Chapter 4: Saitou (Written to the Powerpuff Girls and some Saturday night stand up (Day 1) Followed by Hybrid Theory OVER AND OVER AND OVER because I'm to lazy to change (Day 2). GOD I love that CD)
(Sano: Well, anata, feeling all ready to write us another couple thousand words?
T3h jack: Sure am, sexy! We'll have a little fun with Saitou, introduce one of my all-time favorite authors, and of course you can get more of Kenshin's cooking, if you know what I mean.
Sano: Well don't just sit there, write this shit!
T3h jack: Always so eager, Sano-kun! Lemme turn off the AC, it's friggin freezing in here-there, time to get with it! Enjoy, loyal readers!)
Saitou had been housed at the Kamiya dojo, much as he despised the idea of sleeping under the same roof as what he had termed the tanooki terror'.
Of all the days to lose my cigarettes, not to mention any desire to consume themI'll never be able to toss away a smoldering butt with such disregard ever again. And now, without them, I have to spend weeks in this god forsaken town to seek revenge for my favorite blue jacketI can't return to the precinct in Kyoto without at least a head or two to show for the loss of my trademark uniform!
"Rise and shine, Saitou-san!" Cheered Kaoru. "Kenshin has been teaching me to cook, even Sano admits it's good!"
"Feh, as though I'd respect any opinion offered by that moron," Sneered Saitou, not one to lose a crappy attitude in the face of good news.
"Well then, if I might be allowed to leave my bed without an audience"
"Oh! Sorryumm, I'll wait in the hall!"
Strange, thought Saitou, as a small part of him died with the donning of one of Kenshin's identical magenta and white get-ups. Since when does raccoon-girl seek my company? Hmm, maybe it's this manly magentano, her and the Kitsune both were practically glued to me yesterday, and I had to ASK where the tanooki's dearest Kenshin was for her to even notice his absence!
Sure enough, as soon as he stepped outside he was staring into the big, worshipful eyes of a certain assistant kendo instructor, which hovered over a large plate stuffed with what smelled like decent food. Not something that he had been told to expect from the tanooki.
"Now if we can but get the Battousai to teach you to fight, we could dispense with him altogether."
It was as close to a compliment as Saitou got
*
Oh my godI had never seen how dreamy he was beforewithout that stupid cigarette, making him smell bad, and cough, and squint, and hiding his face behind the smoke, and making his eyes all redthis must be the Saitou his wife married
*
Is it tommorow yet? Better hope so, Sanosuke, because I'm comin
Megumi had spent a drunken evening drowning her sorrows about a love never had, much less lost, not to mention that Saitou characternow THERE was a hunk!
But Sano isunreceptive, and Saitou is married, and Kaoru has dibs on Ken-san, and I NEED SOME LOVING. So I might as well meet this Katsu person
But when Megumi reached Sano's tiny and cramped apartment, there was a nasty surprise in store. Because before her very eyes, when Sano walked out the door, he was following Kenshin. And they didn't quite make it out of the house before Sano was pulled down for a kiss.
A long kiss.
Megumi decided that she had had WAY to much to drink that night, and would ask Sano about his friend later, when she no longer saw him making out with the best swordsman in Japan.
*
In a rustic cabin concealed on a mountain outside of Kyoto, the best swordsman in Japan sneezed violently, ruining the pot he had been carefully crafting.
"BAKA DEISHI!!! STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!!!"
*
"Did you hear anything, anata?" Asked Kenshin.
"Not a thing. How about that breakfast?"
*
Which is how the entirety of the Kenshin-gumi, plus Saitou and minus Megumi, was gathered at the dojo when the strange European woman walked in through the open gate.
"Umm, Konnichi-wa, guys!"
Saitou turned very very white. "Oh Kami-sama. What are you doing here!? You aren'tyou know"
"No, of course not! I just got an invitation."
Everyone else was just staring. "Ummdid we miss something?" Asked Kaoru, feeling suddenly very jealous.
"No, I simply chose not to inform you," Said Saitou, refusing to relinquish his annoying outlook on life simply because something totally unexpected had happened. "This is Stealiana. She'spowerful. In many ways. I imagine she has an excellent reason for coming here?"
"She does indeed, ANATA," Said the newly christened Stealiana. Saitou, if possible, became even paler. "It seems that t3h jack was not liking the direction you were taking his story. Something like to hard to write', and I wanna go play Tetris'."
"And so he's turning you over to me. FOREVER." Stealiana gave an evil little laugh, and dragged Saitou straight through a hole that suddenly appeared in the air. The last they heard from Saitou was something like "NOO!!! NOT THE HAREM!!!"
A tiny wisp of smoke was all that was left of the strange foreigner and the ex-Shinsengumi unit leader.
"Well that was weird." Chorused everyone.
*
Megumi, after a few cold baths and smelling salts, decided that she was in fact sober, and always had been. Which meant that Sano had indeed kissed Kenshin, and that Kenshin had indeed reached around a grabbed the Zanza'a ass.
I got beaten out by a GUY, not just any guy mind you, but the other one in town I liked. Wonderful. BOTH of the cute, strong, and caring guys that protected me have abandoned me, FOR EACH OTHER, and I don't have anything to live for.
She sat in the middle of Sano's futon, where she could smell her loves, and the scent of their loving ,filling the room
She held in her hands one of the scalpels from the clinic, positioned above her left wrist. It hardly trembled at all.
All the people I've hurt with the opium I was forced to make, and then the Oniwabbanshu, why should I have expected anyone to love me? It would have been wasted. Goodbye, cruel-
Knock. Knock. "Sano! Did you hear!? Saitou set off one of my bomb caches! That son of a-" The Shoji panel slid open.
At the sight of the long, flowing black hair, and icy blue eyes, Megumi grabbed Katsu, dragged him in, and closed the door with one foot. Give it one more shot
"Umm hi, who the hell are-" She kissed him, and was pleasantly surprised when he kissed right back.
"I'm Megumi. You must be Tsukioka. Now shut up and take off your clothes."
*
Sano: Wow, author-kun, you wrote all this in TWO DAYS!?
T3h jack: Well one and a half really, it's incredible what you can do with no hotmail or AIM to distract you!
Sano: Jeez, anata, you should take a little break with me
T3h jack: Lemme finish up here, I'm gonna have you walk in on Meg and Katsu. Hilarity will ensue. Plus, the good guitar solo on Jesus Freak starts NOW! (Guitar Solo) Kami-sama, you've gotta love that shit! I'll come back to bed in a couple more paragraphs, Sano-kun.
*
"You know, Ken-kun," Said Sanosuke, as they walked along the roads (and alleys) leading back to Sano's modest abode "In all that confusion, I never did get any of your cooking"
"Well anata, when we get to your place I'll do a little cooking for you, de gozaru yo. And I think you'll like it."
Sano shivered with anticipation. "I'll have to wring the recipe out of you someday"
"I'll give you a hint: You're my secret ingredient, sexy."
"So that's the sweet taste!"
Kenshin flung his arms around Sano's shoulders, and buried his face in his neck, right as he slid the front door open-
To reveal a surprised Megumi and a guilty looking Katsu in a position that can only be described as compromising'.
Sano simply stared until his lover softly bit his shoulder, and he realized Kenshin had yet to open his eyes. So with one hand he stroked the redhead's flaming mane, and with the other he gave Katsu a sekihoutai-style salute.
Katsu raised his hand automatically, hesitated, then grinned, and returned the salute. You owe me a new futon mouthed Sano, as he slid the door shut again.
"Actually, anata, I have some errands to run" Katsu and Megumi grinned, and returned towhatever it was they were doing.
*
Sanosuke's life never stopped being complicated. It would have taken the zest, the spice, out of living.
But it got better. Oh yeah. It got better.
(Sano: Hey, good one, author-kun, everyone seems to be pretty happyexcept of course Tokio and Kaoru! Neither of them have husbands now!
T3h jack: Well, if I got THAT bored I could always write a chapter for them, but let's just pretend they don't exist for now, huh? Besides, Stealiana might always bring Saitou back, and then as long as he doesn't smoke any more Kaoru and Tokio could share him!
Sano: That might be a story in itself, anata!
T3h jack: True, it might, but I'm a little burnt out right now, and 10th grade honors English II wants me to read The Three Musketeers and expound on main conflicts and characters. And it's a Pre-IB class!
Sano: Damn your parents to the deepest hells!
T3h jack: Indeed. But don't worry, sexy, I'll make sure you don't get cold at nights.
Until next time, fair and gentle readers! I love you, Koishii! L8r all the rest! Drop me a line whether or not you liked it, I live for feedback, and even if it made you CRY it was so bad it won't get any better unless you tell me about it. Shout out to DA LIST (See chapter 1), Sam and Shelly (Hey Koishii!), and all my friends back home. P34C3 H4X FR0 J00!!!111)