Author's Note: yep, here again we have yet another pointless, stupid, and
freakish yet funny episode of Eskimo Jolteon, brought to you by me! Bwa ha
ha ha ha ha! Anyways, my exams are coming next Friday...boo hoo hoo and
whatnot...ok. Anyways, here's episode 77, and read, enjoy, and don't forget
to review! Thou shalt review! I command thee!
Narrator: and now, as always, we have the disclaimer. Actually, I don't really need it, having done 76 disclaimers before this one, but it really is just an excuse to give my Kitty stuff. Bwa ha ha ha.
(Dawn trots out on stage.)
Narrator: yep, here she comes...(pets her)
Dawn: (looking at me) and what's today's disclaimer gift?
Narrator: yes...for this episode's disclaimer gift, we have a soft, fluffy down-filled pillow, that exactly matches the basket given to you in the last disclaimer! (Holds it up)
Dawn: (rubs paws together) all right.Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he does own his nice little jotter, which with he takes down little note in which to use in this fic.
Narrator: fine...(hands the pillow over and kisses Dawn)
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 77:
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo with a chimney somewhere.
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.
(Camera zooms into igloo when-)
Narrator: stop! As you know, some of my regular readers have been bugging me to name the little Eevee pups to prevent confusion, so I've decided to hold a contest to help do this! All you have to do is to submit your desired names for the twins, and I'll decide, with the help of my Kitty, which names are the best. Simple. For obvious reasons, my Kitty won't be able to submit a name...^^;
(I slide out of view and the camera continues zooming into the igloo. We see Pup 2 sitting on Vaporeon's lap.)
Vaporeon: and now dear, before you go to sleep, I'll read you something!
Pup 2: (squealing) oh boy! Oh boy! Are you going to read about leptons and quarks like daddy does?
Vaporeon: well...(looks at me)
Narrator: here: (Hands her a book)
Vaporeon: Lccorp2's Ridiculous Rhymes. (Flips through it) (Shocked) ARE YOU SURE THIS THING IS FIT FOR LITTLE PUPS TO READ?!
Narrator: that's what the PG-13 rating is for, isn't it? Anyway, if you won't read it, I'll still make you. You can't refuse. Hah.
Vaporeon: (reluctantly) ok...
Narrator: if you love Ash in any way, don't continue. The following contains serious Ash-bashing. You have been warned.
Ash Ketchum's doomed Quest.
Ash Ketchum and his gang that night,
At Sootopolis that night arrived.
They headed to the pokecenter that was painted green
But something was amiss-nobody was to be seen!
Ash yelled, 'hello! Is anyone here?'
From behind the counter a voice cowered in fear,
'Hush! Don't raise your voice!
The creature might awaken at the slightest noise!'
That braindead Ash yelled, 'who's that?'
'It's me, Nurse Joy, you moronic lump of fat!'
That horny Brock was seized with lust,
'Can I please fondle your bust?'
Misty grabbed him by the ear.
'We don't want to be screwing around here.'
Ash said: 'where does this evil thing stay?
I'll beat its shit out and make sure it'll pay!'
'It lives in a cave at the edge of the city,
People go in and never return-what a pity.'
That idiotic Ash actually said,
'Nurse Joy, do not be afraid!
I'll go in there and slay that beast!
And upon its carcass I will feast!
Misty! Brock! Stay right here!
I'll come back safely-you need not fear!'
That stupid Brock's eyes wandered again
And Misty slapped him, causing much pain.
'But all I did was look at Nurse Joy!'
'Forget it-she's not your sex toy!'
Over there the group stayed the night,
And as dawn broke, and the sky filled with light,
Our poor Ash set out upon his quest
To rid the world of that dreaded pest.
The cave wasn't really hard to find,
The entrance was so large-it'd boggle your mind!
Not knowing the danger, as he was out of his brain,
Ash said, 'this must be where the creature stays!
I'll decapitate it, yes, I will!
And I'll eat it's remains with an antacid pill!'
As our subject treaded on the floor,
Within the cave there was a deep roar.
'By golly! That must be the beast!
I'll sunder it and bake the remains with yeast!'
Now Ash was in complete dark,
'Hmm, this reminds me on the National Park.'
Suddenly in front of him or thereabout,
A monstrous voice roared out loud:
'Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum!
I smell the blood of Ash Ketchum!'
'Quick, Pikachu!' cried Ash.
'Light up the cave-use flash!'
The cavern was filled with radiance bright,
And there was Groudon standing in the light!
'Hurry, Pikachu, while we're under,
go and zap it with your Thunder!'
Groudon didn't even feel the blow,
It proceeded to squash Pikachu with a scaly toe.
'Oh no! Pikachu! You're my best pal!
Without you, life will be living hell!'
Groudon slowly turned its head,
And looking at Ash, slowly said,
'Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum,
You're my breakfast now, Ash Ketchum!'
Ash screamed, turned and ran,
But Groudon could easily outpace any man.
After passing Ash through its jaws,
It carefully cleaned its teeth with dental floss.
'By gosh, that was rather yummy,
Although I have a sick feeling in my tummy...'
Groudon dropped and writhed in pain.
'Stop it! I think I'm going insane!
Oh, why did I even go near,
When I knew all I'd get from ash was diarrhea?'
We now go back to the pokecenter,
Where our story now gets even better.
'I'm sorry, Brock, you have AIDS.'
'Oh no! I can't screw any more maids!'
'What happened, what did you do?
Who did you sleep with? Whom did you screw?'
'It was that girl May-I should've seen
She couldn't have been ten-at least fifteen!'
'Then why with her did you snooze?'
'I couldn't resist-she had enormous boobs!'
Nurse joy screamed, 'get away from me, you plagued mess!
You'll infect me-you'll muck up my dress!'
Brock was then chased far, far away,
And before dying of AIDS lived for a day.
Nothing was left of him but an eye,
Which Misty took and baked into a pie.
The moral of this story is clear and sound,
DON'T BE A MORON AND DON'T FUCK AROUND.
Pup 2: (squealing) more! More!
Vaporeon: (growling softly) all right...
Narrator: (snickers)
Ash's bad, negative, horrible, not-good day.
Ash woke up one fine day
But things weren't going to go his way.
He had angered Celebi so,
He was taken to another dimension some time ago.
Ash yawned and rubbed his eyes.
He mumbled a bit and looked at the sky.
'Hmm, it's rather late.' He said.
'I wonder if I spent too long in bed.'
He got up and headed down.
Surveying the kitchen with a frown,
Something was amiss. Something was wrong.
Something was either too short or long.
'That's odd.' He mused. 'I didn't realize
Our refrigerator was that humongous size.'
Ash shrugged and decided to go out.
When he opened the door, he gave a shout!
Trees were purple! The sky was green!
Nothing was what it should have been!
Sentrets floated! People bit Houndour!
Magikarp flew and sugar was sour!
Ash shouted, 'holy smoke!
If anyone knows what's going on it's Professor Oak!'
Ash arrived, and jumped out of his head,
When he found Professor Oak and his mom in bed!
'Mom! What are you doing?! Are you mad?!'
'Don't you recognize him dear-he's your dad!'
Ash screamed, turned and fled.
Everything today was so bad!
Ash ran to the nearest pokecenter in sight.
Perhaps there things would be more right.
But it was surely not to be,
As certain as you can count to three!
As soon as Ash entered the main hall,
He saw pokemon putting humans into Peopleballs!
'Quick, catch him!' one of the cried.
'We'll train that human and make him fight!'
'It's a legendary human! Yes, it's him!
There's only one of those ever to be seen!'
Ash quickly fled into the trees,
And made his way to Pewter City.
'I'll make my way to Brock's Gym!
If anyone's sane, it's got to be him!'
But alas, as he opened the door he couldn't bear
The horrible sight of Brock cross-dressing there!
'Yes, I'll admit, I'll admit it all right,
I dress up in women's clothing all night!
I order undergarments from near and afar,
And my favorite one is this push-up bra!'
Ash retreated, screaming all the time,
Was everyone here out of their mind?
So crazed he was, the road he did not see,
Till he bumped into Misty.
'What's the matter?' she gave him a kiss.
'Why are you hurrying? What's amiss?'
'Finally! Someone intact!
I'm glad to see you and that's a fact!'
'Well, Ash, it took me quite a while,
But I'm pleased to report I'm carrying your child!
Look at that lovely, swollen belly,
Five more months and we'll have a family!'
Ash Ketchum dropped to his knees.
Everything was going topsy-turvy!
He could take it no longer, he took out a knife,
Slit his own throat and ended his life.
Celebi, resting in his shrine,
Watched the whole scene through a portal of twine.
'Too bad the kid gave himself the sack,
A few more seconds and I'd have brought him back!'
The moral of this story, as you can see,
Never diss off a legendary.
Vaporeon: (angrily) that's it! I've had enough! (Slams the book down and storms off.)
Pup 2: (looking at me) don't make Mama angry...it messes up her hormones. (Sucks on thumb.)
Narrator: oh well...
(Camera fades out)
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^
Narrator: and now, as always, we have the disclaimer. Actually, I don't really need it, having done 76 disclaimers before this one, but it really is just an excuse to give my Kitty stuff. Bwa ha ha ha.
(Dawn trots out on stage.)
Narrator: yep, here she comes...(pets her)
Dawn: (looking at me) and what's today's disclaimer gift?
Narrator: yes...for this episode's disclaimer gift, we have a soft, fluffy down-filled pillow, that exactly matches the basket given to you in the last disclaimer! (Holds it up)
Dawn: (rubs paws together) all right.Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he does own his nice little jotter, which with he takes down little note in which to use in this fic.
Narrator: fine...(hands the pillow over and kisses Dawn)
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 77:
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo with a chimney somewhere.
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.
(Camera zooms into igloo when-)
Narrator: stop! As you know, some of my regular readers have been bugging me to name the little Eevee pups to prevent confusion, so I've decided to hold a contest to help do this! All you have to do is to submit your desired names for the twins, and I'll decide, with the help of my Kitty, which names are the best. Simple. For obvious reasons, my Kitty won't be able to submit a name...^^;
(I slide out of view and the camera continues zooming into the igloo. We see Pup 2 sitting on Vaporeon's lap.)
Vaporeon: and now dear, before you go to sleep, I'll read you something!
Pup 2: (squealing) oh boy! Oh boy! Are you going to read about leptons and quarks like daddy does?
Vaporeon: well...(looks at me)
Narrator: here: (Hands her a book)
Vaporeon: Lccorp2's Ridiculous Rhymes. (Flips through it) (Shocked) ARE YOU SURE THIS THING IS FIT FOR LITTLE PUPS TO READ?!
Narrator: that's what the PG-13 rating is for, isn't it? Anyway, if you won't read it, I'll still make you. You can't refuse. Hah.
Vaporeon: (reluctantly) ok...
Narrator: if you love Ash in any way, don't continue. The following contains serious Ash-bashing. You have been warned.
Ash Ketchum's doomed Quest.
Ash Ketchum and his gang that night,
At Sootopolis that night arrived.
They headed to the pokecenter that was painted green
But something was amiss-nobody was to be seen!
Ash yelled, 'hello! Is anyone here?'
From behind the counter a voice cowered in fear,
'Hush! Don't raise your voice!
The creature might awaken at the slightest noise!'
That braindead Ash yelled, 'who's that?'
'It's me, Nurse Joy, you moronic lump of fat!'
That horny Brock was seized with lust,
'Can I please fondle your bust?'
Misty grabbed him by the ear.
'We don't want to be screwing around here.'
Ash said: 'where does this evil thing stay?
I'll beat its shit out and make sure it'll pay!'
'It lives in a cave at the edge of the city,
People go in and never return-what a pity.'
That idiotic Ash actually said,
'Nurse Joy, do not be afraid!
I'll go in there and slay that beast!
And upon its carcass I will feast!
Misty! Brock! Stay right here!
I'll come back safely-you need not fear!'
That stupid Brock's eyes wandered again
And Misty slapped him, causing much pain.
'But all I did was look at Nurse Joy!'
'Forget it-she's not your sex toy!'
Over there the group stayed the night,
And as dawn broke, and the sky filled with light,
Our poor Ash set out upon his quest
To rid the world of that dreaded pest.
The cave wasn't really hard to find,
The entrance was so large-it'd boggle your mind!
Not knowing the danger, as he was out of his brain,
Ash said, 'this must be where the creature stays!
I'll decapitate it, yes, I will!
And I'll eat it's remains with an antacid pill!'
As our subject treaded on the floor,
Within the cave there was a deep roar.
'By golly! That must be the beast!
I'll sunder it and bake the remains with yeast!'
Now Ash was in complete dark,
'Hmm, this reminds me on the National Park.'
Suddenly in front of him or thereabout,
A monstrous voice roared out loud:
'Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum!
I smell the blood of Ash Ketchum!'
'Quick, Pikachu!' cried Ash.
'Light up the cave-use flash!'
The cavern was filled with radiance bright,
And there was Groudon standing in the light!
'Hurry, Pikachu, while we're under,
go and zap it with your Thunder!'
Groudon didn't even feel the blow,
It proceeded to squash Pikachu with a scaly toe.
'Oh no! Pikachu! You're my best pal!
Without you, life will be living hell!'
Groudon slowly turned its head,
And looking at Ash, slowly said,
'Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum,
You're my breakfast now, Ash Ketchum!'
Ash screamed, turned and ran,
But Groudon could easily outpace any man.
After passing Ash through its jaws,
It carefully cleaned its teeth with dental floss.
'By gosh, that was rather yummy,
Although I have a sick feeling in my tummy...'
Groudon dropped and writhed in pain.
'Stop it! I think I'm going insane!
Oh, why did I even go near,
When I knew all I'd get from ash was diarrhea?'
We now go back to the pokecenter,
Where our story now gets even better.
'I'm sorry, Brock, you have AIDS.'
'Oh no! I can't screw any more maids!'
'What happened, what did you do?
Who did you sleep with? Whom did you screw?'
'It was that girl May-I should've seen
She couldn't have been ten-at least fifteen!'
'Then why with her did you snooze?'
'I couldn't resist-she had enormous boobs!'
Nurse joy screamed, 'get away from me, you plagued mess!
You'll infect me-you'll muck up my dress!'
Brock was then chased far, far away,
And before dying of AIDS lived for a day.
Nothing was left of him but an eye,
Which Misty took and baked into a pie.
The moral of this story is clear and sound,
DON'T BE A MORON AND DON'T FUCK AROUND.
Pup 2: (squealing) more! More!
Vaporeon: (growling softly) all right...
Narrator: (snickers)
Ash's bad, negative, horrible, not-good day.
Ash woke up one fine day
But things weren't going to go his way.
He had angered Celebi so,
He was taken to another dimension some time ago.
Ash yawned and rubbed his eyes.
He mumbled a bit and looked at the sky.
'Hmm, it's rather late.' He said.
'I wonder if I spent too long in bed.'
He got up and headed down.
Surveying the kitchen with a frown,
Something was amiss. Something was wrong.
Something was either too short or long.
'That's odd.' He mused. 'I didn't realize
Our refrigerator was that humongous size.'
Ash shrugged and decided to go out.
When he opened the door, he gave a shout!
Trees were purple! The sky was green!
Nothing was what it should have been!
Sentrets floated! People bit Houndour!
Magikarp flew and sugar was sour!
Ash shouted, 'holy smoke!
If anyone knows what's going on it's Professor Oak!'
Ash arrived, and jumped out of his head,
When he found Professor Oak and his mom in bed!
'Mom! What are you doing?! Are you mad?!'
'Don't you recognize him dear-he's your dad!'
Ash screamed, turned and fled.
Everything today was so bad!
Ash ran to the nearest pokecenter in sight.
Perhaps there things would be more right.
But it was surely not to be,
As certain as you can count to three!
As soon as Ash entered the main hall,
He saw pokemon putting humans into Peopleballs!
'Quick, catch him!' one of the cried.
'We'll train that human and make him fight!'
'It's a legendary human! Yes, it's him!
There's only one of those ever to be seen!'
Ash quickly fled into the trees,
And made his way to Pewter City.
'I'll make my way to Brock's Gym!
If anyone's sane, it's got to be him!'
But alas, as he opened the door he couldn't bear
The horrible sight of Brock cross-dressing there!
'Yes, I'll admit, I'll admit it all right,
I dress up in women's clothing all night!
I order undergarments from near and afar,
And my favorite one is this push-up bra!'
Ash retreated, screaming all the time,
Was everyone here out of their mind?
So crazed he was, the road he did not see,
Till he bumped into Misty.
'What's the matter?' she gave him a kiss.
'Why are you hurrying? What's amiss?'
'Finally! Someone intact!
I'm glad to see you and that's a fact!'
'Well, Ash, it took me quite a while,
But I'm pleased to report I'm carrying your child!
Look at that lovely, swollen belly,
Five more months and we'll have a family!'
Ash Ketchum dropped to his knees.
Everything was going topsy-turvy!
He could take it no longer, he took out a knife,
Slit his own throat and ended his life.
Celebi, resting in his shrine,
Watched the whole scene through a portal of twine.
'Too bad the kid gave himself the sack,
A few more seconds and I'd have brought him back!'
The moral of this story, as you can see,
Never diss off a legendary.
Vaporeon: (angrily) that's it! I've had enough! (Slams the book down and storms off.)
Pup 2: (looking at me) don't make Mama angry...it messes up her hormones. (Sucks on thumb.)
Narrator: oh well...
(Camera fades out)
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^