Me: Well, it's a beautiful day for rehearsal! Everyone get in place for… Scene Three!
All: *groan*
Me: And… ACTION!
ACT II, SCENE III: The Dwarf's Cottage
*lights go up*
Dwarfs: Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work we go! *dwarves line up*
Oliver: Snow White, do not let ANYONE into the house while we are gone. The king has tried to kill you twice now.
Colin: All because he's jealous of you.
Bob: It's almost like a warped compliment.
Draco: I won't let anyone in. I promise.
Oliver: Good. Have a nice day, Snow White!
Draco: Goodbye! *dwarves march off into the sunrise.* Well, I'd better start making their lunches.
Snape: *hobbling* Water... must... have... water... dying... of thirst... *looks up* Ha! There he is! I'll get him this time! *resumes hobbling* Will somone please give a thirsty old man a drink?
Draco: Oh! What if it's the king? *thinks* But what if it's not? What if he's just a poor old man who needs a drink! *thinks some more* But Doc said not to let anyone in! Even if he's not the king, he could be some sick old pervert come to molest my smokin' bod! *shudders* But if he's not and I don't let him have a drink and he dies it'll be my fault! That'll look bad on my resume. Hmmm… what would a Boy Scout do?
Snape: Excuse me, could you please get me a drink, young man?
Draco: Um, I'm not supposed to let anyone in.
Snape: Why not? I won't hurt you.
Draco: Hmm… are you the King in disguise?
Snape: Ummm… *crosses his fingers* No.
Draco: Are you going to rape me?
Snape: No.
Draco: Alright. *leaves to get the water*
Snape: What an idiot! I've got him right where I want him!
Draco: *enters w/ a glass of water* Here you go.
Snape: Thank you. *drinks* I must repay your kindness. Not many people would let a poor murderer- um, old man like me near their house.
Draco: Oh, no. You don't have to.
Snape: I don't have much, but I'll give you this. *Takes avocado out of his cloak*
Draco: An avocado!
Snape: Imported from California. Take it.
Draco: I shouldn't.
Snape: Oh come on. It' no as though I've poisoned it. Here, it's safe, see. *bites the safe side* Mmmm, this is a really good avocado. I'll leave it here in case you change your mind. Goodbye.
Draco: Goodbye. That guy was weird. *looks at the avocado* Well, he ate some of it, so it can't be poisoned. *eat it* Mmmmm... ack! *falls over dead.*
Snape: *tiptoes over to Draco* Let's see, he's not breathing... no pulse... no movement to speak of... yes. Defiantly dead.
Dwarfs: Hi-ho, hi-ho... HEY!!!!!!!!
Snape: Damn, it's the midget men. *gets up and runs*
Dwarfs: GET HIM!!!!!!!!!! *chase ensues*
Snape: Halt! Halt, I say! I'm royalty!
Oliver: Get him!!!
Colin: You big meanie!!
Hermione: Achoo!!!
Bob: Get back here you stupid f***er!!!!!
Oliver: Wait! Let him go!
Dwarves: What? Why?
Oliver: We need to see if Snow White is alright.
All: Ohhh... *walk over to where Draco is*
Oliver: *muttering* Let's see, he's not breathing... no pulse... no movement to speak of... *to dwarfs* He's dead.
All: *sniff* WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Colin: We need to find a nice... resting place for him.
All: *sniff*
*fade to black*
END SCENE III
*lights go up*
ACT II, SCENE IV: The Throne Room
Snape: *runs as fast as an old man can* Mirror! I have question!
Me: What happened to the "O great and powerful magic mirror" bit?
Snape: No time! Just tell me what I need to know!
Me: And what might that be?
Snape: You know what I want! Who is the most beautiful?
Me: Are you sure?
Snape: ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!!!!!!
Me: Prince Snow White.
Snape: *eyes get really, really big* You're joking.
Me: No, I'm not.
Snape: *turns several different colors* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: I knew he'd take this badly.
Snape: THIS IS TERRIBLE!!! I CAN NEVER SHOW MYSELF IN PUBLIC AGAIN!!!!!
Me: It's not that bad...
Snape: YES IT IS!!!!!!!!
Me: What are you going to do now?
Snape: I'll... fly out the window, to a place where no one knows me! I won't be shunned as much!!!!!!
Me: *dialing phone* Hello, is this the sanitarium? Yes, there's a man here at the palace that I'm concerned about... Yes, he's showing all the signs of insanity, I'd like you to come pick him up-
Snape: Wheeeeeeee!!!!! Do I get a jacket with extra long sleeves?
Me: And hurry.
Snape: We are the champions, no time for losers...
Me: My God, he's really lost it this time.
*fade to black*
END SCENE IV
Me: Well, you all did well. Especially you, Snape; the insanity bit was very convincing.
Seamus: He wasn't acting.
Snape: FINNEGAN!
Seamus: *runs away*
Snape: *runs after him, screaming and cursing*
Me: Oh dear.
All: *groan*
Me: And… ACTION!
ACT II, SCENE III: The Dwarf's Cottage
*lights go up*
Dwarfs: Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work we go! *dwarves line up*
Oliver: Snow White, do not let ANYONE into the house while we are gone. The king has tried to kill you twice now.
Colin: All because he's jealous of you.
Bob: It's almost like a warped compliment.
Draco: I won't let anyone in. I promise.
Oliver: Good. Have a nice day, Snow White!
Draco: Goodbye! *dwarves march off into the sunrise.* Well, I'd better start making their lunches.
Snape: *hobbling* Water... must... have... water... dying... of thirst... *looks up* Ha! There he is! I'll get him this time! *resumes hobbling* Will somone please give a thirsty old man a drink?
Draco: Oh! What if it's the king? *thinks* But what if it's not? What if he's just a poor old man who needs a drink! *thinks some more* But Doc said not to let anyone in! Even if he's not the king, he could be some sick old pervert come to molest my smokin' bod! *shudders* But if he's not and I don't let him have a drink and he dies it'll be my fault! That'll look bad on my resume. Hmmm… what would a Boy Scout do?
Snape: Excuse me, could you please get me a drink, young man?
Draco: Um, I'm not supposed to let anyone in.
Snape: Why not? I won't hurt you.
Draco: Hmm… are you the King in disguise?
Snape: Ummm… *crosses his fingers* No.
Draco: Are you going to rape me?
Snape: No.
Draco: Alright. *leaves to get the water*
Snape: What an idiot! I've got him right where I want him!
Draco: *enters w/ a glass of water* Here you go.
Snape: Thank you. *drinks* I must repay your kindness. Not many people would let a poor murderer- um, old man like me near their house.
Draco: Oh, no. You don't have to.
Snape: I don't have much, but I'll give you this. *Takes avocado out of his cloak*
Draco: An avocado!
Snape: Imported from California. Take it.
Draco: I shouldn't.
Snape: Oh come on. It' no as though I've poisoned it. Here, it's safe, see. *bites the safe side* Mmmm, this is a really good avocado. I'll leave it here in case you change your mind. Goodbye.
Draco: Goodbye. That guy was weird. *looks at the avocado* Well, he ate some of it, so it can't be poisoned. *eat it* Mmmmm... ack! *falls over dead.*
Snape: *tiptoes over to Draco* Let's see, he's not breathing... no pulse... no movement to speak of... yes. Defiantly dead.
Dwarfs: Hi-ho, hi-ho... HEY!!!!!!!!
Snape: Damn, it's the midget men. *gets up and runs*
Dwarfs: GET HIM!!!!!!!!!! *chase ensues*
Snape: Halt! Halt, I say! I'm royalty!
Oliver: Get him!!!
Colin: You big meanie!!
Hermione: Achoo!!!
Bob: Get back here you stupid f***er!!!!!
Oliver: Wait! Let him go!
Dwarves: What? Why?
Oliver: We need to see if Snow White is alright.
All: Ohhh... *walk over to where Draco is*
Oliver: *muttering* Let's see, he's not breathing... no pulse... no movement to speak of... *to dwarfs* He's dead.
All: *sniff* WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Colin: We need to find a nice... resting place for him.
All: *sniff*
*fade to black*
END SCENE III
*lights go up*
ACT II, SCENE IV: The Throne Room
Snape: *runs as fast as an old man can* Mirror! I have question!
Me: What happened to the "O great and powerful magic mirror" bit?
Snape: No time! Just tell me what I need to know!
Me: And what might that be?
Snape: You know what I want! Who is the most beautiful?
Me: Are you sure?
Snape: ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!!!!!!
Me: Prince Snow White.
Snape: *eyes get really, really big* You're joking.
Me: No, I'm not.
Snape: *turns several different colors* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: I knew he'd take this badly.
Snape: THIS IS TERRIBLE!!! I CAN NEVER SHOW MYSELF IN PUBLIC AGAIN!!!!!
Me: It's not that bad...
Snape: YES IT IS!!!!!!!!
Me: What are you going to do now?
Snape: I'll... fly out the window, to a place where no one knows me! I won't be shunned as much!!!!!!
Me: *dialing phone* Hello, is this the sanitarium? Yes, there's a man here at the palace that I'm concerned about... Yes, he's showing all the signs of insanity, I'd like you to come pick him up-
Snape: Wheeeeeeee!!!!! Do I get a jacket with extra long sleeves?
Me: And hurry.
Snape: We are the champions, no time for losers...
Me: My God, he's really lost it this time.
*fade to black*
END SCENE IV
Me: Well, you all did well. Especially you, Snape; the insanity bit was very convincing.
Seamus: He wasn't acting.
Snape: FINNEGAN!
Seamus: *runs away*
Snape: *runs after him, screaming and cursing*
Me: Oh dear.