Title: Evanescent Existence
Author: babygxpress
Rating: PG, angst
Summary: What was the reason behind Muraki's insane actions? Does he hide a past as similar and hurtful to Tsuzuki's? This one-shot takes place at the end of the fourth episode in The Kyoto Chapter. **spoilers** **one-shot**
Notes: This is one of my takes of why Muraki is what he is. One thing I feel is evident, perhaps, is that deep down, he's suffering from what he's become. Regret…? I dare not say. On with it!
~*~*~*~
I wanted so much to be human.
Without these eyes, without this life, would I know how it is like?
To be free.
Tsuzuki's eyes dimmed as he stared into the dark silent space he knew so well before. There was no one else, no one else who could understand him, feel what he was going through, feel the same as he did. Wetness dampened his blank, dull pupils.
I want to know; what is the true meaning of existence?
Muraki looked up at the suspended head of Saki, his smile deepening.
"Soon. Just wait a little longer, my brother. You'll get your body back again. And that time will be your true death!" And then… I will vanish, disappear. I won't be troubled anymore. His hand curled into a tight fist as he glared up at Saki for a moment before turning to where Tsuzuki lay, on the table.
He picked up a long surgical knife and leaned over Tsuzuki. The knife was about to begin its descend down when it stopped in mid-air.
"You're crying, Tsuzuki-san?" A pale, luminescent finger rose almost hesitantly on Tsuzuki's cheek before it wiped off the small pool of a tear. "Don't worry, soon you won't even have dreams anymore. Isn't that what you've always wanted?" I wonder, if you felt the same as me.
The child of a loser, who found out he had a brother the same age as he.
But I tried to get along with him. He was the devil in disguise.
Grandfather knew. But instead, he rubbed his hands and laughed and said, "You'll have the honor of testing my theory, Kazutaka. After all, you were modeled after a patient of mine. "
"I only knew who was that when I found Grandfather's journal, Tsuzuki-san." The knife still hung, the tip touching Tsuzuki's skin. "And after 16 years, I found him. Because of you, Tsuzuki-san." Muraki's eyes narrowed. "Because of you, we went through this."
Mother always said, dolls were one's best friend. They listen to you, they don't care what you've done before… and best of all. They never betray you. When you lose grasp of reality, they are the ones who will stand by you. The only ones.
"Do you know what happened next after you selfishly killed yourself, Tsuzuki-san? Grandfather transplanted your 'perfect' gene into me. I was supposed to be like you, an eternal being. At first it was well." Muraki trailed a finger down Tsuzuki's cheek. "My skin was white and translucent, my hair silver white. Just like an angel, he said. Until…"
Until the first experiment.
Rivulets of crimson blood slowly forming a pool of red.
The wound that never healed, that never regenerated.
I was a failed experiment.
But he didn't want to believe it. The pain, Tsuzuki-san, did you know the agony of being cut open, of having wires weaved into your body, of knowing that from the very beginning, you were living a life that wasn't yours?
I was my Grandfather's puppet. A doll.
And Saki knew. He played along, as one would play to a fairytale.
Before he took away those that I ever cared about.
And I never got the chance to kill him myself.
Unsatisfied. I was unsatisfied.
The dark nights I spent, the spiraling days.
They were of no meaning until I found the secret lab.
And your picture. You, with your one eye.
And the other, floating in a jar just beside it.
I programmed myself since that day. To find the ultimate power, and conquer the limitations of failed science, to continue what Grandfather did. And to gain my revenge.
The ruby-colored blood of others that flowed through the wires in my body replaced my own that easily drained through any cut I got.
And you say you want to be human, Tsuzuki-san?
The knife sketched out a line of red unto coral brown. After just a moment, the wound faded, as though it'd never been there.
And an emotion so strong it burst through the clouded recesses of Tsuzuki's mind pulled him from the brink of the black abyss he was falling into.
But that emotion wasn't his.
Even if I regret, even if I say no, there's no turning back now. But always, someone will be there to save you, before you can save yourself.
~*~*~*~
"Muraki… he's still alive." Hisoka said, looking at his arm where red writing remained visible.
"Should've known… he wouldn't die so easily." Tsuzuki laughed.
Is it true… everything that you've told me?
Everything that you've felt….
I feel it too.
~ Born in the time of chaos,
We will follow its path,
For we are the descendants of darkness.
And maybe… along the way
As we follow the winds of destiny
We will find the true meaning of our existence
When that time comes
Will you be there to save me
From me? ~