Author's note: great. Just great. (Sighs) oh well, what is there to
say.nothing much, have Elementary Math and History tomorrow.I hate the
whole world. Sigh. Oh well, here's this chapter, read on!
Narrator: and as usual, we shall do the disclaimer first. (Drags out Dawn)
Dawn: not again.what will you give me this time?
Narrator: a do-it-yourself gardening kit.
Dawn: I don't think I want that.
Narrator: well, having something is better than having nothing.
Dawn: all right.Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor doe he own any other characters not created by him, and he definitely does not own me or this gardening set, which he has just given to me. However, he owns this fic, along with his shiny Umbreon and Tyranitar.
Narrator: here you go. (Hands Dawn the gardening set)
(Camera swings to show Dawn crunching on something.)
Narrator: you know, I think you're supposed to let the tomato seeds grow, then eat the plant.
Dawn: (munching away) I'm not very patient.
Narrator: oh well.
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 56:
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place that is always sunny.
Narrator: now focus in on a white, sandy beach somewhere.
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.
(Camera zooms in to show Jolteon and Umbreon still relaxing on deckchairs on the beach, with the scantily-clad Eons still tirelessly dancing away)
Jolteon: nice, huh?
Umbreon: (feeling the Eevee nuzzle against him for the umpteenth time) yeah.
(Suddenly, Jolteon vanishes in a flash of light)
Umbreon: hey, where'd he go? Oh well.(picks up Jolteon's coconut monkey head)
Narrator: meanwhile.
(The scene changes to Vaporeon in bed, fast asleep)
Vaporeon: (hearing a voice and feeling a tapping on her shoulder) (sleepily) huh?
Voice: hey! Vaporeon, wake up!
Vaporeon: mmmm.(lazily opens eyes and sees a hamburger. It somehow has arms and legs.)
Hamburger: it's me, the leftover hamburger from the fridge!
Vaporeon: (not really believing her eyes) um.ok.
Hamburger: you should have eaten me when you had the chance!
Vaporeon: (suddenly awake) huh?
Hamburger: because I've chained you to your bed, and have a one-way ticket to the Seafoam Islands! (Holds it up)
Vaporeon: !
Hamburger: so long, sucker! (Walks over and hurls Vaporeon into a mailbox that has mysteriously appeared)
Vaporeon: (struggling desperately against chains) Espie! Help!!!!!
(Vaporeon wakes up)
Espeon: (beside Vaporeon in bed) had another bad dream, dear?
Vaporeon: AAAAAAA! (Runs over to fridge quickly despite her huge belly and starts to wolf down everything inside)
Narrator: weird. Anyway.
(The scene changes to the FF.net author's lounge. We see TCL watching TV.)
TV: and now for the weather. Tomorrow's average temperature will be in between one hundred degrees below and two hundred above.
TCL: (smiles) that guy's never wrong.
(I come in, dragging Jolteon behind me)
TCL: hey, where are you taking him?
Narrator: to see Boffo. He needs to have a little talk after squashing me with a pogo stick.
TCL: NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! IT'S INHUMANE!
Narrator: yes, I can. (Walks over to a door marked 'Boffo the Clown' and drags Jolteon inside)
(The scene changes to the interior of Boffo's room. We see many instruments of torture.)
Boffo: (noticing me) ah, sir. Another client?
Narrator: yes. (Holds up Jolteon by the scruff)
Boffo: (fixing chains onto the struggling Jolteon) so, what will it be? The usual?
Narrator: no, much worse.
Boffo: how? Give me an idea.
Narrator: (Hands Boffo a sheath of papers) now tell me what you think.
(Boffo pales so much even his makeup can't hide it)
Boffo: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! HE'LL DIE!
Narrator: no, he won't.
Boffo: oh, if you insist.
Narrator: good. Do try to keep him alive. (Leaves room)
Jolteon: (breaking out into a cold sweat) what happens to me now?
Boffo: (clears throat) solve the following Equations: 4 to the power of x minus 3 times 2 to the power of x plus 2 equals 0. 4 log x 3 plus 3 equals log 3 x.
Jolteon: AAAAAAaaaaaa!!!! (Ears start to bleed)
Boffo: simplify 3 times root 2 minus three times 4 root 2 plus 1 without a calculator.
Jolteon: no! Please! MERCY!
Boffo: (flicking through papers) Stalin's 5-year plans transformed the USSR into an economic power. Do you agree? Explain your answer. Explain why Hitler's party came into power in Germany during the 1930s.
Jolteon: (unintelligible, animal sounds)
Boffo: (flicks through the papers again) to what extent are international conflicts based on a single issue? Explain your answer.
(Jolteon faints)
Boffo: (holds a finger to check Jolteon's breathing) all right, that's enough. (Undoes chains and kicks Jolteon out)
Narrator: heh, revenge! Anyway.(A/N: the abovementioned questions are from my exam papers! AAARRGGHHH!)
(The scene changes to Espeon and Vaporeon)
Espeon: all right dear, now I'm going out to buy some food since you ate everything in the fridge. Would you mind if you left some of that cheesecake on the table for my lunch?
Vaporeon: (sitting at table) all right, Espie. Have a safe trip.
Espeon: thanks a lot. (Closes door)
(Vaporeon sits at the table, staring at the cheesecake. The minutes tick by. Suddenly, the cheesecake grows limbs and steps forward)
Cheesecake: you wanna piece of me, bitch? (A/N: IN THE FEMALE DOG SENSE!)
Vaporeon: hey-
Cheesecake: huh? Huh? (Swats Vaporeon's nose)
Vaporeon: (losing her temper) grr...
Cheesecake: HUH? (Swats Vaporeon's nose again)
(Vaporeon grabs the cheesecake and eats it in a few bites. Just then, Espeon comes back)
Espeon: hi, honey, I'm home!
Vaporeon: (bursting into tears) it's not my fault! The cheesecake intimidated me!
Espeon: huh? (Notices empty plate) oh. (Walks over to Vaporeon and pats her reassuringly) it's alright. (Hands her a handkerchief)
(Vaporeon dries her tears and blows her nose)
Espeon: wait a bit.(Picks up phone and dials a number) hello, mom? Yes, it's me. No, I'm not here to chat, it's about Vaporeon. Yes, you'll be a grandma soon. I'm worried about Vaporeon, she seems to be hungry all the time and has hallucinations about food.perfectly normal? You sure, mom? Hormones? All right.see you. (Puts down phone)
Narrator: meanwhile.
(The scene changes to Tracey and Darth Gary in some sort of ancient tomb)
Darth Gary: so the legend is true.
Tracey: yes! The Lord of Alph will grant three wishes to whoever opens his tomb!
Darth Gary: all right.
(They work at pushing of the heavy lid of the sarcophagus. It hits the floor with a heavy thud.)
Darth Gary: I see nothing, Master.
(A mummified hand claws its way to the rim of the sarcophagus)
Tracey: did you see that?
The Lord: (in loud, booming voice) why have you disturbed me from my slumber?
Tracey: well, I've come for my wishes. First, I want to be ruler of the whole world!
The Lord: all right, I'll grant your wishes.after I settle my five thousand years of back taxes.
Tracey and Darth Gary: WHAT?!
The Lord: now where's my accountant? Darn! (Walks through a wall and away)
Darth Gary: that didn't work quite well, Master.
Tracey: shut up. Let's go home and have a nice cup of tea.
(Camera fades out)
Narrator: and so ends another meaningless episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for.
(The scene changes to the FF.net author's lounge. We see Dawn and me.)
Dawn: great! I had a bad case of indigestion!
Narrator: and so?
Dawn: the doctor said it was because I had tomato plants growing in my stomach!
Narrator: I TOLD you, let the seeds grow first, then eat the plant, but would you listen?
Dawn: um.yeah.
(Camera fades out)
How'd you like this silly story? Please review!
Narrator: and as usual, we shall do the disclaimer first. (Drags out Dawn)
Dawn: not again.what will you give me this time?
Narrator: a do-it-yourself gardening kit.
Dawn: I don't think I want that.
Narrator: well, having something is better than having nothing.
Dawn: all right.Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor doe he own any other characters not created by him, and he definitely does not own me or this gardening set, which he has just given to me. However, he owns this fic, along with his shiny Umbreon and Tyranitar.
Narrator: here you go. (Hands Dawn the gardening set)
(Camera swings to show Dawn crunching on something.)
Narrator: you know, I think you're supposed to let the tomato seeds grow, then eat the plant.
Dawn: (munching away) I'm not very patient.
Narrator: oh well.
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 56:
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place that is always sunny.
Narrator: now focus in on a white, sandy beach somewhere.
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.
(Camera zooms in to show Jolteon and Umbreon still relaxing on deckchairs on the beach, with the scantily-clad Eons still tirelessly dancing away)
Jolteon: nice, huh?
Umbreon: (feeling the Eevee nuzzle against him for the umpteenth time) yeah.
(Suddenly, Jolteon vanishes in a flash of light)
Umbreon: hey, where'd he go? Oh well.(picks up Jolteon's coconut monkey head)
Narrator: meanwhile.
(The scene changes to Vaporeon in bed, fast asleep)
Vaporeon: (hearing a voice and feeling a tapping on her shoulder) (sleepily) huh?
Voice: hey! Vaporeon, wake up!
Vaporeon: mmmm.(lazily opens eyes and sees a hamburger. It somehow has arms and legs.)
Hamburger: it's me, the leftover hamburger from the fridge!
Vaporeon: (not really believing her eyes) um.ok.
Hamburger: you should have eaten me when you had the chance!
Vaporeon: (suddenly awake) huh?
Hamburger: because I've chained you to your bed, and have a one-way ticket to the Seafoam Islands! (Holds it up)
Vaporeon: !
Hamburger: so long, sucker! (Walks over and hurls Vaporeon into a mailbox that has mysteriously appeared)
Vaporeon: (struggling desperately against chains) Espie! Help!!!!!
(Vaporeon wakes up)
Espeon: (beside Vaporeon in bed) had another bad dream, dear?
Vaporeon: AAAAAAA! (Runs over to fridge quickly despite her huge belly and starts to wolf down everything inside)
Narrator: weird. Anyway.
(The scene changes to the FF.net author's lounge. We see TCL watching TV.)
TV: and now for the weather. Tomorrow's average temperature will be in between one hundred degrees below and two hundred above.
TCL: (smiles) that guy's never wrong.
(I come in, dragging Jolteon behind me)
TCL: hey, where are you taking him?
Narrator: to see Boffo. He needs to have a little talk after squashing me with a pogo stick.
TCL: NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! IT'S INHUMANE!
Narrator: yes, I can. (Walks over to a door marked 'Boffo the Clown' and drags Jolteon inside)
(The scene changes to the interior of Boffo's room. We see many instruments of torture.)
Boffo: (noticing me) ah, sir. Another client?
Narrator: yes. (Holds up Jolteon by the scruff)
Boffo: (fixing chains onto the struggling Jolteon) so, what will it be? The usual?
Narrator: no, much worse.
Boffo: how? Give me an idea.
Narrator: (Hands Boffo a sheath of papers) now tell me what you think.
(Boffo pales so much even his makeup can't hide it)
Boffo: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! HE'LL DIE!
Narrator: no, he won't.
Boffo: oh, if you insist.
Narrator: good. Do try to keep him alive. (Leaves room)
Jolteon: (breaking out into a cold sweat) what happens to me now?
Boffo: (clears throat) solve the following Equations: 4 to the power of x minus 3 times 2 to the power of x plus 2 equals 0. 4 log x 3 plus 3 equals log 3 x.
Jolteon: AAAAAAaaaaaa!!!! (Ears start to bleed)
Boffo: simplify 3 times root 2 minus three times 4 root 2 plus 1 without a calculator.
Jolteon: no! Please! MERCY!
Boffo: (flicking through papers) Stalin's 5-year plans transformed the USSR into an economic power. Do you agree? Explain your answer. Explain why Hitler's party came into power in Germany during the 1930s.
Jolteon: (unintelligible, animal sounds)
Boffo: (flicks through the papers again) to what extent are international conflicts based on a single issue? Explain your answer.
(Jolteon faints)
Boffo: (holds a finger to check Jolteon's breathing) all right, that's enough. (Undoes chains and kicks Jolteon out)
Narrator: heh, revenge! Anyway.(A/N: the abovementioned questions are from my exam papers! AAARRGGHHH!)
(The scene changes to Espeon and Vaporeon)
Espeon: all right dear, now I'm going out to buy some food since you ate everything in the fridge. Would you mind if you left some of that cheesecake on the table for my lunch?
Vaporeon: (sitting at table) all right, Espie. Have a safe trip.
Espeon: thanks a lot. (Closes door)
(Vaporeon sits at the table, staring at the cheesecake. The minutes tick by. Suddenly, the cheesecake grows limbs and steps forward)
Cheesecake: you wanna piece of me, bitch? (A/N: IN THE FEMALE DOG SENSE!)
Vaporeon: hey-
Cheesecake: huh? Huh? (Swats Vaporeon's nose)
Vaporeon: (losing her temper) grr...
Cheesecake: HUH? (Swats Vaporeon's nose again)
(Vaporeon grabs the cheesecake and eats it in a few bites. Just then, Espeon comes back)
Espeon: hi, honey, I'm home!
Vaporeon: (bursting into tears) it's not my fault! The cheesecake intimidated me!
Espeon: huh? (Notices empty plate) oh. (Walks over to Vaporeon and pats her reassuringly) it's alright. (Hands her a handkerchief)
(Vaporeon dries her tears and blows her nose)
Espeon: wait a bit.(Picks up phone and dials a number) hello, mom? Yes, it's me. No, I'm not here to chat, it's about Vaporeon. Yes, you'll be a grandma soon. I'm worried about Vaporeon, she seems to be hungry all the time and has hallucinations about food.perfectly normal? You sure, mom? Hormones? All right.see you. (Puts down phone)
Narrator: meanwhile.
(The scene changes to Tracey and Darth Gary in some sort of ancient tomb)
Darth Gary: so the legend is true.
Tracey: yes! The Lord of Alph will grant three wishes to whoever opens his tomb!
Darth Gary: all right.
(They work at pushing of the heavy lid of the sarcophagus. It hits the floor with a heavy thud.)
Darth Gary: I see nothing, Master.
(A mummified hand claws its way to the rim of the sarcophagus)
Tracey: did you see that?
The Lord: (in loud, booming voice) why have you disturbed me from my slumber?
Tracey: well, I've come for my wishes. First, I want to be ruler of the whole world!
The Lord: all right, I'll grant your wishes.after I settle my five thousand years of back taxes.
Tracey and Darth Gary: WHAT?!
The Lord: now where's my accountant? Darn! (Walks through a wall and away)
Darth Gary: that didn't work quite well, Master.
Tracey: shut up. Let's go home and have a nice cup of tea.
(Camera fades out)
Narrator: and so ends another meaningless episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for.
(The scene changes to the FF.net author's lounge. We see Dawn and me.)
Dawn: great! I had a bad case of indigestion!
Narrator: and so?
Dawn: the doctor said it was because I had tomato plants growing in my stomach!
Narrator: I TOLD you, let the seeds grow first, then eat the plant, but would you listen?
Dawn: um.yeah.
(Camera fades out)
How'd you like this silly story? Please review!