(Classroom: all the students look bored. A few picking their nose. Nerdy
kid scribbling on chalkboard. Teacher at desk, occasionally nodding off
every five seconds.)
Tommy V.O. Yep, it was a regular old boring day at school. Nothing interesting was happening. But little did Merton and I know that this day would change our lives completely.*
(Class door opens to reveal a beautiful brunette slipping in to class. She walks over to the teacher's desk shyly passing a not to the teacher.)
Teacher: Ah.what? Huh? Oh. Class, it appears we have a new student arrival. Miss Diana Fille-
Dana: Actually, it's Dana.
Teacher: I say tomato, you say kiwi-
Dana: Actually, I believe the phrase is-
Teacher: For crying out loud lassie take a seat. You will be sitting in the open desk in front of.Mr. Dingle. Mr. Dingle please raise your hand.
(Merton is shown passed out on his desk, comic book in hand, with a slight dribble on his other hand.)
Teacher: Mr. Dingle.
(Light snore)
Teacher: MERTON! (Merton wakes up startled)
Merton: What planet?
Teacher: Mr. Dingle, I didn't ask you a question, I simply wanted you to raise your hand for Miss D-(sees Dana about to open her mouth to correct her) aaaana so she will be able to sit down, and so we all will be able to get on with our lives however pathetic they may be. Is that okay with you Mr. Dingle?
Merton: Sure Mrs. Starbinkle, but I have just one question.
Mrs. Starbinkle: And that would be?
Merton: If you don't want me to answer anything, then why do you want me to raise my hand?
Mrs. Starbinkle: (sighs) Why do I even try?
(Bell rings; everyone exits classroom)
Tommy: (consoles Merton) That's okay, she acts like that when I ask certain questions too.
(Merton gives Tommy a raised eyebrow, then shrugs it off)
Tommy: So.what do you think about the new hottie?
Merton: I don't know. I barely noticed her.
(Tommy raises eyebrow)
Merton: Okay! So I think she's a hot-tot foxy momma! The very epitome of all that is sweet and innocent (sighs) I'm in love with a Mary-Sue-me that I am a little obsessive. Heh, heh.
Tommy: A little? Bro, you got it bad. Besides, I'm having a huge case of foresight.
Merton: (turns head) Really? What about?
Tommy: I don't know. Like, you are about to meet somebody.
Merton: Oh really? Who?
Tommy: Her. (Pushes Merton into Dana)
Merton: What? Gah!!!
(Knocks over Dana as she yelps in shock.)
Merton: So sorry. Tommy?! Where are you? (Gets to feet. Tommy is no where in sight.) Just like him to push and run like that.oh here, let me help you. (Brings Dana to her feet)
Dana: Thanks. Umm.could you help me with my b-
Merton: Say no more. (bends down to get he books)
Dana: Thanks.
Merton: Again, sorry about the hit and crash there.
Dana: It's fine, really, actually, it's nice that I bumped into someone I know. Merton: Really? You know me? From where?
Dana: Actually.from last period. I heard the teacher call out your name.several times as a matter of fact.
(Both crack a smile, a little spark happens)
Dana: So.would it be totally forward for me to ask if you could, like, maybe, perhaps-
Merton: Walk you to class?
Dana: Actually, I was gonna say bum me a lighter. But I guess class is good too.
(Merton's a little stunned. Dana takes his arm.)
Merton: (clears throat as they walk off) So.where's your next class?
Dana: Hmm.what's yours?
Merton: Biology 101
Dana: That's cool. So is mine.
Merton: For real? Where's your schedule?
Dana: Don't have one. But Biology 101 sounds fun for today.
Merton: heh heh.
(Cut to later, lunchtime) Merton: (waves to Tommy) Tommy, Tommy! Over here!
Tommy: Hey dude, so, how was it?
Merton: Very good actually, after I got over the fact that she smokes, steals, and skips class, I discovered we have a lot in common.
Tommy: Oh really? Like what?
Merton: Well.for starters.we have two classes together.
Tommy: Not much huh?
Merton: Well, that and we both like chocolate (shrugs) Oh! Which reminds me, she's gonna sit with us here at lunch (Bright smile and happily rubs his hands together)
(Dana finishes paying for her lunch and turns to the lunch tables. Seeing Merton, she starts off in that direction, but then is halted by a group of popular girls)
Girl 1: Hi.I'm Sky-Anne, head cheerleader. We saw you walking around the school, and think you have very good potential.
Dana: (Looks annoyed) Potential for what?
Sky-Anne: To be popular silly!
Dana: Thanks.but I'll pass (tries to go around, but again, is stopped)
Sky-Anne: No.wait, you see no one turns down an offer like this. Dana: Well, you know what they say, there's always a first.
Sky-Anne: Not when it comes to being popular. Girls, scent appliances please.
(Girls pull out hair spray, perfume, etc. Dana looks baffled. All simultaneously spray bottles. Dana looks dizzy and passes out.)
Sky-Anne: Like I always say, who needs Pepper when you've got Tommy Girl? (All the girls laugh for ten seconds) All right! That's enough. It's time for the initiation.
(Next day, Merton and Tommy by their lockers. Merton looks upset.)
Merton: Tommy, I just can't believe she would-(sees Dana, grabs her by the shoulders) Dana! Hey, what happened yester- Did you dye your hair?
Dana: (Blonde) Painfully obvious isn't it Helen Keller?
Merton: Hey! What's up with the attitude? You weren't like this yesterday.
Dana: I wasn't a lot of things yesterday.
(Popular girls appear)
Sky-Anne: Dana, is this social-reject bothering you again?
Dana: What is it with these freaks? Next thing you know we'll have to put them in cages.
Sky-Anne: Already passed that need sweetie, already past it. Well, come along girls, we shan't be late for our beauty appointment. (Turns to leave)
Dana: And as I was saying, no need for us to ever communicate again weirdo.
Tommy: Hey wait a minute Dana-
Dana: Oh, and Tommy, you shouldn't be wasting your time with these pests. They really are below you.
Tommy: (Through clenched teeth, obviously trying to hold back his anger) My friends are no concern of yours.
Dana: Awe, strike a nerve? (Clicks tongue) You really should try and control your temper. By the way, see ya tonight at the Factory. (Walks off)
Merton: (Slams locker shut) Who the Hades does she think she is?
(Brief pause)
Tommy: Still hot though.
Both: (Stare at her butt and sigh) Yeah.
(In a dark corner, somewhere near, evil looking eyes peer outwards) Soon, soon you will be mine. Muwhahahaha (starts choking) cack cack.
TBC
Tommy V.O. Yep, it was a regular old boring day at school. Nothing interesting was happening. But little did Merton and I know that this day would change our lives completely.*
(Class door opens to reveal a beautiful brunette slipping in to class. She walks over to the teacher's desk shyly passing a not to the teacher.)
Teacher: Ah.what? Huh? Oh. Class, it appears we have a new student arrival. Miss Diana Fille-
Dana: Actually, it's Dana.
Teacher: I say tomato, you say kiwi-
Dana: Actually, I believe the phrase is-
Teacher: For crying out loud lassie take a seat. You will be sitting in the open desk in front of.Mr. Dingle. Mr. Dingle please raise your hand.
(Merton is shown passed out on his desk, comic book in hand, with a slight dribble on his other hand.)
Teacher: Mr. Dingle.
(Light snore)
Teacher: MERTON! (Merton wakes up startled)
Merton: What planet?
Teacher: Mr. Dingle, I didn't ask you a question, I simply wanted you to raise your hand for Miss D-(sees Dana about to open her mouth to correct her) aaaana so she will be able to sit down, and so we all will be able to get on with our lives however pathetic they may be. Is that okay with you Mr. Dingle?
Merton: Sure Mrs. Starbinkle, but I have just one question.
Mrs. Starbinkle: And that would be?
Merton: If you don't want me to answer anything, then why do you want me to raise my hand?
Mrs. Starbinkle: (sighs) Why do I even try?
(Bell rings; everyone exits classroom)
Tommy: (consoles Merton) That's okay, she acts like that when I ask certain questions too.
(Merton gives Tommy a raised eyebrow, then shrugs it off)
Tommy: So.what do you think about the new hottie?
Merton: I don't know. I barely noticed her.
(Tommy raises eyebrow)
Merton: Okay! So I think she's a hot-tot foxy momma! The very epitome of all that is sweet and innocent (sighs) I'm in love with a Mary-Sue-me that I am a little obsessive. Heh, heh.
Tommy: A little? Bro, you got it bad. Besides, I'm having a huge case of foresight.
Merton: (turns head) Really? What about?
Tommy: I don't know. Like, you are about to meet somebody.
Merton: Oh really? Who?
Tommy: Her. (Pushes Merton into Dana)
Merton: What? Gah!!!
(Knocks over Dana as she yelps in shock.)
Merton: So sorry. Tommy?! Where are you? (Gets to feet. Tommy is no where in sight.) Just like him to push and run like that.oh here, let me help you. (Brings Dana to her feet)
Dana: Thanks. Umm.could you help me with my b-
Merton: Say no more. (bends down to get he books)
Dana: Thanks.
Merton: Again, sorry about the hit and crash there.
Dana: It's fine, really, actually, it's nice that I bumped into someone I know. Merton: Really? You know me? From where?
Dana: Actually.from last period. I heard the teacher call out your name.several times as a matter of fact.
(Both crack a smile, a little spark happens)
Dana: So.would it be totally forward for me to ask if you could, like, maybe, perhaps-
Merton: Walk you to class?
Dana: Actually, I was gonna say bum me a lighter. But I guess class is good too.
(Merton's a little stunned. Dana takes his arm.)
Merton: (clears throat as they walk off) So.where's your next class?
Dana: Hmm.what's yours?
Merton: Biology 101
Dana: That's cool. So is mine.
Merton: For real? Where's your schedule?
Dana: Don't have one. But Biology 101 sounds fun for today.
Merton: heh heh.
(Cut to later, lunchtime) Merton: (waves to Tommy) Tommy, Tommy! Over here!
Tommy: Hey dude, so, how was it?
Merton: Very good actually, after I got over the fact that she smokes, steals, and skips class, I discovered we have a lot in common.
Tommy: Oh really? Like what?
Merton: Well.for starters.we have two classes together.
Tommy: Not much huh?
Merton: Well, that and we both like chocolate (shrugs) Oh! Which reminds me, she's gonna sit with us here at lunch (Bright smile and happily rubs his hands together)
(Dana finishes paying for her lunch and turns to the lunch tables. Seeing Merton, she starts off in that direction, but then is halted by a group of popular girls)
Girl 1: Hi.I'm Sky-Anne, head cheerleader. We saw you walking around the school, and think you have very good potential.
Dana: (Looks annoyed) Potential for what?
Sky-Anne: To be popular silly!
Dana: Thanks.but I'll pass (tries to go around, but again, is stopped)
Sky-Anne: No.wait, you see no one turns down an offer like this. Dana: Well, you know what they say, there's always a first.
Sky-Anne: Not when it comes to being popular. Girls, scent appliances please.
(Girls pull out hair spray, perfume, etc. Dana looks baffled. All simultaneously spray bottles. Dana looks dizzy and passes out.)
Sky-Anne: Like I always say, who needs Pepper when you've got Tommy Girl? (All the girls laugh for ten seconds) All right! That's enough. It's time for the initiation.
(Next day, Merton and Tommy by their lockers. Merton looks upset.)
Merton: Tommy, I just can't believe she would-(sees Dana, grabs her by the shoulders) Dana! Hey, what happened yester- Did you dye your hair?
Dana: (Blonde) Painfully obvious isn't it Helen Keller?
Merton: Hey! What's up with the attitude? You weren't like this yesterday.
Dana: I wasn't a lot of things yesterday.
(Popular girls appear)
Sky-Anne: Dana, is this social-reject bothering you again?
Dana: What is it with these freaks? Next thing you know we'll have to put them in cages.
Sky-Anne: Already passed that need sweetie, already past it. Well, come along girls, we shan't be late for our beauty appointment. (Turns to leave)
Dana: And as I was saying, no need for us to ever communicate again weirdo.
Tommy: Hey wait a minute Dana-
Dana: Oh, and Tommy, you shouldn't be wasting your time with these pests. They really are below you.
Tommy: (Through clenched teeth, obviously trying to hold back his anger) My friends are no concern of yours.
Dana: Awe, strike a nerve? (Clicks tongue) You really should try and control your temper. By the way, see ya tonight at the Factory. (Walks off)
Merton: (Slams locker shut) Who the Hades does she think she is?
(Brief pause)
Tommy: Still hot though.
Both: (Stare at her butt and sigh) Yeah.
(In a dark corner, somewhere near, evil looking eyes peer outwards) Soon, soon you will be mine. Muwhahahaha (starts choking) cack cack.
TBC