LA Connaissance

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6.

EEYEEEEEEOIIIHUUUIEEOOOOIIUUUEEHHYYYYYY

Okay okay okayokayokay. Sorry I left you alone for so long but I'm just too excited to... speak... to think... God I don't even know if I can function right now.

Hold on a second and let me check.

Finger! MOVE!

Okay good. My finger moved. So I do have some control over my body still. That's nice to know... Unless there was someone who had control over my body and also my mind and so knew that I was ordering my finger to move to make me think that I had control over my body only to desert me later when... when... when I'm about to kiss Michael! What if I started going crazy and like frothing at the mouth and he hates me forever!!!???

Okay... so maybe calming down would be a good thing. But I'm going into the bank and I see Marcy coming towards me and the sight of another person with estrogen in their body makes me want to go all girly and shriek and spew all the details. So I do. 

"Hey Syd... What's with all the bubbliness?"

"Bubbliness?"

"You know... usually when I see you, you look all stone faced and serious like you're about to save the world or something-"

If only she knew.

"-oh my god. It's a man isn't it?"

I look up at her and grin, nodding slowly. Life is good, beautiful, yadda yadda yadda. Just... Perfection. And perfection is nice. Especially when it comes in a box and is wrapped in Michael. 

"Me too! I mean, I know that you thought I was crazy for agreeing to go to that chicken farm with Rob but now... now... just 'wow' Syd. I mean, let's just put it this way. I went home sick yesterday and he was actually already in my apartment with his Chicken Noodle -you know his Chicken Noodle right- and then he actually wanted to have sex! I mean, germination aside, that's kinda weird don't you think?"

"Well...yeah but it's Rob. Chicken-farm-first-date boy. I'd even believe it if you said that you were his first."

"I wouldn't... Because behind that skinny skinny frame and the weird hair part and the thick wire-framed glasses and the big nose-"

Sorry but I have to interrupt this. This is supposed to be MY gushing time and she is totally stealing it. God Marcy, aren't you supposed to be sick? As in, don't talk and tie your mouth shut if you can't help it? Doesn't that mean you have to wear an index card necklace that says "You're welcome to talk to me but I can't talk back because I have laryngitis."???????

::GASP:: I bet she wasn't even sick!!! ::ANOTHER GASP:: No one goes home sick with laryngitis one day and comes back PERFECTLY FINE the next!!! OHMIGOD. MARCY TOOK A SEXDAY OFF!!!

"I didn't know you could hide anything under that skinny skinny frame, Marcy." My voice has a bit of an edge now. I know it. I put it there on purpose that lying little 'i'll take a sexday off' bitch. Oh. Wait.

Wait.

If she hadn't taken her sexday off, SHE would have met Michael. And maybe SHE would've been all flirty and gotten a date and... and... and maybe she would've squeezed his lemons!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Okay, okay. No more edge. Gratefulness. I'm giving off gratefulness vibes. :vibe: :vibe: :vibe:

Strange. Maybe it's my over-active imagination but I'm seeing the vibes that I'm sending her and they are all bouncing off her heavily-gel-and-hair-sprayed-hair. It's serious hair. Big hair. I always thought that that was why Rob went for her. You know... to make up for his own...insecurities. 'Oh what? You're don't think I'm adequate? Well look at my girlfriend's hair you dip wad! Big enough for you?'

"Very funny Syd. But let me finish my stttooorrryyy. Behind all that... He's like this absolute... bedroom tiger! It's crazy!! I mean, I was all warm and happy from the Chicken Noodle and all of the sudden I'm making these SOUNDS that I've never heard myself make before... I mean I didn't even know they existed. It was so weird. It was kind of an EEYEEEEEEOIIIHUUUIEEOOOOIIUUUEEHHYYYYYY. I mean... have you ever heard anything like that in your life??"

"Umm... No." And frankly, Marcy, I never want to again.

"So, what's up with you?"

"Umm... I wanted to thank you for taking the day off yesterday because I met the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with."

"Oooh really? Is he like my Rob?"

"Umm... sure...no...no not really Marcy."

"Oh I'm sorry, hun."

"Oh, I'm really not Marcy. Rob's really not my type, I guess I'm just not a chicken-farm kinda girl."

And then she kinda plops on the floor-the BANK floor- with this little girl grin and says "Okay. Description. Now."

Well... the bank's not open yet and I do have a little time before the meeting and I'm happy and what the hell. I can do this too. So I find myself on the floor, cross-legged in front of Marcy, giving her a description whilst trying to think of a good excuse to tell Mr. Sloane so that I won't get in trouble for not getting the documents he wanted.

"Well... He's about 6'0 feet even."

"OOH! That's like my Rob!" Umm... Marcy sweetie, are you blind? He's more like 5'2".

"And he's got these great, wonderful green eyes that just seem to pore into your soul. Your very soul do you understand?"

"I've always preferred blue eyes myself." Okay seriously Marcy. Totally ruining the spirit of the whole thing. I'm trying to gush here and you want to talk about Mr. Shorty McShort and his cataractically-blue eyes and his ability to make you sound like a cross between a mongoose and a wild gorilla in heat and mating... with each other... with the inclusion of a feather boa and a squeaky toy somewhere in there too, might I add. 

"Look at the time, Marcy. Gotta go."

I'm not letting her ruin my day... and knowing her, she'd probably steal him. And there is no way I'm letting her squeeze his lemons. No way in hell. May she have a poof-tah bigger than the world.

tbc

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