Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Harry Potter. I wish I did, so that I
could have millions and hundreds of millions of $.
Author: Hello and welcome to this fanfic. Be aware, it makes Harry Potter seem insane and has no plot. The story is told from Harry's point of view in 1st person.
I was in the hall having lunch when professor Umbridge started yelling. "Attention all students: There is an unusual monster roaming the halls. You are all to report to your common rooms immediately. Stay there and work on your homework. The monster is shaped like a large white blob. If you see it, immediately commence panicking and screaming and someone will probably notice. If no one arrives within three hours, panic louder."
I wasn't very worried. Monsters were no big deal at Hogwarts. Occasionally someone would be killed, but I always came out alive, with a few scrapes and scratches. So I wasn't very concerned with the monster. Since I was always fine, I didn't feel I needed to worry. I feel like eating some cupcakes. Or Oreos. Or cupcakes made from Oreos. Whatever.
On my way back to the common room, I met Hermione. She was talking with a girl from Ravenclaw at lunch today. Hermione said "Hello Harry. What do you think the monster could be? I haven't heard about it in the textbooks." Naturally, I assumed this was a death threat. I yelled, "You Fool!" and took out my wand, then shouted my favorite spell: "Corpus explodicus!" Unfortunately, I had some bad luck at that moment and missed, even though she was only a foot away from me. My spell hit a giant marshmallow that was about to eat Hermione. I was annoyed by this, seeing as how my spell was supposed to kill Hermione, but only saved her from a giant marshmallow about to kill her.
I heard a strange belching sound but suppressed my urge to belch back in response. "So," Malfoy sneered. "It seems you destroyed that huge marshmallow. I'm taking ten points from Gryffindor. You weren't supposed to destroy the monster, only to panic. And we don't know that was the monster."
Hearing this compliment, I shook his hand and walked off. I didn't notice that the marshmallow was reforming and then it ate two people. Malfoy deducted 10 points from the houses of the people it swallowed. Then it ate Malfoy. Then he used his last breath of air to give Slytherin 36,777,888 points. I don't know how I can tell you this, seeing as I wasn't there and no one told me. Anyway, back to the brilliant and amazing me.
I felt like pacing, so I just wandered aimlessly. A few minutes later, a giant white blob swallowed me. It's insides tasted like marshmallow. I was mildly concerned by this, not because I was being eaten alive, but because a giant marshmallow had come to life with a hunger for human flesh. That wasn't what concerned me, only the fact that it had no stomach to digest its victims in would stop it from actually eating people, but it could only kill them. Noticing that I was being killed, I prepared to use my favorite spell. I pointed my wand at myself, being in the center of the marshmallow, and used my last breath to sing "Corpus explodicus". As I hoped, the marshmallow exploded and the force threw me into the side of the hall, a white paste covering everything. I ate some marshmallow, and then yelled "Suiticus cleanus!" The white paste was pulled of my robes and I even barfed up the marshmallow I ate. The rest of the marshmallow reformed into itself in the middle of the hall. "Oh no" I thought. "Spells don't work on it, and I can't stop it with my bare hands! They would just sink into the goo, then I would be sucked in and eaten again."
So I put on my gloves, and I punched it in the face. And I said, "And that's the end of that chapter." Then it tried to eat me again. Having thrown my wand into a garbage bin so that this would be a fair fight, I had no way to escape. Luckily, before I died, I typed the whole story down and posted it on the Internet so that you could read it. So you better review it, or I'll haunt you, just like Billy did to Ren in the story that Oort creatively named "Billy". I'd like to thank Oort, because his stories are all very good.
And the moral of the story is: If you like cheese, don't stuff it into the little holes in your computer/monitor.
Author: Hello and welcome to this fanfic. Be aware, it makes Harry Potter seem insane and has no plot. The story is told from Harry's point of view in 1st person.
I was in the hall having lunch when professor Umbridge started yelling. "Attention all students: There is an unusual monster roaming the halls. You are all to report to your common rooms immediately. Stay there and work on your homework. The monster is shaped like a large white blob. If you see it, immediately commence panicking and screaming and someone will probably notice. If no one arrives within three hours, panic louder."
I wasn't very worried. Monsters were no big deal at Hogwarts. Occasionally someone would be killed, but I always came out alive, with a few scrapes and scratches. So I wasn't very concerned with the monster. Since I was always fine, I didn't feel I needed to worry. I feel like eating some cupcakes. Or Oreos. Or cupcakes made from Oreos. Whatever.
On my way back to the common room, I met Hermione. She was talking with a girl from Ravenclaw at lunch today. Hermione said "Hello Harry. What do you think the monster could be? I haven't heard about it in the textbooks." Naturally, I assumed this was a death threat. I yelled, "You Fool!" and took out my wand, then shouted my favorite spell: "Corpus explodicus!" Unfortunately, I had some bad luck at that moment and missed, even though she was only a foot away from me. My spell hit a giant marshmallow that was about to eat Hermione. I was annoyed by this, seeing as how my spell was supposed to kill Hermione, but only saved her from a giant marshmallow about to kill her.
I heard a strange belching sound but suppressed my urge to belch back in response. "So," Malfoy sneered. "It seems you destroyed that huge marshmallow. I'm taking ten points from Gryffindor. You weren't supposed to destroy the monster, only to panic. And we don't know that was the monster."
Hearing this compliment, I shook his hand and walked off. I didn't notice that the marshmallow was reforming and then it ate two people. Malfoy deducted 10 points from the houses of the people it swallowed. Then it ate Malfoy. Then he used his last breath of air to give Slytherin 36,777,888 points. I don't know how I can tell you this, seeing as I wasn't there and no one told me. Anyway, back to the brilliant and amazing me.
I felt like pacing, so I just wandered aimlessly. A few minutes later, a giant white blob swallowed me. It's insides tasted like marshmallow. I was mildly concerned by this, not because I was being eaten alive, but because a giant marshmallow had come to life with a hunger for human flesh. That wasn't what concerned me, only the fact that it had no stomach to digest its victims in would stop it from actually eating people, but it could only kill them. Noticing that I was being killed, I prepared to use my favorite spell. I pointed my wand at myself, being in the center of the marshmallow, and used my last breath to sing "Corpus explodicus". As I hoped, the marshmallow exploded and the force threw me into the side of the hall, a white paste covering everything. I ate some marshmallow, and then yelled "Suiticus cleanus!" The white paste was pulled of my robes and I even barfed up the marshmallow I ate. The rest of the marshmallow reformed into itself in the middle of the hall. "Oh no" I thought. "Spells don't work on it, and I can't stop it with my bare hands! They would just sink into the goo, then I would be sucked in and eaten again."
So I put on my gloves, and I punched it in the face. And I said, "And that's the end of that chapter." Then it tried to eat me again. Having thrown my wand into a garbage bin so that this would be a fair fight, I had no way to escape. Luckily, before I died, I typed the whole story down and posted it on the Internet so that you could read it. So you better review it, or I'll haunt you, just like Billy did to Ren in the story that Oort creatively named "Billy". I'd like to thank Oort, because his stories are all very good.
And the moral of the story is: If you like cheese, don't stuff it into the little holes in your computer/monitor.