A/N: This is the Harry Potter version of Snow White. I came up with this as I typed it. Other than that, I have nothing to say. Enjoy!
*Mercury is directing a the play "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves", starring the wonderful people of Harry Potter. She has just posted the list of who got what part on the dressing-room door. The actors aren't too pleased.*
Cast Of Characters
"Prince" Snow White- Draco Malfoy
Evil "King"- Lucius Malfoy
Magic Mirror- Mercury Silverscale
Huntsman- Ron Weasley
Doc- Oliver Wood
Grumpy- Bob the Stick Figure
Happy- Colin Creevy
Sleepy- Seamus Finnegan
Sneezy- Hermione Granger
Bashful- Ginny Weasley
Dopey- Gregory Goyle
Princess- Fleur Delacour
King as an Old Man- Severus Snape
Chorus- Hogwarts Professors
*charecters are looking at the list and complaining*
Draco: Wait a second! Snow White's a girl!
Lucius: This is a disgrace to the Malfoy name!
Fleur: I am much too beautiful to be a mere preen-cess! Stupid Americans!
Ron: Huntsman! What's the point of being the huntsman if I don't get to kill Malfoy?
Snape: I am NOT old!!!
Wood: I do not stutter and I'm not a workaholic!
Bob: Are you trying to imply something here?
Colin: Yay! I'm Happy!
Draco: *mutters* No shit...
Seamus: Why am I Sleepy?
Hermione: Why am I Sneezy?!
Ginny: When have I ever been bashful?
Ron: Whenever Harry's around...
Me: SHUT UP! *everyone goes quiet* Thank you. *in drill sergeant voice* Now, I don't care if you don't like your part. I don't care if it disgraces your family name, or if Snow White is a girl. I don't care if you want to kill Malfoy, or if Americans are stupid. I'm the director/writer/producer, and you are the actors. Therefore, I outrank you, and if I tell you to jump off a bridge backwards while dancing the can-can, you will do it! Understand?!
All: Yes, ma'am...
Me: Good. Okay, first scene!!!
ACT I, SCENE I: The King's Palace, Throne Room
*the lights go up, revealing the stage made up to look like a throne room*
Lucius: *enters w/ Draco* ...then wash the windows and polish the picture frames over there.
Draco: *sweetly* Yes, stepfather. *Exits*
Lucuis: Ahhh. I feel so beautiful! I am the most beautiful person in the world. It makes me so happy!!! *stops* Alright, I don't want to do this! I sound too… feminine.
Me: That's the general idea.
Lucius: Someone could be taping this to blackmail me!
Me: Now what are the chances of that? (What Lucius doesn't know is that Bob is taping every second of this, with plans to sell the video on the black market.)
Lucius: ...
Me: My point exactly. Okay, action!
Lucius: Where was I... okay. *clears throat* It makes me so happy! *gasps* What if... what if someone is prettier than me?! I need to ask the mirror. I summon you, O great and powerful Magic Mirror! *A curtain next to the throne is pulled back, revealing me, The Magic Mirror*
Me: Yes, your Majesty? What would you like to hear? Ask me anything.
Lucuis: Magic mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?
Me: Certainly not you.
Lucius: *Shock and Awe* WHAT!?!?
Me: Hey, you asked.
Lucius: WHO!?!? WHO IS IT!?! I'LL-
Me: All right! It's Snow White, okay!? He's prettier than you are!!!
Lucius: What the f*ck! That stupid f*cking b**ch; I'm going to f*cking rip his f*cking head off!
Me: Okay, I got it! Jeez, watch the language. This isn't HBO.
Lucius: BRING ME THE HUNTSMAN, GODDAMMIT!!
Ron: *runs in* Yes, you Majesty?
Lucius: *regains composure* I have a job for you, Huntsman.
Ron: What is it, your Majesty?
Lucius: I want you to kill someone for me.
Ron: *gasps* I'm sorry your Majesty, but that goes against every one of my standards! It's a crime, it's morally wrong, and I don't-
Lucius: I want you to kill my stepson.
Ron: Oh! That's it? Well, why didn't you say so? When do you want him dead?
Lucius: As soon as possible.
Ron: What weapon?
Lucius: Whatever you have is fine. All you need to do is kill him, and bring back proof that he's dead… an appendage, or something.
Ron: It shall be done, your Majesty! *skips out, humming "We Are The Champions"*
Lucius: That went nicely. *sits down on his throne* When the day is done, Snow White will be dead, and I will be the fairest in the land! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Me: *sigh*
*fade to black*
END SCENE I
ACT I, SCENE II: The Forest
*lights go up, revealing the same stage in the guise of a forest*
Draco: Oh, look, roses! Aren't they pretty? And petunias! *turns away*
Ron: Yeah, sure. *stealthily pulls out his knife*
Draco: I just loooooove flowers, don't you? They're so pretty, and they smell good, and *turns around, see Huntsman with knife* AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! What are you doing?
Ron: His Majesty ordered me to kill you, so that's what I'm doing.
Draco: But why?
Ron: He's jealous of you. Plus you're annoying. But it's mostly the first one.
Draco: *sings* But I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me!
Chorus: He is just a poor boy from a poor family! Spare him his life of this monstrosity!
Ron: OKAY!!!! Just stop singing, and I'll do anything you want!!!
Draco: Yay!
Ron: I'll need proof that you're dead, though… I'll just get the heart of an some animal, he won't know the difference. *exits*
Draco: Oh, I'm so afraid! What if some animal eats me? What if I get lost? What if none of the Motel 6s have cable?
Me: Cut, cut, cut!!!
Draco: What?
Me: That last part wasn't in the script!
Draco: So I improvised. They do it all the time on "Saturday Night Live".
Me: *seethes* This isn't "Saturday Night Live", you twit! It's my play!
Draco: Why can't Fleur be Snow White? Snow White's supposed to to be a girl anyway! This is humiliating!!!!
Me: It's supposed to be!! I wrote this to humiliate you, and you will LIKE IT!! UNDERSTAND?
Draco: Yes ma'am.
Me: All right then. Action!
Draco: Whatever shall I do? *bird lands on his shoulder* Will you help me? *bird nods* Oh, thank you! *bird leads him offstage*
*fade to black*
END SCENE II
Me: Okay, that's enough for today, folks! Tommorrow we'll do Scene Three and Four, then we're done with Act One!
Ron: Whew!
Me: Then we move on to Act Two!
Ron: There's more than one act?!
Me: *sigh*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related charecters belong to J.K. Rowling. "Snow White" belongs to several people, among them the Grimm Brothers and Walt Disney. SNL belongs to NBC. Bob and I belong to me.
*Mercury is directing a the play "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves", starring the wonderful people of Harry Potter. She has just posted the list of who got what part on the dressing-room door. The actors aren't too pleased.*
Cast Of Characters
"Prince" Snow White- Draco Malfoy
Evil "King"- Lucius Malfoy
Magic Mirror- Mercury Silverscale
Huntsman- Ron Weasley
Doc- Oliver Wood
Grumpy- Bob the Stick Figure
Happy- Colin Creevy
Sleepy- Seamus Finnegan
Sneezy- Hermione Granger
Bashful- Ginny Weasley
Dopey- Gregory Goyle
Princess- Fleur Delacour
King as an Old Man- Severus Snape
Chorus- Hogwarts Professors
*charecters are looking at the list and complaining*
Draco: Wait a second! Snow White's a girl!
Lucius: This is a disgrace to the Malfoy name!
Fleur: I am much too beautiful to be a mere preen-cess! Stupid Americans!
Ron: Huntsman! What's the point of being the huntsman if I don't get to kill Malfoy?
Snape: I am NOT old!!!
Wood: I do not stutter and I'm not a workaholic!
Bob: Are you trying to imply something here?
Colin: Yay! I'm Happy!
Draco: *mutters* No shit...
Seamus: Why am I Sleepy?
Hermione: Why am I Sneezy?!
Ginny: When have I ever been bashful?
Ron: Whenever Harry's around...
Me: SHUT UP! *everyone goes quiet* Thank you. *in drill sergeant voice* Now, I don't care if you don't like your part. I don't care if it disgraces your family name, or if Snow White is a girl. I don't care if you want to kill Malfoy, or if Americans are stupid. I'm the director/writer/producer, and you are the actors. Therefore, I outrank you, and if I tell you to jump off a bridge backwards while dancing the can-can, you will do it! Understand?!
All: Yes, ma'am...
Me: Good. Okay, first scene!!!
ACT I, SCENE I: The King's Palace, Throne Room
*the lights go up, revealing the stage made up to look like a throne room*
Lucius: *enters w/ Draco* ...then wash the windows and polish the picture frames over there.
Draco: *sweetly* Yes, stepfather. *Exits*
Lucuis: Ahhh. I feel so beautiful! I am the most beautiful person in the world. It makes me so happy!!! *stops* Alright, I don't want to do this! I sound too… feminine.
Me: That's the general idea.
Lucius: Someone could be taping this to blackmail me!
Me: Now what are the chances of that? (What Lucius doesn't know is that Bob is taping every second of this, with plans to sell the video on the black market.)
Lucius: ...
Me: My point exactly. Okay, action!
Lucius: Where was I... okay. *clears throat* It makes me so happy! *gasps* What if... what if someone is prettier than me?! I need to ask the mirror. I summon you, O great and powerful Magic Mirror! *A curtain next to the throne is pulled back, revealing me, The Magic Mirror*
Me: Yes, your Majesty? What would you like to hear? Ask me anything.
Lucuis: Magic mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?
Me: Certainly not you.
Lucius: *Shock and Awe* WHAT!?!?
Me: Hey, you asked.
Lucius: WHO!?!? WHO IS IT!?! I'LL-
Me: All right! It's Snow White, okay!? He's prettier than you are!!!
Lucius: What the f*ck! That stupid f*cking b**ch; I'm going to f*cking rip his f*cking head off!
Me: Okay, I got it! Jeez, watch the language. This isn't HBO.
Lucius: BRING ME THE HUNTSMAN, GODDAMMIT!!
Ron: *runs in* Yes, you Majesty?
Lucius: *regains composure* I have a job for you, Huntsman.
Ron: What is it, your Majesty?
Lucius: I want you to kill someone for me.
Ron: *gasps* I'm sorry your Majesty, but that goes against every one of my standards! It's a crime, it's morally wrong, and I don't-
Lucius: I want you to kill my stepson.
Ron: Oh! That's it? Well, why didn't you say so? When do you want him dead?
Lucius: As soon as possible.
Ron: What weapon?
Lucius: Whatever you have is fine. All you need to do is kill him, and bring back proof that he's dead… an appendage, or something.
Ron: It shall be done, your Majesty! *skips out, humming "We Are The Champions"*
Lucius: That went nicely. *sits down on his throne* When the day is done, Snow White will be dead, and I will be the fairest in the land! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Me: *sigh*
*fade to black*
END SCENE I
ACT I, SCENE II: The Forest
*lights go up, revealing the same stage in the guise of a forest*
Draco: Oh, look, roses! Aren't they pretty? And petunias! *turns away*
Ron: Yeah, sure. *stealthily pulls out his knife*
Draco: I just loooooove flowers, don't you? They're so pretty, and they smell good, and *turns around, see Huntsman with knife* AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! What are you doing?
Ron: His Majesty ordered me to kill you, so that's what I'm doing.
Draco: But why?
Ron: He's jealous of you. Plus you're annoying. But it's mostly the first one.
Draco: *sings* But I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me!
Chorus: He is just a poor boy from a poor family! Spare him his life of this monstrosity!
Ron: OKAY!!!! Just stop singing, and I'll do anything you want!!!
Draco: Yay!
Ron: I'll need proof that you're dead, though… I'll just get the heart of an some animal, he won't know the difference. *exits*
Draco: Oh, I'm so afraid! What if some animal eats me? What if I get lost? What if none of the Motel 6s have cable?
Me: Cut, cut, cut!!!
Draco: What?
Me: That last part wasn't in the script!
Draco: So I improvised. They do it all the time on "Saturday Night Live".
Me: *seethes* This isn't "Saturday Night Live", you twit! It's my play!
Draco: Why can't Fleur be Snow White? Snow White's supposed to to be a girl anyway! This is humiliating!!!!
Me: It's supposed to be!! I wrote this to humiliate you, and you will LIKE IT!! UNDERSTAND?
Draco: Yes ma'am.
Me: All right then. Action!
Draco: Whatever shall I do? *bird lands on his shoulder* Will you help me? *bird nods* Oh, thank you! *bird leads him offstage*
*fade to black*
END SCENE II
Me: Okay, that's enough for today, folks! Tommorrow we'll do Scene Three and Four, then we're done with Act One!
Ron: Whew!
Me: Then we move on to Act Two!
Ron: There's more than one act?!
Me: *sigh*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related charecters belong to J.K. Rowling. "Snow White" belongs to several people, among them the Grimm Brothers and Walt Disney. SNL belongs to NBC. Bob and I belong to me.