The Hogwarts Herald
Issue 4, Week 2 and a Half
~~~~~~~
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.
-
Remus: I am here today with James Potter and Lily Evans. Now I have some questions for both of you from our readers.
James: Alright.
Remus: 'Why don't you like James? He has a great personality and he's good looking.' This is from Jenna.
Lily: If you like him, of all people, so much, then you go out with him! I don't care if he showers me with roses, brings me diamonds worth millions of galleons, and have my name in fireworks!
James: Well I didn't really do all of that. But you could have this Chocolate Frog! *pulls out candy from his pocket*
Lily: *look of disgust* It looks like that Chocolate Frog has been in your pocket since last semester!
James: No, no Lily dear. It has been in my pocket since 5 months ago. There's a big difference, sweetums.
Remus: Moving on! Before either of you rip each others heads off and knaw at the ends...Here's another question. 'James, I love you. I've loved you ever since I laid my eyes on you. Will you go out with me James, dear?'
James: Why Remus, I never knew you felt that way. How shocking!
Remus: James, get real. Anyways, that was from..LILY EVANS?!
James/Lily: WHAT?
James: Why Lily, I never knew you felt that way. How shocking!
Lily: Shut up! I never wrote that! *throws a tantrum* I can't believe someone did that! This is outragous! Whoever did this will pay!! Be afraid! Be very afraid!! *steam over Lily's head becomes very visable*
James: To answer your question, Lily. I will go out-
Lily: *finishes James sentence* -your mom! You will go out with your mom! NOT me! *storms off* I hope you get eaten by the giant squid and get spit back out!!!
Remus: Well..Ehhem. That interview was quite..enchanting..We'll see you next time!
Do you want to me to interview anyone in particular? If so, leave an Owl, and we'll see if that person is willing to spend a few moments with us.
~~~~~~~
Sports by James Potter
Quidditch...the sport of the century
-
This is the Sports column and welcome once again! The training for the big match is intense! No matter if it rains or snows, the teams are out there training! Pushing themselves past the limit!
The Gryffindor team is becoming better and better every day, but as for the Slytherin team..You guys better shape up! Being the sports columnist, I went to the Quidditch Pitch on the day the Slytherin team was training, and believe me it was not a pretty site.
Reggie Kests, Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch Team, was shouting and demanding more progress from his fellow team mates. No success. Beaters, Dane and Fray, have been seen hitting not the bludgers, but members of the team by accident. Even the chasers are beginning to lose concentration, by throwing the Quaffle at the wrong end of the field.
"We're training so hard, but we don't get a break! Reggie won't let us! I'm starting to think some of us are starting to snap! I thought Reggie's head was a blugder, and I smacked him a bit too hard. But he's good as new though, only a black eye, a messed up lip, a bit of a crooked nose and a large lump on his forehead," exclaims Beater, Fray.
More pressure builds up for the Slytherin team, but as for the Gryffindor team, the Quidditch Cup will be ours!! The Gryffindor Team is training and practicing new moves everyday! Team mates are working together to make a better team. The Chasers, Beaters, Keeper and Seeker of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, have made huge progress beyond your imagination! The results, well, you'll see at the Quidditch match. I assure you that it's bloody brilliant and the Gryffindors won't be upset! Good luck to the teams!
~~~~~~~~~~
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.
-
Q: I like a guy and he think I'm cute but he won't go out with me. He's two years older than me and says I'm too young! Why won't he just go out with me if he thinks I'm cute, and how am I too young?
A: Girls are NEVER to young for me... Unless you are a first or second year LOSER! Then we'd have problems... I have a reputation to maintain, ya know...
-
Q: I keep getting F's in Potions! What am I supposed to do!?
A: Uh... try S-T-U-D-Y-I-N-G!! Hello!!
-
Q: Dude, you are like the COOLEST!! Okay, so there's this chick I like... and I wanna ask her out... but I don't know how to let her know I like her... can you help me?A
: Pretend to slip and fall onto her in the hallway. Then just be like "Wow, you're looking awfully pretty this position!!"
-
Q: SOMEONE KEEPS PLAYING A PRANK ON ME BY SENDING ME HOWLERS EVERY MORNING! HOW CAN I GET THEM TO STOP!?
A: Maybe you shouldn't have told me to buzz off... I mean, I don't know what you should do. I guess you should just get some earmuffs or somethin' ...
-
Q: Everyone keeps laughing at me because my spells keep going wrong and turning my hair funny colors and making me grow warts and all this other uncool stuff!!! This isn't fair! What should I do?
A: Oh WAA WAA. Boo-frickin'-hoo! Get over it and start practicing your spells while everyone else is unavailable to laugh at you... Though I'm probably going to be watching you like a hawk now so that I can point and laugh just to make you cry...
`
If you need some advice from Sirius, send him an owl. If you've got questions, he's got answers.
~~~~~~~~~~
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!
-
Welcome to another cooking recipe! Why do we have to cook gourmet food with juicy, tender steak full of smooth sauce, surrounded with delicious pork chops cut into perfect squares, when you could cook CRACKERS AND CHEESE!! Yay! Crackers and cheese can make your day! Now, let's can start cooking!
Ingredients: Crackers, slices of cheese, 1 napkin, 1 knife
After getting all your ingredients, place your crackers on a table. Put the slices of cheese onto the crackers, nice and easy. You never know when the cheese could fall off. Be sure, to cut the cheese into appropriate sizes for your crackers. For me, I stack all my cheese on one cracker and eat from there.
CAUTION: When you're using a knife, BE CAREFUL! Have a mature, grown, knife-handling adult to handle the tough things.
If you have remaining cheese, don't throw them away! There's only one way to get rid of those leftovers..give them to me!! Some people may call me the food disposal, and for good reason! I can eat anything!
Don't forget to share with me!
~~~~~~~~~~
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.
-
Bubble Wrap Bonanza!
Tired of wearing regular shirts to Hogsmeade that people don't notice? Well you're in luck, because a new fashion has come in to replace those old, ragged t-shirts! Introducing, BUBBLE WRAP! Yes, you heard it first from me, Severus Snape, fashion expert! Being an avid fan of this crazy new trend, I'd have to say they're the best thing since Number 2 quills! They're light, comfortable, AND cheap. Did I mention they can also save your life? Well they can! If you were to fall off a tree, you'd be cushioned by the air bubbles of your bubble wrap, as I myself have experienced due to a few brats who shall remain nameless for the time being. Yes, this new trend is definately worth following! I hate Potter and Black.
~~~~~~~
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!
-
10 Ways To Have Your Apparating License Confiscated
Want to get rid of your hard earned Apparating License in a jiffy? Here's how!
1. Wave it madly in front of Argus Filtch and say, "Haha, you squib!"
2. Apparate into the Minister of Magic's bathroom and leave a present for him.
3. Apparate into all the professor's rooms and touch everything in sight.
4. Speak loudly about having it in front of everyone. Act really cocky.
5. Apparate out of detention or any other punishments.
6. Apparate into the headmaster's office and poke him in his sleep.
7. Apparate everywhere you go.
8. Refuse to walk and tell people, "Walking is so last semester"
9. Apparate in front of professors and scream, "You can't stop meeeh!" and then disapparate.
10. Throw the license at the person who issued it to you.
~~~~~~~
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....
-
A Werewolf, At Hogwarts?
"There's something very suspicious going around, I've been suspecting a WEREWOLF at Hogwarts! I know it seems crazy, but it's very real! i've heard howls and everything!" quotes a Hufflepuff 1st year.
Can it be true? Could dangerous animal like a werewolf really be wandering the lawns of Hogwarts? I thought this 1st year was a little delusional until I heard a howl one night too! I was in the Ravenclaw common room, when all of a sudden the moon snuck out from behind the clouds and then there was a loud howl, coming from the direction of the Forbidden Forest. The rest of my house heard it as well, so the next morning, I went and asked Headmaster Dumbldore about it. Here's what he said,
"There are many creatures that reside in our forest, but let me assure you, there are no werewolves in there at this time."
Having heard it straight from Dumbledore's mouth, I have full confidence that there are no werewolves in the Forest. But a few students are still not sure if Dumbledore was truly right.
"I'm still worried that one will bite me," says a 2nd year from Slytherin.
"I like werewolves. Werewolves are cool, right Remus?" says a 7th year from Gryffindor.
"Almost as cool as the dogs, deer, or rats that they like to eat," says another 7th year from Gryffindor.
-
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.
~~~~~~~~~~
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers
Homework is Fun-work!
-
Seems like all the Slytherins have been slacking! Their house is doing the worst in everyclass except for Potions. You guys better clean up your act before you all get held behind! As for the Hufflepuff 5th years, good job! I heard you all got 100% on your tests. The 6th years from Hufflepuff could really get study tips from you guys. They're only getting 95% on their tests! Shame! Notice to all students, Astronomy classes will be cancelled for all students attending the 9:45 AM lesson on Tuesday. Such a disappointment, I was looking foward to diagramming Jupiter's moons too! Go Ravenclaws!
~~~~~~~~~
The Weather by Allen Fletchsky
Ever wonder whether the weather will be fair or fairly fair? I'm here to help...
-
The Weather
It seems the hurricane that threatened Hogwarts last week has blown over to France and will be staying there for about a week or two. From now till the end of the week there will be lots of sun and cool breezes. Take advantage of it and head outside to practice Quidditch as much as possible because there's no guarentee it'll be this nice for the rest of fall.
~~~~~~~
Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!
-
Slytherin: 75
Gryffindor: 72
Hufflepuff: 65
Ravenclaw: 64.55555
-
Some students say that they've spotted tentacles popping out of the lake here and there snatching and grabbing at innocent students just enjoying a sunny day cooling themselves down at such a beautiful lake.
5th year from Ravenclaw: "I saw those green mossy tentacles come up and attempt to snatch a friend of mine! I swear my eyes were fine!"
3rd Year from Hufflepuff: "Yes yes! Those ugly, long, groping long noodly thingies just came up and started snatching at a girls hair! ...funny how it ended up braided when she realized the tentacles were there...."
-
Now just in, we have reason to believe that Peter Pettigrew, 7th year in Gryffindor, is going out with a very pretty Hufflepuff, Allison Eisyle. Here's what his friends had to say about it.
"Peter? REALLY? That's a miracle! Good job man!" James Potter shouted.
"Yes, congratulations buddy," agreed Remus Lupin.
"Allison? She said she'd go out with me! WAAAAAA!!!!" Sirius cried.
Yes, it has just been confirmed. I just saw them walking together, hand in hand. How cute! Well thats all the gossip from this time. See you in Issue 5, Week 3!
-----------
A/N: Thanks for reviewing and leaving comments for us guys! As you can see, we used some for Sirius' advice column. We also decided to make Peter have something nice happen to him since one great reviewer was getting sad that we always act mean to him. Anyway, thanks for reading, you're all the best!
Issue 4, Week 2 and a Half
~~~~~~~
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.
-
Remus: I am here today with James Potter and Lily Evans. Now I have some questions for both of you from our readers.
James: Alright.
Remus: 'Why don't you like James? He has a great personality and he's good looking.' This is from Jenna.
Lily: If you like him, of all people, so much, then you go out with him! I don't care if he showers me with roses, brings me diamonds worth millions of galleons, and have my name in fireworks!
James: Well I didn't really do all of that. But you could have this Chocolate Frog! *pulls out candy from his pocket*
Lily: *look of disgust* It looks like that Chocolate Frog has been in your pocket since last semester!
James: No, no Lily dear. It has been in my pocket since 5 months ago. There's a big difference, sweetums.
Remus: Moving on! Before either of you rip each others heads off and knaw at the ends...Here's another question. 'James, I love you. I've loved you ever since I laid my eyes on you. Will you go out with me James, dear?'
James: Why Remus, I never knew you felt that way. How shocking!
Remus: James, get real. Anyways, that was from..LILY EVANS?!
James/Lily: WHAT?
James: Why Lily, I never knew you felt that way. How shocking!
Lily: Shut up! I never wrote that! *throws a tantrum* I can't believe someone did that! This is outragous! Whoever did this will pay!! Be afraid! Be very afraid!! *steam over Lily's head becomes very visable*
James: To answer your question, Lily. I will go out-
Lily: *finishes James sentence* -your mom! You will go out with your mom! NOT me! *storms off* I hope you get eaten by the giant squid and get spit back out!!!
Remus: Well..Ehhem. That interview was quite..enchanting..We'll see you next time!
Do you want to me to interview anyone in particular? If so, leave an Owl, and we'll see if that person is willing to spend a few moments with us.
~~~~~~~
Sports by James Potter
Quidditch...the sport of the century
-
This is the Sports column and welcome once again! The training for the big match is intense! No matter if it rains or snows, the teams are out there training! Pushing themselves past the limit!
The Gryffindor team is becoming better and better every day, but as for the Slytherin team..You guys better shape up! Being the sports columnist, I went to the Quidditch Pitch on the day the Slytherin team was training, and believe me it was not a pretty site.
Reggie Kests, Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch Team, was shouting and demanding more progress from his fellow team mates. No success. Beaters, Dane and Fray, have been seen hitting not the bludgers, but members of the team by accident. Even the chasers are beginning to lose concentration, by throwing the Quaffle at the wrong end of the field.
"We're training so hard, but we don't get a break! Reggie won't let us! I'm starting to think some of us are starting to snap! I thought Reggie's head was a blugder, and I smacked him a bit too hard. But he's good as new though, only a black eye, a messed up lip, a bit of a crooked nose and a large lump on his forehead," exclaims Beater, Fray.
More pressure builds up for the Slytherin team, but as for the Gryffindor team, the Quidditch Cup will be ours!! The Gryffindor Team is training and practicing new moves everyday! Team mates are working together to make a better team. The Chasers, Beaters, Keeper and Seeker of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, have made huge progress beyond your imagination! The results, well, you'll see at the Quidditch match. I assure you that it's bloody brilliant and the Gryffindors won't be upset! Good luck to the teams!
~~~~~~~~~~
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.
-
Q: I like a guy and he think I'm cute but he won't go out with me. He's two years older than me and says I'm too young! Why won't he just go out with me if he thinks I'm cute, and how am I too young?
A: Girls are NEVER to young for me... Unless you are a first or second year LOSER! Then we'd have problems... I have a reputation to maintain, ya know...
-
Q: I keep getting F's in Potions! What am I supposed to do!?
A: Uh... try S-T-U-D-Y-I-N-G!! Hello!!
-
Q: Dude, you are like the COOLEST!! Okay, so there's this chick I like... and I wanna ask her out... but I don't know how to let her know I like her... can you help me?A
: Pretend to slip and fall onto her in the hallway. Then just be like "Wow, you're looking awfully pretty this position!!"
-
Q: SOMEONE KEEPS PLAYING A PRANK ON ME BY SENDING ME HOWLERS EVERY MORNING! HOW CAN I GET THEM TO STOP!?
A: Maybe you shouldn't have told me to buzz off... I mean, I don't know what you should do. I guess you should just get some earmuffs or somethin' ...
-
Q: Everyone keeps laughing at me because my spells keep going wrong and turning my hair funny colors and making me grow warts and all this other uncool stuff!!! This isn't fair! What should I do?
A: Oh WAA WAA. Boo-frickin'-hoo! Get over it and start practicing your spells while everyone else is unavailable to laugh at you... Though I'm probably going to be watching you like a hawk now so that I can point and laugh just to make you cry...
`
If you need some advice from Sirius, send him an owl. If you've got questions, he's got answers.
~~~~~~~~~~
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!
-
Welcome to another cooking recipe! Why do we have to cook gourmet food with juicy, tender steak full of smooth sauce, surrounded with delicious pork chops cut into perfect squares, when you could cook CRACKERS AND CHEESE!! Yay! Crackers and cheese can make your day! Now, let's can start cooking!
Ingredients: Crackers, slices of cheese, 1 napkin, 1 knife
After getting all your ingredients, place your crackers on a table. Put the slices of cheese onto the crackers, nice and easy. You never know when the cheese could fall off. Be sure, to cut the cheese into appropriate sizes for your crackers. For me, I stack all my cheese on one cracker and eat from there.
CAUTION: When you're using a knife, BE CAREFUL! Have a mature, grown, knife-handling adult to handle the tough things.
If you have remaining cheese, don't throw them away! There's only one way to get rid of those leftovers..give them to me!! Some people may call me the food disposal, and for good reason! I can eat anything!
Don't forget to share with me!
~~~~~~~~~~
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.
-
Bubble Wrap Bonanza!
Tired of wearing regular shirts to Hogsmeade that people don't notice? Well you're in luck, because a new fashion has come in to replace those old, ragged t-shirts! Introducing, BUBBLE WRAP! Yes, you heard it first from me, Severus Snape, fashion expert! Being an avid fan of this crazy new trend, I'd have to say they're the best thing since Number 2 quills! They're light, comfortable, AND cheap. Did I mention they can also save your life? Well they can! If you were to fall off a tree, you'd be cushioned by the air bubbles of your bubble wrap, as I myself have experienced due to a few brats who shall remain nameless for the time being. Yes, this new trend is definately worth following! I hate Potter and Black.
~~~~~~~
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!
-
10 Ways To Have Your Apparating License Confiscated
Want to get rid of your hard earned Apparating License in a jiffy? Here's how!
1. Wave it madly in front of Argus Filtch and say, "Haha, you squib!"
2. Apparate into the Minister of Magic's bathroom and leave a present for him.
3. Apparate into all the professor's rooms and touch everything in sight.
4. Speak loudly about having it in front of everyone. Act really cocky.
5. Apparate out of detention or any other punishments.
6. Apparate into the headmaster's office and poke him in his sleep.
7. Apparate everywhere you go.
8. Refuse to walk and tell people, "Walking is so last semester"
9. Apparate in front of professors and scream, "You can't stop meeeh!" and then disapparate.
10. Throw the license at the person who issued it to you.
~~~~~~~
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....
-
A Werewolf, At Hogwarts?
"There's something very suspicious going around, I've been suspecting a WEREWOLF at Hogwarts! I know it seems crazy, but it's very real! i've heard howls and everything!" quotes a Hufflepuff 1st year.
Can it be true? Could dangerous animal like a werewolf really be wandering the lawns of Hogwarts? I thought this 1st year was a little delusional until I heard a howl one night too! I was in the Ravenclaw common room, when all of a sudden the moon snuck out from behind the clouds and then there was a loud howl, coming from the direction of the Forbidden Forest. The rest of my house heard it as well, so the next morning, I went and asked Headmaster Dumbldore about it. Here's what he said,
"There are many creatures that reside in our forest, but let me assure you, there are no werewolves in there at this time."
Having heard it straight from Dumbledore's mouth, I have full confidence that there are no werewolves in the Forest. But a few students are still not sure if Dumbledore was truly right.
"I'm still worried that one will bite me," says a 2nd year from Slytherin.
"I like werewolves. Werewolves are cool, right Remus?" says a 7th year from Gryffindor.
"Almost as cool as the dogs, deer, or rats that they like to eat," says another 7th year from Gryffindor.
-
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.
~~~~~~~~~~
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers
Homework is Fun-work!
-
Seems like all the Slytherins have been slacking! Their house is doing the worst in everyclass except for Potions. You guys better clean up your act before you all get held behind! As for the Hufflepuff 5th years, good job! I heard you all got 100% on your tests. The 6th years from Hufflepuff could really get study tips from you guys. They're only getting 95% on their tests! Shame! Notice to all students, Astronomy classes will be cancelled for all students attending the 9:45 AM lesson on Tuesday. Such a disappointment, I was looking foward to diagramming Jupiter's moons too! Go Ravenclaws!
~~~~~~~~~
The Weather by Allen Fletchsky
Ever wonder whether the weather will be fair or fairly fair? I'm here to help...
-
The Weather
It seems the hurricane that threatened Hogwarts last week has blown over to France and will be staying there for about a week or two. From now till the end of the week there will be lots of sun and cool breezes. Take advantage of it and head outside to practice Quidditch as much as possible because there's no guarentee it'll be this nice for the rest of fall.
~~~~~~~
Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!
-
Slytherin: 75
Gryffindor: 72
Hufflepuff: 65
Ravenclaw: 64.55555
-
Some students say that they've spotted tentacles popping out of the lake here and there snatching and grabbing at innocent students just enjoying a sunny day cooling themselves down at such a beautiful lake.
5th year from Ravenclaw: "I saw those green mossy tentacles come up and attempt to snatch a friend of mine! I swear my eyes were fine!"
3rd Year from Hufflepuff: "Yes yes! Those ugly, long, groping long noodly thingies just came up and started snatching at a girls hair! ...funny how it ended up braided when she realized the tentacles were there...."
-
Now just in, we have reason to believe that Peter Pettigrew, 7th year in Gryffindor, is going out with a very pretty Hufflepuff, Allison Eisyle. Here's what his friends had to say about it.
"Peter? REALLY? That's a miracle! Good job man!" James Potter shouted.
"Yes, congratulations buddy," agreed Remus Lupin.
"Allison? She said she'd go out with me! WAAAAAA!!!!" Sirius cried.
Yes, it has just been confirmed. I just saw them walking together, hand in hand. How cute! Well thats all the gossip from this time. See you in Issue 5, Week 3!
-----------
A/N: Thanks for reviewing and leaving comments for us guys! As you can see, we used some for Sirius' advice column. We also decided to make Peter have something nice happen to him since one great reviewer was getting sad that we always act mean to him. Anyway, thanks for reading, you're all the best!