Rating: R

Disclaimer:  Nothing's mine

A/N:  I hope I figured out the ellipses, thanks to some help I got from Muffy, but if not I think I can trust you people to figure it out.

Hermione had never really taken the time to find much humor in her life.  At least, not lately.  She'd spent all her free moments thinking about her lessons, or about Ron, or about how she was being so deceitful towards her friends.

But tonight. . . everything was indescribably hysterical.

Hermione giggled as she dropped into her desk chair and grabbed a piece of parchment.  The small red clock next to her right arm only read 9:34, and she was momentarily surprised at how early it was. 

But time wasn't an issue for her tonight.

After the unfortunate goings-on of this morning, she'd found it necessary to lie motionless on her bed for a period of three and one half hours.  All the thoughts she had been trying to squash for the past few months flowed back into her during those 210 long minutes, and she'd felt all consumed.

Now the concept of her being in the same bed as Draco Malfoy made her giggle hopelessly.  In her current state, she could do nothing to deny the face that she'd really love to be underneath his sheets, to feel his heat and smell his skin.

Hermione closed her eyes briefly, then quickly vanquished her thoughts with another gulp of raspberry vodka.  After her time spent flopped despondently on her bed and a long shower, she'd dressed in her tiniest dress and smoothed out her hair in a desperate attempt to prove that she was still attractive. 

It had failed.  And that's when she remembered the bottle, stuffed into a far-off corner of her trunk, reserved for when she finally had sex with Ron.  It didn't provide the romance of something such as, say, champagne, but it was the only thing her parents wouldn't have missed.

And after it stopped burning all the way down her throat with every sip, it actually tasted quite good.  At any rate, it helped her forget anything she may have considered thinking about five hours earlier.

"Besides, I have new things to think about now." Hermione pulled her parchment closer and snatched up a quill.  So many thoughts were buzzing through her mind right now, and she struggled to focus on the one she wanted.

"I have to talk to him." She said out loud, gazing through the clear expanse of her vodka bottle.  "I have to understand why."  She nodded determinedly and began to write. 

Hermione jumped as someone knocked at her door, and she worked to untangle herself from her chair.

"Coming!" she cried, toppling to the floor. 

Hermione picked herself up and leaned heavily onto the door, giggling.

"Who is it?"

When no reply came, Hermione felt herself getting angry.  "People can't just disturb other people like that," she thought, grabbing the doorknob and rendering a vicious twist upon it.

No one stood there, but a single piece of parchment sat, folded, waiting.  Hermione bent down to grab it, and then fell with a thud back onto the floor of her bedroom.  She pushed the door shut and unfolded the paper.

It was from Ron.  That much was immediately obvious from the scrawly writing she couldn't focus on and the bright blue ink that tortured her fuzzy eyes.

Hermione squeezed her eyes shut, trying to get herself to focus.  She'd had just enough alcohol to keep unsolicited thoughts away, but not quite enough to forget what those thoughts were.

"Dear Hermione." She read aloud, recognizing her name.

"I understand I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right now."  She paused to let her brain rest.  "But I feel horrible about something, and I need to let you know about it."  Hermione felt her stomach dropping.  She didn't want any more bad news right now. 

"I've apologized to you already for how I acted the night we broke up, and even though we're not talking anymore, I hope that you've taken it upon yourself to at least understand where I was coming from."

Hermione rested her head against the wall again.  All she wanted right now was more vodka.  She'd only been drunk once before, and the nice, warm feeling she remembered was what had finally convinced her to do it again tonight.

But this was nothing like before.  It made her feel senseless and alone.

"There's something about my relationship with Sara that I can hardly say I'm proud of."

Hermione's shoulders tensed.

"The night after we broke up, I met Sara.  And I was so defeated I couldn't think straight.  I slept with her less then 24 hours after our relationship ended."

Hermione read those three sentences over and over.  She couldn't fathom it being the truth.

"After, I knew I'd made a mistake.  I didn't want to tell you because I couldn't understand why I would want to hurt you any more than I already had.  But keeping it a secret was killing me, and I had to let you know everything and then allow you to re-evaluate anything we still have."

There was more, but Hermione allowed the parchment to slip from her fingers.  She couldn't manage a sensible thought, only that she wanted desperately to cry.

"I kept so many secrets from you, didn't I?" Hermione mused aloud.  "And here you are, worrying that what you've done is bad."

She crawled back over to her desk and ingested as much alcohol as she could in one gulp.  The fire was gone, and she waited for it to numb her mind and make her happy again.

"Mmm." Hermione licked her lips and leaned over her desk once again to finish writing the note.  The force behind her coherent thinking was slowly diminishing, and she hurried to make it complete.

"Perfect." Hermione tumbled over to the window and petted the owl she'd borrowed from the school earlier that day.  "You're so soft." She held out her note for the creature, watching, entranced, as he captured it in his beak.

"I need to know the truth." She informed him.  "Take that to Draco Malfoy."

The owl skittered off, and Hermione leaned against the wall.

"Draco." She mumbled, bemused.  "I've never said that before."

All at once her knees became sort of weak, and she felt herself collapsing onto the hard floor.  Her bottle was still clutched in her fingers, and she brought it up to her mouth. 

"Draco." She whispered once more, smiling as the word rolled off her sedated lips.

*

When Hermione woke up an hour later, she quickly finished off her vodka before it could start to wear off.  She'd never felt quite this way before, as if she were swimming through a thick, quiet fog of something warm.

Hermione stood up clumsily, pulled on her shoes, and headed towards the door.  She lurched down the hallway, feeling the walls but not really noticing that they were there. 

Hermione refused to let the memory of Ron's note cut through her self-induced miasma of happiness.  She'd started out so helpless, on a suffocating downwards spiral.  And one bottle of vodka later, well, up was the only direction she was headed now.

Hermione reached the familiar door of the abandoned classroom she'd come to so often.  She traced the pattern of the old wood with a finger before pushing it open.

She smiled slowly as she took in the sight of Malfoy.  He had come.  Hermione made an attempt at composure as she walked over to the table and sat down across from him.

"So?"

His word broke through Hermione's comforting silence.  She raised an eyebrow.

"Did you want something?" he asked.

God, he was beautiful.  Hermione had never dared to let herself take him in before.  All those hours she'd spent cramming thoughts of Ron into her mind now seemed useless.  Those eyes, so cold, so penetrating.  His perfect lips, his clothes.  She imagined herself undressing him, picturing a look of lustful anticipation on his face.

"Why did you do it?" she heard herself asking.

"Do what?" he replied coldly.

"How could you crush me like that, after everything you knew about me?"  The only thing keeping her in this conversation was the fact that she'd rehearsed it all day.

"You're truly pathetic." He said.

"I'm not." She said, feeling her blood begin to run hotter.

"I told you, Granger.  I thought, and I was correct, that it would be a perfect reminder for you that you don't go around fucking with people.  A little lesson to prove that you can't ever change anyone, that you are always underneath the people who are above you."

"Fine." Hermione couldn't stop staring at his perfect face.  She smiled inanely and blinked a few times.

"Well, now that you know, I'll be leaving."

"Wait!" Hermione climbed messily onto the table, ignoring her dress as it slid up her thighs.  "You can't leave yet."

She twisted into a sitting position and put on foot one either side of him, trying to lock him into his chair. 

"I still don't understand how one person can have so little warmth for anyone." She peered into his eyes and felt a chill run up her spine, despite her alcohol-induced numbness.

"It's easy when dealing with people like you." He replied.

"People like me?" she leaned forward.

"People who can't handle the simple obstacles of life.  People who need other people all the time."

"What's wrong with needing someone?" Hermione was barely thinking anymore as she imagined how his skin would look in the near-darkness that surrounded them.

He leaned forward, boring his stony gaze deep into her.

"Everything."

Hermione stared back at him with childlike innocence.

"Why are you drunk right now?" he asked.

"Because." She replied, raising her eyebrows. 

"Because why?"

"Because." Hermione sung, winking at him.

"You might want to consider pulling down your skirt."

"Oh, really?"

"Really."

"Let me ask you, Mr. Malfoy.  When exactly is the last time you said that?" Hermione struggled to keep her balance as she leaned further forward.  "I bet it's been forever." 

"I'd say, more like never."

"Why do you act like this?" Hermione grinned widely.  "I mean, really, just... why?"

"Because I'd so rather be weak and needy like you." He said sarcastically.  "Look in the mirror, Granger.  You'll never be anything more than what you are right now."

Hermione rested her hand on his knee and giggled again.  "Why did you come here tonight?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean... you obviously can't stand the sight of me.  You had no reason to come.  Soooooo. . . why did you?"

"I just wanted to make sure you had no more ideas about me."

"Ideas?" Hermione tipped her head to the side and stretched out her toes. 

"I know you thought that you were finally the magic person that was going to come along and change me for the better." Draco glared at her and pushed her foot back down.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, hitting the table in confused frustration.

"I mean, don't grow so attached to things you'll never have."

"You think I wanted you?  Is that it?"

"I think so." Draco gave her a challenging stare.  "In fact, I'd say you still do."

"Of course I wanted you." Hermione said, losing her concentration once more.  She slid forward off the table and onto his lap.

"Granger, what the fuck-"

"Shh."  The moon drifted behind a cloud, and Hermione found herself plunged into pitch darkness.  "It's okay.  Just tell me how you really feel.  I'll never, ever, ever let anyone know."

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

Hermione wrapped her arms around his neck and tipped her head back.

"Why are you here, really?" she asked.

"To finally sever all ties with you."

"Hmm." Hermione made a face of exaggerated thought.  "I think that you took care of that this morning."

"Sometimes you have to do what other people ask of you, if only it's because you feel sorry for them."

"Oooh." Hermione said, nodding.  "I get it."  She stood up, clumsily extricating herself.  "You sound like some sort of business person thingy.  Just relax!"

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I feel. . ." she paused, shook her head, then quickly pulled her dress over her head.  "I feel like this is the only way I can relate to you."

"Why do you want to relate to me?"

Hermione dropped her dress and shook her head again.

"Because I want to understand you." She was becoming slightly emotional.

"Why do you want to understand me?"

"Don't you see?" Hermione yelled in despair, staring towards the ceiling.  She walked over to him and dropped onto his lap.  "I love you, that's why."

"What?" he stood up, sending Hermione crashing to the floor.

"I love you." Hermione smiled vacuously up at him from the floor.

"What?" he repeated again.  "You obviously don't know what you're talking about."

"I know exactly what I'm talking about," she said, grabbing his leg and stroking his leather pants.

"You're drunk.  Just go back to you room."

Hermione hauled herself to her feet and looked at him intently.

"I know you never expected this."

"That's the understatement of the fucking year."

"But I finally feel like I can tell you how I feel."

"Well, don't."

"Why don't you want me to?" Hermione slid back into her cozy, content world.  "Just tell me to stop.  You can go if you want to.  Push me off of you.  Throw me to the floor and call me a slut."

"Look-"

"I guess I'm already on the floor, aren't I?" Hermione giggled.

"Granger-"

"No one can stop you, right?  Just do what you want to."  She giggled again as she hauled herself to her feet.

"This isn't. . ."

"Isn't what?"

When he didn't reply, Hermione wrapped her arms around his neck again and leaned in to tell him a very important something.

"I came her tonight to- to yell at you.  But I can't be mad at you anymore."

"Why not?"

"You know." Hermione let her mouth drop onto his and reveled in the tingle that converged with her mouth.  She made the mistake of letting him support all her weight, and she felt herself toppling to the floor.

"I'm drunk.  Why don't you take advantage of me?" she whispered into his neck from her position above him.

"What the fuck were you drinking?" he asked.

"Vodka." Hermione moved her face closer to his, feeling a surge of heat cut through her body.  "You can probably still taste it on my lips..." she trailed off as she pressed her mouth to his once more.  She opened her mouth to let his tongue in and delighted in the burn that spread along her body.

The darkness surrounding them was thick enough for Hermione to bite into.  She couldn't honestly explain to herself what she was doing.

"Ron sent me a letter today," she began, pressing closer to him and breathing in his scent.  "And he told me that he didn't even wait one whole day after he broke up with me to have sex with that, you know, other girl."

She moved her hands up her back and unfastened her bra. 

"So I really don't think I'm interested in him anymore." Hermione felt the words tumbling off her disconnected lips as she slid the bra straps down her arms.  "But I can't really think straight, anyway."

"Hmm." Draco said.

"I've imagined what it'd be like with you so many times." Hermione sighed.  She was starting to lose her giggly edge.  "And I'm not going to be drunk for much longer."

"I see."

"You don't have to worry." Hermione said, closing her eyes as her skin started to drip. 

"I can't stop this burning I have for you." She said, letting her hands fall to the waist of his pants.  She was so consumed her words were becoming inaudible. 

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

"What was so different about me that you could never just use me and leave me behind?" she asked, focusing on one of her earlier thoughts that was starting to edge back in.

"I hate you." He muttered.  "You were always untouchable to me."

"You sound like you're waging some sort of war with yourself." Hermione's pulse was pounding.  She could feel the weight of the decision she was making even through her haze.  It didn't matter anymore.  She could hate herself all she wanted tomorrow.  Right now, she was lying on top of him. . . and unbuttoning his shirt.

"I am." He replied simply.

"Did you really want to hurt me this morning?  Or were you just scared?"

"I don't know." He drew in a sharp breath as she unzipped his pants.  Normally an honest response would've shocked Hermione, but she was so consumed it was all starting to make sense to her.

She could feel a pressure on every inch of her body.  Her head felt like it was floating somewhere near the ceiling.

"When's the last time you did something that you didn't have to force yourself to do?" she whispered, sliding two of her surprisingly cold fingers just under the waistband of his boxers.  Her pulse doubled as she heard him moan against her touch.

"Right now." He whispered, after what seemed like a thousand years.

Hermione gasped slightly as she felt his hands on the small of her back.  All of a sudden the blackness of the room was draining into her head, and the heat was prohibiting any sort of breath.

She couldn't feel his touch, couldn't focus on his face.  She drifted back down to reality only when his muscles suddenly became very rigid.

"What is it?" she muttered breathily, catching just a glimpse of something strange in his eyes.

"I don't know if-" he paused, shaking his head.  "You aren't going to remember anything tomorrow."

"So we can do it again," she urged, spreading her hands across his skin.  "You-you told me, remember?  This morning?  It's, you know, allowed."

His eyes darkened and he drew in a breath.

"What do you know about my rules?" he demanded.

"Don't fight with me!" she cried.  "I don't want to fight you anymore.  I don't want to fight myself."  Hermione felt her body relaxing as she pressed closer to him.  She closed her surprisingly tired eyes and ran her fingertips over his arms.

"Get the fuck off of me." He said quietly.

"You don't want me off of you," she said calmly.  "I know it."  Hermione stopped moving as she fell into a different sort of sleep, a sleep induced from fatigue and alcohol and sweetened by the strange, indescribable thing she had for a mattress.

*

Sorry I didn't get to the good stuff again.

Thanks to:

JulieAnn Felton, j.j. alan, luna-cee, courtney-love, Courtney, Sarkie, kittydemon, Emma, *karly*, Kay, willowwiccancantara, Kring, Kerdes Vernel, HaaHaaHaa15, Liz, bon-bon, some1, americasyankee, walk-like-an-egyptian, Faerie Lover, Mary Stardust, Athena Tudor, Muffy, Kristina, Navy Converse, katarina evanla, novasenshi, casper, rubberducks, Elitea-LeFay, bumblebee, Pinochio, Sora Ketsueki, mimi, DrAcOLuVeR79, silent-sirena, joyce, Twilight Moon Child, Bubbles, Dragon Eyes, DRACOSMISTRESS, KeZ 'n' TzAmZ, Young Golden Unicorn, Natzlin, jenn, Alanna Roseguard, sam, ragcey, Rebecca, JeanB, RuBy MoOn, Raven, Mistress Desdemona, Amora-Ryuko, Fiery Slut, Varada, Amanda, MsLessa, ex-jlo, christine, . . ., bessorla, Natasha, heather, ghetto superstar, minda, lisawescott, Luna, lil-chikki, Aaliyah, Crystalline Lily, Mia, Dreaming One, Herbie, Silver Surya, sugar, hyper-shark, mendie, and Sakura1287 (btw, I love your reviews, and 1287 is the combination to my old bike lock)  

Okay, thanks for reviewing, I really do appreciate it.  And I hope I get to write some smut eventually.  The story's not going to be that much longer. . .  I'm guessing about 3 chapters.  But I should get them out faster now that school's almost over.

*If you don't get e-mails for updates and you want them please e-mail me with your address.  I always feel so bad when people tell me they didn't get updates.