(the next day, down at the theater.)
Me: Okay, in case anyone forgot, we're doing scenes three and four today!
Draco: *to Ron* And then after that, we go on to Act Two!
Ron: Shut it, Malfoy! At least I don't have to play a girls' part!
Draco: Hey, I'm the PRINCE Snow White!
Me: Will both of you shut up?! *shakes head* Okay, is everyone in place? Good! Action!
ACT I, SCENE III: The Forest Where the Seven Dwarfs Live
*lights go up, revealing stage the same as it was the previous day*
*enter a little bird, followed by Draco*
Draco: Is this the place?
Bird: Tweet!
Draco: Well, is it?
Bird: Tweet!
Draco: Answer me, damn it! *proceeds to strangle the bird*
Me: CUT!! Draco, what are you doing?!
Draco: Trying to get an answer out of this stupid bird! I ask it a question and all it says is "Tweet!"
Me: It's a BIRD, you moron! It's SUPPOSED to say "tweet"!! You do not strangle it!! Capeche?
Draco: Yes, ma'am.
Me: Just pretend that it's saying "Yes", okay?
Draco: Okay.
Me: Good. ACTION!
Draco: Let's see... It is? Oh, thank you, little birdie! *turns around and sees cottage* Oh my goodness! Whoever lives here needs some help! *goes offstage into the cottage, screams, and runs back out* Look at all the cobwebs! There's dirt everywhere! I know! I'll clean up this place! They'll be really surprised when they get back! *goes back inside and starts sweeping*
~ONE HOUR LATER~
Voices from over the hill: Hi-ho! Hi-ho! It's home from work we go! *seven little people enter*
Oliver/Doc: Well, men-
Hermione: And women!
Oliver: -and women, you all did well today. Tonight, we will have a special dinner since you did so well.
Seamus: What? Soup that's actually warm?
Oliver: No. We'll have sausage! An outdoor barbeque! *everyone goes to a storage shed and takes out old barrels of food and drink*
Colin: Ooooh! Sausage! I love sausage!
Oliver: Everyone take some food! *They all take something and sit around the table outside the cottage*
Seamus: Doc, this sausage is all moldy.
Oliver: *a la Fagan in the musical "Oliver"* SHUT UP AND DRINK YOUR GIN!!!!!!!!!!
Seamus: Yes sir…
Oliver: Well, since no one appreciates this wonderful food, I guess we can all go inside. *They go offstage, Oliver in the lead*
Draco: *from offstage* Hello, there!
Dwarves: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Run back on stage*
Draco: *walks onstage* Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you. Will you please come out? *They come out* I'm Prince Snow White.
Colin: Snow White?! Ohmigod! It's Snow White! *jumps up and down*
Hermione: If you're Snow White, then what are you doing out here?
Draco: My stepfather ordered for me to be killed.
Seamus: Gee, I wonder why.
Colin: Be nice, Grumpy. Why did he?
Hermione: Isn't it obvious? The king was jealous of him, so he ordered him to be killed, so that he could be the most beautiful.
Me: Wait a second!!! Hermione!! Seamus!!
Hermione/Seamus: What?
Me: Which Dwarf are you supposed to be?
Seamus: Sleepy!
Me: That's not the point! You haven't fallen asleep at all during this entire fic! You're not playing the part! And Hermione! You're Sneezy, but you haven't sneezed once! You ARE Sneezy and Sleepy. ACT LIKE IT!
Hermione/Harry: Yes'm.
Me: Okay, ACTION!!
Draco: Please let me stay. I'll cook and clean and take care of the cottage.
Oliver: Hmmm... okay. You can stay.
Draco: Yay! But... I've introduced myself. I don't know your names, though.
Oliver: Okay, dwarfs, line up behind me! *They do* I'm Doc. I'm the head dwarf around here. All comments, complaints, and suggestions go to me.
Draco: Doc.
Ginny: *Quietly* I'm Bashful.
Draco: Happy to meet you, Bashful.
Bob: I'm Grumpy.
Draco: Hello, Gru-
Bob: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!
Draco: Okay, okay.
Hermione: I'm- I'm- Achoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oliver: Sneezy.
Hermione: Thank you.
Colin: I'm Happy!
Draco: Hello, Happy.
Seamus: I'm Sleepy. *He falls asleep*
Draco: Nice to meet you, S- Sleepy?
Oliver: He really needs to see someone about that narcolepsy.
Goyle: ???
Oliver: That's Dopey.
Draco: I see.
Goyle: *Grins and falls on his face*
Draco: Now what do you all want for supper?
All: PIE!
Hermione: 3.14!
Draco: Okay. Pie it is.
All: Yay!
*fade to black*
SCENE IV: The Palace
*Lucius sits on his throne, Huntsman enters*
Ron: I did as you asked, your Majesty.
Lucius: Wonderful! Where is the proof?
Ron: In here. *hands him a box*
Lucius: At last!! Snow White is dead! *does Victory Dance of Joy* All right. You may go.
Ron: Yes, your Majesty. *Exits*
Lucius: Ah, yes! Now, at last, I am the fairest in the land. *opens the box and takes out a misshapen green lump* Ahhh. The heart of Snow White. Let's see what the mirror thinks of all this. I summon you, oh great and powerful magic mirror!
Me: Yes, your Kinglyness?
Lucius: Do you see this, mirror? *hold up green lump*
Me: Yes it's-
Lucius: THE HEART OF SNOW WHITE!! AT LAST, HE IS DEAD!!! Magic Mirror, on wall, who is the fairest one of all?
Me: Umm, I hate to disappoint you, but it's still Snow White. He's living in a cottage in the woods with seven midget-men.
Lucius: WHAT???? But, the heart-
Me: Oh, that's a heart, all right- the heart of an artichoke.
Lucius: *gasps* But how..?!
Me: Think about it.
Lucius: *thinks, giving himself a massive headache in the process* The huntsman! He tricked me! I'll... I'll... argh!!!
Me: Yeah, you go do that.
Lucius: GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, YOU ****ING USELESS MIRROR!!!!!!!!
Me: Okay, okay. *exits*
Lucius: What am I going to do? I will not sleep or eat until I'm the most beautiful once again!!!!! Ah-ha!! *goes over to his wardrobe* I'll disguise myself as a traveling salesperson!! *goes behind a screen and comes out wearing an extremely frightening disguise- a long dress, a blonde wig, and a basket* I'll need a name. Lucy! That'll do it. Hahaha. By the time the day is over, Snow White will be- DEAD! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*prances off the stage*
*fade to black*
Me: Okay, tommorrow we begin Act Two!
END ACT I
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A/N: Okay, there's Scene Three and Four. Do you like it? ^_^ Please, no flames- only constructive criticism. Coming up next: Act II!!!!!
Me: Okay, in case anyone forgot, we're doing scenes three and four today!
Draco: *to Ron* And then after that, we go on to Act Two!
Ron: Shut it, Malfoy! At least I don't have to play a girls' part!
Draco: Hey, I'm the PRINCE Snow White!
Me: Will both of you shut up?! *shakes head* Okay, is everyone in place? Good! Action!
ACT I, SCENE III: The Forest Where the Seven Dwarfs Live
*lights go up, revealing stage the same as it was the previous day*
*enter a little bird, followed by Draco*
Draco: Is this the place?
Bird: Tweet!
Draco: Well, is it?
Bird: Tweet!
Draco: Answer me, damn it! *proceeds to strangle the bird*
Me: CUT!! Draco, what are you doing?!
Draco: Trying to get an answer out of this stupid bird! I ask it a question and all it says is "Tweet!"
Me: It's a BIRD, you moron! It's SUPPOSED to say "tweet"!! You do not strangle it!! Capeche?
Draco: Yes, ma'am.
Me: Just pretend that it's saying "Yes", okay?
Draco: Okay.
Me: Good. ACTION!
Draco: Let's see... It is? Oh, thank you, little birdie! *turns around and sees cottage* Oh my goodness! Whoever lives here needs some help! *goes offstage into the cottage, screams, and runs back out* Look at all the cobwebs! There's dirt everywhere! I know! I'll clean up this place! They'll be really surprised when they get back! *goes back inside and starts sweeping*
~ONE HOUR LATER~
Voices from over the hill: Hi-ho! Hi-ho! It's home from work we go! *seven little people enter*
Oliver/Doc: Well, men-
Hermione: And women!
Oliver: -and women, you all did well today. Tonight, we will have a special dinner since you did so well.
Seamus: What? Soup that's actually warm?
Oliver: No. We'll have sausage! An outdoor barbeque! *everyone goes to a storage shed and takes out old barrels of food and drink*
Colin: Ooooh! Sausage! I love sausage!
Oliver: Everyone take some food! *They all take something and sit around the table outside the cottage*
Seamus: Doc, this sausage is all moldy.
Oliver: *a la Fagan in the musical "Oliver"* SHUT UP AND DRINK YOUR GIN!!!!!!!!!!
Seamus: Yes sir…
Oliver: Well, since no one appreciates this wonderful food, I guess we can all go inside. *They go offstage, Oliver in the lead*
Draco: *from offstage* Hello, there!
Dwarves: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Run back on stage*
Draco: *walks onstage* Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you. Will you please come out? *They come out* I'm Prince Snow White.
Colin: Snow White?! Ohmigod! It's Snow White! *jumps up and down*
Hermione: If you're Snow White, then what are you doing out here?
Draco: My stepfather ordered for me to be killed.
Seamus: Gee, I wonder why.
Colin: Be nice, Grumpy. Why did he?
Hermione: Isn't it obvious? The king was jealous of him, so he ordered him to be killed, so that he could be the most beautiful.
Me: Wait a second!!! Hermione!! Seamus!!
Hermione/Seamus: What?
Me: Which Dwarf are you supposed to be?
Seamus: Sleepy!
Me: That's not the point! You haven't fallen asleep at all during this entire fic! You're not playing the part! And Hermione! You're Sneezy, but you haven't sneezed once! You ARE Sneezy and Sleepy. ACT LIKE IT!
Hermione/Harry: Yes'm.
Me: Okay, ACTION!!
Draco: Please let me stay. I'll cook and clean and take care of the cottage.
Oliver: Hmmm... okay. You can stay.
Draco: Yay! But... I've introduced myself. I don't know your names, though.
Oliver: Okay, dwarfs, line up behind me! *They do* I'm Doc. I'm the head dwarf around here. All comments, complaints, and suggestions go to me.
Draco: Doc.
Ginny: *Quietly* I'm Bashful.
Draco: Happy to meet you, Bashful.
Bob: I'm Grumpy.
Draco: Hello, Gru-
Bob: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!
Draco: Okay, okay.
Hermione: I'm- I'm- Achoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oliver: Sneezy.
Hermione: Thank you.
Colin: I'm Happy!
Draco: Hello, Happy.
Seamus: I'm Sleepy. *He falls asleep*
Draco: Nice to meet you, S- Sleepy?
Oliver: He really needs to see someone about that narcolepsy.
Goyle: ???
Oliver: That's Dopey.
Draco: I see.
Goyle: *Grins and falls on his face*
Draco: Now what do you all want for supper?
All: PIE!
Hermione: 3.14!
Draco: Okay. Pie it is.
All: Yay!
*fade to black*
SCENE IV: The Palace
*Lucius sits on his throne, Huntsman enters*
Ron: I did as you asked, your Majesty.
Lucius: Wonderful! Where is the proof?
Ron: In here. *hands him a box*
Lucius: At last!! Snow White is dead! *does Victory Dance of Joy* All right. You may go.
Ron: Yes, your Majesty. *Exits*
Lucius: Ah, yes! Now, at last, I am the fairest in the land. *opens the box and takes out a misshapen green lump* Ahhh. The heart of Snow White. Let's see what the mirror thinks of all this. I summon you, oh great and powerful magic mirror!
Me: Yes, your Kinglyness?
Lucius: Do you see this, mirror? *hold up green lump*
Me: Yes it's-
Lucius: THE HEART OF SNOW WHITE!! AT LAST, HE IS DEAD!!! Magic Mirror, on wall, who is the fairest one of all?
Me: Umm, I hate to disappoint you, but it's still Snow White. He's living in a cottage in the woods with seven midget-men.
Lucius: WHAT???? But, the heart-
Me: Oh, that's a heart, all right- the heart of an artichoke.
Lucius: *gasps* But how..?!
Me: Think about it.
Lucius: *thinks, giving himself a massive headache in the process* The huntsman! He tricked me! I'll... I'll... argh!!!
Me: Yeah, you go do that.
Lucius: GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, YOU ****ING USELESS MIRROR!!!!!!!!
Me: Okay, okay. *exits*
Lucius: What am I going to do? I will not sleep or eat until I'm the most beautiful once again!!!!! Ah-ha!! *goes over to his wardrobe* I'll disguise myself as a traveling salesperson!! *goes behind a screen and comes out wearing an extremely frightening disguise- a long dress, a blonde wig, and a basket* I'll need a name. Lucy! That'll do it. Hahaha. By the time the day is over, Snow White will be- DEAD! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*prances off the stage*
*fade to black*
Me: Okay, tommorrow we begin Act Two!
END ACT I
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
A/N: Okay, there's Scene Three and Four. Do you like it? ^_^ Please, no flames- only constructive criticism. Coming up next: Act II!!!!!