Chapter 13: Empathy

It was bright when Aiden entered the fencing hall. Relena and Yamashi watched the match quietly, but Aiden did not join them. He was waiting for one of the participants to finish, and looked mildly about the room. There were two great windows in one wall, with light, filmy curtains that were opened to allow golden sunlight to slant in onto the participants.

"Nii-san?" Aiden turned to Yamashi, who was twisting his hands nervously, brow furrowed in worry. "Is Kia going to be okay?"

Aiden didn't speak for a moment, looked up at the high windows and listened to the clanging of fencing foils. "She'll live," he paused. "As for when she'll wake up . . . I don't know."

Yamashi's gaze turned down and Aiden realized that he was not the only one suffering. His family had to be going through hell right now and he wasn't able to be there for them.

Aiden slipped an arm across Yamashi's shoulders and led him to one of the windows, Relena watching them from across the room. "Look out there, Yamashi," Aiden told him softly. "Look at the birds and the sky and the grass."

"It's so peaceful," Yamashi's worn brown eyes trailed over the scenery. Sweaty fighters clashed behind them.

"I've seen so much death, and caused so much of it myself." Aiden put his hand lightly on the sill, staring at the sky. Yamashi glanced up at him. "Now I'm on the other side – and there is no way I'm going to let her die." He looked down at Yamashi and the boy saw an awesome power burning in those dark blue eyes. His voice was soft, silk-laden steel. "I am going to find whoever is behind all of this, and I promise you – they will pay."

"Heero," a hand clasped Aiden's shoulder gently. He turned as Quatre took his fencing helmet off. "You wanted to talk?" he asked gently.

"Yeah," Aiden turned to Yamashi and ruffled the boy's hair. "I'll see you later."

He followed Quatre into the dressing room and waited while the other young man showered and changed. Shortly, they went to one of the smaller balconies of a private anteroom where Quatre had already had tea set up for them.

They settled in and Quatre looked up at Aiden, knowing the reason of his distress without having been told. "What do you think you did wrong?"

Aiden replied promptly. It was, of course, what he had been dwelling on all night. "I forgot about her and she got hurt."

Quatre nodded, sipping his tea for a long moment as he looked out at the birds flitting and twittering through the tree just beside their balcony, the lush green plant sending a splendid shade over them in the morning radiance. "Why did you forget about her?"

It took him longer to answer that one. Not that he didn't already know, but it was a personal matter and Aiden had never been good at spilling his guts to anyone. "Relena distracted me," he sighed.

Quatre looked at him, straight in the eye, and almost smirked. "I saw that you were a little out of it there. What did she say to you? You stood in the sweaters for ten whole seconds, just looking blank." He sipped his tea again, looking at Aiden curiously over the rim. The tea steamed pleasantly, little curls of vapor rising up and mixing into the cool morning air. Aiden dumped another spoonful of sugar into his tea and stirred, just for the sake of doing something distracting.

"It was more her tone than anything," he replied, not looking at the blonde boy. "It was . . . coy, I suppose. I've never seen her like that before, so it was . . . shocking."

Quatre chuckled and lifted an eyebrow. "I'd imagine." He watched Aiden dump another spoonful of sugar in and stir it methodically. "Heero, you're human. You're not perfect, you never were, and just because you're losing that edge doesn't mean it's your fault. Personally, I think it's great that you've gotten on with your life so well."

"But I almost lost my sister. That's not something I can rationalize away so easily." Aiden left the tea alone and looked at Quatre, whose eyes shimmered with sympathy.

"Neither is destroying a colony."

Aiden shook his head, holding back the tears with some effort. His throat and eyes burned, but he managed it. "You were under the Zero System. This was my fault, my personal fault. If I had been strong enough–"

Quatre stood up and banged his fist against the table, getting Aiden's attention. "'If I had been strong enough,' 'if I had done this, if I had done that.' I'm sick of it, Heero, and I don't want to hear another damn word like that out of you!"

Taken aback, Aiden could only stare as Quatre sat back down and frowned at his tea.

"Don't you think I've gone through that?" he finally asked, quietly, cupping pale slim hands around his warm cup.

Aiden looked down, ashamed and throbbing with the fresh wounds of guilt.

"It doesn't work, Heero. You can't just hide behind your pain. You're sorry, yeah, but you can't keep beating yourself up over it. If you do, you'll just end up hurting more. I know, Heero. I've felt it all."

Aiden spooned more sugar into his tea and sighed, frustrated, a terrible turmoil churning around in his stomach. They sat in silence for awhile and Aiden sipped his tea.

Then spat it out.

"Ugh," he wiped his mouth, and Quatre laughed.

"I thought you were putting too much sugar in there," he chuckled. "But I didn't want to say anything."

Aiden pushed his cup away in disgust, turning to serious matters. "I've got a tip on who was behind the attempts. I'm going to visit them tonight." His eyes narrowed at the birds as one landed on the balcony railing and Quatre poured him a new cup of tea, having dumped the too-sweet cup over the rail. Aiden was busy thinking about what he would do to the fellow in charge of the attacks.

Quatre set Aiden's cup down firmly and looked him in the eye, studying him with a frown. "Heero, I don't want this to turn into revenge. Please tell me you'll act rationally."

Aiden glared up at him and Quatre's frown turned into a glare.

"Heero, I don't want you to go off half-cocked on a suicide mission. Before you do anything stupid, think about how Kia would feel if she woke up and found out you were dead!" Quatre spat the last phrase, and Aiden clenched his teeth, angry because Quatre made sense. His plan had been suicidal, but if he died who would protect his family?

Who would protect Relena?

Aiden sighed. "You really know how to push a guy down, Quatre."

"If he's a suicidal maniac, then thank you." Quatre sipped at his tea some more and Aiden glared at him, then carefully measured the amount of sugar he put in his tea and sipped at it.

"Alright," Aiden had finished his tea and was feeling somewhat better. "I'll do it the safe way. But do me a favor."

"What?"

"Give me a pill that will let me rest. I was up all night."

Quatre chuckled and stood. "Come on." They walked up in companionable silence. Once in Quatre's room, he drew a plastic bottle from the medicine cabinet and shook out one tablet. He handed it to Aiden who swallowed it with a handful of water.

"Aren't those things bad for you?" he swiped at his mouth and raised an eyebrow as Quatre settled the bottle back in the cabinet.

"Addictive, you mean? Only if you use them regularly." He looked down. "I just use them when I have nightmares and can't get back to sleep."

"Hn," Aiden grunted. He paused at the door and turned back, thinking about his problems again. "Who helped you? How did you get through it?"

Quatre smiled. "I got through it because I found someone else who needed me. We helped each other."

"Who?"

"Go to bed, Heero." Quatre smiled gently, obviously not going to give him any more information. Aiden nodded complacently and left.