Chapter 15

William snuck out at 4 in the morning, the city still dark and as always, dangerous. He only had a vague understanding of the real danger that lurked in the shadows, the real monsters that stalked his shadow. But even if he knew, he wouldn't have cared. After all, he wasn't out on a pleasure stroll. The memory of the last time he lurked the dark corners of a city dogged his feet. Drusilla had found him then, who would find him this time?

When he had asked Dawn what Buffy would do to him, he honestly hadn't believed he would die for her too. Not that he minded. He was dying anyway.

He didn't see the vampires until they were literally sitting on his chest. "Look, Fang! Found ourselves an early morning snack."

Fang glanced at William without interest. "He's already been bitten, and look how pale he is."

"He kinda looks familiar too," the vampire on William's chest said. "What should we do with him?"

William closed his eyes, and didn't even try to struggle. This was what he had been waiting for, and though it had happened much sooner that he had counted on he was ready.

"Kill him, George."

"But there's something about him…"

"What the fuck is your problem? Kill the motherfucker and let's go, or have you forgotten how quickly it gets early this time of year?"

"Hey, I've seen more sunrises than you, Fang. Calm the fuck down, I won't let you fry. Now look at him."

Fang complied, studying the pale, frightened man's face. "Why isn't he struggling? Did you knock him out?"

"No, he's still awake."

"He does look familiar, though."

"I told ya."

"Look, if it means so much to you, bring him back to the lair with us."

"I bet he'll keep us for a few days at least," George said with satisfaction as he hoisted William over his shoulder.

"At least," Fang agreed.

~*~

They divided into teams three pairs to comb the city for William, Dawn opting to stay home and wait to see if he came back or anybody called. Buffy teamed up with Giles, Wes with Angel, and Willow with Xander. They were all given an area to inspect and a time to check in by.

Buffy couldn't remember the last time she had been this torn up and worried. Her life had been so mundane since Sunnydale had been destroyed that the most nerve-wracking decision she had to make was whether or not she should splurge on a manicure once a month.

She knew that if she wanted, she could have him back by that night. The next dawn would greet the two of them, snug in their bed, exhausted from fucking and love making. If she wanted. It was already practically decided, wasn't it? Isn't that why William left? Because he could see which way her heart was leaning, what was going on in her head.

Only, if it were that easy, she would have done it by now. If it were that easy, she wouldn't be frantically looking for William as Dorjan wrote yet another spell. If it were that easy, she wouldn't be sick with fear and worry. She was used to the size of Los Angeles, it didn't bother her at all, she didn't even think about it. Until now. Now LA seemed to be impossibly huge, and finding William would be like finding a needle in a needle stack.

Beside her, Giles was calmly driving up and down the city streets, simultaneously keeping his eye on traffic and looking for William's slight frame on the sidewalk. Occasionally, he thought he spotted the fragile poet, but he had been wrong.

"How far could he have gotten, Buffy?"

She shrugged. "He's ill, and he's weak, and he's broke. I'd say not far, but there's no telling who he could have run into, who could have picked him up."

"Buffy," Giles said, as delicately as possible, "Have you given him any indication that you would prefer it if he…"

"No," Buffy sighed. "I've been doing my best to keep everything as normal and sane as possible. I didn't want him to think that I wanted him to go away."

"Do you?"

"No. Yes. No. I don't know, Giles. It's so fucking hard. William is distinct from Spike, and we're friends now. Our relationship is nothing like I had with Spike, and it's really comfortable."

"But?"

"But it's nothing like I had with Spike," Buffy sighed. "I can see myself, you know, living with William. Starting a life with him. I haven't been able to think about it much, but when I do…well, when I do, it's possible."

"Are you just using him as a replacement for Spike?"

"No, I could never do that. If I'd try, I'd be greatly disappointed."

"And if you think of Spike? What kind of future do you see with him?"

"I don't let myself think about that, Giles. I can't."

"Buffy, you had better think of it," he suggested gently. "His life, and yours, hinges on it."

"Yeah, turn down this street. He's been to the mall before; maybe he'll head this direction. Familiar territory."

~*~

"I feel like the answer is staring me in the face," Wes said.

"Yeah? Thought we had everything pretty much figured out."

"Not really. All we know is that somebody—evil or good we have no idea—is trying to bring back Spike and that William will die. One thing I'm wonder is, what does Buffy's dreams have to do with this?"

"You think they're important?"

"Giles told me that she and Spike had a pretty powerful bond by the time he died." He glanced at Angel to gauge his reaction, but Angel didn't give any indication that he was upset at the mention of Spike with Buffy. "Anyway, he could be trying to communicate with her in some way."

"It's possible," Angel admitted.

"If he can communicate with her, it's possible she can reach him," Wes suggested.

"You think that's necessary?"

"I think it is. She's dreaming about him sometimes twice a night. Always the same theme."

"Hell."

"Right. It's possible that…"

"What?"

"Do you think it's possible that Spike was in Heaven or some sort of heaven dimension."

"He was a vampire."

"Yes, but he had a soul. And he died to save the world. That's got to tip the karmic balance a bit in his favor."

"You think saving the world once makes up for all those lives, Wes?"

"From what I've gathered from conversations with Giles and Buffy, he did a lot more than just save the world."

"Let's say you're right, and he was in heaven. What's the point?"

"The point is, he's not there anymore."

"You get that from her dreams?"

"I do. It seems the general theme, regardless of the context, is that Spike is being pulled into hell from…"

"Heaven," Angel finished. "Yeah, I noticed too."

"I think he's being pulled to this dimension too, the same way he's being pulled towards hell."

"Why back to this dimension?"

"This is where his soul is. I think he's trying to find his soul, Angel."

"Do you think he is the one sending the spells to Dorjan?"

Wes shrugged. "I have no idea. It could be him, or it could be an agent of the Powers working on his behalf."

"Why do you think it's so important that the Powers have to get involved?"

"I don't know. Not yet. I have a few suspicions, but it's hard to figure since I never actually knew Spike. All I have are second hand accounts from you guys, and a few accounts in the Diaries that survived.

"Try to avoid those, the Watchers' Diaries."

"Why?"

"When it comes to Spike, they aren't the least bit accurate."

"For example?"

"Where do you think he got his nickname?"

"Which one?"

"Both?"

"The Diaries indicated it was from the ruthless way he killed people."

"Spike was pretty ruthless," Angel admitted, "But both of those nicknames come from his poetry writing days."

"I see your point."

"I'm not happy with the situation, but if you need to know anything about Spike to figure this out, I'll tell you what I can," Angel offered.

~*~

They all returned to Buffy's apartment four hours later, tired and disappointed. Buffy had morphed into General Buffy, and all of them recognized it as the defense mechanism it was. She informed them that she and Angel would patrol the city and look for clues and information, while everybody else continued to research. She didn't give them a chance to argue.

In the back of her closet was a weapon's chest—not as finely done or as full as her old one, but it still had the necessary weapons. She pulled out several stakes and a long sword that Giles had given her for Christmas. She pointedly ignored the bed that was still rumpled and unmade, the pile of crumpled up paper that missed the garbage can, the small remnants of William's short stay.

She thought of asking Dawn to clean it, make the bed, put away his clothes…but that seemed too final, too much like she was putting his affairs in order after his death. She refused to believe that he was gone. She's lost people before, and she always saved them before they could be taken from her permanently. This wouldn't be any different.

"Buffy, can I talk to you?" Wes asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"Sure, but I'm leaving soon."

"It's ok, I only have one question. About Spike."

"Shoot."

"Do you think that after Spike was turned, he retained a bit of his soul? I think you're best suited to answer this question."

Buffy paused, her gut reaction was Of course not! That's why he went for a soul! But…but what did she know?

"I think it's possible," she answered. "He told me…he told me about his mother."

"What about his mother?"

"William loves his mum very much. Spike went back to his house after he was turned. She…she was dying of TB and he wanted to 'save her'."

"So he turned her?"

Buffy nodded. "He didn't give me the details, just told me that something went wrong, and he was forced to stake her."

Wes frowned. "Why did he stake her?"

"Because she wasn't his mother anymore."

"But as a vampire, he shouldn't have cared."

Buffy shrugged, "Exactly."

"Thank you for telling me Buffy, I think, I know, this will help."

She sighed. "I hope something I do helps. I just keep making this mess bigger and bigger." She pulled herself together, and she was back to General Buffy. "Well talk more when  I get back."

"Hopefully I'll have something figured out by then."

After they left, Giles caught Wes's attention. "I have an idea."

"Yeah?"

"I think Spike is trying to communicate directly with Buffy."

Wes nodded, "I think so too. In fact, I was mentioning that very thing to Angel today. I thought that we should try…"

"To communicate with him?"

"Exactly."

"Get Willow and we'll start work on this."

Giles sighed. He had several reservations about using that type of magic, but it was clear that Buffy needed to speak with Spike, and needed to do it quickly.