Chapter 12

William tried to stay up for Buffy, but he fell asleep long before she returned. It was unusual for her to disappear like that it, and it troubled him greatly. Was she mad at him? Trying to avoid him?

Kissing her had been amazing, life changing even. He was unsure of what to do though, how he should proceed, what he should expect from her. Where he came from, nice girls did not kiss like that, and he had absolutely no way of knowing how common or acceptable it was for Buffy to kiss him. Which meant he had no way of knowing how to treat her.

He also didn't know what it meant. Maybe it meant she liked him. Maybe it meant she was lonely. Maybe it meant she was bored. Maybe he dreamed the whole thing. Maybe she would breeze into the house, covered in sunlight, and act as though nothing at all happened. Or maybe she expected him to make the next move.

It was all very confusing, and William fretted over it until his stomach was twisted in painful knots.

The next morning, William woke up early with the hope of catching Buffy before she left for work. But by the time he dressed, she was already gone. Dawn informed him that she was picking up some extra hours on the morning shift.

William sighed and dejectedly poked at his breakfast.

"What's wrong, Will?"

He looked up at Dawn. "Nothing, nothing at all."

"Come on, you look like somebody killed your cat."

"No, I don't have a cat."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "You look sad. Now what's wrong?"

"Buffy."

"Why am I not surprised? Have you talked to her at all lately?"

"No, not since…"

"You kissed her?"

William narrowed his eyes. "How did you know about that?"

"I saw you."

"Oh.  I see."

"Do you love her?" Dawn asked gently.

William released a shaky breath and ran his fingers his hair nervously—nervous tic # 33. Dawn wouldn't be surprised if William picked up smoking, he needed something to calm his nerves. He was constantly doing something with his hands, especially when he was upset or nervous.

"You don't have to answer," she continued. "If it's too private. But I might be able to help."

William shook his head and stood up quickly. "I've got to go."

Dawn grabbed his hand, and stopped him. Curious blue eyes clashed with frightened ones. "What are you scared of, William?"

"Scared? You're mistaken. I'm not scared at all." He didn't leave, rather began pacing the small kitchen. "Why should I be scared?"

"Because maybe she doesn't feel the same way?" Dawn suggested.

William paused and tilted his head. He studied Dawn, as though she was a unique and exotic specimen, something he never saw before. Then in a perfectly even, reasonable voice he said, "Why would she ever feel the same way about me?"

Dawn gaped. "What do you mean?"

His tone remained serious, though now his voice shook slightly. "You know who Buffy loves, Dawn. We both do, and I doubt that will ever change. Especially for me."

"Spike?"

"Of course, Spike."

Dawn worried her lower lip, unsure of what to say. She knew it was true that Buffy loved Spike, maybe more than anybody she had ever loved. Maybe less. It was really impossible to tell with Buffy, whose emotions were carefully schooled behind a veneer or stone. But she did try to bring Spike back, didn't she?

"Spike's been dead for a year…" Dawn started.

William shook his head, "That doesn't matter. If she truly loved him, she'll always love him. No matter what."

"How do you know?"

He shrugged sadly. "That's how love is."

"When were you in love, William?"

"Never," he admitted, "Not with her, anyway." He looked up and met Dawn's eyes, tears sparkling in his own. "And she killed me. What will Buffy do?"

~*~

The plan Buffy had come up with the night before had been a good one. She liked it. It covered all the bases. The problem was, however, that she was too much of a coward to implement it. She could slay demons and stop the world from ending, but she couldn't come clean with her feelings.

She skipped the Lean Cuisine at lunch and called Giles instead. She hated making long distance calls on her cell, but she didn't think she could do this from her place, not with William and Dawn lurking about.

"Hello?"

"Giles! Hi!" Forced perkiness always came across as something closer to hysterics.

"Hello, Buffy," Giles greeted warmly. "How are you?"

"Um, good. You?"

"I'm well. We're making great head-way in the getting the Council put back together. I'm quite excited about it."

"That's great," she said, even as she grimaced at the thought of a whole new generation of watchers. "I don't suppose you could make some time to visit?"

"Why, Buffy? What's wrong?"

"Why does anything have to be wrong? Can't a Slayer miss her Watcher?"

"Buffy?"

She sighed, "There's a problem. I don't know how big it is, and it's too hard to explain on the phone. You need to come out here."

"When?"

"Yesterday."

"Is it really that urgent, Buffy?"

Buffy thought of William—dying—and Spike—reappearing. "Yes, it is. Wes has been helping me with the problem, but we need you. I need everybody."

"Well, I could attempt to teleport…"

"Doesn't that take up too much magic?"

"Don't worry Buffy, I'll call you when I figure something out. What time will you be home tonight?"

"Six."

"Great, have a good afternoon, Buffy."

And it was as simple as that. Fortunately, the conversation hadn't been terribly awkward, and despite her misgivings, she was genuinely excited to see Giles again.

She had some time left, so she called and left voice messages for Willow and Xander, to let them know that she needed to see them, and that Giles was coming. She checked her own messages and was relieved to find that Wes hadn't called with another warning of doom.

The hours rolled away, and she couldn't put off going home any longer.

"Where's Dawn?" She asked as way of greeting, when she entered her dark, silent apartment. William was sitting on the couch, by himself, obviously deep in thought.

"Out?"

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"Whatcha doing?"

"Thinking."

"Mind if join you?"

"Not at all."

Buffy plopped down on the couch next to him, and rubbed her eyes.

"How was work?"

"You know, it was work. Same old, same old."

"Oh."

Silence. Long, dark, timeless silence. Uncomfortable. Tense. Buffy tried to think of ways of breaking it, and it occurred to her that she could skip the talking and go right to the kissing. But that approach hadn't worked too well for her in the past, and she felt that she had gained a bit of wisdom with her last birthday. Maybe not a lot, but enough to know that she couldn't gloss over her problems anymore.

On that note: "We need to talk."

"Yes we do," William agreed softly.

"I'll start. I'm not very good with emotions, or talking. I'm more of a doer. As you can imagine that doesn't make relationships very easy. The people who are closest to me—well, they've always known me as the Slayer, but they knew me as Buffy before I locked myself off from them. Does that make sense?"

"It does."

"And now I've started a new chapter in my life. I can be Buffy again, but it's hard. I don't know if I remember how—how to act, how to be, how to feel. Last year, with Spike, I was beginning to learn again. And then we saved the world and, well, I could finish baking."

"Right."

"I don't know what to do, William."

"What do you want to do, Buffy?"

"I want to have a relationship with somebody that doesn't end in death and destruction. I don't know if I want a normal life, but a relatively sane one would be nice. And I think…I think that's possible. Now. For the first time. I think it's possible with…" Her voice faltered, her strength crumbling beneath the weight of his stare.

"With?" He prompted.

"With you."

~*~

Giles arrived 36 hours later, smiling, obviously happy to see his Slayer again. It had been a long time, and when he left, they weren't on the best of terms. The wound of losing Spike had been too raw and fresh, his earlier betrayal like salt in it. It stretched between them, and Giles didn't know how to cross it. But some time, some distance had healed those things, and when he knocked on Buffy's door, she launched herself into his arms.

"Giles! I'm so happy to see you again."

"I'm happy to see you Buffy." He hugged her tightly, and she squeezed him until he was short of breath, but he didn't complain.

"There's somebody I want you to meet."

"Oh?"

Buffy stepped back and William emerged from the kitchen. "Giles, this is…"

Giles reacted before he thought, springing forward, and grabbing the man's collar. "Spike." His voice dripped with venom.

"Giles? What is wrong with you?" Buffy tugged her ex-watcher away from William, with more strength than necessary, and Giles went stumbling across the room. "This isn't Spike!"

Giles looked up, confused. "Then who is it?"

"It's William. William."

"William?"

Buffy sighed. "It's a long story, Giles. And that's why you are here."

Giles straightened and took his glasses off, cleaning them furiously. "I see." He replaced the glasses and put his hand out. "I apologize, William."

Gingerly, William stepped forward and took his hand, shaking it politely. "Quite alright. I've learned that Spike elicits strong emotional reactions from people."

"Yes, he does." Giles turned his attention to Buffy, who still had an angry glint in her eye. "I can see this will take some time to explain."

"I want to wait until everybody gets here. I don't want to try to explain it more than once."

"Sounds good."

"The rest should be here soon, do you want anything?"

"A drink would be good. Whatever you have."

"I'll be right back, just, have a seat."

Giles sat on the couch, but William remained standing.

"How long have you been here?" Giles asked.

"Nearly a month."

Giles narrowed his eyes. "Is there something wrong with you? You look ill."

"I have been ill since…since I got here."

"Does Buffy know?"

"She knows I'm ill, she says that she is trying to fix it. She thinks I'm better now, though."

"And you're not?"

"No."

Buffy came back with Diet Cokes for everybody. "I don't have anything else," she apologized.

"Quite alright."

Within the next ten minutes, Willow, Kennedy, and Xander arrived. Wes and Angel arrived twenty minutes later. In the meantime, William politely put up with the staring, the questions, and the whispering. Buffy's smile was as strained as the conversation.

When everybody had arrived and settled in the living room, Buffy took a deep breath and launched into her carefully planned speech.

"I called everybody because I want all of you to meet William, and I want to explain what happened. Also, Wes has some important information that we need to talk about. Ok, last month was the anniversary of the battle. I was drunk and I was distraught, and so I did something I shouldn't have done. I called a sorcerer and asked him to bring Spike back. I changed my mind, but he tried anyway. He failed in bringing Spike back, but he succeeded in bringing forth William."

"How?" Giles asked.

"I'm a little sketchy on the magic, but I believe he was attempting to bring forth William's body to, well, put Spike into. But he made a mistake, and when William arrived, he was still alive. The problem is, he's been sick. The bite on his neck will not heal, and though he's grown stronger in the past month he's still not healthy."

"That's what I have been looking into," Wesley announced. "But there have been some problems. One, it is unclear what exactly we need to do to help him. The passage has been translated several times, and each one is slightly different. Unfortunately, I can't find the original language. But matters are further complicated by Dorjan. He has somehow discovered a way to bring back Spike."

William was studying Buffy's face as Wes spoke, and he couldn't miss the slight smile, the hopeful glint in her eye.

"But," Wesley continued, "after careful examination, two things have become clear to me. William and Spike cannot exist at the same time. For Dorjan's spell to work, William would have to, well…" He looked apologetically at the ashen man sitting on the couch, his hands folded primly on his lap. "Die."

"Why do we need the spell to work at all?" Giles demanded. He much preferred William over Spike. Much, much.

"Because we have reason to believe it's the Powers that are trying to make this happen," Angel said, speaking for the first time. "Which means, we might have our hands tied."

"I need your help," Buffy announced. "We do't know what's going on, or what we should do…"

"So that means…" Willow started.

"Research party," Xander finished.