Chapter 2: Megumi (Written to some Disturbed)
(God this flight is long! Well I guess it would be, since it IS Atlanta to Salt Lake City, but still! At lease I can write, which is good because otherwise I'd be whining about not only being hauled off to a wedding of people I haven't seen for years in a state known mostly for tubers that I refuse to eat, but also not being allowed any type of creative expression on the way. Sighanyway, for all you Megumi fans out there, there's bad news I think, but don't worry, it's a humor fic! EVERYONE gets a happy ending! Enjoy!)
(Sano: Author-kun, are you forgetting the disclaimers just so you can write the I love Jack' aspect of Sanosuke?
T3h jack: Possibly
Sano: Well anata, you still don't own anything besides that hot body of yours, sexy!
T3h jack: Arigato, Sano-kunDomo Arigato)
"Kitsune, let me point out at this juncture that I will NOT be spending any time around you by choice. Not. One. Second. Clear?" Sano was already pissed by Kaoru's meddling in his usual schedule of complaining, and now she wanted to interfere with his love life or lack thereof?
"Well rooster-head, as it happens there is no choice for you! Kaoru asked me to mention something about Akebeko, tonight, and on-the-house-as-long-as-Megumi-sensei-says-you-were-good. And since I can see you drooling from here, I imagine that means you'll be helping me with my errands. How charitable of you!"
Oh this will be the perfect revenge, I'll bring along Katsu and we'll both get drunk until dawn, that'll show Kaoru to mess with me! And she'll have to pay! All I have to do is be nice to Megumi for a day
Hmmcivility towards Megumi for 6 hours versus smirking revenge on chef Kaoru? Sano's mental scales tipped one way and the other, finally settling on smirking revenge.
"Why of course, doctor Megumi! Where shall we go first?" Sano plastered a smile over his face (He had been holding it against just such a need, usually his only smile was the who, ME!?' smile, which was totally useless since he was ALWAYS guilty of something, so no matter how convincing the expression of innocence it was only proof of him hiding something.).
Megumi blinked, but maintained her graceful air, and gave a lady-like sniff to cover her surprise. "Well then, since you are for once being cooperative and civil we're off to the drug store, I have a few packages to pick up"
Which was apparently Megumi-speak for I want to play a game of let's see how many tons Sano can lift before his spine fractures'. By the time they left for the next test (Let's see how many Kimonos I can try on and ask Sano's opinion about before he snaps at me that they're all the same godammit), Sano was completely concealed behind a thick wall of drugs and herbs, which was good because it disguised his rapidly fading smile of tolerance.
But he persevered through not only the Kimono game, but also a few of Megumi's other favorites, like let's see how much I can taunt Sano about how he dresses before he becomes homicidal', and let's see if I can get Sano to react to me talking about Ken-san and how great he is incessantly'. He stumbled slightly on let's see how much I can tease Sano about the Sekihoutai before he starts screaming', but recovered nicely in let's see if I can accidentally' trip Sano and yell at him for dropping my precious packages' with a well-timed hop over Megumi's out stretched foot.
He was still a ragged mess by the time Megumi-sensei released him with a grudging promise to tell Kaoru that he had behaved himself, and Katsu laughed himself senseless to see his old comrade reduced to such a disheveled state by a mere woman. At least until Sano put his foot through the floor with a petulant stomp and mentioned free sake and food at the Akebeko.
"I'm impressed Sano, that woman must have been hell, but you suffered through it all just so you could treat your friend to a night of drinking and eating and," He fished some dice out of his pocket "Maybe a little gaming once Kaoru's bank breaks?"
Sano sighed contentedly. "That's the life, maybe someday I'll try honest living"
Katsu sniggered.
*
Sano: Author-kun, I think you need a break!
T3h jack: Feh, I can keep going! *Slumps in seat and nearly short-circuits keyboard with drool*
Sano: umm, it looks like t3h jack just passed outhe's so CUTE when he's sleeping! Anyway, I'm taking him off to bed, he'll write the rest of this chapter latercome on anata, let's get you under the covers
*
An hour or so later (Writer time, I mean)
"Sho then," Slurred Katsu. "I cut hish-I cut hish-I cut hish head off!!"
Sanosuke, who had of course been in the battle Katsuhiro was talking about laughed raucously, only slightly less drunk then Katsu. The entire bar had begun betting on which one was going to pass out first, and while Sano was a clear favorite, the odds were so good that lots of people put money on his smaller companion.
"How about shome dishe, Katshu?" Asked the inebriated Sano, attempting to rattle some imaginary dice in his hands and falling through a table.
"Put it on the tab," Sighed Kaoru, burying her head in her hands. This was a BAD idea, I should have stuck with cooking. But Megumi-sensei said he was very well behaved, so I couldn't just say no after I basically promised
The friends, under Kenshin's watchful eyes, had so far sucked down more than 20 bottles of sake, splitting fairly evenly because while Sano could hold more Katsu drank faster, and had failed to find anyone stupid enough to play dice with a pair of drunken Sekihoutai-gumi ex-members.
Eventually they wandered off, in search of some real gambling (Lesh go play shome dishe!! Shanks, Jou-shan!), and left Yahiko, Kenshin, and Kaoru gasping at the sheer destruction. A fair portion of the sake had ended up on the floor, table or chairs, or other patrons' clothes or children. One table had been destroyed, both of the friends and three spectators had vomited, and the remains of four or five beef hot-pots (and the bowls they had come in) lay in a sad and mangled heap.
Sighing, the Kenshin-gumi and the Akebeko staff set to work, mopping, washing, paying off, and negotiating a payment plan
Sano and Katsu somehow managed to make it to a gambling establishment they recognized, and lost all of their money in maybe 30 minutes before being forcibly ejected by a team of twelve burly enforcers.
As they wandered home, sheapered along by Kenshin, who had declared himself their protection on the dark streets, Katsuhiro and Sanosuke belted out at the top of their lungs every single profane or crude song they both remembered, the Hitokiri shaking his head as he prevented them from actually running into walls.
"-and then they came home and SPANKED THE TANOOKI!!!" Bellowed the drunken pair, Sano maybe 3 seconds ahead of Katsu, and an octave deeper. "Hey Kenshin, you should get home to the raccoondoesn't she need some lovin'?!" Sanosuke tried a pelvic thrust and glanced off a beam, slightly splintering it.
"For the last time, Kaoru-dono and I do not have that kind of relationship, Sano! I mean, why don't you just go home to Megumi? It's the same problem."
"Huh!? Me an the kitsune? I'd rather go home with Katsu!" Everyone besides Kenshin fell to the ground, writhing in good humor at the idea. The Hitokiri did not look amused. "Yes, why not?" He asked, vaguely angry for reasons he didn't totally understand.
"I'm not THAT drunk," said Katsu, on his third try for getting up. "He's the wrongthingy. Sex?" Sano snickered. "Gender, dumbass!"
"I dunno though," He continued. "I mean, I guess we couldHEY! SHANO!! WANNA GO SHCREW!!??"
"Why not? Lesh go!"
They didn't even make it to the door step, however, and thanks to Kenshin awoke fully clothed the next afternoon, with hangovers TWICE as bad as the last ones.
(Sano: Author-kun, I'm gonna get you for this.
T3h jack: Oh don't whine, maybe you'll, umm, make it all the way in next time!
Sano: that was in very poor taste.
T3h jack: What do you care?
Sano: Good point, woofie-kins! Let's go buy really tight shorts!
Disclaimer: T3h Jack is not gay. He promises
Sano: YOU'RE NOT!?!
T3h Jack: Well no, but we can still have fun in my author's notes, right?
Sano: Sure, sexy!
Lol, only a couple chapters and a few more hours into this trip and the story already seems to be pretty completedon't worry though, I'll think of some more conflict! I re-charge my humor writing energy banks by playing Tetris (Mac version!), and I've got a new high score to beat, I'll see y'all next chapter! I love you Koishii! L8r!)