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This chapter is dedicated to cloudburst

Chapter 17

Lightning crackled like whips, striking and scorching the earth somewhere off in the distance. The booming roll of thunder echoed in the small dark apartment, highlighting her form for a few brief milliseconds before casting her once again in gloom. With each flash of nature's power glinting, reflecting within those tortured brown orbs that held him captive, Alec felt the clinch on his chest tighter.

There was no one else with them. Sketchy was no doubt at Crash and OC . . . well Alec could only guess that his friend had found some loving. The rain had soaked them through and through by the time he'd gotten to his place. She'd refused to stay in Terminal City, squirming and writhing to get away from him when he'd tried to carry her back.

She hadn't spoken, not a word since he'd found her. Her eyes were those of a despairing prey frantic to get away from its pursuers. The look a haunted child might wear in the middle of the night, listening to the howling wind and looking at the pitch-black darkness coming from the open wardrobe door.

Alec didn't dare approach her; she seemed so desolate and brokenhearted. Mole's words echoed in his mind, Ask anyone here who's been through it . . . Ask any X5 that was brainwashed, simplified and tortured to see if they'd turn like you . . . your old unit members that didn't make it, heck ask the clones! . . . we were living the punishments, choking on the tightened leashes . . . ask Max about her life . . . psy-ops at age 7 . . . age 9 . . . 16 . . . 19 . . .

Swallowing past the lump in his throat trying to control his upchuck reflex, all of a sudden he wasn't quite sure if he wanted to know what haunted her, what skeletons hid within her closet, but he also knew that whether he wanted to or not, he NEEDED to hear it.

"Max?" his voice felt scratchy and unpracticed. As if he'd just regained his ability to speak after eons of silence.

The sound jolted her out of her inner turmoil and into the land of the living, her fraught eyes catching with his, paining him with the lost look within them.

She'd been off into her own world, fighting the surfacing memories, fighting the pain, trying to build the walls that had crumbled, trying to keep her falling world upright. Things she'd thought she'd managed to forget, snippets of the past that had remained buried deep inside her all of a sudden fluttering to the surface like a soccer punch to the gut.

"Max," Alec spoke again moving closer to where she leant upon his windowsill. The same spot from which he'd contemplated her, rather sudden, crash into his life.

His hand lifted toward her face and he fought the urge to flinch when she shied away, "Don't." Her small croaked whisper spoke more than a thousand words ever could. It told in agonizing detail, the anguish, sorrowful burden she carried. Showed the plaguing misery that beleaguered her. Dry tear tracks marked down her cheeks in winding paths. Taken paths of pain. His hand was still halted mid air, lips parted as his heart bet in his chest and his breath mixed with hers as she huffed raggedly.

Eyes wild and terrified she could only stare at his once again approaching hand. Too scared to watch they closed and she flinched when the soft pads of his fingertips brushed her cheekbones and traced her tears down to where they'd pooled at the corners of her lips. Chest rising and falling with each puff, her heartbeat accelerated till it bet madly.

"What did they do to you?" Alec didn't know if the question had been directed at her, at the blue lady or whatever higher power existed, nevertheless it seemed to chip at her mask that had once seemed indestructible but now crumbled with every heart beat, every caress of his fingers.

Max was fighting inside herself pushing with all her might against the floodgates, hopeless to keep them closed, to keep it locked away. The soft feel of his fingers warm upon her cheek felt so right, so comforting, and his breath upon her lips mixing with her own again sent ripples of warmth through her.

One lone digit lifted her chin causing Max to open her eyes and meet with his. For a moment Alec was reminded of those Japanese cartoons. The thousands upon thousands he'd watched and still did. When the Technicolor characters were on the verge of tears, there were always those close ups when all you'd see was their shiny far too big eyes trembling, glinting with unshed emotion about to explode.

Max found herself in a spiral out of her control as Alec opened himself fully. He removed every wall, opened every gate, took away all the masks and facades he'd ever worn and showed himself, trusting her enough to reveal all he'd ever kept inside.

Prickling tears betrayed her and as the droplet broke free sliding down her cheek her resolve crumbled in a million pieces. Her heart, her soul, her armor shattered at once.

Max broke down melting into Alec holding onto him like a lifeline. As if he was her raft keeping her head above the murky, obscure waters of the unforgiving sea that threatened to swallow her. Chest pressed up against his, her hands curled round to his back holding tightly terrified he'd disappear. The mournful grief stricken cries only made Alec clutch her tighter. Moving back he lifted her sitting down and placing her in his lap, rocking her back and forth.

The tears didn't ease as she burrowed into his naked chest, her soaking robe, which she'd refused to shed, forgotten as she let everything she'd kept within, out for the first time. Every regret, every ounce of sorrow and grief was finally released in those tears and despairing cries.

His arms encircled her. She was as much of a lifeline to him as he was to her as he rocked her whispering sweet soothing words in her ear. The even vibrating hum of his words was calming.

"I'm sorry Max. I'm so sorry," he pleaded to her his voice cracking.

Max clung on, clung to him to stay grounded in reality and Alec couldn't have broken the embrace for anything in the world as he nuzzled his face into her neck, eyes clinched and muttering nonsensical words and apologies, "We should have never left, then this wouldn't have happened."

His pleading words snapped her out of her own shock and she turned to face him, eyes wide, red from her tears, "What?" the question was nothing but a dumfounded whisper.

Alec swallowed, his eyes searching her face as if the words he wanted to speak were written inside the coffee bean pools that swirled studying him, "If we'd stayed maybe you wouldn't have been in psy-ops four times. All of this wouldn't have happened. After the escape everything got harder for the rest of you."

Only able to stare dumbstruck the silence grew on stretching as Max searched for how to answer him. The punch across his jaw was a definite surprise, the force of the blow twisting his head to the side. Blocking the second blow Alec wrestled her to the ground pinning her down immobilizing her as she spit fire at him with her eyes.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" he growled at her pushing harder into her letting her know he was in control.

"What's my problem?" she asked in disbelief noting annoyed that it had seemed to become a pattern with Alec, "You mean what's wrong with you. Perhaps the outside is affecting your brain waves. Do you know anything about what went on? Huh? Do you Alec? Who told you about psy-ops? Tell me!!"

Anger seeped into him his jaw clenching, grasping her tighter he hissed, "No I don't. For the only reason that you won't tell me. You treat me like I'm some poor disillusioned child that couldn't possibly comprehend all that Maxie and her little nomlie friends have gone through. I escaped ten years before you, I didn't have the balls to stay so I have no clue on the pain and torture you could have suffered."

Her eyes widened at the poison in his words and the bitterness seeping from his eyes that but a few moments before had been as open and vulnerable as those of a child. Guilt stabbed at her as she saw his irises flash with pain before he buried it, "Alec I…"

"You what? If I don't know jack about you what makes you believe you know anything about me?!" he continued.

Max was panicking. It wasn't small scale, it was more along the lines of 'Help I just took my father's two hundred thousand dollar car for a spin and smashed it into a police car' that sort of panic. Not that she'd ever had a father though.

Her eyes flickered each way searching for something. Anything to go back up the path they'd taken and go down the one right next to it. She'd stalled this moment successfully for years, not Lydecker, not Renfro, not even psy-ops had broken her but for some reason beyond her the man above her, the one pinning her body with his, had somehow torn through her.

Alec recognized the look, she'd worn one identical to this when she'd pulled away from their kiss and with sparking bafflement Alec realized she was scared out of her mind. He could see it in her eyes as they refused to meet his. She was going to bolt, run away and hide and not one to let her he did the only thing he could think of to stop her, the only thing he wanted to do in that moment. Letting go he crushed his lips to hers.

Passion poured through him sending scalding hot jolts of excited fear through them both. Each part of them that touched tingled and sparked, heat building and burning with the battle from their lips.

Max had heard of this, had read a few trashy romance novels that described what she was experiencing, but none of that seemed to be quite like the feel of his angered, frightened and passionate lips against hers. It always read that the girl couldn't describe the feeling it was so intense, and Max found herself wondering if those writers had ever actually felt it. Actually ever kissed an alpha transgenic male high on adrenaline. The latter most likely not.

It was for lack of a better term, incandescent covetousness, but even that didn't seem to bring justice to the sensations coursing through her. The extra syllables still seemed to lack.

Alec was beyond thinking, beyond feeling. His brain was broiling with images, blood pumping, his breath hitching as his body cried out for more, it was sweltering with hunger for the body beneath him, he could feel two hard tips pressing against his chest only taking him higher.

They broke apart in ragged confusion as they both drew breath unevenly still caught in a haze, "Don't run," he whispered, forehead pressed against hers, "Please don't run."

Her feelings were out of her control, everything was coming out in a tangled heap; she couldn't stop her words, "You asshole."

Alec could barely believe her sudden change and the unexpected burst of strength from below him allowed Max to get to her feet. He wasn't far behind though running after her as she stormed towards the door and grabbing her arm pulling her back, "Could you please start making sense!?"

Struggling against him she hit him repeatedly in a desperate attempt to get away, "You scare me okay?! I don't know what to do with myself around you! Is that what you want to hear?" she gritted through clenched teeth.