The Strifes and the Wallaces: Episode #4
Dargon Warrior
BUM BUM, BUM BUM BUM BUM, BUM!
The Strifes and the Wallaces,
They live together
In their humble home.
But this is where their annoying neighbor,
SEPHIROTH,
Comes to roam.
When they say
"GO HOME SEPHIROTH!"
The-e-en he cries.
They all hope he runs off a cliff and diiiiiiieeesss!!!
YEAH!
Chapter 01- A Horrible Fiasco
Scene 001
This scene starts just outside Cloud and Aeris' bedroom, where Tifa is listening intently to everything happening in the room.
Aeris: Geez, it's so small!
Cloud: I know! It's weird, it must have been at least three inches bigger yesterday.
Aeris: Yeah, three. No, three and a half.
Cloud: So what's that? Like eighteen inches?
Aeris: Mmmmm.definitely!
*outside*
Tifa: Eighteen inches! That's gotta be like, seventy centimeters!
*inside*
Cloud: Well maybe if you rub it, it'll get bigger again.
Aeris: Good idea!
Suddenly, Tifa leaps into the room with a disposable camera.
Tifa: HA! I've.caught.you.?
Cloud and Aeris stare dumbfounded at Tifa, Aeris with a portable radio antenna in her hand.
Scene 002
Cloud begins to walk down the stairs, getting ready to eat his breakfast.when Barret bursts through the door, practically out of breath.
Cloud: Whoa! Buddy, what's wrong?
Barret: *gasp gasp* LOOK!
Barret holds up a case (imagine a PS2 game case) with a crudely drawn knight fighting an even crudelier(?) drawn dragon. Across the top were the words "Dargon Warrior".
Cloud: ...So?
Barret: *catches his breath* What do you mean, "SO"?! This has state-of-the- art 4-bit graphics and FOUR different directions you can move in! It'll revolutionize the gaming world forever!
Cloud: *sigh* Barret, you know I'm not really into video games, but personally, I think you got jipped. How much did you pay for that thing anyway?
Barret: W-well, it's a REALLY good game.
Cloud: You didn't answer my question, how much?
Barret: It's gonna revolu-
Cloud: BARRET!
Barret: 500 dollars.
Cloud: 500 DOLLARS?! BARRET! That's like, ten times the normal amount for a VIDEO GAME!!!
Barret: I told you it was a really good game.
Cloud: Look, whatever, all I wanna know is: how did you get that kind of money? Aeris and I are the only ones with jobs in this place.
Barret: Oh, I found it.
Cloud: You FOUND 500 dollars?
Barret: Yeah, it was in some small box that said "OFF LIMITS! That means YOU, Barret"
Cloud: *his eyes suddenly get a very angry look to them* Was it a small blue box, per chance?
Barret: Umm....no?
Cloud: BARRET! I was saving that money to buy all the ingredients for the new sword cake recipe!
Barret: You needed more than 500 dollars to make a cake made of swords?
Cloud: Well I.
Barret: Why do you eat swords anyway?
Cloud: THAT'S NOT THE POINT! The point is you took that money and bought that stupid game!
Barret: GASP! It's not stupid! It's Dargon Warrior!
Cloud: I don't care if it's Final Fantasy VII! I want you to return it and get my money back!
Barret: I can't.
Cloud: What do you mean you can't? You have a receipt, don't you?
Barret: No.
Cloud: What? Did you forget it at the store or something?
Barret: Actually I bought it from some big muscular guy in a bikini with a weird mustache and a lisp just outside of Joe's Department Store.
Cloud: Big muscular guy in a bikini with a weird mustache and a lisp just outside of Joe's Department Store.?
Barret: I don't know where he lives though.
Cloud: Mukki.
Barret: Mukki?
Cloud: BARRET! Why would you buy something from Mukki?! It could be tear gas or something so Mukki could drop in and.and.
Barret: And what?
Cloud: TAKE MY VIRGIN ASS!
Barret: GASP! I'm sorry Cloud, I didn't know it was that serious!
Cloud: *sigh* It's alright, you didn't know, but there is only one thing we can do.
Barret: And what's that?
Cloud: We have to go to Mukki's House and get my money.
Barret: Wow.you must really like sword cake.
Cloud: *opening the door* You know it. AERIS! Honey! Barret and I are going out for a little while! You can have breakfast without us today!
Aeris: *runs over to the door and gives Cloud a kiss* Alright, but be back soon, *seductively* I have something very special planned for lunch.
Cloud: Mmm.is it a combo?
Aeris: If you want.
Cloud: Oooo, I'll be sure to get back soon then *kiss*
Cloud and Barret begin to walk towards Cloud's super-cool Hummer.
Barret: Is it a #6 or a #9 combo meal?
Cloud: No, a #69 combo! *laughs*
Barret:..........I don't get it.
Cloud: *exasperatedly* No, of course you don't.
Scene 003
Cloud and Barret park on the curb by a very strange looking house. It was light purple and pink with a ton of those weird little wheels that spin when the wind blows. They walked up the walkway and Cloud rang the doorbell. A loud "silly buns!" was heard. The door opened.
Mukki: BUBBY!
Cloud: Umm.Hi Mukki.
Mukki: What brings you and your *looks Barret up and down* sexilicious friend around?
Cloud: Well, it seems like you sold Barret this game *holds out Dargon Warrior* for $500 dollars.
Mukki: Well it's a really good game.
Cloud: Whatever, I just want my money back.
Mukki: No can do.
Cloud: Why not?
Mukki: I have "special" circumstances. *smirks*
Cloud: Alright, for meeeeee?? *puppy dog eyes*
Mukki: Sorry.
Cloud: Errrrgh.*sigh* Can you give me my money back, O Great Sexiness of Man?
Mukki: Ooo! It makes me tingle! But alas, I can't exchange!
Cloud: WHY NOT?!
Mukki: I already spent the money on my new "It's Raining Men" record and my boyfriend!
Cloud: B-boyfriend?
The door opens a little more and a shirtless Don Corneo stood there.
Cloud: DON CORNEO! I didn't know you were gay!
Don: Well, I go both ways. I'd do you if you were in a dress in a heartbeat.
Cloud: *looks at the camera* For some reason, I feel like he really would.
Mukki: Well, I'm sorry about your money.but we can make ANOTHER exchange!
Cloud: Well, for what?
Mukki looks at Cloud seductively.
Cloud: My GOD! Barret c'mon!
The two of them hop into Cloud's car and drive off at full speed.
Barret: Well.uhh.for the record.
Cloud: SHUT UP! Just, shut up.
Barret: We-
Cloud: First you steal my money, then you buy that game, then I can't get my money back and Mukki has a boyfriend! WHAT ABOUT ME?!
Barret: WHAT?!
Cloud: Oh.my.God.
He speeds up to about 135MPH and Cloud runs into a fire hydrant on the way into the driveway. He leaps out of the car and kicks the door open. He finds Aeris putting her shoes on.
Aeris: Oh! Hi Cloud! I was just about to-
Cloud: *grabs Aeris and runs up the stairs* No time for that, SEX NOW!
So they go into the bedroom and lock the door. Cloud comes out about six hours later, just having had the best sex of his life.
Cloud: *does a little dance down the stairs* Oh yeah, nothin's goin' in MY butt hole. Except for the doctor's fingers when I get my prostate checked! OH YEAH!
Dargon Warrior
BUM BUM, BUM BUM BUM BUM, BUM!
The Strifes and the Wallaces,
They live together
In their humble home.
But this is where their annoying neighbor,
SEPHIROTH,
Comes to roam.
When they say
"GO HOME SEPHIROTH!"
The-e-en he cries.
They all hope he runs off a cliff and diiiiiiieeesss!!!
YEAH!
Chapter 01- A Horrible Fiasco
Scene 001
This scene starts just outside Cloud and Aeris' bedroom, where Tifa is listening intently to everything happening in the room.
Aeris: Geez, it's so small!
Cloud: I know! It's weird, it must have been at least three inches bigger yesterday.
Aeris: Yeah, three. No, three and a half.
Cloud: So what's that? Like eighteen inches?
Aeris: Mmmmm.definitely!
*outside*
Tifa: Eighteen inches! That's gotta be like, seventy centimeters!
*inside*
Cloud: Well maybe if you rub it, it'll get bigger again.
Aeris: Good idea!
Suddenly, Tifa leaps into the room with a disposable camera.
Tifa: HA! I've.caught.you.?
Cloud and Aeris stare dumbfounded at Tifa, Aeris with a portable radio antenna in her hand.
Scene 002
Cloud begins to walk down the stairs, getting ready to eat his breakfast.when Barret bursts through the door, practically out of breath.
Cloud: Whoa! Buddy, what's wrong?
Barret: *gasp gasp* LOOK!
Barret holds up a case (imagine a PS2 game case) with a crudely drawn knight fighting an even crudelier(?) drawn dragon. Across the top were the words "Dargon Warrior".
Cloud: ...So?
Barret: *catches his breath* What do you mean, "SO"?! This has state-of-the- art 4-bit graphics and FOUR different directions you can move in! It'll revolutionize the gaming world forever!
Cloud: *sigh* Barret, you know I'm not really into video games, but personally, I think you got jipped. How much did you pay for that thing anyway?
Barret: W-well, it's a REALLY good game.
Cloud: You didn't answer my question, how much?
Barret: It's gonna revolu-
Cloud: BARRET!
Barret: 500 dollars.
Cloud: 500 DOLLARS?! BARRET! That's like, ten times the normal amount for a VIDEO GAME!!!
Barret: I told you it was a really good game.
Cloud: Look, whatever, all I wanna know is: how did you get that kind of money? Aeris and I are the only ones with jobs in this place.
Barret: Oh, I found it.
Cloud: You FOUND 500 dollars?
Barret: Yeah, it was in some small box that said "OFF LIMITS! That means YOU, Barret"
Cloud: *his eyes suddenly get a very angry look to them* Was it a small blue box, per chance?
Barret: Umm....no?
Cloud: BARRET! I was saving that money to buy all the ingredients for the new sword cake recipe!
Barret: You needed more than 500 dollars to make a cake made of swords?
Cloud: Well I.
Barret: Why do you eat swords anyway?
Cloud: THAT'S NOT THE POINT! The point is you took that money and bought that stupid game!
Barret: GASP! It's not stupid! It's Dargon Warrior!
Cloud: I don't care if it's Final Fantasy VII! I want you to return it and get my money back!
Barret: I can't.
Cloud: What do you mean you can't? You have a receipt, don't you?
Barret: No.
Cloud: What? Did you forget it at the store or something?
Barret: Actually I bought it from some big muscular guy in a bikini with a weird mustache and a lisp just outside of Joe's Department Store.
Cloud: Big muscular guy in a bikini with a weird mustache and a lisp just outside of Joe's Department Store.?
Barret: I don't know where he lives though.
Cloud: Mukki.
Barret: Mukki?
Cloud: BARRET! Why would you buy something from Mukki?! It could be tear gas or something so Mukki could drop in and.and.
Barret: And what?
Cloud: TAKE MY VIRGIN ASS!
Barret: GASP! I'm sorry Cloud, I didn't know it was that serious!
Cloud: *sigh* It's alright, you didn't know, but there is only one thing we can do.
Barret: And what's that?
Cloud: We have to go to Mukki's House and get my money.
Barret: Wow.you must really like sword cake.
Cloud: *opening the door* You know it. AERIS! Honey! Barret and I are going out for a little while! You can have breakfast without us today!
Aeris: *runs over to the door and gives Cloud a kiss* Alright, but be back soon, *seductively* I have something very special planned for lunch.
Cloud: Mmm.is it a combo?
Aeris: If you want.
Cloud: Oooo, I'll be sure to get back soon then *kiss*
Cloud and Barret begin to walk towards Cloud's super-cool Hummer.
Barret: Is it a #6 or a #9 combo meal?
Cloud: No, a #69 combo! *laughs*
Barret:..........I don't get it.
Cloud: *exasperatedly* No, of course you don't.
Scene 003
Cloud and Barret park on the curb by a very strange looking house. It was light purple and pink with a ton of those weird little wheels that spin when the wind blows. They walked up the walkway and Cloud rang the doorbell. A loud "silly buns!" was heard. The door opened.
Mukki: BUBBY!
Cloud: Umm.Hi Mukki.
Mukki: What brings you and your *looks Barret up and down* sexilicious friend around?
Cloud: Well, it seems like you sold Barret this game *holds out Dargon Warrior* for $500 dollars.
Mukki: Well it's a really good game.
Cloud: Whatever, I just want my money back.
Mukki: No can do.
Cloud: Why not?
Mukki: I have "special" circumstances. *smirks*
Cloud: Alright, for meeeeee?? *puppy dog eyes*
Mukki: Sorry.
Cloud: Errrrgh.*sigh* Can you give me my money back, O Great Sexiness of Man?
Mukki: Ooo! It makes me tingle! But alas, I can't exchange!
Cloud: WHY NOT?!
Mukki: I already spent the money on my new "It's Raining Men" record and my boyfriend!
Cloud: B-boyfriend?
The door opens a little more and a shirtless Don Corneo stood there.
Cloud: DON CORNEO! I didn't know you were gay!
Don: Well, I go both ways. I'd do you if you were in a dress in a heartbeat.
Cloud: *looks at the camera* For some reason, I feel like he really would.
Mukki: Well, I'm sorry about your money.but we can make ANOTHER exchange!
Cloud: Well, for what?
Mukki looks at Cloud seductively.
Cloud: My GOD! Barret c'mon!
The two of them hop into Cloud's car and drive off at full speed.
Barret: Well.uhh.for the record.
Cloud: SHUT UP! Just, shut up.
Barret: We-
Cloud: First you steal my money, then you buy that game, then I can't get my money back and Mukki has a boyfriend! WHAT ABOUT ME?!
Barret: WHAT?!
Cloud: Oh.my.God.
He speeds up to about 135MPH and Cloud runs into a fire hydrant on the way into the driveway. He leaps out of the car and kicks the door open. He finds Aeris putting her shoes on.
Aeris: Oh! Hi Cloud! I was just about to-
Cloud: *grabs Aeris and runs up the stairs* No time for that, SEX NOW!
So they go into the bedroom and lock the door. Cloud comes out about six hours later, just having had the best sex of his life.
Cloud: *does a little dance down the stairs* Oh yeah, nothin's goin' in MY butt hole. Except for the doctor's fingers when I get my prostate checked! OH YEAH!