CHAPTER FOUR
I woke to the twittering of song birds. It was oddly a pretty way to wake up despite the fact I was lying in the dirt, in clothing that smelled like mildew. It was beginning to overpower the stench of sweat. I climbed out of the shelter in so much pain I had to clamp my jaws to keep from crying out. As I stood, I felt the scabs stretch, some tearing, oozing under the makeshift bandages.
It wasn't raining, and if I had to guess it was just a little past dawn. Connor was tending the fire. He looked up the hill at me but said nothing. I went to my bathroom tree then headed past Connor to the river. It might have parasites in it, but I was willing to risk it to wash my hands. Wiping yourself with leaves sucked. What did people use before toilet paper? No, I decided I'd rather not know.
Something smelled yummy, making my mouth water. I wondered what he had caught and killed this time. I hobbled up to Connor's side.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
"Very sore, but I can walk," I replied, managing to sit without falling. "What are you cooking?" I didn't see a spit this time, but there was a wad of leaves in the fire.
He poked the wad out of the flames with a thick stick then used it to peel away the leaves. Inside was a fat fish with the skin and head still on. That made me a little queasy, but I was hungry enough not to care.
"How did you get a fish?" I asked as he slipped his dagger into it.
Connor cut it in half, handing me part of it, happily head free. "The river."
I took the fish, cradled in the leaves. "I know that part. What I meant is you don't have any fish hooks."
He flexed his fingers at me as if that was an answer. The fish was good but I couldn't bring myself to eat the skin. Connor ate most everything. He went to the river afterwards and rinsed his hands. "No more rain so we have to drink from here," he said.
I had noticed the lack of rain. I cast a glance up and saw that the sky was perfectly clear, an endless stretch of blue. I drank from the river. Even though we were both filthy, neither of us took the time to bathe. We weren't as crusty with blood and demon drool like we had been yesterday.
"Ready?" He stretched, joints popping.
"No, but there's not much choice."
He didn't argue and we headed down river.
"Connor, I wanna say thank you."
He looked over at me sharply, his soft brown hair flipping into his eyes. He brushed it back irritatedly. "For what?"
"For taking care of me. I know you don't have to do what you're doing. They sent you after me and I know that wasn't your idea, but I also know you have no reason to help me. I'm just slowing you down, giving Wolfram and Hart a better chance at getting you again."
He shrugged. "It's the right thing to do."
"Maybe, but you saved me from those cat things." I smiled. "You even built me a little home."
"Built it for us," he corrected me. "Wolfram and Hart don't want to capture us any more."
"I sort of thought that too since these cats seem more interested in eating us than catching us." I shook my head, my hair whipping. "But that makes no sense. They need my blood."
Connor sucked at his lower lip, considering that. "We're not far from Wolfram and Hart's prison. Maybe the cats are just random guards and we're unlucky."
"I vote unlucky," I said and he grunted again.
His face went all broody as we walked on. Even though he looked nothing like his father, I recognized Angel's ability to mope. Connor fell silent again. It gave me time to concentrate on all the aches and pains in my body. Finally, I pleaded with him to talk to me. When will I learn to be careful of what I ask for? He asked me about Cordelia, sobering when I told him about her coma. When I asked had he and she really had a child, he told me the whole story. It left me scared, almost shaking as we hiked. He had loved her. I could hear it in his voice and she had hurt him terribly. I wasn't sure he even understood how he had been used since there was still love in his eyes for her. She had kicked him out of his own bed, told him it was a mistake and he had been so sheltered he didn't even seem to know that he shouldn't be telling me this. When the baby came, his memories got fuzzy and there was something he didn't seem to want to tell me. I didn't force it. I wasn't sure I wanted to know.
When he went quiet again, I let him stay that way. I'd lost track of how long we marched on when his head snapped up, stopping me.
"Hear that?"
"More monsters?" I wasn't ready for that. I hurt too much to run. I think going down river had damaged me worse than I thought. My knee felt like it was half unhinged and my head still throbbed. "No. Cars."
I couldn't be happier if he told me I'd won a million dollars. "Where?"
He canted away from the river, going faster now. I followed as best I could, pain momentarily forgotten. We got to the edge of the woods and I could see the road a few hundred yards off. We both broke into a jog. No cars were coming but I didn't care. Roads meant people. Suddenly, there was a crack like thunder and Connor went hurtling backwards. He rolled on the ground before regaining his feet.
"What was that?" I asked.
He shook his head. "I don't know."
He headed back towards me only to get tossed again. I went to him. Whatever barrier he was running into didn't bothering me. I squatted down next to him then my knee buckled and I landed in the loam. He looked at me, his eyes sad, his lips parted just a bit. They quivered.
"They told me I was leashed to this place." His eyes hardened into blue chips of ice, as he concentrated, as if trying to grab onto a slippery thought. "Leashed like a dog. They won't let me go."
"But Hitcoga removed all the spells around you." I felt a shudder race through me like yesterday's lightning. He had saved me. How could I leave him? "The spell must be on the land itself. It recognizes you. They must not have had time to add me to the spell."
"Didn't think you'd get this far," he said.
I frowned. He was right. Wolfram and Hart considered him dangerous, not me. "I wouldn't have without you. Stay right here. I'll be back in a few minutes." I said excitedly. I had an idea. I tried to jog out of the woods, but my knee had had enough. It felt like a balloon ready to pop out of my dirty jeans. By the time I got to the road, its deserted condition hadn't changed but just down the hill was a sign and a little further down a mile post. I stumbled down hill, read the mile maker then the sign telling me which state park Wolfram and Hart had somehow buried their complex in. I turned around and limped back to Connor.
"I know exactly what sign post we're next to," I said, proudly. Now if I only knew what state that sign was for. "I'm going to go for help. One phone call and I'll have Slayers here and a witch. Willow will get you out of this."
He made a lemony face. "Hate magic."
"You have reason to," I said, placatingly. All I needed was for him to be as stubborn as his darn dad. "And I'll get your dad." His face darkened at that. "I know you don't like Angel but we might need him. Do you think you can stay safe around here? They're all in Los Angeles. It might not be until tomorrow before we can rescue you since I'm not even sure what state we're in."
He smirked and for the first time, slightly resembled Angel. "No problem."
"Great, because I'll be able to find you here...how will you know when I get back?" I couldn't just expect him to hang out in this very spot. Something was likely to come for him.
He tapped his nose. "I'll know."
"You can smell me?" I stared. "Is that how you followed me through the wood?"
"Yeah."
"Ewwww." I shuddered, seeing one of the makeshift bandages on my arm flutter. I took off all the strips of Connor's shirt that were holding me together. I might end up at a police station or hospital. I didn't want anyone to know I had help. That would mess up the story I planned on telling. Some of the bandages stuck to the wounds and I teared up as I pulled them free, blood running anew.
"Be careful," he said, gathering up the discarded bandages. I didn't want to know what he was going to do with them.
"You, too."
I looked into his baby blues. He was trying hard not to look afraid but I could see it hiding in those almond-shaped orbs. I didn't know why I did it but I grabbed his face and kissed him, surprising him. He broke away, staring at me as he shoved the bandages in a pocket. Then he put his arms around me, kissing me back. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. Okay, my whole experience was with a vampire boy, Justin, but this was nothing like that. Connor made me want to forget about rescue. I ended the kiss this time and broke away from him before the hormones got the better of me.
"I'll be back as fast as I can," I promised and hobbled for the road. That wasn't all hormones. Maybe it was because of how he saved me, or because, like me, he was unique, without a real place in this world, but I was feeling something strong like I had never felt before. Too bad I didn't have time to worry about it.
I started going down the road, so relieved to have this bit of civilization under my feet, so afraid that Wolfram and Hart would still be looking for me that I started crying. I was still crying when a car slowed down for me.
Luck finally went my way. Not only was the driver armed with a cell phone, she was a doctor on her way back to Madison. I was in Wisconsin of all places. I wouldn't have even guessed I was so far from my family. She called the police then got her medical gear out of her trunk - she did home health and her trunk was a mini-doctor's office - and she fixed me up some. When the cops got there, I lied the best I could. I sent them looking miles away from where Connor was hiding out. I had to tell them I had been kidnapped in L.A. and I didn't know how I escaped from the creep's RV. I described my kidnapper, only vaguely aware that my description was actually that of my father. Well, just let them try to find him. No one else could.
They took me to a hospital and Dr. D'Mayo came with me. She was sweet, holding my hand as I waited in the E.R. and answered more questions. I kept telling them that he didn't rape me, that he was feeding me some kind of drugs, that I wasn't aware of how long I was in his control and that he didn't talk much. I figured keeping my story simple was the best since I was lying to the police and filing a false report. Finally, they decided they had enough information and the doctors decided I didn't have to stay at the hospital. They gave me pain killers, antibiotics, several stitches in my scalp and a knee brace. Dr. D'Mayo drove me to Madison and she gave me forty dollars and paid for a hotel room. I made sure I got her address so I could send her a thank you and so I could pay her back.
Finally safe, I called Buffy. I had wanted to call from the hospital but I knew her. She would have wanted to come to my rescue immediately and I would have had to wait at the hospital since there'd be no way of contacting her until she got to Wisconsin. I didn't even have a cell phone. Could you even call collect to one? I hadn't even been sure the police wouldn't have made me go with them once the hospital released me so I decided to wait to make that call. The police had called the number I gave them, Buffy's phone back in Cleveland at our base there. There was no answer but I didn't expect that there would be. Buffy wouldn't have gone back there, not without me. The cops were concerned that there was no missing person file on me in Los Angeles, but given my age it was easy to convince them that my sister probably thought I had just run away again.
I think we both cried all through the phone call. I told her about Connor and she already knew he existed. I guessed when Hitcoga destroyed the magic around Connor, everyone remembered him. However, no one from Sunnydale knew about him other than Willow. She hadn't said anything before because Buffy needed to concentrate on the First Evil. Giles got on the phone, asking me about Western Union. I found out the hotel office had a way of getting money wires and I called them back. Giles sent money because they wouldn't make it until late tonight at best. They didn't even know how they'd get here yet. I used some of the money to rent the room for an extra day just in case.
I just wanted to lie down and sleep until my rescuers made it here, but I found the strength to go shopping, which required me to find a bus to a strip mall. People looked at me funny, but who could blame them? I looked and smelled horrible, hence the shopping trip. I got the cheapest jeans K- Mart had to offer, a three-pack of underpants, a couple t-shirts and a cheesy night shirt. Tooth paste, tooth brush, hair brush and deodorant all made it into my cart, too. I got back to the hotel as fast as I could and into a hot shower. I scrubbed hard then dressed in my new clothes. I had forgotten to buy a bra but sadly I could get away without one. I dumpstered my old clothes then headed across the street to a Chinese restaurant to get take away sesame chicken, egg drop soup and fried wontons. I went back to my room, and ate ravenously, watching HBO.
It wasn't even six in the evening but I was exhausted. I changed into my night shirt and crawled under the covers. I curled up, thinking about poor Connor. I was stuffed with Chinese food, clean, warm and sleeping in a soft bed watching crap on TV. He was probably lying under tree branches munching on burnt rabbit if those cats hadn't killed him. Connor could take care of himself. I knew that. I could feel it, like there was some strange bond between us. Had Lilah known we'd jive so well or was it bizarre luck or was I just imagining it, white knight on a horse and all that? Well, more like filthy knight on sore feet, but close enough.
I went to sleep thinking of him out there and he percolated into my dreams. They were frightening, me and him naked in rivers of blood. The knock on the door that dragged me out of dreamland was a blessing.
"Dawn?" Buffy's voice sounded through the door.
I jumped out of bed, hit the light switch and threw open all the locks. Buffy was through the door, lifting me up in her strong arms before I even knew what was happening. The greetings were mostly a jumble of words and tears. It took several minutes for me to realize that almost everyone was here; Xander, Willow, Giles, Angel, Wes and Faith. I got passed along to all of them for hugs. Faith kicked the hotel door shut.
"I can't believe you're all here. It seems so unreal," I said then reached for Angel. "I told Connor you'd come. I wasn't sure how since I know you aren't into plane travel."
"Wolfram and Hart has a necrotempered plane for Angel but we didn't trust them, not after what you just told us so I did a big teleportation spell," Willow somehow bubbled, her pale face etched with exhaustion. "It kinda took it out of me."
"Yes, Willow ought to get some rest," Giles said and Angel's head snapped around, an irritated look on his face.
I glanced at the clock. It was after two in the morning. "You'll never get to him in time, Angel. The sun would be coming up by the time we even get there. He'll be okay."
His dark eyes were like coal. "Not with Wolfram and Hart after him."
"He did fine with me weighing him down," I said. "And he'll be recovered more now than he was, thanks to Hitcoga's spell. I think so, at any rate. He seemed to be connecting with me more as we went. He can build a shelter and catch his own food. He'll be okay for another day, probably more."
"We can go tomorrow in the day," Buffy said. "It might be better that way rather than bumbling around in the woods in the dark."
"Sounds like a plan," Faith said. "And you know that boy can handle himself, Angel."
"Not in the condition I last saw him in," Angel argued, not ready to give up.
"He fought just fine," I said. "They had him in a fighting ring but they fed him L.S.D. too, trying to keep him nuts. Hitcoga healed him, and he was fighting those cat creatures without any trouble. He saved my life."
"Do you know who this Hitcoga is, Dawn?" Wes asked.
I shook my head. "She came out of the roses and fog. She said these woods were hers."
"We can worry about that later." Buffy wrapped a protective arm around me. "Dawn needs to rest."
That got rid of half of them; Faith, Xander and Willow who went to their freshly reserved rooms. Giles, Angel and Wes insisted on hearing the whole story. Buffy sat with me on the bed, resigned to it. I told as much as I could until I got too tired to talk coherently. Buffy shooed everyone out and climbed into the second bed.
"Where's Angel going to sleep?" I asked, thinking in the trunk of the car or under the hotel bed, ewww.
"The shower stall. It's not ideal but with a do not disturb sign he should be okay," Buffy replied, curling up on her side, looking at me. "He's sharing with Xander who I guess will have to go to Giles and Wes' room if he has to pee."
"Xander'd probably rather pee on Angel," I mumbled.
Buffy snorted. "Don't give him any dangerous ideas."
"I've never been so glad to see you," I muttered.
"I know how you feel," Buffy said and started to tell me how scared she had been, but I faded away in the middle of it.
*
*
*
It was late in the morning before any of us woke up. I was still sore so I took the pain pill along with my antibiotics. Pulling on the knee brace was more painful than leaving the knee alone but I managed to get the piece of neoprene up and velcro'ed on. It was decided that Wes and Xander would stay behind with Angel to research and to contact Fred, Gunn, Robin and Lorne who had remained in L.A., trying to see if they could find out anything about the Wisconsin complex. I think there was some tension there, too, because of what Angel had done.
The look on Angel's face when we left hurt to even think on. It was killing him to be left behind. I gave him a hug before we left. I sat up front in the rental car and directed Giles to the spot. We decided it wasn't safe to just leave the car on the side of the road if a cop or a ranger came by. There was a small, kind of overgrown scenic area about a quarter mile up the hill so we parked there, armed ourselves with knives and walked. I didn't want to do any more hiking but I had to, no matter how sore I was. At least Faith and Buffy were the ones backpacking in the other weapons, just in case. Once we got to the mile marker, I stopped.
"What's wrong, Dawn?" Buffy asked. "I know you don't want to go in there."
"That's not it. Connor might get a little nervous if he sees everyone. He doesn't know you and he might think that Wolfram and Hart has captured me or something," I said.
"You're not going into the woods alone," Buffy said, sharply.
"I want Faith to come with me. He knows her," I replied.
Buffy's eyes went grim, her body tensing but she nodded. "We'll be waiting right here."
Faith and I headed into the woods. Her lips curled as the forest closed up behind us. "I hate the woods."
"I'm not thrilled either," I said.
"Did he give you any idea where he might be?" Faith asked.
"I told him to wait in this area, but who knows? Wolfram and Hart might have come after him," I said. "He said he'd know when I came back."
"How?"
"You don't wanna know," I replied.
"You know, kiddo, I'm impressed. You almost got away from him when Connor was hunting you down." Faith gave me a look of approval. "I've fought him. The boy has moves."
"I thought I killed him," I admitted. "I kept hitting him in the face with a log. I don't know how he recovered so fast and came after me."
"He heals like a Slayer," Faith said. "Look at this."
Faith pointed to a tree with a splintered base. There were dark spots on the bark that might have been blood.
"That's probably from those cats," I said. "Their tails do that."
Faith drew her knife. We walked on but saw no other signs of battles. Then I spotted branches up against rock. It just looked like shrubbery until I looked more closely.
"That's one of his shelters." I pointed it out. "Stay here."
I expected Faith to protest. Buffy never lets me do things on my own, not like this, but Faith just nodded. I went up to the shelter and peered in. Connor was curled up asleep, looking like a cat tucked into a ball.
"Connor," I called softly.
His head popped up, his teeth flashing like an angered dog. His hand grabbed the knife. I was so glad I didn't go with my first inclination and shake him awake. He might have gutted me before he knew who it was.
"It's okay, Connor. I've brought help just like I said." I tried to wave him down.
He ruffled his hair after sliding his knife away then stretched before crawling out of the shelter. There was a rusty-colored crusted gash on his left arm. Now that my heart was back safely in my chest, I noticed that his face was clean, not just of dirt but of that hideous beard. How could he possibly shave with a knife? I don't know but he managed it. He looked so young now and amazingly girlish.
"What got you?" I took a few steps back so he could get out.
"One of those cats." He glanced over and grinned, his blue eye brightening. "Faith."
She cocked a hip at him as she smiled. "Look at you, kid. You're even skinnier than the last time I saw you."
Connor ran a hand over his tattered shirt, trying in vain to improve his appearance. I wanted to slap him. He so did not need to be primping for Faith. Why was I suddenly so blinding jealous? Maybe because I knew Faith would sleep with anything and anyone. The real question was why did I care if Connor was in lust with Faith? I just didn't want him to get used and tossed aside, just like all Faith's other men including Principal Wood. He had gotten used a couple of times before Faith got bored. After Cordy already hurt Connor like that I didn't want him to go through it again. Oh, who am I kidding? I just didn't want Faith touching someone I was interested in and I wanted to dig Connor's eyes out for looking at her.
"They fixed you?" Connor's eyes finally jerked back over to me.
"Yeah, at the hospital. We should go so Willow and Giles can figure out how to get you free," I said and he made a face. "What? You don't like Willow?"
"Don't like magic," he reminded me, his face going all surly.
"Like it or we can leave you," Faith said lightly. She shouldn't joke about that.
He smirked. "You won't leave me."
"As if you'd let me," Faith shot back. "You're still burning to show me what you can do."
"You won't beat me this time," he said.
She laughed.
I lost my patience. "Connor, we need to..." I started.
"Be back," he said then jogged off.
Great, what now? I started to follow but Faith stopped me. "He doesn't need you there watching him shoot moss off a tree trunk," she said, grinning.
Realizing what I normally had to do after waking up, I blushed. Faith gave me an odd look and asked, "You okay, Dawn? You're getting Buffy-Face."
I glared. I didn't know which new Slayer coined that term, probably Kennedy, but it meant getting pissy. "One of these days she's gonna hear you say that," I said and Faith rolled her eyes. "And I'm just worried is all. We don't know how long it'll take them to get Connor free, if they even can." We hadn't talked about what would happen if Willow and Giles failed, as if to even think it would make it happen.
Connor came back quickly enough and we headed to where our friends waited. Connor stopped before I did. I guessed he knew exactly how far he could go, or maybe it was the sight of Buffy, Willow and Giles standing in the woods that made him hesitate.
I took his hand. "Connor, you know Willow. This is Giles and my sister, the one I told you about."
He bobbed his head, moving closer to me. I would never have guessed he could be shy.
"Hello, Connor," Giles said, studying him closely. I knew that look; that was the full-on 'Curious Watcher' look.
The expression on Buffy's face was much harder to read. She looked stunned, maybe even pained. I could understand that. I don't think she ever wanted kids, but she had wanted to be with Angel. I think part of her still did, which I was all for. I mean, if she had to have an undead guy, better Angel than a man who tried to rape her. It had to hurt Buffy that Angel had a kid with someone else. She touched Connor's shoulder like you would a precious antique.
"Thank you for saving my sister," she said, finally. "Tried to hurt her first," he replied, surprisingly honest.
"I know. She told me."
Connor eyed Buffy. "You're a Slayer, too? Are you as good as Faith?"
Buffy smirked. "I'm better."
"You wish," Faith shot back.
"I'd like to see it," Connor said, smiling at Buffy. Was he flirting with my sister? Xander was right. He, Willow and Buffy had sat me down for the 'big talk' before I went to high school. Xander had told me repeatedly that all teenaged boys thought about was sex and they'd hit on anyone. I wasn't even sure Connor knew he was doing it. I was ready to slap him.
"If I may interrupt all the...uh, posturing, Connor, Willow and I need to do a few simple tests to see if we can determine what Wolfram and Hart has done to bind you here," Giles said.
"What do I have to do?" Connor gazed at Giles, seeming tense. He changed radically from how he was acting with us girls.
"I know you don't like magic, Connor." Willow approached him, slinging off her backpack. "What we need to do is use a spell to probe you. It won't hurt. All you have to do is sit back and relax." Willow gestured at us. "We can all sit down. We'll be here a while."
"Um, one of those cat things was near by. Faith and I saw its marks on a tree and it cut Connor," I said, not sure I could relax.
"It's dead." Connor sat on some mossy ground.
"B and I will keep an eye out so Willow and Giles can do their thing," Faith said.
"They're Splinter cats. They're indigenous," Giles said. "Or at least Wes and I think so based on Dawn's description. It's hard to say if they are here by coincidence, sent after Dawn and Connor, or just placed here as guards."
"Told you we shouldn't have let those boys share a room," Faith said and Giles rolled his eyes, turning back to Connor.
I sat next to Connor. Buffy raised an eyebrow at that, but she said nothing. Giles and Willow did the chanty thing then went off to where Connor indicated the boundary was. He told us how he had tested it for miles in either direction after I had left him.
Connor leaned close, his eyes still on my sister and Faith. What did he find so fascinating? He whispered to me, "Who is the better fighter?" So, that was it; the power thing. I couldn't compete if that's what turned him on. Me being the Key was power all right but not the physical kind. "Buffy, but I have to say that. She's my sister." I grinned. "They're pretty incredible. I'm not sure Buffy knows what to say to you, if you think maybe she's being rude by ignoring you more or less. She and Angel have a history. She's still got feelings for him." I wasn't sure why I was babbling, desperate to have him pay attention to me. How uncool, Dawn. Connor made a face so I went one step further. "So does Faith but that's probably more lust than love."
His lips curled and he gave the Slayers a look of disgust. Crush two objects of flirtation with one blow, way to go girl. I shouldn't feel good about that but I did. I couldn't even say why I wanted his attention but I did.
Giles came back over and started asked questions that I'm not sure Connor even understood, all sorts of weird, arcane stuff mixed in with personal questions. I tried not to hear, thinking maybe Connor wouldn't like it. I got up stiffly, putting some distance between us, but I kept my eyes on Connor, studying him now that I was rested and more or less unafraid.
Connor looked so unscary that I wondered how I had ever been afraid of the little guy. The fight ring flashed in my mind; being tackled into the roses served to remind me. He only looked like a harmless kid. He was deadly, I told myself, trying to decipher the attraction that I knew went beyond hormonal overdose. This was silly. I didn't believe in love at first sight and I wasn't sure it was love or anything like it, but there was a compulsion that I needed to puzzle out.
Tall, dark and handsome he wasn't. He wasn't an uggo by any means but he was no one's standard of handsome. He was way too skinny for one thing. The bend of his long nose made his face intriguing, though. He had the weirdest smile, kinda creepy but captivating. Those lips were red and big. I remembered how they felt when we kissed; good, commanding. I wanted to try it again when our mouths weren't like the inside of a sewer. I was glad he shaved. Beards, even ones as scraggly as his had been, weren't my thing. I think it was his eyes I liked the most; the shape of them, their expressiveness, the deepness of their slate blue. They were definitely his best feature.
Still, put him in my former high school and he'd be another Xander, not cute, cool or rich enough to be in the popular clique. I doubted Connor would have cared had he been a normal kid. Neither did I, really. I wasn't exactly Ms. Popular either but that was okay. From what I could tell, those girls weren't particularly interesting, merely pretty.
Then something popped into my mind, something I had totally forgotten. "Buffy, we forgot the breakfast we brought. I'll go get it."
"Sit and give your knee a break. I'll go," my sister replied and headed back for our car.
I settled back down next to Connor.
"I had breakfast," he said. "Don't tell me about it," I said quickly. "It was probably cute and furry and I don't want to know."
He shrugged then whispered, "You smell nice."
So he noticed my efforts to clean up. Good. Of course, now that I was surrounded by washed people, Connor's griminess was far more noticeable as was his smell. "Thanks."
Connor licked his lips, his eyes darting around like he was looking for something. "Dad came, too, didn't he?"
I nodded. "I should have said so right away. Sorry. He's with Wes and my friend, Xander. They're doing some other research, trying to figure out what Wolfram and Hart's up to."
"I knew he'd come," Connor muttered and I couldn't tell if he was happy or not.
"He loves you too much not to," I said. "He wanted to come last night but there weren't enough hours left in the night."
Connor nodded. "He tries to love me."
"You make it sound like you don't believe he does," I said, not liking the creeping darkness I heard in his tone.
His face went so sad that I nearly cried for him. "I'm not sure a creature like him or one like me can love right. Demons aren't made to love."
"You're wrong," I said. Was he a demon? I hadn't even thought about that. What is it with Summer Girls that we keep going for the not-quite-human?
"I'm with her," Faith said. I hadn't even realized she was listening in; she had looked so bored. "Angel cares. If he didn't, he would have let me go straight to the hell I was heading for. Your dad saved me, turned me around."
Connor looked over at her then stretched out on the ground. "You asked me once if I was a murderer 'cause you were."
"That's right. Your dad dragged me back from that darkness." Faith sat down, leaning back against a tree. "And that's how I knew you didn't have the balls to take me in a fight. You're not a murderer."
Connor snorted, rolling so he could look at her more easily. "You only assumed that. I never said I wasn't."
That got our attention. Even Willow and Giles looked up from the books they had backpacked in. "You killed someone?" I asked, feeling a deep hole opening in my heart. I didn't want to know this. His eyes went vacant. I didn't like that. I could almost see his sanity bleeding away.
"I'm the Destroyer," he said, neither confirming our fear nor alleviating it.
A rock scuffled along the ground, startling us. Buffy was coming back with two bags. She paused, staring at us all. "Did I miss something?"
"That's what we're trying to figure out," Faith said, tossing a pinecone Connor's way. "Kid?"
"Told you before. I have a name." Connor sat back up, still grouchy.
"Yeah, you were snotty about it then, too."
"I was snotty because you weren't listening to me," Connor said, getting an angry look that reminded me of when he was in that enclosure. Maybe Hitcoga hadn't fixed all his mental problems.
"That's because you were planning to kill Angel," Faith said, stiffening.
"Angelus and he told me to!"
Buffy stopped in her tracks, standing over Connor. "He what?"
"He said if anything went wrong and Angelus got out I had to kill him. He made me promise," Connor said. "It's the only thing he's ever said to me that ever made any sense."
Buffy just dropped the food bag in his lap and stalked over to Giles and Willow, taking bottled waters out of the other bag.
"Why am I having trouble with Angel doing that?" Faith asked.
"Ask him." Connor opened the bag and pulled out the twinkie first. "Thank you, Buffy."
"He really wanted you to kill him?" Buffy persisted, stalking back our way.
"He knew what Angelus could do...guess he didn't want that to happen." Connor shrugged and all but inhaled his twinkie. "He knew I could kill him if I had to."
Faith snorted. "You couldn't even beat me."
"It takes a lot to beat Angelus," Buffy said, eyeing Connor. "I'm with Faith."
"Whatever." He shrugged again, finding the convenience store sub sandwich we had gotten him. He ripped through the plastic. "I beat him once. I could do it again." "You beat Angel?" I asked. He hadn't told me about this and I was actually sort of grateful. I didn't like this conversation.
"Sure you did, kid." Faith rolled her eyes at him.
Connor glared at her, chewing. He swallowed and said, "I did. He had to be punished for what he did to Father."
Buffy's eyebrows came together. "Angel is your father."
"He means the man who raised him in that hell dimension," I said in case Angel hadn't told Buffy the whole story. I couldn't tell if that had been a question or a reminder on her part.
"Angel killed him. Oh, he says Justine did it but she's not around to tell me her side. And if it happened that way, it means Father thought I was a tool for his revenge and nothing more." Connor shook all over. I put a hand on his arm, feeling his muscles quivering. "That can't be true. I know Father loved me. So I punished Angel."
Buffy squatted down in front of Connor. Her voice was cool, even and scary. "What did you do to Angel?"
Connor met her eyes, unafraid, almost proud. "I welded him in a coffin and I sank him in the ocean."
Buffy rocked back and I was too stunned to even move. "I would have known if you did any such thing," Buffy said.
"Buffy," Giles interrupted softly. "Wes told me about this on the way here. Both Angel and Cordelia were gone. Gunn and Fred didn't think to contact you. They assumed you were out of Angel's life."
"You tried to kill him?" Buffy asked and I thought she was going to snap Connor's neck.
His smile was so frigid, I wanted to get up and bolt. "If I wanted him dead, he'd be dust."
"That's cold," Faith said.
"He deserved it for what he did to Father."
"The way I understand it, that man kidnapped you. Why in the world would you give him your loyalty over Angel?" Buffy asked.
"It was God's will that Father raise me," Connor said, taking another bite of his sandwich as if we were talking about the weather or sports scores instead of his attempts at murdering his dad.
"You start quoting Scripture and I'll slap you," Faith said.
"Faith, Buffy," Giles waved them over. Buffy dragged me to my feet, not caring that my knee twinged and protested. We went over to the boundary where he was working with Willow. "Angel told me Connor has a very idealized view of Holtz and very much believes that it was the will of God, the way things turned out. Given his precarious mental state, it doesn't do to challenge the very foundation of his beliefs."
"It was the will of God," Connor called out, startling us.
"Vampire hearing," I said. "Forgot to warn you."
"And don't talk about me like I'm not here," he added.
"Sorry," Giles said, then changed the subject, "Wolfram and Hart is quite serious about keeping you here. This is going to take us longer than anticipated."
"No kidding," Willow said.
"How long did they have me?" Connor asked.
"I should have asked that myself," I said.
"You've been gone six weeks, Dawn," Buffy said and I felt suddenly weak. I had no idea so much time had passed.
"Angel said it's been over a year for you, Connor," Willow said.
All the anger and bravado drained out of him. He looked limp and so very small. "That long. I don't remember...I don't know what they did to me."
I went to go to him. I could see that pain and despite what he had just told us, I wanted to comfort him. Buffy grabbed my arm, pulling me close. She hissed in my ear, "Leave him alone."
"No," I said and her eyes widened. "We can argue about it later."
I pulled free but only because she let me. I sat with him. "Connor, it's probably best that you don't. For all I know, they had you living in that cave thing in the fighting arena the whole time they had you prisoner. They gave you terrible drugs to make you see things and keep you insane."
"One of them was nice to me," he said, his eyes suddenly bright with tears.
"Lilah...no, Connor, she wasn't," I said and his eyes drilled me.
"Not Lilah. Lilah's dead. Angelus killed her." "It was Lilah, Connor. You just had so much acid in you, you couldn't tell. And I guess she is dead since her head is detachable," I said, shuddering. He echoed that body movement.
"She was behind it all. She lied to Angel. She took you from him and she was the one making you sick. She only wanted you to think she was your friend so you'd do what she wanted. She called you her dog," I said harshly. I didn't want him having any fuzzy feelings about Lilah just in case Wolfram and Hart came after us before we could get him free. His lips trembled, the tears trickling down his face. I had only seen men cry a few times. The night Buffy died and the night after Sunnydale was swallowed whole. Xander cried for days after Anya's death became real to him. I put my arms around Connor, pulling him close. He put his dirty face against my shoulder, weeping. "It'll be okay," I promised. "Giles and Willow are the best. They'll get you out of here and you won't have to worry about her any more."
"That's...a big 'tude change," Faith said uneasily.
"From what Angel described, at the end when he made his decision to try and put Connor with a family, I'd say Connor had a complete nervous breakdown. It takes time to completely recover from that, even with magical help," Giles said. He didn't add that sometimes you don't recover from that. We feared that when Willow went nuts.
"I should have...why didn't I know it was her? I think I know things but I can't be sure," he sobbed. "I think they were real but maybe they weren't."
"Like what, kid?" Faith asked, taking a few steps closer to us then hesitated.
Connor sat away from me, wiping his face. "I remember Dad trying to kill Cordy's baby...or so she said. Stuff she'd say made perfect sense when I was with her...but when I left her it didn't make any sense." He looked over at Faith. "She was jealous of you and me...but there was nothing. I just sat with you a little while...when you were dying from that drug."
Faith's face softened. "You did?"
He nodded. "I remember Cordy wanting me to do something I really didn't want to do to help the baby be born. It was bad but I don't know what it was now...but I know Mother was there. So, maybe I am crazy 'cause she died to get away from me."
"Who told you that?" I asked. What a horrible thought, that your own mother would rather die than be with you.
"Dad."
"That doesn't sound like Angel," Buffy said.
"Not him, the real him," Connor said.
"Angelus is not your dad." Faith said what we were all thinking.
Connor ignored her. "After Jasmine was born...it all goes dark and scary and the more I try to remember the less I do...the more afraid I get."
"For now, you might want to leave those memories be," Giles said softly and Connor looked at him. "The trauma you went through, that can take away memories, sometimes for good. That's your mind's way of protecting itself. Let it."
Connor's face twisted like he was wrestling with that. He flopped back down on the pine needles and dirt. "Not remembering might be good," he decided. "I understand why Wolfram and Hart took me. They've always wanted to get a hold of me even before I was born. Fred told me that, so I don't understand why Angel trusted them to help me like Dawn said he was trying to do."
"Well, after we're done asking him about the thing with Angelus and you killing him, we'll ask him that, too," Faith said.
Connor sat up long enough to strip off his shirt and wad it up under his head. Buffy's eyes trailed over his body then glanced at me. I could see what she was thinking, 'should his stomach cave in like that?' and 'is it right I can count all his ribs?' but she has no room to be asking, either.
"What I don't get is why they took Dawn," he said.
"Remember what I told you about being a portal key?" I asked and Buffy's eyes got too big for her face. I could almost hear her screaming my name in reprimand. "That's why Wolfram and Hart want me. They have some portal they think my blood will open. I don't even have to die to do it, or so Lilah said."
"That's not gonna happen," Buffy growled.
"There's more, Buffy. I was...kinda scared to say."
Buffy came over and sat with me. She stroked my hair. "What did they do to you, Dawnie?"
"I don't know they did anything." I shifted uncomfortably. "But they had plans for me. They were feeding me hormones."
"Why?" Buffy stiffened up.
"They knew what I am. They know what Connor is and what his and Cordy's daughter was. They wanted me to have Connor's child."
"What?" That question came in a horrified chorus of voices.
Connor stared at me, mouth open. His head jerked away, his gaze falling to the ground then he flung himself to his feet. He paced like a caged animal. Giles and Willow gave up on their books and came over to me, pity in their eyes.
"I'm sorry, Connor." There was no way I could easily get up and try to calm him down. My knee hurt too much. "I probably should have told you first but I'm kinda wigged out by the whole thing."
Connor slammed a fist into a sapling. He killed the poor thing. Faith caught hold of his arm.
"Speaking of wigging out, let's not," she told him, making him sit back beside me.
"Dawn, what did he do to you?" Buffy put her arms around me, glaring at Connor like he had been the one to come up with the idea.
"Nothing," I wriggled out of her arms. "It wasn't going to be like that. It was going to be all artificial but it didn't happen...I don't think."
"You don't know?" Willow asked, horrified.
"I was drugged for six weeks. I only remember about four days of it," I snapped. "They had no intention of letting me be awake for it but I don't think it happened. Connor, did they have you...uh you know?" My face burned hot.
He gave me a weird, confused look. "What?"
"Jack off," Faith supplied for me. For once I was grateful for her crudeness.
Connor just shook his head. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You know, choke the chicken, pull your wank?" Faith added hand motions that seemed to shock him.
"She means self-abuse," Giles supplied.
"Abuse?" Faith asked that like it was the silliest thing she had ever heard.
Connor's jaw dropped. "That's a sin."
Faith lightly hit him. "I told you, you'd get it if you started quoting Scripture."
"That wasn't Scripture," he protested. "And I don't do that."
"Really?" Faith seemed amused. "What century are you from?"
"One over two centuries past," Giles said with a subtle smile. "Doesn't change anything. It's a sin," Connor said like he really believed it.
"Actually is has changed. We know that it's a good, healthy thing," Giles replied.
"I didn't do it," Connor said then muttered, "Genesis 38."
Faith hit him again, a little harder this time. "That was definitely a Scripture. You are as stubborn as your old man. So, you don't wank. Did they do it for you?"
"No." Connor curled up, knees to his chest. "I don't want to talk about this."
"Well, it's not like Dawn can't deal with it if it did happen," Faith said as Giles led Willow back to their work.
"What do you mean?" Connor's voice was knife-sharp.
I put a hand on his knee. "Nothing. It'll be okay. The first time Lilah brought me to see you, she told me I wasn't ready yet for the procedure. They didn't drug me into unconsciousness after that." I got up and went over to Giles and Willow. Buffy followed me.
"You're lying," she whispered.
I shifted through Willow's back pack and came up with a tablet and pen. I wrote, I don't honestly know but Giles is right. Connor was raised by someone from a long time ago. If he thinks masturbation is a sin, what do you think he'll do if we mention abortion? If I'm pregnant, I don't want him to ever know. Let him think it didn't happen.
Buffy crumbled the paper up and nodded. She gave me a quick hug, whispering that she'd let Faith and the others see this just so no one would make a mistake.
"How's it going, Giles?" I asked. "I'm getting kinda nervous. Those cats don't mind daylight."
"I'm afraid this will take us a good deal of time. The best you can do is just try and relax."
"Easier said than done."
I went back and sat with Connor who was curled up, head pillowed on his filthy shirt. Buffy came with and Faith joined us. I made Buffy tell me what had been going on for the last six weeks beyond my kidnapping, which obviously nothing had been. I was the only thing on her mind, which was kinda comforting. Connor spent time debating with Faith about whether or not he let her best him. His excuse was that according to Cordelia he did it because he liked Faith cracking the whip on him. It amused Faith to no end. I thought they were going to start sparring just to pass the time.
Eventually, Faith hiked back to the car to get the lunches we brought just in case. Connor ate the snack first again. Giles offered Connor his dessert, probably thinking what I was; Connor needed a little meat on his bones. As time dragged on, Connor napped under the trees.
"He's extremely malnourished," Giles said, not looking up from whatever herbs he was grinding. "It's taking a toll if he can sleep through this."
"Maybe but he's always looked like that," Faith said.
Giles shoved his glasses up. "Really? So, he's a greyhound then?"
"Yeah. I don't know what he inherited from Angel but it sure as hell wasn't his build."
"His sneer," Willow piped up. "He got that. He so androgynous, though. I didn't expect that when Fred told me about Connor."
"You've called me that before. What's it mean?" Connor rolled over, cracking open one eye.
"You're supposed to be asleep." Willow pouted at him.
"How can I sleep through all the talking?" he asked. "What's it mean?"
"It means you're so girlie we don't know if you're a girl or boy," Faith said, patting his cheek. "Baby face."
Connor swatted at her. "I don't look like a girl."
"Sure you don't." Faith grinned. "Okay, you're a flat girl but in this company that doesn't make you anything special."
"Hey!" Me, Buffy and Willow cried.
Faith bobbled her boobs. "Jealous."
Connor watched them bounce and I pinched his side. He gave me a wounded look. "I don't look like a girl. Tell them, Dawn."
"She's seeing what we're seeing," Faith said.
"I meant the time at the river," he said.
"Connor!" I could only imagine how red my face was. "Shut up."
"River?" Faith's eyes danced. "Did you go skinny dipping, Connor?"
"He was washing demon gook off himself," I said, willing his lips sealed.
"So, he is a boy under those hideous pants?" Faith's grin was absolutely predatory.
"I wasn't looking," I said, keenly aware of Buffy's eyes on me.
"Yes, you were," Connor said.
With an embarrassed yip, I buried my face against my knees, my hair flowing down like a curtain.
"You naughty girl," Faith said. "Did you join him?"
"Faith!" Buffy snapped, then tapped my shoulder. "Did you?"
"What's the big deal? We were just washing." Connor looked honestly confused as to why Faith was amused, I was embarrassed and Buffy was miffed.
"We don't do that in front of each other here," Buffy replied.
"You're as bad as Fred about that," Connor said, wrinkling his nose.
"You can go back to sleep now," I told him, glaring daggers.
"Any progress, Giles?" Buffy asked.
"Yes, we actually freed Connor hours ago, but we thought it would be more fun to sit in the woods like bait all day," he shot back irritatedly. Guess he was tired of hearing that every ten minutes.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I'm hiking out to the road to call Xander and let him know what's going on."
At some point, I remembered it getting very quiet and almost spooky, just the wind in the trees. The next thing I knew Buffy was calling my name. I opened my eyes, trying to figure out what was warm and soft under my head then realized I had fallen asleep with my head on Connor's belly, our bodies like a T on the loam. I sat up quickly, rubbing my eyes.
"What?"
"I doubt Connor wants a lake of drool filling his belly button," she replied and I shot him an embarrassed look. His eyes were shut but I didn't think he was sleeping. "It's getting dark," I said.
"We know," Faith said. She had a pile of freshly whittled stakes at her side.
"Maybe I should start another fire for dinner," Connor said.
"Xander's bringing something," Buffy said.
"I'm not getting out of here, am I?" Connor asked.
"You will," Willow assured him. "Just maybe not as fast as we'd like it."
Something crashed in the woods and we all tensed. Faith threw stakes to Buffy and Connor. Then we heard cursing.
"Xander," Buffy and I said together.
"Where are you guys?" he called. "We kinda lost Angel."
"That way," Wes said. "Just like I told you. You have no sense of direction."
"I feel a little like Hansel here, okay?" Xander replied. "And someone just couldn't stay in the trunk until sundown making us go the long way through the bushes."
"You two make enough noise." Angel's voice made Connor tense up. "And I told you to follow me. I could sniff out where to go."
Angel ghosted out of the woods first, clinging very carefully to the shadows. Xander and Wes had a big cooler between them.
"Where the heck did you park? We pulled off the road by the mile marker but there was no you," Xander said.
Before we could say anything, Connor exploded off the ground and hit Angel like an enraged bull. We were all stunned as he knocked Angel off his feet with one punch. Connor was on top of his father, screaming, his fists going so fast they were a blur. The only word I could pick out was, 'bastard.' They grappled and rolled on the ground, Angel smoking as Connor forced him in and out of patches of fading sunlight. It took Faith and Buffy to pull him off. Connor strained against them, his wiry muscles bunching as he shrieked.
Angel got to his feet, dusting himself off. "Let him go," he said in a tone that made the Slayers obey without question.
Connor stood there, not attacking like we all thought he would. He shook so hard I thought he might come apart. The tears were immediate, like a river. "You let me go again. You let them get me. Again." That last word came out like a curse and Angel recoiled like it was holy water.
"I'm so sorry, Connor. I didn't know. They tricked me."
This time Connor did hit him. "You never loved me enough to keep me."
Angel caught his arm and whirled him around. Angel's strong arms closed over Connor's, pulling him against Angel's chest. Angel dropped his face into Connor's hair. I could barely hear him whispering apologies to his son. Connor struggled and squirmed, but he couldn't break Angel's grip. Finally, his knees just went out and he went to the ground. Angel moved with him, pulling him even closer, scooping him up into a fierce embrace.
"You let them hurt me," Connor said, his voice so broken I started crying in sympathy. He started struggling again but Angel just held on tight. When Connor went limp again, Buffy looked ready to cry, too.
"I never meant for that to happen, Connor. I tried to help you. You wanted to die and I couldn't let you do that." Angel loosened his grip enough to stroke his son's hair with one hand.
"Why don't you ever hold onto me?"
"I didn't think I could give you what you needed." Angel was crying now. "You told me you were dead inside and I didn't know how to make you live." His arms tightened over Connor. "So I did the only thing I could think of. I loved you enough to give you up. I wanted them to make you forget everything and make you part of a real family."
"But you trusted our enemy to do it," Connor wailed. "How could you do that?"
"I don't know," Angel choked. "And I'll never forgive myself for that. Connor, I'm..."
"Don't say you're sorry," Connor roared.
"Connor," I said, taking a few frightened steps toward him. Buffy reached for me but I waved her off. "I know Angel did the wrong thing, but sometimes you're so desperate to help you'll try anything." I squatted down, my knee screaming inside the brace. I gave up and sat. "When Mom died, I tried to bring her back from the grave. I knew it was wrong. Willow and Tara told me so. Spike told me so but he still helped me try because he wanted her back, too. I didn't think it through until almost too late and I stopped the spell." I looked over my shoulder at Buffy. "Then Buffy died, and not just for a few minutes like when Xander did CPR. She died for me because that portal I was made to open required me to die to shut it. And it was wrong for her to do that, but all she could think of was saving me. We wanted Buffy back so much it hurt. We needed her. We convinced ourselves that she was in Glory's hell dimension and we needed to rescue her. We didn't think of the consequences. We just knew someone we loved needed our help and we acted. We brought her back from the dead and I'm not sure she's ever forgiven us."
"Dawn," Buffy said, tears trickling from her eyes.
I held up my hand, returning my gaze to Connor's face. "She was in heaven, Connor, and we ruined that because we thought we were doing the right thing. Angel thought he was saving you by putting you with a good family, making you think you were normal even if it meant he'd lose you forever. Think of how hard that was for him. Maybe he should have thought it through better but there wasn't time, not if he was fighting to save you from yourself. I guess that's what they mean about the road to hell being paved with good intentions."
Connor held a hand out to me. I took it and he yanked me against him. Angel let go, letting Connor curl around me. I hugged him close as Angel's arms slid around us both, pulling us to him. It felt so safe in his arms.
"You just have to try and let Angel make it up to you. I know it won't be easy. Just ask Buffy," I said.
Connor said nothing, his tears hot on my neck. Something loud and inhuman shrieked through the night air.
One of Wolfram and Hart's creatures had found us at last.
I woke to the twittering of song birds. It was oddly a pretty way to wake up despite the fact I was lying in the dirt, in clothing that smelled like mildew. It was beginning to overpower the stench of sweat. I climbed out of the shelter in so much pain I had to clamp my jaws to keep from crying out. As I stood, I felt the scabs stretch, some tearing, oozing under the makeshift bandages.
It wasn't raining, and if I had to guess it was just a little past dawn. Connor was tending the fire. He looked up the hill at me but said nothing. I went to my bathroom tree then headed past Connor to the river. It might have parasites in it, but I was willing to risk it to wash my hands. Wiping yourself with leaves sucked. What did people use before toilet paper? No, I decided I'd rather not know.
Something smelled yummy, making my mouth water. I wondered what he had caught and killed this time. I hobbled up to Connor's side.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
"Very sore, but I can walk," I replied, managing to sit without falling. "What are you cooking?" I didn't see a spit this time, but there was a wad of leaves in the fire.
He poked the wad out of the flames with a thick stick then used it to peel away the leaves. Inside was a fat fish with the skin and head still on. That made me a little queasy, but I was hungry enough not to care.
"How did you get a fish?" I asked as he slipped his dagger into it.
Connor cut it in half, handing me part of it, happily head free. "The river."
I took the fish, cradled in the leaves. "I know that part. What I meant is you don't have any fish hooks."
He flexed his fingers at me as if that was an answer. The fish was good but I couldn't bring myself to eat the skin. Connor ate most everything. He went to the river afterwards and rinsed his hands. "No more rain so we have to drink from here," he said.
I had noticed the lack of rain. I cast a glance up and saw that the sky was perfectly clear, an endless stretch of blue. I drank from the river. Even though we were both filthy, neither of us took the time to bathe. We weren't as crusty with blood and demon drool like we had been yesterday.
"Ready?" He stretched, joints popping.
"No, but there's not much choice."
He didn't argue and we headed down river.
"Connor, I wanna say thank you."
He looked over at me sharply, his soft brown hair flipping into his eyes. He brushed it back irritatedly. "For what?"
"For taking care of me. I know you don't have to do what you're doing. They sent you after me and I know that wasn't your idea, but I also know you have no reason to help me. I'm just slowing you down, giving Wolfram and Hart a better chance at getting you again."
He shrugged. "It's the right thing to do."
"Maybe, but you saved me from those cat things." I smiled. "You even built me a little home."
"Built it for us," he corrected me. "Wolfram and Hart don't want to capture us any more."
"I sort of thought that too since these cats seem more interested in eating us than catching us." I shook my head, my hair whipping. "But that makes no sense. They need my blood."
Connor sucked at his lower lip, considering that. "We're not far from Wolfram and Hart's prison. Maybe the cats are just random guards and we're unlucky."
"I vote unlucky," I said and he grunted again.
His face went all broody as we walked on. Even though he looked nothing like his father, I recognized Angel's ability to mope. Connor fell silent again. It gave me time to concentrate on all the aches and pains in my body. Finally, I pleaded with him to talk to me. When will I learn to be careful of what I ask for? He asked me about Cordelia, sobering when I told him about her coma. When I asked had he and she really had a child, he told me the whole story. It left me scared, almost shaking as we hiked. He had loved her. I could hear it in his voice and she had hurt him terribly. I wasn't sure he even understood how he had been used since there was still love in his eyes for her. She had kicked him out of his own bed, told him it was a mistake and he had been so sheltered he didn't even seem to know that he shouldn't be telling me this. When the baby came, his memories got fuzzy and there was something he didn't seem to want to tell me. I didn't force it. I wasn't sure I wanted to know.
When he went quiet again, I let him stay that way. I'd lost track of how long we marched on when his head snapped up, stopping me.
"Hear that?"
"More monsters?" I wasn't ready for that. I hurt too much to run. I think going down river had damaged me worse than I thought. My knee felt like it was half unhinged and my head still throbbed. "No. Cars."
I couldn't be happier if he told me I'd won a million dollars. "Where?"
He canted away from the river, going faster now. I followed as best I could, pain momentarily forgotten. We got to the edge of the woods and I could see the road a few hundred yards off. We both broke into a jog. No cars were coming but I didn't care. Roads meant people. Suddenly, there was a crack like thunder and Connor went hurtling backwards. He rolled on the ground before regaining his feet.
"What was that?" I asked.
He shook his head. "I don't know."
He headed back towards me only to get tossed again. I went to him. Whatever barrier he was running into didn't bothering me. I squatted down next to him then my knee buckled and I landed in the loam. He looked at me, his eyes sad, his lips parted just a bit. They quivered.
"They told me I was leashed to this place." His eyes hardened into blue chips of ice, as he concentrated, as if trying to grab onto a slippery thought. "Leashed like a dog. They won't let me go."
"But Hitcoga removed all the spells around you." I felt a shudder race through me like yesterday's lightning. He had saved me. How could I leave him? "The spell must be on the land itself. It recognizes you. They must not have had time to add me to the spell."
"Didn't think you'd get this far," he said.
I frowned. He was right. Wolfram and Hart considered him dangerous, not me. "I wouldn't have without you. Stay right here. I'll be back in a few minutes." I said excitedly. I had an idea. I tried to jog out of the woods, but my knee had had enough. It felt like a balloon ready to pop out of my dirty jeans. By the time I got to the road, its deserted condition hadn't changed but just down the hill was a sign and a little further down a mile post. I stumbled down hill, read the mile maker then the sign telling me which state park Wolfram and Hart had somehow buried their complex in. I turned around and limped back to Connor.
"I know exactly what sign post we're next to," I said, proudly. Now if I only knew what state that sign was for. "I'm going to go for help. One phone call and I'll have Slayers here and a witch. Willow will get you out of this."
He made a lemony face. "Hate magic."
"You have reason to," I said, placatingly. All I needed was for him to be as stubborn as his darn dad. "And I'll get your dad." His face darkened at that. "I know you don't like Angel but we might need him. Do you think you can stay safe around here? They're all in Los Angeles. It might not be until tomorrow before we can rescue you since I'm not even sure what state we're in."
He smirked and for the first time, slightly resembled Angel. "No problem."
"Great, because I'll be able to find you here...how will you know when I get back?" I couldn't just expect him to hang out in this very spot. Something was likely to come for him.
He tapped his nose. "I'll know."
"You can smell me?" I stared. "Is that how you followed me through the wood?"
"Yeah."
"Ewwww." I shuddered, seeing one of the makeshift bandages on my arm flutter. I took off all the strips of Connor's shirt that were holding me together. I might end up at a police station or hospital. I didn't want anyone to know I had help. That would mess up the story I planned on telling. Some of the bandages stuck to the wounds and I teared up as I pulled them free, blood running anew.
"Be careful," he said, gathering up the discarded bandages. I didn't want to know what he was going to do with them.
"You, too."
I looked into his baby blues. He was trying hard not to look afraid but I could see it hiding in those almond-shaped orbs. I didn't know why I did it but I grabbed his face and kissed him, surprising him. He broke away, staring at me as he shoved the bandages in a pocket. Then he put his arms around me, kissing me back. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. Okay, my whole experience was with a vampire boy, Justin, but this was nothing like that. Connor made me want to forget about rescue. I ended the kiss this time and broke away from him before the hormones got the better of me.
"I'll be back as fast as I can," I promised and hobbled for the road. That wasn't all hormones. Maybe it was because of how he saved me, or because, like me, he was unique, without a real place in this world, but I was feeling something strong like I had never felt before. Too bad I didn't have time to worry about it.
I started going down the road, so relieved to have this bit of civilization under my feet, so afraid that Wolfram and Hart would still be looking for me that I started crying. I was still crying when a car slowed down for me.
Luck finally went my way. Not only was the driver armed with a cell phone, she was a doctor on her way back to Madison. I was in Wisconsin of all places. I wouldn't have even guessed I was so far from my family. She called the police then got her medical gear out of her trunk - she did home health and her trunk was a mini-doctor's office - and she fixed me up some. When the cops got there, I lied the best I could. I sent them looking miles away from where Connor was hiding out. I had to tell them I had been kidnapped in L.A. and I didn't know how I escaped from the creep's RV. I described my kidnapper, only vaguely aware that my description was actually that of my father. Well, just let them try to find him. No one else could.
They took me to a hospital and Dr. D'Mayo came with me. She was sweet, holding my hand as I waited in the E.R. and answered more questions. I kept telling them that he didn't rape me, that he was feeding me some kind of drugs, that I wasn't aware of how long I was in his control and that he didn't talk much. I figured keeping my story simple was the best since I was lying to the police and filing a false report. Finally, they decided they had enough information and the doctors decided I didn't have to stay at the hospital. They gave me pain killers, antibiotics, several stitches in my scalp and a knee brace. Dr. D'Mayo drove me to Madison and she gave me forty dollars and paid for a hotel room. I made sure I got her address so I could send her a thank you and so I could pay her back.
Finally safe, I called Buffy. I had wanted to call from the hospital but I knew her. She would have wanted to come to my rescue immediately and I would have had to wait at the hospital since there'd be no way of contacting her until she got to Wisconsin. I didn't even have a cell phone. Could you even call collect to one? I hadn't even been sure the police wouldn't have made me go with them once the hospital released me so I decided to wait to make that call. The police had called the number I gave them, Buffy's phone back in Cleveland at our base there. There was no answer but I didn't expect that there would be. Buffy wouldn't have gone back there, not without me. The cops were concerned that there was no missing person file on me in Los Angeles, but given my age it was easy to convince them that my sister probably thought I had just run away again.
I think we both cried all through the phone call. I told her about Connor and she already knew he existed. I guessed when Hitcoga destroyed the magic around Connor, everyone remembered him. However, no one from Sunnydale knew about him other than Willow. She hadn't said anything before because Buffy needed to concentrate on the First Evil. Giles got on the phone, asking me about Western Union. I found out the hotel office had a way of getting money wires and I called them back. Giles sent money because they wouldn't make it until late tonight at best. They didn't even know how they'd get here yet. I used some of the money to rent the room for an extra day just in case.
I just wanted to lie down and sleep until my rescuers made it here, but I found the strength to go shopping, which required me to find a bus to a strip mall. People looked at me funny, but who could blame them? I looked and smelled horrible, hence the shopping trip. I got the cheapest jeans K- Mart had to offer, a three-pack of underpants, a couple t-shirts and a cheesy night shirt. Tooth paste, tooth brush, hair brush and deodorant all made it into my cart, too. I got back to the hotel as fast as I could and into a hot shower. I scrubbed hard then dressed in my new clothes. I had forgotten to buy a bra but sadly I could get away without one. I dumpstered my old clothes then headed across the street to a Chinese restaurant to get take away sesame chicken, egg drop soup and fried wontons. I went back to my room, and ate ravenously, watching HBO.
It wasn't even six in the evening but I was exhausted. I changed into my night shirt and crawled under the covers. I curled up, thinking about poor Connor. I was stuffed with Chinese food, clean, warm and sleeping in a soft bed watching crap on TV. He was probably lying under tree branches munching on burnt rabbit if those cats hadn't killed him. Connor could take care of himself. I knew that. I could feel it, like there was some strange bond between us. Had Lilah known we'd jive so well or was it bizarre luck or was I just imagining it, white knight on a horse and all that? Well, more like filthy knight on sore feet, but close enough.
I went to sleep thinking of him out there and he percolated into my dreams. They were frightening, me and him naked in rivers of blood. The knock on the door that dragged me out of dreamland was a blessing.
"Dawn?" Buffy's voice sounded through the door.
I jumped out of bed, hit the light switch and threw open all the locks. Buffy was through the door, lifting me up in her strong arms before I even knew what was happening. The greetings were mostly a jumble of words and tears. It took several minutes for me to realize that almost everyone was here; Xander, Willow, Giles, Angel, Wes and Faith. I got passed along to all of them for hugs. Faith kicked the hotel door shut.
"I can't believe you're all here. It seems so unreal," I said then reached for Angel. "I told Connor you'd come. I wasn't sure how since I know you aren't into plane travel."
"Wolfram and Hart has a necrotempered plane for Angel but we didn't trust them, not after what you just told us so I did a big teleportation spell," Willow somehow bubbled, her pale face etched with exhaustion. "It kinda took it out of me."
"Yes, Willow ought to get some rest," Giles said and Angel's head snapped around, an irritated look on his face.
I glanced at the clock. It was after two in the morning. "You'll never get to him in time, Angel. The sun would be coming up by the time we even get there. He'll be okay."
His dark eyes were like coal. "Not with Wolfram and Hart after him."
"He did fine with me weighing him down," I said. "And he'll be recovered more now than he was, thanks to Hitcoga's spell. I think so, at any rate. He seemed to be connecting with me more as we went. He can build a shelter and catch his own food. He'll be okay for another day, probably more."
"We can go tomorrow in the day," Buffy said. "It might be better that way rather than bumbling around in the woods in the dark."
"Sounds like a plan," Faith said. "And you know that boy can handle himself, Angel."
"Not in the condition I last saw him in," Angel argued, not ready to give up.
"He fought just fine," I said. "They had him in a fighting ring but they fed him L.S.D. too, trying to keep him nuts. Hitcoga healed him, and he was fighting those cat creatures without any trouble. He saved my life."
"Do you know who this Hitcoga is, Dawn?" Wes asked.
I shook my head. "She came out of the roses and fog. She said these woods were hers."
"We can worry about that later." Buffy wrapped a protective arm around me. "Dawn needs to rest."
That got rid of half of them; Faith, Xander and Willow who went to their freshly reserved rooms. Giles, Angel and Wes insisted on hearing the whole story. Buffy sat with me on the bed, resigned to it. I told as much as I could until I got too tired to talk coherently. Buffy shooed everyone out and climbed into the second bed.
"Where's Angel going to sleep?" I asked, thinking in the trunk of the car or under the hotel bed, ewww.
"The shower stall. It's not ideal but with a do not disturb sign he should be okay," Buffy replied, curling up on her side, looking at me. "He's sharing with Xander who I guess will have to go to Giles and Wes' room if he has to pee."
"Xander'd probably rather pee on Angel," I mumbled.
Buffy snorted. "Don't give him any dangerous ideas."
"I've never been so glad to see you," I muttered.
"I know how you feel," Buffy said and started to tell me how scared she had been, but I faded away in the middle of it.
*
*
*
It was late in the morning before any of us woke up. I was still sore so I took the pain pill along with my antibiotics. Pulling on the knee brace was more painful than leaving the knee alone but I managed to get the piece of neoprene up and velcro'ed on. It was decided that Wes and Xander would stay behind with Angel to research and to contact Fred, Gunn, Robin and Lorne who had remained in L.A., trying to see if they could find out anything about the Wisconsin complex. I think there was some tension there, too, because of what Angel had done.
The look on Angel's face when we left hurt to even think on. It was killing him to be left behind. I gave him a hug before we left. I sat up front in the rental car and directed Giles to the spot. We decided it wasn't safe to just leave the car on the side of the road if a cop or a ranger came by. There was a small, kind of overgrown scenic area about a quarter mile up the hill so we parked there, armed ourselves with knives and walked. I didn't want to do any more hiking but I had to, no matter how sore I was. At least Faith and Buffy were the ones backpacking in the other weapons, just in case. Once we got to the mile marker, I stopped.
"What's wrong, Dawn?" Buffy asked. "I know you don't want to go in there."
"That's not it. Connor might get a little nervous if he sees everyone. He doesn't know you and he might think that Wolfram and Hart has captured me or something," I said.
"You're not going into the woods alone," Buffy said, sharply.
"I want Faith to come with me. He knows her," I replied.
Buffy's eyes went grim, her body tensing but she nodded. "We'll be waiting right here."
Faith and I headed into the woods. Her lips curled as the forest closed up behind us. "I hate the woods."
"I'm not thrilled either," I said.
"Did he give you any idea where he might be?" Faith asked.
"I told him to wait in this area, but who knows? Wolfram and Hart might have come after him," I said. "He said he'd know when I came back."
"How?"
"You don't wanna know," I replied.
"You know, kiddo, I'm impressed. You almost got away from him when Connor was hunting you down." Faith gave me a look of approval. "I've fought him. The boy has moves."
"I thought I killed him," I admitted. "I kept hitting him in the face with a log. I don't know how he recovered so fast and came after me."
"He heals like a Slayer," Faith said. "Look at this."
Faith pointed to a tree with a splintered base. There were dark spots on the bark that might have been blood.
"That's probably from those cats," I said. "Their tails do that."
Faith drew her knife. We walked on but saw no other signs of battles. Then I spotted branches up against rock. It just looked like shrubbery until I looked more closely.
"That's one of his shelters." I pointed it out. "Stay here."
I expected Faith to protest. Buffy never lets me do things on my own, not like this, but Faith just nodded. I went up to the shelter and peered in. Connor was curled up asleep, looking like a cat tucked into a ball.
"Connor," I called softly.
His head popped up, his teeth flashing like an angered dog. His hand grabbed the knife. I was so glad I didn't go with my first inclination and shake him awake. He might have gutted me before he knew who it was.
"It's okay, Connor. I've brought help just like I said." I tried to wave him down.
He ruffled his hair after sliding his knife away then stretched before crawling out of the shelter. There was a rusty-colored crusted gash on his left arm. Now that my heart was back safely in my chest, I noticed that his face was clean, not just of dirt but of that hideous beard. How could he possibly shave with a knife? I don't know but he managed it. He looked so young now and amazingly girlish.
"What got you?" I took a few steps back so he could get out.
"One of those cats." He glanced over and grinned, his blue eye brightening. "Faith."
She cocked a hip at him as she smiled. "Look at you, kid. You're even skinnier than the last time I saw you."
Connor ran a hand over his tattered shirt, trying in vain to improve his appearance. I wanted to slap him. He so did not need to be primping for Faith. Why was I suddenly so blinding jealous? Maybe because I knew Faith would sleep with anything and anyone. The real question was why did I care if Connor was in lust with Faith? I just didn't want him to get used and tossed aside, just like all Faith's other men including Principal Wood. He had gotten used a couple of times before Faith got bored. After Cordy already hurt Connor like that I didn't want him to go through it again. Oh, who am I kidding? I just didn't want Faith touching someone I was interested in and I wanted to dig Connor's eyes out for looking at her.
"They fixed you?" Connor's eyes finally jerked back over to me.
"Yeah, at the hospital. We should go so Willow and Giles can figure out how to get you free," I said and he made a face. "What? You don't like Willow?"
"Don't like magic," he reminded me, his face going all surly.
"Like it or we can leave you," Faith said lightly. She shouldn't joke about that.
He smirked. "You won't leave me."
"As if you'd let me," Faith shot back. "You're still burning to show me what you can do."
"You won't beat me this time," he said.
She laughed.
I lost my patience. "Connor, we need to..." I started.
"Be back," he said then jogged off.
Great, what now? I started to follow but Faith stopped me. "He doesn't need you there watching him shoot moss off a tree trunk," she said, grinning.
Realizing what I normally had to do after waking up, I blushed. Faith gave me an odd look and asked, "You okay, Dawn? You're getting Buffy-Face."
I glared. I didn't know which new Slayer coined that term, probably Kennedy, but it meant getting pissy. "One of these days she's gonna hear you say that," I said and Faith rolled her eyes. "And I'm just worried is all. We don't know how long it'll take them to get Connor free, if they even can." We hadn't talked about what would happen if Willow and Giles failed, as if to even think it would make it happen.
Connor came back quickly enough and we headed to where our friends waited. Connor stopped before I did. I guessed he knew exactly how far he could go, or maybe it was the sight of Buffy, Willow and Giles standing in the woods that made him hesitate.
I took his hand. "Connor, you know Willow. This is Giles and my sister, the one I told you about."
He bobbed his head, moving closer to me. I would never have guessed he could be shy.
"Hello, Connor," Giles said, studying him closely. I knew that look; that was the full-on 'Curious Watcher' look.
The expression on Buffy's face was much harder to read. She looked stunned, maybe even pained. I could understand that. I don't think she ever wanted kids, but she had wanted to be with Angel. I think part of her still did, which I was all for. I mean, if she had to have an undead guy, better Angel than a man who tried to rape her. It had to hurt Buffy that Angel had a kid with someone else. She touched Connor's shoulder like you would a precious antique.
"Thank you for saving my sister," she said, finally. "Tried to hurt her first," he replied, surprisingly honest.
"I know. She told me."
Connor eyed Buffy. "You're a Slayer, too? Are you as good as Faith?"
Buffy smirked. "I'm better."
"You wish," Faith shot back.
"I'd like to see it," Connor said, smiling at Buffy. Was he flirting with my sister? Xander was right. He, Willow and Buffy had sat me down for the 'big talk' before I went to high school. Xander had told me repeatedly that all teenaged boys thought about was sex and they'd hit on anyone. I wasn't even sure Connor knew he was doing it. I was ready to slap him.
"If I may interrupt all the...uh, posturing, Connor, Willow and I need to do a few simple tests to see if we can determine what Wolfram and Hart has done to bind you here," Giles said.
"What do I have to do?" Connor gazed at Giles, seeming tense. He changed radically from how he was acting with us girls.
"I know you don't like magic, Connor." Willow approached him, slinging off her backpack. "What we need to do is use a spell to probe you. It won't hurt. All you have to do is sit back and relax." Willow gestured at us. "We can all sit down. We'll be here a while."
"Um, one of those cat things was near by. Faith and I saw its marks on a tree and it cut Connor," I said, not sure I could relax.
"It's dead." Connor sat on some mossy ground.
"B and I will keep an eye out so Willow and Giles can do their thing," Faith said.
"They're Splinter cats. They're indigenous," Giles said. "Or at least Wes and I think so based on Dawn's description. It's hard to say if they are here by coincidence, sent after Dawn and Connor, or just placed here as guards."
"Told you we shouldn't have let those boys share a room," Faith said and Giles rolled his eyes, turning back to Connor.
I sat next to Connor. Buffy raised an eyebrow at that, but she said nothing. Giles and Willow did the chanty thing then went off to where Connor indicated the boundary was. He told us how he had tested it for miles in either direction after I had left him.
Connor leaned close, his eyes still on my sister and Faith. What did he find so fascinating? He whispered to me, "Who is the better fighter?" So, that was it; the power thing. I couldn't compete if that's what turned him on. Me being the Key was power all right but not the physical kind. "Buffy, but I have to say that. She's my sister." I grinned. "They're pretty incredible. I'm not sure Buffy knows what to say to you, if you think maybe she's being rude by ignoring you more or less. She and Angel have a history. She's still got feelings for him." I wasn't sure why I was babbling, desperate to have him pay attention to me. How uncool, Dawn. Connor made a face so I went one step further. "So does Faith but that's probably more lust than love."
His lips curled and he gave the Slayers a look of disgust. Crush two objects of flirtation with one blow, way to go girl. I shouldn't feel good about that but I did. I couldn't even say why I wanted his attention but I did.
Giles came back over and started asked questions that I'm not sure Connor even understood, all sorts of weird, arcane stuff mixed in with personal questions. I tried not to hear, thinking maybe Connor wouldn't like it. I got up stiffly, putting some distance between us, but I kept my eyes on Connor, studying him now that I was rested and more or less unafraid.
Connor looked so unscary that I wondered how I had ever been afraid of the little guy. The fight ring flashed in my mind; being tackled into the roses served to remind me. He only looked like a harmless kid. He was deadly, I told myself, trying to decipher the attraction that I knew went beyond hormonal overdose. This was silly. I didn't believe in love at first sight and I wasn't sure it was love or anything like it, but there was a compulsion that I needed to puzzle out.
Tall, dark and handsome he wasn't. He wasn't an uggo by any means but he was no one's standard of handsome. He was way too skinny for one thing. The bend of his long nose made his face intriguing, though. He had the weirdest smile, kinda creepy but captivating. Those lips were red and big. I remembered how they felt when we kissed; good, commanding. I wanted to try it again when our mouths weren't like the inside of a sewer. I was glad he shaved. Beards, even ones as scraggly as his had been, weren't my thing. I think it was his eyes I liked the most; the shape of them, their expressiveness, the deepness of their slate blue. They were definitely his best feature.
Still, put him in my former high school and he'd be another Xander, not cute, cool or rich enough to be in the popular clique. I doubted Connor would have cared had he been a normal kid. Neither did I, really. I wasn't exactly Ms. Popular either but that was okay. From what I could tell, those girls weren't particularly interesting, merely pretty.
Then something popped into my mind, something I had totally forgotten. "Buffy, we forgot the breakfast we brought. I'll go get it."
"Sit and give your knee a break. I'll go," my sister replied and headed back for our car.
I settled back down next to Connor.
"I had breakfast," he said. "Don't tell me about it," I said quickly. "It was probably cute and furry and I don't want to know."
He shrugged then whispered, "You smell nice."
So he noticed my efforts to clean up. Good. Of course, now that I was surrounded by washed people, Connor's griminess was far more noticeable as was his smell. "Thanks."
Connor licked his lips, his eyes darting around like he was looking for something. "Dad came, too, didn't he?"
I nodded. "I should have said so right away. Sorry. He's with Wes and my friend, Xander. They're doing some other research, trying to figure out what Wolfram and Hart's up to."
"I knew he'd come," Connor muttered and I couldn't tell if he was happy or not.
"He loves you too much not to," I said. "He wanted to come last night but there weren't enough hours left in the night."
Connor nodded. "He tries to love me."
"You make it sound like you don't believe he does," I said, not liking the creeping darkness I heard in his tone.
His face went so sad that I nearly cried for him. "I'm not sure a creature like him or one like me can love right. Demons aren't made to love."
"You're wrong," I said. Was he a demon? I hadn't even thought about that. What is it with Summer Girls that we keep going for the not-quite-human?
"I'm with her," Faith said. I hadn't even realized she was listening in; she had looked so bored. "Angel cares. If he didn't, he would have let me go straight to the hell I was heading for. Your dad saved me, turned me around."
Connor looked over at her then stretched out on the ground. "You asked me once if I was a murderer 'cause you were."
"That's right. Your dad dragged me back from that darkness." Faith sat down, leaning back against a tree. "And that's how I knew you didn't have the balls to take me in a fight. You're not a murderer."
Connor snorted, rolling so he could look at her more easily. "You only assumed that. I never said I wasn't."
That got our attention. Even Willow and Giles looked up from the books they had backpacked in. "You killed someone?" I asked, feeling a deep hole opening in my heart. I didn't want to know this. His eyes went vacant. I didn't like that. I could almost see his sanity bleeding away.
"I'm the Destroyer," he said, neither confirming our fear nor alleviating it.
A rock scuffled along the ground, startling us. Buffy was coming back with two bags. She paused, staring at us all. "Did I miss something?"
"That's what we're trying to figure out," Faith said, tossing a pinecone Connor's way. "Kid?"
"Told you before. I have a name." Connor sat back up, still grouchy.
"Yeah, you were snotty about it then, too."
"I was snotty because you weren't listening to me," Connor said, getting an angry look that reminded me of when he was in that enclosure. Maybe Hitcoga hadn't fixed all his mental problems.
"That's because you were planning to kill Angel," Faith said, stiffening.
"Angelus and he told me to!"
Buffy stopped in her tracks, standing over Connor. "He what?"
"He said if anything went wrong and Angelus got out I had to kill him. He made me promise," Connor said. "It's the only thing he's ever said to me that ever made any sense."
Buffy just dropped the food bag in his lap and stalked over to Giles and Willow, taking bottled waters out of the other bag.
"Why am I having trouble with Angel doing that?" Faith asked.
"Ask him." Connor opened the bag and pulled out the twinkie first. "Thank you, Buffy."
"He really wanted you to kill him?" Buffy persisted, stalking back our way.
"He knew what Angelus could do...guess he didn't want that to happen." Connor shrugged and all but inhaled his twinkie. "He knew I could kill him if I had to."
Faith snorted. "You couldn't even beat me."
"It takes a lot to beat Angelus," Buffy said, eyeing Connor. "I'm with Faith."
"Whatever." He shrugged again, finding the convenience store sub sandwich we had gotten him. He ripped through the plastic. "I beat him once. I could do it again." "You beat Angel?" I asked. He hadn't told me about this and I was actually sort of grateful. I didn't like this conversation.
"Sure you did, kid." Faith rolled her eyes at him.
Connor glared at her, chewing. He swallowed and said, "I did. He had to be punished for what he did to Father."
Buffy's eyebrows came together. "Angel is your father."
"He means the man who raised him in that hell dimension," I said in case Angel hadn't told Buffy the whole story. I couldn't tell if that had been a question or a reminder on her part.
"Angel killed him. Oh, he says Justine did it but she's not around to tell me her side. And if it happened that way, it means Father thought I was a tool for his revenge and nothing more." Connor shook all over. I put a hand on his arm, feeling his muscles quivering. "That can't be true. I know Father loved me. So I punished Angel."
Buffy squatted down in front of Connor. Her voice was cool, even and scary. "What did you do to Angel?"
Connor met her eyes, unafraid, almost proud. "I welded him in a coffin and I sank him in the ocean."
Buffy rocked back and I was too stunned to even move. "I would have known if you did any such thing," Buffy said.
"Buffy," Giles interrupted softly. "Wes told me about this on the way here. Both Angel and Cordelia were gone. Gunn and Fred didn't think to contact you. They assumed you were out of Angel's life."
"You tried to kill him?" Buffy asked and I thought she was going to snap Connor's neck.
His smile was so frigid, I wanted to get up and bolt. "If I wanted him dead, he'd be dust."
"That's cold," Faith said.
"He deserved it for what he did to Father."
"The way I understand it, that man kidnapped you. Why in the world would you give him your loyalty over Angel?" Buffy asked.
"It was God's will that Father raise me," Connor said, taking another bite of his sandwich as if we were talking about the weather or sports scores instead of his attempts at murdering his dad.
"You start quoting Scripture and I'll slap you," Faith said.
"Faith, Buffy," Giles waved them over. Buffy dragged me to my feet, not caring that my knee twinged and protested. We went over to the boundary where he was working with Willow. "Angel told me Connor has a very idealized view of Holtz and very much believes that it was the will of God, the way things turned out. Given his precarious mental state, it doesn't do to challenge the very foundation of his beliefs."
"It was the will of God," Connor called out, startling us.
"Vampire hearing," I said. "Forgot to warn you."
"And don't talk about me like I'm not here," he added.
"Sorry," Giles said, then changed the subject, "Wolfram and Hart is quite serious about keeping you here. This is going to take us longer than anticipated."
"No kidding," Willow said.
"How long did they have me?" Connor asked.
"I should have asked that myself," I said.
"You've been gone six weeks, Dawn," Buffy said and I felt suddenly weak. I had no idea so much time had passed.
"Angel said it's been over a year for you, Connor," Willow said.
All the anger and bravado drained out of him. He looked limp and so very small. "That long. I don't remember...I don't know what they did to me."
I went to go to him. I could see that pain and despite what he had just told us, I wanted to comfort him. Buffy grabbed my arm, pulling me close. She hissed in my ear, "Leave him alone."
"No," I said and her eyes widened. "We can argue about it later."
I pulled free but only because she let me. I sat with him. "Connor, it's probably best that you don't. For all I know, they had you living in that cave thing in the fighting arena the whole time they had you prisoner. They gave you terrible drugs to make you see things and keep you insane."
"One of them was nice to me," he said, his eyes suddenly bright with tears.
"Lilah...no, Connor, she wasn't," I said and his eyes drilled me.
"Not Lilah. Lilah's dead. Angelus killed her." "It was Lilah, Connor. You just had so much acid in you, you couldn't tell. And I guess she is dead since her head is detachable," I said, shuddering. He echoed that body movement.
"She was behind it all. She lied to Angel. She took you from him and she was the one making you sick. She only wanted you to think she was your friend so you'd do what she wanted. She called you her dog," I said harshly. I didn't want him having any fuzzy feelings about Lilah just in case Wolfram and Hart came after us before we could get him free. His lips trembled, the tears trickling down his face. I had only seen men cry a few times. The night Buffy died and the night after Sunnydale was swallowed whole. Xander cried for days after Anya's death became real to him. I put my arms around Connor, pulling him close. He put his dirty face against my shoulder, weeping. "It'll be okay," I promised. "Giles and Willow are the best. They'll get you out of here and you won't have to worry about her any more."
"That's...a big 'tude change," Faith said uneasily.
"From what Angel described, at the end when he made his decision to try and put Connor with a family, I'd say Connor had a complete nervous breakdown. It takes time to completely recover from that, even with magical help," Giles said. He didn't add that sometimes you don't recover from that. We feared that when Willow went nuts.
"I should have...why didn't I know it was her? I think I know things but I can't be sure," he sobbed. "I think they were real but maybe they weren't."
"Like what, kid?" Faith asked, taking a few steps closer to us then hesitated.
Connor sat away from me, wiping his face. "I remember Dad trying to kill Cordy's baby...or so she said. Stuff she'd say made perfect sense when I was with her...but when I left her it didn't make any sense." He looked over at Faith. "She was jealous of you and me...but there was nothing. I just sat with you a little while...when you were dying from that drug."
Faith's face softened. "You did?"
He nodded. "I remember Cordy wanting me to do something I really didn't want to do to help the baby be born. It was bad but I don't know what it was now...but I know Mother was there. So, maybe I am crazy 'cause she died to get away from me."
"Who told you that?" I asked. What a horrible thought, that your own mother would rather die than be with you.
"Dad."
"That doesn't sound like Angel," Buffy said.
"Not him, the real him," Connor said.
"Angelus is not your dad." Faith said what we were all thinking.
Connor ignored her. "After Jasmine was born...it all goes dark and scary and the more I try to remember the less I do...the more afraid I get."
"For now, you might want to leave those memories be," Giles said softly and Connor looked at him. "The trauma you went through, that can take away memories, sometimes for good. That's your mind's way of protecting itself. Let it."
Connor's face twisted like he was wrestling with that. He flopped back down on the pine needles and dirt. "Not remembering might be good," he decided. "I understand why Wolfram and Hart took me. They've always wanted to get a hold of me even before I was born. Fred told me that, so I don't understand why Angel trusted them to help me like Dawn said he was trying to do."
"Well, after we're done asking him about the thing with Angelus and you killing him, we'll ask him that, too," Faith said.
Connor sat up long enough to strip off his shirt and wad it up under his head. Buffy's eyes trailed over his body then glanced at me. I could see what she was thinking, 'should his stomach cave in like that?' and 'is it right I can count all his ribs?' but she has no room to be asking, either.
"What I don't get is why they took Dawn," he said.
"Remember what I told you about being a portal key?" I asked and Buffy's eyes got too big for her face. I could almost hear her screaming my name in reprimand. "That's why Wolfram and Hart want me. They have some portal they think my blood will open. I don't even have to die to do it, or so Lilah said."
"That's not gonna happen," Buffy growled.
"There's more, Buffy. I was...kinda scared to say."
Buffy came over and sat with me. She stroked my hair. "What did they do to you, Dawnie?"
"I don't know they did anything." I shifted uncomfortably. "But they had plans for me. They were feeding me hormones."
"Why?" Buffy stiffened up.
"They knew what I am. They know what Connor is and what his and Cordy's daughter was. They wanted me to have Connor's child."
"What?" That question came in a horrified chorus of voices.
Connor stared at me, mouth open. His head jerked away, his gaze falling to the ground then he flung himself to his feet. He paced like a caged animal. Giles and Willow gave up on their books and came over to me, pity in their eyes.
"I'm sorry, Connor." There was no way I could easily get up and try to calm him down. My knee hurt too much. "I probably should have told you first but I'm kinda wigged out by the whole thing."
Connor slammed a fist into a sapling. He killed the poor thing. Faith caught hold of his arm.
"Speaking of wigging out, let's not," she told him, making him sit back beside me.
"Dawn, what did he do to you?" Buffy put her arms around me, glaring at Connor like he had been the one to come up with the idea.
"Nothing," I wriggled out of her arms. "It wasn't going to be like that. It was going to be all artificial but it didn't happen...I don't think."
"You don't know?" Willow asked, horrified.
"I was drugged for six weeks. I only remember about four days of it," I snapped. "They had no intention of letting me be awake for it but I don't think it happened. Connor, did they have you...uh you know?" My face burned hot.
He gave me a weird, confused look. "What?"
"Jack off," Faith supplied for me. For once I was grateful for her crudeness.
Connor just shook his head. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You know, choke the chicken, pull your wank?" Faith added hand motions that seemed to shock him.
"She means self-abuse," Giles supplied.
"Abuse?" Faith asked that like it was the silliest thing she had ever heard.
Connor's jaw dropped. "That's a sin."
Faith lightly hit him. "I told you, you'd get it if you started quoting Scripture."
"That wasn't Scripture," he protested. "And I don't do that."
"Really?" Faith seemed amused. "What century are you from?"
"One over two centuries past," Giles said with a subtle smile. "Doesn't change anything. It's a sin," Connor said like he really believed it.
"Actually is has changed. We know that it's a good, healthy thing," Giles replied.
"I didn't do it," Connor said then muttered, "Genesis 38."
Faith hit him again, a little harder this time. "That was definitely a Scripture. You are as stubborn as your old man. So, you don't wank. Did they do it for you?"
"No." Connor curled up, knees to his chest. "I don't want to talk about this."
"Well, it's not like Dawn can't deal with it if it did happen," Faith said as Giles led Willow back to their work.
"What do you mean?" Connor's voice was knife-sharp.
I put a hand on his knee. "Nothing. It'll be okay. The first time Lilah brought me to see you, she told me I wasn't ready yet for the procedure. They didn't drug me into unconsciousness after that." I got up and went over to Giles and Willow. Buffy followed me.
"You're lying," she whispered.
I shifted through Willow's back pack and came up with a tablet and pen. I wrote, I don't honestly know but Giles is right. Connor was raised by someone from a long time ago. If he thinks masturbation is a sin, what do you think he'll do if we mention abortion? If I'm pregnant, I don't want him to ever know. Let him think it didn't happen.
Buffy crumbled the paper up and nodded. She gave me a quick hug, whispering that she'd let Faith and the others see this just so no one would make a mistake.
"How's it going, Giles?" I asked. "I'm getting kinda nervous. Those cats don't mind daylight."
"I'm afraid this will take us a good deal of time. The best you can do is just try and relax."
"Easier said than done."
I went back and sat with Connor who was curled up, head pillowed on his filthy shirt. Buffy came with and Faith joined us. I made Buffy tell me what had been going on for the last six weeks beyond my kidnapping, which obviously nothing had been. I was the only thing on her mind, which was kinda comforting. Connor spent time debating with Faith about whether or not he let her best him. His excuse was that according to Cordelia he did it because he liked Faith cracking the whip on him. It amused Faith to no end. I thought they were going to start sparring just to pass the time.
Eventually, Faith hiked back to the car to get the lunches we brought just in case. Connor ate the snack first again. Giles offered Connor his dessert, probably thinking what I was; Connor needed a little meat on his bones. As time dragged on, Connor napped under the trees.
"He's extremely malnourished," Giles said, not looking up from whatever herbs he was grinding. "It's taking a toll if he can sleep through this."
"Maybe but he's always looked like that," Faith said.
Giles shoved his glasses up. "Really? So, he's a greyhound then?"
"Yeah. I don't know what he inherited from Angel but it sure as hell wasn't his build."
"His sneer," Willow piped up. "He got that. He so androgynous, though. I didn't expect that when Fred told me about Connor."
"You've called me that before. What's it mean?" Connor rolled over, cracking open one eye.
"You're supposed to be asleep." Willow pouted at him.
"How can I sleep through all the talking?" he asked. "What's it mean?"
"It means you're so girlie we don't know if you're a girl or boy," Faith said, patting his cheek. "Baby face."
Connor swatted at her. "I don't look like a girl."
"Sure you don't." Faith grinned. "Okay, you're a flat girl but in this company that doesn't make you anything special."
"Hey!" Me, Buffy and Willow cried.
Faith bobbled her boobs. "Jealous."
Connor watched them bounce and I pinched his side. He gave me a wounded look. "I don't look like a girl. Tell them, Dawn."
"She's seeing what we're seeing," Faith said.
"I meant the time at the river," he said.
"Connor!" I could only imagine how red my face was. "Shut up."
"River?" Faith's eyes danced. "Did you go skinny dipping, Connor?"
"He was washing demon gook off himself," I said, willing his lips sealed.
"So, he is a boy under those hideous pants?" Faith's grin was absolutely predatory.
"I wasn't looking," I said, keenly aware of Buffy's eyes on me.
"Yes, you were," Connor said.
With an embarrassed yip, I buried my face against my knees, my hair flowing down like a curtain.
"You naughty girl," Faith said. "Did you join him?"
"Faith!" Buffy snapped, then tapped my shoulder. "Did you?"
"What's the big deal? We were just washing." Connor looked honestly confused as to why Faith was amused, I was embarrassed and Buffy was miffed.
"We don't do that in front of each other here," Buffy replied.
"You're as bad as Fred about that," Connor said, wrinkling his nose.
"You can go back to sleep now," I told him, glaring daggers.
"Any progress, Giles?" Buffy asked.
"Yes, we actually freed Connor hours ago, but we thought it would be more fun to sit in the woods like bait all day," he shot back irritatedly. Guess he was tired of hearing that every ten minutes.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I'm hiking out to the road to call Xander and let him know what's going on."
At some point, I remembered it getting very quiet and almost spooky, just the wind in the trees. The next thing I knew Buffy was calling my name. I opened my eyes, trying to figure out what was warm and soft under my head then realized I had fallen asleep with my head on Connor's belly, our bodies like a T on the loam. I sat up quickly, rubbing my eyes.
"What?"
"I doubt Connor wants a lake of drool filling his belly button," she replied and I shot him an embarrassed look. His eyes were shut but I didn't think he was sleeping. "It's getting dark," I said.
"We know," Faith said. She had a pile of freshly whittled stakes at her side.
"Maybe I should start another fire for dinner," Connor said.
"Xander's bringing something," Buffy said.
"I'm not getting out of here, am I?" Connor asked.
"You will," Willow assured him. "Just maybe not as fast as we'd like it."
Something crashed in the woods and we all tensed. Faith threw stakes to Buffy and Connor. Then we heard cursing.
"Xander," Buffy and I said together.
"Where are you guys?" he called. "We kinda lost Angel."
"That way," Wes said. "Just like I told you. You have no sense of direction."
"I feel a little like Hansel here, okay?" Xander replied. "And someone just couldn't stay in the trunk until sundown making us go the long way through the bushes."
"You two make enough noise." Angel's voice made Connor tense up. "And I told you to follow me. I could sniff out where to go."
Angel ghosted out of the woods first, clinging very carefully to the shadows. Xander and Wes had a big cooler between them.
"Where the heck did you park? We pulled off the road by the mile marker but there was no you," Xander said.
Before we could say anything, Connor exploded off the ground and hit Angel like an enraged bull. We were all stunned as he knocked Angel off his feet with one punch. Connor was on top of his father, screaming, his fists going so fast they were a blur. The only word I could pick out was, 'bastard.' They grappled and rolled on the ground, Angel smoking as Connor forced him in and out of patches of fading sunlight. It took Faith and Buffy to pull him off. Connor strained against them, his wiry muscles bunching as he shrieked.
Angel got to his feet, dusting himself off. "Let him go," he said in a tone that made the Slayers obey without question.
Connor stood there, not attacking like we all thought he would. He shook so hard I thought he might come apart. The tears were immediate, like a river. "You let me go again. You let them get me. Again." That last word came out like a curse and Angel recoiled like it was holy water.
"I'm so sorry, Connor. I didn't know. They tricked me."
This time Connor did hit him. "You never loved me enough to keep me."
Angel caught his arm and whirled him around. Angel's strong arms closed over Connor's, pulling him against Angel's chest. Angel dropped his face into Connor's hair. I could barely hear him whispering apologies to his son. Connor struggled and squirmed, but he couldn't break Angel's grip. Finally, his knees just went out and he went to the ground. Angel moved with him, pulling him even closer, scooping him up into a fierce embrace.
"You let them hurt me," Connor said, his voice so broken I started crying in sympathy. He started struggling again but Angel just held on tight. When Connor went limp again, Buffy looked ready to cry, too.
"I never meant for that to happen, Connor. I tried to help you. You wanted to die and I couldn't let you do that." Angel loosened his grip enough to stroke his son's hair with one hand.
"Why don't you ever hold onto me?"
"I didn't think I could give you what you needed." Angel was crying now. "You told me you were dead inside and I didn't know how to make you live." His arms tightened over Connor. "So I did the only thing I could think of. I loved you enough to give you up. I wanted them to make you forget everything and make you part of a real family."
"But you trusted our enemy to do it," Connor wailed. "How could you do that?"
"I don't know," Angel choked. "And I'll never forgive myself for that. Connor, I'm..."
"Don't say you're sorry," Connor roared.
"Connor," I said, taking a few frightened steps toward him. Buffy reached for me but I waved her off. "I know Angel did the wrong thing, but sometimes you're so desperate to help you'll try anything." I squatted down, my knee screaming inside the brace. I gave up and sat. "When Mom died, I tried to bring her back from the grave. I knew it was wrong. Willow and Tara told me so. Spike told me so but he still helped me try because he wanted her back, too. I didn't think it through until almost too late and I stopped the spell." I looked over my shoulder at Buffy. "Then Buffy died, and not just for a few minutes like when Xander did CPR. She died for me because that portal I was made to open required me to die to shut it. And it was wrong for her to do that, but all she could think of was saving me. We wanted Buffy back so much it hurt. We needed her. We convinced ourselves that she was in Glory's hell dimension and we needed to rescue her. We didn't think of the consequences. We just knew someone we loved needed our help and we acted. We brought her back from the dead and I'm not sure she's ever forgiven us."
"Dawn," Buffy said, tears trickling from her eyes.
I held up my hand, returning my gaze to Connor's face. "She was in heaven, Connor, and we ruined that because we thought we were doing the right thing. Angel thought he was saving you by putting you with a good family, making you think you were normal even if it meant he'd lose you forever. Think of how hard that was for him. Maybe he should have thought it through better but there wasn't time, not if he was fighting to save you from yourself. I guess that's what they mean about the road to hell being paved with good intentions."
Connor held a hand out to me. I took it and he yanked me against him. Angel let go, letting Connor curl around me. I hugged him close as Angel's arms slid around us both, pulling us to him. It felt so safe in his arms.
"You just have to try and let Angel make it up to you. I know it won't be easy. Just ask Buffy," I said.
Connor said nothing, his tears hot on my neck. Something loud and inhuman shrieked through the night air.
One of Wolfram and Hart's creatures had found us at last.