Disclaimer: The song 'Fallen from Graceland' again doesn't belong to me.

A/N It's another marathon in my some what shaked up story since the 'accident' a few weeks ago (longest to date) so please enjoy tell me if you like it and I'll get next bit up soon.

Whoever said sometimes the true hurts is so right, it does more than we ever want it to sometimes.

I'm still trying to figure out why exactly I got Jacob to do that damn memory test thing anyway. I mean I always knew things weren't right in a way, like she could ever marry me or for that matter why would I let her when she could do so much better. Then there's the Air Force, we'd never have lost it all in one night based on a simple retirement thing, we have more respect for each other than that.

But it hurts all the same for it being so real, to have her care for me like that, to get a second chance at what I lost. In a way I've been given that again but the playing field's changed it can't be like it was there, we can't be married, she isn't having my kid and I can't care for her like that, the regulations still stand and I'm not retiring on medical grounds.... yet.

Maybe it would have been easier if Daniel's powers of distraction worked better on her, so she wouldn't find out what 'Dad' was doing on base and the possible reason for me being off with everyone, especially her, was.

And it was pretty great Jack ya couldn't have done much better if ya tried. She heard everything. Or at least the parts that included hers and my own name plus marriage in the same sentence. She definitely got the bits about Connor, cause at that point she entered the room, took one look at 'Dad' strapped to the chair and hooked to that damn machine then glanced across at me. For the first time I do believe I couldn't read what she was thinking just by her look, then she high tailed it outta the room leaving Daniel to enter a few minutes later wondering what the hell was going on given she didn't look too good and blanked him when he asked, then nearly being sent flying by Jacob as he went after her.

Them memory things have screwed everything up for me, the saving the world business is very well overrated. Thor could have stepped in anytime to stop it, all of it, my very realistic dreams, Carter's pregnancy.... I take that back...just the dreams none of them and we'd still be on speaking terms, as it is after the tests she'd blank me every time today unless it was work related.

So here I am some twelve hours or so later sat on the roof of my house, a beer in hand an as yet unsigned resignation form for Hammond and that disk Harry gave me about Carter in one jacket pocket. A one way ticket to Chicago in the other and still got nothing, no reason to stay or go really just need some time to think.

Yeah, time the greatest healer of all, so not true, it's the cowards way out of saying, 'see ya around'. I don't know how or why but somehow that Zarc thing and the dream made that line be crossed, the one that goes from 'I care about her a lot more than I'm supposed to' to 'I love her' and that can be a dangerous thing. And it was about the time of that damn song.... how did it go?

There's a line that you cross when you find out that you're lost
When your world is closing in and it crawls under your skin


And the heart's always blind when it's in this state of mind

There's a burning light in this town
For every heart that's broken down tonight, here tonight
You're stranded out there in the rain
And you just can't see past the pain tonight
You've fallen from Graceland, fallen from Graceland

When you're too proud to crawl, it keeps your back against the wall
You wanna die, but you live with nothing left to give


Then I realised how much, or at least the potential that I was willing to walk that road again and that is kind of the scary part if all what happened hadn't, would those feeling have surfaced.

He was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of a knock at his door "Sir" clearing his head he walked across the roof slightly to get a view of who it was, of course he already knew.

"Sir, we need to talk"

She stood silently for a moment waiting for a reply when none came she turned to leave.

"Carter wait I'm coming down, go in it's open"

He entered a few minutes later to see her standing in the entrance to the living room.

"What can I do for ya Carter?" he asked a little coldly busying himself with another activity

"We need to talk Sir"

"About?" he stopped what he was doing to take a deep breath, he moved across to the couch and offered the seat next to him to her.

There was a long almost eerie silence in the room as he thought how to proceed and she sat waiting for what need to be said by him.

"Carter I'm sorry, what happened earlier, you weren't meant to find out"

"It's fine Sir really"

"No it's not"

"Why?"

"Because.... because it's not right...I should have believed in this.... in you at least"

"You weren't to know Sir"

"I still should have told you though"

"Told me what, that you had a dream, we nearly got married had a child.... what was his name?"

"Connor, Jake Connor O'Neill"

"Connor and I assume we did pretty OK"

"Yeah we did after a certain ex CO got his act together"

"Oh"

"Yeah took him a while to realise a few things"

"Like"

"Doesn't matter, what matters is I believed some stupid dream was real and not this and I can't shift it.... the memories are there.... like I need to remember.... even when I try to forget everything's still in here"

"It does matter Sir"

"How?"

"Might be a reason behind it"

"Oh sure, like splitting the team up?"

"Sir"

"I asked General Hammond for some leave"

"Why?"

"It's easier"

"With all due respect Sir I think its called running away"

"Ya know you said almost the same thing to me in the dream"

"And"

"And I still spent almost a year in England"

"That bad"

"Yeah, but trust me the time I had from the minute I got back was just great"

Sensing his need to get stuff off his chest she proceeded carefully with her next question "Want to tell me about it Sir?"

"What?"

"After England"

"Carter trust me it doesn't matter"

"Sir, I'd like to know.... at least tell me what it was like"

"What, what was like?"

"Having Connor"

"Ah listen Sam, I don't...."

"Sir I need to know"

"Why?"

"Well Sir for starters Alex is going to be here sooner rather than later and...."

"You wanna know if you can hack it"

"Sort of Sir"

"Oh yeah, I'd say so. But then you would probably have been over analysing everything at least six months or so before he arrived, you even gave me a second chance at the Dad thing for some reason stating that he'd definitely inherit your brains but I could be there if I wanted.... but I screwed up in typical O'Neill fashion"

"Sir"

"Let me finish, which is why I'm leaving. After the test I got your Dad to do I ran a few things passed Frasier, you're clean you're not going planet visiting for a while yet if that's what you want, the fact is I leave now and you and Alex can get to know one another better"

"Jack"

"Look, something happened, I'm not making that mistake again if I go now before anything happens then it won't happen you'll do just fine though"

"What happened?"

"I crossed a line I said I wouldn't cross, had stuff to think about and a year later everything changed because I let personal stuff interfere with the job and I'm not ready to go there again"

"So your basically leaving for what happened between us in a dream?"

"No"

"Sounds like it to me"

"Well it's in part why.... I can't do it again...I can't forget what I am first and fore most"

"What's that?"

"Military.... when I do my past catches up with me and I'm not letting you or Alex there become part of that past"

"Sir it was just a dream"

"Yeah and a one I had to sit and watch you die in..... I'm not doing it again I am not going to explain to that kid one day why you aren't here"

"That's why you've been 'off' lately"

"He nodded"

"Sir, dreams don't dictate how our lives are"

"I know that"

"I haven't made Colonel yet.... so you've got to put up with me a while yet, besides I have a reason to make sure we all make it home"

"Alex?"

"Yeah, well I'm not explaining the why your favourite Uncles didn't come home thing to him or her either"

"Good point"

"Where are you going anyway?"

"Chicago"

"Why?"

"Need time to think"

"I thought you went to your cabin when you got leave"

"I do"

"So what's different now"

"I don't know, its just part of my life I guess and I need time as far away from it as possible"

"Sir" she said a little hurt in her voice

"Carter, this isn't about you as such, I just don't know what I'm doing right now, that make sense?"

"I guess"

"But there are a few things I need to take care of first"

"What?"

"Like, making sure you keep me updated on Alex that kinda thing"

"Will do Sir, but on one condition"

"What's that?"

"You get back here ASAP"

"Yes Ma'am" he replied mockingly

"Oh and to give you this" he pulled the disk from his pocket and handing it to her"

"What's on it?"

"A present from a friend we both know"

"Who Sir?"

"Maybourne"

"Maybourne, I thought...."

"We'd seen the last of him, apparently not"

"How did he get through the gate let alone off base?"

"Hammond let him"

"Really?"

"Yeah apparently your headline news at the minute and he had to come and spill it to me"

"Why?"

"The disk so he tells it contains some interesting stuff about you and he thought it was his duty to make sure you got it, I thought you'd find it interesting since apparently you're the only file on it and Maybourne says it has info on Alex too.

"When did you get it?"

"Last night, I'd have given it to you sooner but with everything today I was trying to wait for the right time"

"I'll take a look later Sir thanks. Right now I think I should be heading back, its getting late and well I think I need Daniel to take me to the store, I'm out of waffles, chocolate brownie ice cream and strawberries and I don't think anyone wants a cranky Major"

"You didn't drive over here did you?"

"Your kidding right Sir, should I ever be allowed in a car alone again it will be a miracle. Daniel brought me over I told him to give me some time to talk to you and he should be back anytime now"

"Ah"

Just then there was a knock at the door.

"Daniel" she replied

"And he's not coming in?"

"I asked him not to"

"Why?"

"Because I asked him to, he saw what I was like earlier and didn't think doing this now would be good for me"

"Might have been right though"

"How?"

"My little leave thing its tomorrow first thing"

"And you weren't going to tell me"

"I was gonna leave a note but tell you no I wasn't"

"Well I guess I'll leave you to it then"

"OK" he replied moving to help her up if she needed it

He was sure she would have left there and then had he not reached out to take her arm slightly in his hand and hold her back slightly causing her to turn to face him.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"What?"

He moved his hand gently from her wrist lowered his eyes over her body and then back to her face for approval for his actions.

She gave her consent.

He moved his hand so it hovered slightly over her stomach, the last time he did this he freaked out slightly on her and he wanted to put that right before he left. Holding back slightly he gave a final glance at her and seeing no sign of disapproval he placed it down on her stomach.

He stood silently for a moment before the question was asked.

"Sir, what are you doing?"

No answer was given but he did speak "ah there you are" he said in a somewhat softer tone of voice than normal.

She smiled when she realised what he was doing another 'Jack O'Neill moment' as Daniel had called his behaviour on occasions.

"Now listen kid, I'm going for a little while right, but I'm still technically your Mom's CO that means I'm her commanding officer and since your in there that means I'm your CO to, so here's the deal, no giving your Mom a hard time in there OK"

"Sir, I don't think...."

"Never hurts to try"

"Yes Sir"

"Now come on I've kept you here long enough"

"Guess I'll see you when you get back then"

"Sure thing"

"Right, bye then"

He walked with her to the door "Sam I'll be back before ya know it"

"You better"

"Promise" he said as he pulled her into a hug.