the table, I noticed that many of them weren't eating and doing homework and others just sleeping. The reason for all this?
"Those Gryffindors are somehow scoring one to five points more than us on tests! We can't let them beat us! We will fight to the death! Where are my Chinese stars and switchblades? AHHH!!!!! I have FOUND THEM!"
Okay....psychos...I mean, keep up the good work, maybe you'll beat them!
Send me an owl if there are any rumors/gossip that you would like to share!
~~~~~~
Issue 3, Week 2
~~~~~~~
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.
-
Remus: This week I am interviewing Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. They have agreed to share a memorable event which was skating. Muggles wear these shoes that have four wheels attached to them and then glide around. They (including me) decided to try it out at our own risk.
Sirius: *rubs behind* Ouch...painful experience...quite painful...
James: I've got bruises twice the size of a galleon! I can barely move.
Remus: Well you all fell before you even entered the skating rink!
Sirius: It's Peter's fault! He fell, then I tripped over him, then James toppled over too.
Peter: It was NOT my fault! I lost control of my skirts!
Remus: They're called skates Peter..
Peter: Whatever. Same difference.
James: *says sarcastically* Hm... I wonder why you fell...Oh I dunno..Maybe 'cause you put the skates on the wrong foot!
Peter: I was new at this. At least I didn't crash into people like a maniac like Sirius did!
Sirius: For YOUR information, I ONLY crashed into 6 people!
James: I crashed into 2 people.
Peter: 3 people for me.
Remus: The wall for me...
Remus: Anyways, this is the end of our interview! See you all next time!
~~~~~~~~~~
Sports by James Potter
Quidditch...the sport of the century
-
Many students showed up to try out to become a new member of the Quidditch teams for each House. The names of those who have made the team are the following:
* Justin Lason (Ravenclaw Chaser)
* Calvin Dane (Slytherin Beater)
* Susie Trone (Keeper of Hufflepuff)
Congratulations to those people! Now the real game begins! Quidditch matches start in October!
The match of Slytherin versus Gryffindor will take place on the 28th of October! GO GRYFFINDOR!! WE CAN BEAT THOSE SLIMY GITS!! Anyways, the teams will be practicing day and night and I'll keep you updated about practice and more!
Note to those who keep cheering "GO JAMES! CATCH THAT SNITCH!" I am NOT a seeker! I'm a chaser! Where do you guys get that I'm a seeker from?
A/N: Reread Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone! Don't base facts from the movies.
~~~~~~~~~~
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.
-
Q: What can I do to be better lookin'?
A: Face it, dude. You're NEVER gonna be as hott as me.
-
Q: There's a guy that likes me and keeps asking me out. I don't want to be mean. What should I do?
A: Go out with me and I'll tell him you're taken!!
-
Q: I need a good jinx to put on Severus. Can you think of a good one?
A: Oh YEAH! The list goes out the door. Meet me and we'll talk...for a price of course.
-
Q: How self-absorbed are you!?!
A: Very. But I prefer to call it self-love.
~~~~~~~~~~
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!
-
Welcome everyone! I hoped you enjoyed my latest recipes! This time we'll be making PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES! Yes! I can feel the excitement! This is an EXREMELY difficult delicacy to create, so please take the time to read the instructions thoroughly before starting! Now on to our cooking.
Ingredients: 2 slices of bread, 1 jar of jelly, 1 jar of peanut butter, 2 butterknives, and 1 napkin
Directions: Take your two slices of bread and lay them on the table side to side.
Afterwards, grab your knife (be VERY careful, butterknives have been known to give DEEP cuts if not handled correctly! Ask an adult to help!) and scoop some of the jelly from the jar. Put a decent amount onto one side of the bread (I like to put about 1 kilogram of jelly on my bread).
Now take your knife and scoop peanut butter onto your other piece of bread on one side.*Warning: Do not overflow your sandwich with jelly and peanut butter. It might be hazardous to small children.*
Once that's done, put the two pieces of bread together so that the jelly and peanut butter are in the middle. Be sure to use your napkin if any mess is made! Now you can eat!
Don't forget to share with me!
~~~~~~~~~
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.
-
Moccasin Madness!
The new item are moccasins! Yes, you heard right, moccasins! Now, I know many of you are wondering, what are moccasins? Well I, Severus Snape alias FASHION QUEEN, I mean, KING, will explain. Moccasins are a soft leather heelless shoe or boot with the sole brought up the sides of the foot and over the toes where it is joined with a puckered seam to a U-shaped piece lying on top of the foot. Believe it or not, these shoes are rather comfortable! They seem to be replacing regular sneakers and dress shoes in all of the houses. The frenzy seems to be scaring some cattle farmers because they fear that the rage will come to a point where children might become cow-poachers! I believe I am starting to like this job.
~~~~~~~~
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!
-
10 Ways to Make a Girl Cry
Are you just looking for some good ol' fun by hurtin' a girl's feelings? Here's how!
1. Call them fat.
2. Ask them if they got their clothing from the Rag Shop.
3. Flick peas in their hair during supper.
4. Tell them that they could put all the make-up in the world on and they'd still look like a toad.
5. Ask them if that pimple on their nose was a spell that went wrong.
6. Date their boyfriend.
7. Make fun of their hair.
8. Point and laugh at them until they can't take the pressure anymore.
9. Pinch them really hard.
10. Jinx them.
~~~~~~~~
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....
-
There's something fishy about fish...
I don't know about you, but if I'm swimming underwater at night, I wouldn't be able to see a thing. How do fish do it? Do they have secret underwater goggles? Or maybe ultra nightvision? How are the fish of the lake able to swim around without running into a rock or some floating purple hats that were left behind by merpeople? Here's what the student body believes,
"Fish have laser beams in their eyes that let them shoot whatever is in front of them and blasting it into a million, maybe a BILLION pieces! Then they won't hit anything!"
"I think the fish communicate to each other, and they tell each other where the bait and fishers are located so they won't run into them. I heard them the other day, they went *bloop, bloop...bloop bloop bloop arrrrghetech*!"
"Fish are stupid."
-
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.
~~~~~~~~
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers
Homework is Fun-work!
-
I have heard rumors from 5th year Hufflepuff that the Potions Master is going to give all 6th and 7th years a pop quiz between now and the end of the week, so stay alert for that! 3rd years down must watch for Charms essays, I heard one Gryffindor 2nd year that he has been assigned a 2 footer! As for 4th years, beware of Transfiguration! McGonagall always tests on the last Friday of every month for your year!
~~~~~~~~~
The Weather by Allen Fletchsky
Ever wonder whether the weather will be fair or fairly fair? I'm here to help...
-
CAUTION WHEN FLYING! It looks like this week will be wet and windy! A hurricane that was supposed to be heading toward Florida in the U.S. has SOMEHOW turned off course and is now heading toward England! It is currently a category 3 hurricane but can turn into a 5 (deadly) overnight. Avoid walking outside from now till Friday and if you must, I urge you to strap on a 20 kilogram weight so you don't fly away. Happy sailing!
~~~~~~~~
Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!
-
Hufflepuff: 56
Slytherin: 52
Gryffindor: 45
Ravenclaw: 38.4865
-
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? Lily is of course!" James Potter was spotted saying just a few hours ago. 3 students, who wish to remain anonymous reported to me, Vivian Starr, that the super Chaser of Gryffindor house was caught in an empty classroom talking to a mirror, appearently practicing lines that he was going to say to Lily Evans.
"Yeah, Jamesipoo has it bad for her. He was holding flowers in one hand and chocolate frogs in the other. Remus can show you exactly what he was doing! Show her Remy!!" says one source.
"No." Person B says.
"Sirius, Remus, we're supposed to be staying anonymous!" squeaked Person C.
I asked Lily Evans what she thinks of all this and this is what she had to say,
"Sick freak."
-
In other news, many Ravenclaws seem to be feeling the anxiety of homework. As I was making my way to my table for dinner, I heard one 4th year Ravenclaw say to her friend,
"I, can't take, it, anymore." Her friend meanwhile was twitching and blinking one eye at a time. As I began observing the rest of the table, I noticed that many of them weren't eating and doing homework and others just sleeping. The reason for all this?
"Those Gryffindors are somehow scoring one to five points more than us on tests! We can't let them beat us! We will fight to the death! Where are my Chinese stars and switchblades? AHHH!!!!! I have FOUND THEM!"
Okay....psychos...I mean, keep up the good work, maybe you'll beat them!
Send me an owl if there are any rumors/gossip that you would like to share!
~~~~~~