Chapter 11

"So," Dawn said casually, "I saw you two playing kissy-face last night."

Buffy dropped her spoon in shock. "We were not playing kissy-face!"

"Whatever, Buffy, I saw you practically sucked his face off."

Buffy sighed. "It was just a goodnight kiss."

"It looked like a lot more than that."

"Why do you even care?"

"Are you falling in love with him?" Dawn asked seriously, all traces of the earlier humor wiped away.

"What? What kind of question is that?"

"A serious question, Buffy. Are you?"

"It's none of your business."

"Look, Buffy, I get that you're a private person. You don't want to share, that's fine. But don't play with him, Buffy. He's not Spike, he won't be able to take it."

"Dawn, I don't think…"

"Buffy listen to me—if you aren't serious about him, don't lead him on. Because he is serious about you."

"What do you…" Buffy's question was cut off by the ringing phone. "Hello?"

"It's Wes. Can you come to the office today?"

"I have to work, I'll be there around 7?"

"Come earlier if possible. This is important."

"Right, I'll be there."

~*~

Wes was pacing the room nervously when Buffy arrived. "What's up?"

"Remember the passage I found?"

"About William needing strength?"

"Yes, well, there are apparently multiple passages. I've seen references not only to strength but also life, and death. There doesn't seem to be any clear meaning."

"Are we running out of time?"

"We will need to do something soon. It's true William is getting stronger, but that won't last much longer."

Buffy kept careful control of herself. "You have books and resources from multiple dimensions, and you can't find the answer?"

"Buffy, you have to understand that this is hardly a common occurrence. As far as I can tell, this is the first time this has happened in recorded history."

"Then how did Dorjan manage it?"

"That's another problem, Buffy. Something guided him. Dorjan is currently in a containment room to stop him from practicing more magic, but he recently asked for a pen and paper. His writings are very disconcerting."

"What?"

"He's writing, well, I guess channeling would be  better word, a spell. He goes into a trance to write and well, it's rather frightening."

"What's the spell?" Buffy asked impatiently.

"It's to bring Spike back."

"What? I told him to stop!"

"I don't think it has anything to do with you, Buffy. Something takes him over…"

"How close is he?"

Wesley shrugged, "From what I can tell, it'll work. This spell can bring Spike back as he was just before he died. Someone just needs to perform it."

"Who would do this? Who is sending the spell?"

"It could be an agent of evil, or an agent of good. It's impossible to tell, especially if it has anything to do with the Powers."

"Is there anyway you could find out?"

"There are a few oracles, but they are notoriously hard to work with. I'll contact them, but there is no guarantee it will bring any results."

"Do the best you can. If someone is trying to bring back Spike, we have to know who and why."

"Buffy, I know this is rather hard on you…"

"No, don't. This is my fault, I'll have to deal with it."

"Maybe, Buffy, maybe not."

"I'm sorry this is taking up so much of your time…"

Wes shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I think this is bigger than any of us initially thought. And I think this needs my attention more than anything else right now."

"Have you talked to Angel?"

"Not yet, but I'm going to have to. He is the boss here, and he needs to be kept updated—especially if it's as serious as I suspect it is."

"Thanks for letting me know."

"No problem. I'll call you as soon as anything else comes up. Buffy?"

"Yes?"

"How is William?"

"He's good."

"Is he adjusting well?"

"He is."

"Be careful Buffy. We don't know what's in store for William."

Buffy frowned. "I will be."

She kept complete control over herself until she was in her car, and then all of her muscles went lax. The energy was completely sapped out of her body. She couldn't move, couldn't cry, couldn't do anything except rethink what Wes had said over and over.

They could bring Spike back. Something was determined to bring Spike back. William could die. Oh God, what a mess. The thought of remaining in her car indefinitely so she wouldn't have to deal with all of this was extremely tempting. So tempting in fact that when she started driving, she went the opposite direction of her apartment.

She wasn't going to abandon Dawn and William, but she couldn't face them. She drove through the endless winding streets of LA, occasionally jumping one on of the freeways until she was completely lost. She figured she could distract herself by figuring how the hell to get home.

Buffy wasn't even paying attention to the street names, or the time, or the cars around her. She was driving on auto-pilot, fear and adrenalin fueling her. She didn't realize it, but she was choosing flight over fight, and though she couldn't get far, that didn't stop her from trying. 

The memory of the dreams hit her full force as she was merging onto the 10 Freeway. She slammed on her breaks and was nearly hit by a large Semi-truck. With shaky hands and gasping breaths, she exited the freeway and pulled off at the first gas station she found.

She sat in the car shaking, silent tears streaming down her eyes. He couldn't follow Joyce. He had other places to be. That's what he told her. He couldn't follow Joyce to heaven. He told her, and she thought they were nightmares. But how could he be in Hell? He saved the world. He saved them all, how could be not be in Heaven?

She knew she couldn't drive home, she couldn't do anything. It took her 3 attempts to turn off the car, and it took ten minutes to dig out 50 cents with her shaking hands. She was so distracted by her failed attempts to dial Willow's number, that she didn't hear the vampires until they were on top of her.

Buffy fought with an ease that could only come from nearly a decade of practice, but she was too shaken, too distracted to beat them off easily. By the time she took all four of them, she was tired and bleeding from various scratches. Gripping her arm with one hand, she attempted to call Willow again.

"Willow? Are you busy?"

"No, no, what's up Buffy?"

"I need help."

"What's wrong? What happened?"

"I'm lost, and I'm bleeding."

"Do you have any idea where you are?"

"No. Can you do a location spell and give me directions home?"

"I can try, hold on."

Buffy found a pen and on receipt in her purse, and ten minutes later, the bleeding and stopped and she was armed with directions home. Now that the crisis was over, she could get a hold over herself before she tried driving again.

She went into the gas station and bough a half dozen candy bars. She didn't start her car until she ate every single one. The chocolate had a calming effect, and it gave her the energy to drive the long distance home, but above all else, it gave her time to think. There was no point in panicking or getting upset, not yet. They didn't have the full information, and freaking out wouldn't solve anything.

Thus calmed, she started the car and very carefully merged onto the 10. Traffic was low, and she made it home in good time. She decided not to tell Dawn or William what Wes had revealed; it would be easier to deal with that mess when it was absolutely necessary and not a moment before.

She knew that she should call a meeting between herself, the old Scoobs, and Angel's gang, and lay everything out on the table. She would disclose everything, including her relationship with William. Except, she didn't exactly know what that relationship was. Another thing she could put off and think about only when it was absolutely necessary.

Kissing the night before had been amazing. It had been a very long time since she had had any sort of real physical contact, and her body craved it. William wasn't the greatest kisser, but for somebody so inexperienced, he was quite good. There were a few miscommunications, and a few mistakes, but it wasn't really awkward. And she wanted to do it again. Not necessarily anymore than kissing—for now, kissing was great.

They would need to talk about this, decide where exactly they stood with each other. Dawn was right—she couldn't treat him like Spike, keeping him at arm's length and shutting him out emotionally. William wouldn't be able to deal with that, William didn't deserve that, and she didn't want to do that.

The only problem was, she didn't know what to do to keep that from happening. She had been so shut off from people for so long. She told Angel she needed to bake, but she had no idea if she was still raw. What if she was? How would that effect a possible relationship with William.

Just the phrase kind of freaked her out. Relationship with William. An actual relationship. Not like she had with Angel, or Riley, or even Spike. He wasn't a vampire, or a military guy, or had any special powers of any kind. He couldn't fight with her, and he couldn't really be part of a Slayer's life. And for the first time, that didn't matter. It didn't matter at all, because other than the odd run-in with a vamp, she wasn't the Slayer anymore.

She knew it, logically, for the past year, but the full force of the fact hit her and she almost swerved the car. Holy shit, I can have a real relationship! It was true that William was far from normal in the traditional sense of the word, being the nearly reanimated corpse of a man who died over a century ago and was brought forth due to magic used to resurrect a vampire who saved the world, but in Buffy's universe, that was about as normal as normal got.

By the time she reached home, she was feeling sick from the chocolate, but also considerably calmer. She had a plan. She could cope if she had a plan. She wasn't usually plan-girl, but plans led to actions, and she was definitely action-girl. She would go to sleep, she would call everybody tomorrow, she would meet them as soon as possible, and she would talk to William. Not necessarily in that order, but it would all happen. And then she could go from there.