Thank you all for all the great feedback! WOW, I never expected such a huge response from that first part, but I'm really glad that you all are enjoying it...just stick with me b/c now I have no idea what I'm doing! ;)
Oh, and keep in mind that I am not using a beta-reader, so mistakes are my fault. If I need it I'll get one later on in the story. Also, I'm not saying when the next part will be out because I don't want to give myself a deadline and rush and then not make the date. So just keep an eye out for me, or if you want to be notified of an update, e-mail me.
This part has heavy spoilers for "Touched." I'm sure my take on this certain scene will pale drastically in comparison to what the actual show will have Tuesday, but...I figured, hey, I can just have my own take on everything. :P
Never Gave Up
By: Rachel
See Part One for all the author notes. The part in bold is a flashback.
~*~*~*~
Has it really been less than a day since we managed to defeat the First? Buffy asked herself, rolling her neck back and forth to get the kinks out of it as she sat upright in the plush seat. The group of buses had sped out of Sunnydale as quickly as possible, only making one stop to refuel up the gas tanks before continuing the journey. After a short, and to the point talk at the gas station, Buffy and the core members of the gang decided that it would be a good idea to reach the California borderline before deciding what to do next. Their mutual feeling was to get as far away from Sunnydale as possible right now.
That gave everyone on the bus about four hours to rest up, calm down from the battle, and think back to everything and everyone they had lost.
It was a very dreary ride.
There was little conversation; little movement; little interaction between anyone.
Everyone was either too tired from the battle or too busy trying to forget what they had witnessed.
As Buffy sat in her seat at the back of the bus, she reflected on her feelings for what seemed like the millionth time that day. She felt...
Bittersweet.
Buffy was incredibly proud of her army for pulling through; and more importantly, blissfully happy that they had averted, yet again, another apocalypse and lived to tell the tale.
And yet...deep down in there somewhere, there was another part of her that was heavyhearted and emotionally destroyed. And she knew that part of her was because of Spike. I was stupid, she told herself, shaking her head in regret. I was too afraid of telling him my feelings, so I hid them the entire time. And when I finally got up enough courage to actually tell him, he didn't believe me.
Can't say I really blame him, though.
"Hey," a soft, calming voice began, breaking Buffy away from her thoughts.
Buffy turned to the voice and smiled when she saw her red-headed friend leaning over the back of the seat in front of her. "Hey, Will," she answered, before covering her mouth with her hand as she yawned.
Willow's eyes darted back and forth, not knowing how to begin. "How are you holding up?"
Buffy shrugged, managing to hide any emotion from appearing on her face. "Fine, I guess."
"Buffy..." Willow started, knowing when her friend was hiding something from her.
"What do you want me to say, Willow?" Buffy questioned. "Here we are, a bunch of homeless, under-aged, lost girls...no place to go, nothing to do. We defeated the First...so what next?"
"Do you want to talk about what happened there?" Willow suggested. "Maybe it'd be better if you talked to someone about it."
When Buffy's head lowered, trying to signal that the conversation was now over, Willow tried again. "Look, I just wanted to come back here to let you know that we're about thirty minutes from a rest stop. Xander, Faith, Dawn, and I figured we could all sit down and decide what to do next."
Buffy nodded, "Sounds like a good plan," she replied. She leaned back, turning her head away from the Wiccan. "You'll let me know when we get there, right?"
"Sure, Buffy," Willow assured her, turning around and heading up to the front of the bus.
"How is she?" Xander asked, worry evident on his features, as he looked to the back of the bus.
Willow shook her head, sighing, as she sat back down. "I don't know...She seems okay, but...there's just something..."
"Missing?" Dawn suggested.
"Yeah," Willow agreed. "Like..."
"Like Spike," Faith blurted out. At the looks from the other three, she held up her hands defensively, shaking her head a couple times back and forth. "Oh, c'mon, it's what we're all thinking, 's just that no one here wants to be the one to actually say it."
"Has she said anything about what Spike did? About what happened?" Dawn asked Willow.
"Why he didn't make it out?" Faith questioned.
"Not a word," she answered. "She's just staring out the window...an empty, sad stare."
Twenty seat-rows away, Buffy closed her eyes, listening to the murmur of her concerned and worried friends. She knew they were merely distressed and only wanted what was best for her.
But they would never know what it truly felt like.
To lose not one, but *two* lovers, because their death meant saving the world and averting the apocalypse, and have to go on living your life -- no one should ever have to feel what that was like. However, Angel came back. He wasn't gone for good, and he was currently in LA, still fighting the good fight. He was still alive.
But Spike *was* gone for good. Even if, for some miraculous reason the sunlight from the amulet had not destroyed him, the collapsed building had for sure.
And this time, he's not coming back, Buffy thought to herself, feeling her heart tighten at the very thought.
She wrapped her hands tighter around her arms, feeling goose bumps form as a chill ran through her suddenly. And wasn't it just a day ago that he was holding me? she remembered. Or maybe it was two? In all the worry over fighting Caleb and the Turok-Hans, she had lost track of the days.
He told me he loved me and held me as I slept, Buffy remembered. And it was my one night of solace and finding peace...that night in his arms.
Buffy thought back to the night at the abandoned house where she and Spike had slept...actually *slept*, nothing like what they had engaged in a year ago, but something meaningful.
While everyone else was out partying or spending one last night with their sweetheart, she and Spike had shared something...something unforgettable.
She still remembered what they had said to each other...
~~~
After the sun had set, Buffy wandered into an empty home looking for a place to rest. After all, it wasn't too much trouble finding a place to stay since most of Sunnydale was deserted by now, anyway. She made her way back into the bedroom, preparing to lie down. Buffy planned to get in a few minutes of sleep before going back out there and trying to find Caleb again.
Unexpectedly, the door swung open. Buffy froze, falling into a fighting stance in case Caleb was on the other side of the door.
Instead, it was a bleached-blonde headed vampire, looking at her with nothing but concern in his eyes.
"Hey," she whispered after a beat, lowering her fighting stance. "You found me."
"Hey..." Spike replied just as softly. "I'm sorry."
"Thank you." Buffy nodded, walking up to the door and standing aside. "Come on in," she invited.
Spike crossed the threshold and walked deeper into the room. "I went back to the house...got some interesting news about you being kicked out."
"Yeah...how 'bout that?" Buffy tried to joke; unfortunately, the joke fell flat.
"So I had a few unpleasant words with the Scoobies, especially those annoying potential chits...the one in the sling, especially, " Spike rolled his eyes at that; obviously the talk with the potentials hadn't gone well. "...and I tracked you as quick as I could...tried to find you as soon as I could."
Buffy nodded, the pain of being "voted" out of the house still fresh in her memory. "I wish you had been there," she murmured. "You would have been there to defend me against them...seems like all my friends have turned against me."
"They're being bloody stupid."
"Guess I shouldn't be surprised. After all, the Slayer is ultimately alone, right?" Buffy spoke, thinking back to all the other times in her life when her friends had deserted her for a time. Words that Angelus had spoken to her came to mind. "No weapons...no friends...no hope..."
Spike couldn't believe what she was saying, as if she was giving up. He took a few steps closer to her, trying to reassure her fears and worries. "You don't honestly believe that, right? There is always hope. We'll pull through this, we will."
"Maybe it was for the best, me getting kicked out," Buffy spoke, walking back to the bed and sitting on the edge.
"Don't you start with that. I don't even want to hear it," Spike ordered. "They had *no* right to do that to you, love. If anything, you're the one person they can't do without!"
"I just don't know..." Buffy began, tears welling in the corner of her eyes. "Every time I try to lead...make a decision...someone gets hurt. I try to keep them out of it, and they still wind up dying or injured."
"It's not your fault," Spike assured her. "Harris knew what he was getting into right from the start seven bloody years ago. You warned him not to get into it, and he did, knowing the dangers."
"Then maybe it's better that Faith is in charge," Buffy suggested. "She'll probably get them all killed, but, hey...as long as the girls have some *fun* before the End of Days, why should it matter?"
Spike knelt on the floor, looking up at her with love reflecting in his orbs. "You can't blame yourself for everything that happens in this town, Buffy."
Buffy gazed into his eyes, wanting desperately to lose herself in them for one more time...just one night was all she wanted. Quickly, before she did something she'd live to regret, she turned her head away from him, breaking eye contact.
"Maybe you should leave," she suggested.
"I'm not leaving you here to wallow in your self-loathing and pity," Spike responded.
"Please. Leave." she repeated.
"No." Spike reached out and touched her cheek before placing his whole hand on the side of her face, gently turning her head around to face him. "I know about the vineyard...I know that you might have rushed everyone in there unprepared. And I don't care about that. A hundred plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of -- I love you."
"Spike..." Buffy whispered. I need to tell him...now's my perfect chance to say it back. Instead, her voice faltered and she muttered something softly.
"Can you...will you just hold me?" she requested.
"What?"
"Just for tonight...hold me while I fall asleep, please?"
Spike nodded and leaned back on his heels while he watched Buffy fold the sheets back and plump up the pillows before climbing in underneath the sheets.
Unsure of how to act, Spike slowly climbed in beside her, pulling the sheets up to their waist and lying on his side, facing her. Spike didn't want to make any sudden movements, the memory of what he had done to her before, still deep in the back of his mind.
Buffy shifted her weight, turning on her side to face him. She lay her head inside the crook of his arm, taking his other hand and laying it across her stomach, continuing to hold onto his hand after she dropped it against her waist. She breathed a deep sigh, feeling the tension begin to flow from her body.
When she raised her head a bit, she found herself staring into Spike's eyes, this time unable to look away.
"Thank you," she whispered, her free hand reaching out to touch his shirt-covered chest.
Spike shook his head, a sad smile on his face. "No, love, thank *you*."
Buffy closed her eyes, burying herself deeper into his embrace and breathing him in, as a smile fleetingly traveled across her face. "I'm just going to sleep...just for a little while."
"Just rest, love."
Feeling the pull of unconsciousness, Buffy closed her eyes, muttering a few words. "Wake me...in five...minutes."
"Promise," Spike lied, knowing that once she was asleep, he was going to let her rest for as long as possible.
As Buffy began to drift off, she swore she felt a pair of cool lips brush across her forehead, pressing a light kiss on top her head. I love you, Spike... she thought as she gave into unconsciousness.
"...Buffy...?"
~~~
"Buffy?"
"BUFFY!"
Buffy jumped up at the sound of Dawn calling out her name and shaking her shoulder back and forth. "We're at the rest stop," she announced.
"Already?" Buffy asked. Apparently, she had gotten so lost in her thoughts and memories of that night, she hadn't even been aware that half an hour had already passed. "Thanks, Dawnie."
Wiping the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes, Buffy slowly sat up and stretched her arms. She placed the memories of that night with Spike in the back of her mind, where she hopefully wouldn't have to think about them ever again.
However, before rising from her seat, she thought back to one last thing...
"A hundred plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of -- I love you."
God, how she wished she had told him that night that she felt the exact same way.
~~~
Spike rolled onto his side, groaning when he felt his body protesting to every motion and movement. His ribs ached, his legs felt numb, hell -- even his finger joints felt sore, and his lungs burned.
Of course, the burning in his lungs might have had something to do with the fact that he hadn't taken a breath in over a century.
Gradually, taking it slowly and at a step at a time, he made his way to the staircase at the entrance to the basement. Several steps were missing as a result of the quake and cave in, but at least most of the stairway was intact. Holding tightly onto the railing, in case the remaining steps beneath him decided to give away, Spike slowly made his way to the top of the stairs and down the hallway.
Spike stood at the front doorway, less than another step away from where the beam of sunlight began, when he froze, old habits suddenly getting the best of him. The rational part of his mind told him everything was fine...he was breathing and had a heartbeat. For some unexplainable reason, he wasn't dead; in fact, he was human.
Therefore, there should be no reason to be afraid of stepping into the sunlight.
Gathering up his courage, Spike limped and dragged his way through the double glass doors, mow missing most of the glass, and into the sun that was now beaming down on him. Well, I'll be damned, he thought, squinting up at the brightness overhead of him.
He felt the warmth on his skin, something that he had all but forgotten the feel of. I'm going to need some bloody SPF 500, he swore when he looked down at his pale skin.
Spike took another deep breath, freezing, however, when he felt a rush of intense pain in his stomach. From the feel of it, at least two of his ribs must have been broken or bruised, probably more. It's been a while since I felt pain this great, he thought, now remembering that he would no longer have any vampire traits.
Buffy! he then remembered, forgetting about his pain for a moment. I've got to get to Buffy...see if she really meant what she told me back there, or... well, he didn't want to think about the "or."
Spike began trudging down what looked like Main Street, the road that was once the main road for traveling through the town that had been reduced to a worn and beaten path. He saw a deserted car, a Jetta, parallel parked on the other side of the street. Taking another breath and trying to ignore the pain, he drew closer to the car, noticing the broken windows. Please let there be keys somewhere in there, Spike thought.
A few seconds later, Spike carefully lowered himself into the driver's seat, letting out a sigh of relief when he saw the keys still in the ignition switch. Please start, he commanded silently, turning the ignition switch on.
The engine roared to life and Spike grinned.
Finally, something good happening.
Turning the car around, Spike began leaving the town that he had called home for the last four years.
Good riddance.
Now Leaving Sunnydale
Come Back Soon!
Not bloody likely.
~~~
Two and a half hours later, Spike finally made it to his destination.
He barely made it, however, having almost passed out twice from the pain, one time from what must have been a concussion, and coming close to getting a speeding ticket on the highway. Nevertheless, he had arrived in one piece. Spike pulled himself out of the car and walked up to the double door entrance. Pushing the doors open with a grunt of pain, he managed to smile at everyone inside.
Spike nodded once at the man standing a few feet in front of him, gawking at the very sight of seeing him.
"Hello, there, Peaches," Spike greeted.
Two seconds later, he was on the floor, unconscious.
~~~
TBC...
Please let me know what you thought! Did I just drag along? Hated my version of "Touched?" (I am kinda nervous about what you throught about my take on it...) Constructive criticism only, please.