The Hogwarts Herald
Issue 5, Week 3
~~~~~~~
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.
-
Remus: I am here today interviewing Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, James Potter, talking about their pathetic-I mean-interesting love life.
James: I heard that..
Remus: *clears throat* Anyways..Peter, you have been going out with the lovely Allison Eisyle. What do you have to say about her?
Peter: She's nice. She taught me how to transfigure a paper clip into a flobberworm. It was so exciting!
Remus: Enchanting. Now James, how's your love life coming along? Still going after Miss Evans?
James: Of course. Lily is the love of my life, my soulmate, my cheesecake--
Remus: Cheesecake? *stares at James* You know, you have a chance of -7 out of 15 billion to be going out with Lily.
James: Negative seven isn't so bad.
Remus: Trust me buddy, it is. Now Sirius, people are curious if you are single.
Sirius: No I'm taken--*groaning from the female population is heard from a distance*--by Rachel Kenthal.
Remus: Oh. The prefect!
James: Remus, why don't you tell our readers out there about your love life? Let's hear it from our special reporter himself! *smiles widely* Are you single? Do you find anyone attractive in Hogwarts? Do you see yourself 10 years later in an igloo costume?
Remus: No. Yes. No.
Sirius: Who's the special girl Remus?! Is that why you leave every day at 5:00 and give excuses like, "I left my ink bottle in Divination class," and then you come back 3 hours later...
Remus: Yes. I'm going out with Janice Tyster. She's a real sweetheart and absolutely beautiful.
Sirius: Oh yes, and how long have you been seeing her?
Remus: Just a few months.
James: A few months? A few months!? Shame on you Remus. *wiggles finger* You never told us!
Remus: Well whenever I went out with someone, you guys would tackle her and congratulate her every 5 minutes, practically stalking her.
Sirius: We wanted to show her how much love we had for her since she was dating you!
Remus: You broke her ankle once..A little too much affection don't you think?
Sirius: There's no such thing as too much love. Same as, 'there's no such thing as too much galleons!'
Remus: Okay well today's interview is over for now! Join me next time!
Do you want to me to interview anyone in particular? If so, leave an Owl, and we'll see if that person is willing to spend a few moments with us.
~~~~~~~
Sports by James Potter
Quidditch...the sport of the century
-
Welcome to the Sports Column! In the last issue, we had the teams training and practicing and they still are. The Slytherin Team is improving immensely. Beaters, Dane and Fray, are no longer smacking the deadly bludgers to teammates and as for the Chasers, they finally realized which end of the field they were supposed to score in.
"We're getting loads better. The Slytherin team is ready for this match. We are nimble and determined to win this game and the Cup!" exclaimes Reggie, captain.
This competition is going to be intense because Gryffindor is working on more strategies to trounce Slytherin. The Chasers' skills are unbelievable (5 scores within 3 minutes) and the Seeker has managed to find the Snitch in a snap. Though the Keeper of Gryffindor, Jessy Loryn, is losing a bit of her touch, letting the Quaffle slip right through her fingers. But the more practice, the more progress is made. Gryffindor, with no doubt, will be successful! The Quidditch match is coming soon so be prepared for some serious Quidditch!
~~~~~~~~~~
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.
-
Q: Sirius, you are seriously so cool. Can you be serious and seriously go out with me?
A: Seriously, no.
Q: I don't have any friends and I really want some. Could you help me?
A: Get some rocks and put smiley faces on them. I'm sure they'll be your friend. No denying in that.
Q: I hear voices at night and I don't know why! They scare me! HELP ME!
A: Close the door when you're sleeping so you don't hear people talking in the common room.
Q: I keep falling everywhere I go! I trip and bruise, scrape, and hurt myself all the time! What can I do to help myself from getting hurt again?
A: Wear knee pads, elbow pads and a helmet!
-
If you need some advice from Sirius, send him an owl. If you've got questions, he's got answers.
~~~~~~~~~~
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!
-
This week we are learning how to warm up soup! How brilliant is that? Sadly, this was not my creation, but oh how I wish it was. Warming up soup is a tradition in many families. Boiling water is a even bigger tradition, but enough about that. Let's begin!
Ingredients: Soup (Tomato soup, carrot soup, watery soup, pickle soup, whatever pleases your heart), 1 bowl, 1 spoon, 1 Very-Good-Microwave-That-Can-Withstand-Something-Very-Hard-To-Cook, and 1 napkin (cleaning purposes)
Directions: Place your bowl on the table. Take your soup (canned or made) and gently, VERY gently, pore it into your bowl.
CAUTION: Be extremely cautious because disasterous floods of soup may cause an ample amount of liquid floating through your house. (That almost happened to me. Actually, I killed my ant named Zeldo, he drowned from the soup. It was horrible...)
Now back to the cooking!! Okay now you take the bowl and carefully place it into the microwave. Make it cook for 1 minute and wait. Now if one minute isn't enough because your soup is still cold, then cook it for 30 more seconds. Once that's done, use your spoon to stir it around and around. Blow on it to make sure its not too hot because if it is, you could die! Once ABSOLUTLY sure that its not too hot, and not to cold, you can EAT!
Remember to share with me!
~~~~~~~~~~
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.
-
Lotion Commotion!
Lotion, how many of us use it? I bet all of us will after I tell you ITS THE NEW ITEM! With Bubble Wrap being the new trend for clothes, I thought I'd help you find the best item to go with it. We (being the cool people who follow my trends) have all experienced the feeling of being inside plastic bubble wrap. It gets sticky sometimes, so the solution? Lotion! Yes, they come in so many different colors and smells that make you feel so good about wearing it! Afraid of getting burned? Lotion can also prevent sunburns by blocking out the rays! Its really quite amazing what this stuff can do! Now, don't try brewing it, because I, the potions master, can't even do it! Its something muggles have thought of so buy it from them. If you sincerely hate THEM, ask someone else to buy it for you, as I, fashion extrodinaire, have done. Happy Lotioning!
~~~~~~~
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!
-
10 Things To Do To Be Popular
If it doesn't work, you weren't meant to be cool in the first place...
1. Go to every female in the school, even the professors or house elves, and say "Holler back mama! Woot woot!"
2. Hang out with the most popular people, and if you get shoved away, then keep tagging along.
3. Invite all cool kids to a party in The Three Broomsticks. Even if no one shows up, say it was a BLAST!
4. Wear the newest styles. (I recommend Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape)
5. Walk with a strut and with attitude. Even if people ask you if you have back problems, keep walking like that.
6. Wear the opposite gender's cologne/perfume so people think the guys/girls are all over you, when in reality, you don't have any friends because you smell so bad.
7. Sit and stand with style. Wink at everyone who passes by.
8. Refer to all students as your "brothas" and "sistas".
9. Walk up to everyone, smack them on the back, and say "Yo! What's up?!" Even if you don't know them.
10. Refer to all teachers as "Homies".
~~~~~~~
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....
-
Attacking Silverware?
There have been alleged reports of our school's silverware attacking the students when they're sleeping! A few students have complained that they would wake up in the middle of the night and see a few spoons and forks hovering dangerously close to their noses.
"I saw it just last night! A soup spoon, 1 inch away from my eye! I'm mortified!" says a shaken up 2nd year from Slytherin.
"The salt...the pepper...shakers....constantly sprinkling....feet....toes....I can't take it any more!!!!" admits a bug-eyed 4th year from Ravenclaw.
An explanation for this? Only one person would know, Albus Dumbledore!
"You see, its nothing to fear, its just Peeves the Poltergeist. He gets rowdy once in a while but need not worry, I'm taking care of it. Sleep tight students, I'm running a safe school."
So there you have it, its just Peeves again. Well that's it for this issue. See you!
-
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.
~~~~~~~~~~
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers
Homework is Fun-work!
-
Good job Slytherins! You finally brought up your scores, even though you're still at the bottom of list, but who's counting? It seems the sunny weather from last week has affected the homework given from the professors. Last Friday, no homework was given to any students except those in their 5th year, who need it for their OWLs. Tomorrow's Astronomy classes will be cancelled for those that have it at 9:45 AM. I'm still mad about that! Ugh!
~~~~~~~~~
The Weather by Allen Fletchsky
Ever wonder whether the weather will be fair or fairly fair? I'm here to help...
-
The Weather
Major chill alert! Get out those house scarves because threatening winds will be blowing in this whole week! There will be also loads of freezing rain showers so be prepared for that! Wear your cloaks when walking to to greenhouses or to Care of Magical Creatures classes! Frozen fingers aren't fun, use gloves! Hot chocolate will warm up any soul, carry a thermos if nessesary.
~~~~~~~
Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!
-
Gryffindor: 90
Slytherin: 88
Ravenclaw: 75
Hufflepuff: 70
-
Seems like the students of Hogwarts have been keeping their ears alert for any sound of romance. Some struck gold as they walked pass Severus Snape and a fifth year student on Saturday afternoon. This is what they were able to pick up!
"He said something like, 'Tommorrow I guess' and 'Hogsmeade together' and a bunch of other mumbo jumbo," quotes one 4th year.
"I heard those EXACT words too! It was quite unnerving to see Severus even talking to a girl," added a friend of the 4th year.
I was still quite skeptical about this rumor, until I questioned a few students that went to Hogsmeade on Sunday afternoon!
"I saw them! My eyes, oh my Merlin! I saw them HUG!" shouted a 5th year from Hufflepuff.
"It was so romantic! They were in a cozy little tea shop, and Severus was dressed in the cutest green robes ever! And his hair, so clean and shiny!" a 3rd year from Slytherin told me.
"Yeah it was pretty gross," admitted a 7th year from Ravenclaw.
That's enough evidence for me. A few Gryffindors did comment on the subject that was quite interesting to hear.
"That's not Snape! His hair is NEVER CLEAN! And he NEVER wears anything but old BLACK robes! Isn't that right James?!" said one Gryffindor 7th year.
"Right on Sirius!" replies his friend.
See you in issue 6!
~~~~~~~~~
Issue 5, Week 3
~~~~~~~
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.
-
Remus: I am here today interviewing Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, James Potter, talking about their pathetic-I mean-interesting love life.
James: I heard that..
Remus: *clears throat* Anyways..Peter, you have been going out with the lovely Allison Eisyle. What do you have to say about her?
Peter: She's nice. She taught me how to transfigure a paper clip into a flobberworm. It was so exciting!
Remus: Enchanting. Now James, how's your love life coming along? Still going after Miss Evans?
James: Of course. Lily is the love of my life, my soulmate, my cheesecake--
Remus: Cheesecake? *stares at James* You know, you have a chance of -7 out of 15 billion to be going out with Lily.
James: Negative seven isn't so bad.
Remus: Trust me buddy, it is. Now Sirius, people are curious if you are single.
Sirius: No I'm taken--*groaning from the female population is heard from a distance*--by Rachel Kenthal.
Remus: Oh. The prefect!
James: Remus, why don't you tell our readers out there about your love life? Let's hear it from our special reporter himself! *smiles widely* Are you single? Do you find anyone attractive in Hogwarts? Do you see yourself 10 years later in an igloo costume?
Remus: No. Yes. No.
Sirius: Who's the special girl Remus?! Is that why you leave every day at 5:00 and give excuses like, "I left my ink bottle in Divination class," and then you come back 3 hours later...
Remus: Yes. I'm going out with Janice Tyster. She's a real sweetheart and absolutely beautiful.
Sirius: Oh yes, and how long have you been seeing her?
Remus: Just a few months.
James: A few months? A few months!? Shame on you Remus. *wiggles finger* You never told us!
Remus: Well whenever I went out with someone, you guys would tackle her and congratulate her every 5 minutes, practically stalking her.
Sirius: We wanted to show her how much love we had for her since she was dating you!
Remus: You broke her ankle once..A little too much affection don't you think?
Sirius: There's no such thing as too much love. Same as, 'there's no such thing as too much galleons!'
Remus: Okay well today's interview is over for now! Join me next time!
Do you want to me to interview anyone in particular? If so, leave an Owl, and we'll see if that person is willing to spend a few moments with us.
~~~~~~~
Sports by James Potter
Quidditch...the sport of the century
-
Welcome to the Sports Column! In the last issue, we had the teams training and practicing and they still are. The Slytherin Team is improving immensely. Beaters, Dane and Fray, are no longer smacking the deadly bludgers to teammates and as for the Chasers, they finally realized which end of the field they were supposed to score in.
"We're getting loads better. The Slytherin team is ready for this match. We are nimble and determined to win this game and the Cup!" exclaimes Reggie, captain.
This competition is going to be intense because Gryffindor is working on more strategies to trounce Slytherin. The Chasers' skills are unbelievable (5 scores within 3 minutes) and the Seeker has managed to find the Snitch in a snap. Though the Keeper of Gryffindor, Jessy Loryn, is losing a bit of her touch, letting the Quaffle slip right through her fingers. But the more practice, the more progress is made. Gryffindor, with no doubt, will be successful! The Quidditch match is coming soon so be prepared for some serious Quidditch!
~~~~~~~~~~
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.
-
Q: Sirius, you are seriously so cool. Can you be serious and seriously go out with me?
A: Seriously, no.
Q: I don't have any friends and I really want some. Could you help me?
A: Get some rocks and put smiley faces on them. I'm sure they'll be your friend. No denying in that.
Q: I hear voices at night and I don't know why! They scare me! HELP ME!
A: Close the door when you're sleeping so you don't hear people talking in the common room.
Q: I keep falling everywhere I go! I trip and bruise, scrape, and hurt myself all the time! What can I do to help myself from getting hurt again?
A: Wear knee pads, elbow pads and a helmet!
-
If you need some advice from Sirius, send him an owl. If you've got questions, he's got answers.
~~~~~~~~~~
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!
-
This week we are learning how to warm up soup! How brilliant is that? Sadly, this was not my creation, but oh how I wish it was. Warming up soup is a tradition in many families. Boiling water is a even bigger tradition, but enough about that. Let's begin!
Ingredients: Soup (Tomato soup, carrot soup, watery soup, pickle soup, whatever pleases your heart), 1 bowl, 1 spoon, 1 Very-Good-Microwave-That-Can-Withstand-Something-Very-Hard-To-Cook, and 1 napkin (cleaning purposes)
Directions: Place your bowl on the table. Take your soup (canned or made) and gently, VERY gently, pore it into your bowl.
CAUTION: Be extremely cautious because disasterous floods of soup may cause an ample amount of liquid floating through your house. (That almost happened to me. Actually, I killed my ant named Zeldo, he drowned from the soup. It was horrible...)
Now back to the cooking!! Okay now you take the bowl and carefully place it into the microwave. Make it cook for 1 minute and wait. Now if one minute isn't enough because your soup is still cold, then cook it for 30 more seconds. Once that's done, use your spoon to stir it around and around. Blow on it to make sure its not too hot because if it is, you could die! Once ABSOLUTLY sure that its not too hot, and not to cold, you can EAT!
Remember to share with me!
~~~~~~~~~~
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.
-
Lotion Commotion!
Lotion, how many of us use it? I bet all of us will after I tell you ITS THE NEW ITEM! With Bubble Wrap being the new trend for clothes, I thought I'd help you find the best item to go with it. We (being the cool people who follow my trends) have all experienced the feeling of being inside plastic bubble wrap. It gets sticky sometimes, so the solution? Lotion! Yes, they come in so many different colors and smells that make you feel so good about wearing it! Afraid of getting burned? Lotion can also prevent sunburns by blocking out the rays! Its really quite amazing what this stuff can do! Now, don't try brewing it, because I, the potions master, can't even do it! Its something muggles have thought of so buy it from them. If you sincerely hate THEM, ask someone else to buy it for you, as I, fashion extrodinaire, have done. Happy Lotioning!
~~~~~~~
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!
-
10 Things To Do To Be Popular
If it doesn't work, you weren't meant to be cool in the first place...
1. Go to every female in the school, even the professors or house elves, and say "Holler back mama! Woot woot!"
2. Hang out with the most popular people, and if you get shoved away, then keep tagging along.
3. Invite all cool kids to a party in The Three Broomsticks. Even if no one shows up, say it was a BLAST!
4. Wear the newest styles. (I recommend Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape)
5. Walk with a strut and with attitude. Even if people ask you if you have back problems, keep walking like that.
6. Wear the opposite gender's cologne/perfume so people think the guys/girls are all over you, when in reality, you don't have any friends because you smell so bad.
7. Sit and stand with style. Wink at everyone who passes by.
8. Refer to all students as your "brothas" and "sistas".
9. Walk up to everyone, smack them on the back, and say "Yo! What's up?!" Even if you don't know them.
10. Refer to all teachers as "Homies".
~~~~~~~
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....
-
Attacking Silverware?
There have been alleged reports of our school's silverware attacking the students when they're sleeping! A few students have complained that they would wake up in the middle of the night and see a few spoons and forks hovering dangerously close to their noses.
"I saw it just last night! A soup spoon, 1 inch away from my eye! I'm mortified!" says a shaken up 2nd year from Slytherin.
"The salt...the pepper...shakers....constantly sprinkling....feet....toes....I can't take it any more!!!!" admits a bug-eyed 4th year from Ravenclaw.
An explanation for this? Only one person would know, Albus Dumbledore!
"You see, its nothing to fear, its just Peeves the Poltergeist. He gets rowdy once in a while but need not worry, I'm taking care of it. Sleep tight students, I'm running a safe school."
So there you have it, its just Peeves again. Well that's it for this issue. See you!
-
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.
~~~~~~~~~~
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers
Homework is Fun-work!
-
Good job Slytherins! You finally brought up your scores, even though you're still at the bottom of list, but who's counting? It seems the sunny weather from last week has affected the homework given from the professors. Last Friday, no homework was given to any students except those in their 5th year, who need it for their OWLs. Tomorrow's Astronomy classes will be cancelled for those that have it at 9:45 AM. I'm still mad about that! Ugh!
~~~~~~~~~
The Weather by Allen Fletchsky
Ever wonder whether the weather will be fair or fairly fair? I'm here to help...
-
The Weather
Major chill alert! Get out those house scarves because threatening winds will be blowing in this whole week! There will be also loads of freezing rain showers so be prepared for that! Wear your cloaks when walking to to greenhouses or to Care of Magical Creatures classes! Frozen fingers aren't fun, use gloves! Hot chocolate will warm up any soul, carry a thermos if nessesary.
~~~~~~~
Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!
-
Gryffindor: 90
Slytherin: 88
Ravenclaw: 75
Hufflepuff: 70
-
Seems like the students of Hogwarts have been keeping their ears alert for any sound of romance. Some struck gold as they walked pass Severus Snape and a fifth year student on Saturday afternoon. This is what they were able to pick up!
"He said something like, 'Tommorrow I guess' and 'Hogsmeade together' and a bunch of other mumbo jumbo," quotes one 4th year.
"I heard those EXACT words too! It was quite unnerving to see Severus even talking to a girl," added a friend of the 4th year.
I was still quite skeptical about this rumor, until I questioned a few students that went to Hogsmeade on Sunday afternoon!
"I saw them! My eyes, oh my Merlin! I saw them HUG!" shouted a 5th year from Hufflepuff.
"It was so romantic! They were in a cozy little tea shop, and Severus was dressed in the cutest green robes ever! And his hair, so clean and shiny!" a 3rd year from Slytherin told me.
"Yeah it was pretty gross," admitted a 7th year from Ravenclaw.
That's enough evidence for me. A few Gryffindors did comment on the subject that was quite interesting to hear.
"That's not Snape! His hair is NEVER CLEAN! And he NEVER wears anything but old BLACK robes! Isn't that right James?!" said one Gryffindor 7th year.
"Right on Sirius!" replies his friend.
See you in issue 6!
~~~~~~~~~