Chapter 22
Buffy fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. She wanted to stay up with Spike, but she just could not keep her eyes open. The ride home with Angel had been tense, but not unbearable. Spike remained silent in the back seat, also exhausted, and not in the mood to fight with Peaches. He thought he just wanted to sleep, but by the time they got to Buffy's place, he wasn't that tired anymore.
He lay on his side, watching Buffy sleep, listening to the rise and fall of her breath. They were in her bedroom, but even with clean bedding, he could still smell William all over the place. Had they been sharing a bed? Were they more than just friends? Spike felt very odd thinking like that—him but not him. It was disconcerting feeling jealous over the man he once was.
Very odd.
Spike didn't understand what her relationship was like with him. She was adamant that William would not die, and he detected that she had strong feelings for him. This was troubling. Mainly because Spike had no idea where he fit in all this mess. What did she expect from him? Did she really think that he would leave again, no muss no fuss? Did she want him to?
Spike didn't want to. Spike liked heaven well enough. It was relaxing. It was just like Buffy had said it was. And that sense of completion and peace was really quite amazing. He already missed it, and that too was tearing him up inside. For the first time, he could really, really understand what Buffy had been going through when she came back But at the same time, Earth had two things that Heaven didn't at the moment: Buffy and his soul. And if her little plan worked, they would both remain on Earth and he would go…where? Back to limbo? He'd rather stay with Buffy—especially this new Buffy that had her life together and seemed much more comfortable with her feelings.
His stomach growled and he shifted uncomfortably. He knew he was hungry, but he really didn't know what his body needed. Blood? Probably not. He was still full of rich, heady, sweet Slayer's blood. So that must mean he wanted regular food. Pushing aside his complicated and confusing thoughts of where he belonged and what he should do, he got out of bed and pulled on his clothes, determined to find something to eat.
He walked slowly into the kitchen, keeping one hand on the wall to help keep his balance. Spike stopped short when he saw her though, standing in the kitchen. Her hair was a bit shorter, and she was no longer the coltish girl with limbs too long for her body. In fact, she didn't look like a girl at all. His Bit had grown up.
"Hello Dawn," he greeted softly. She spun around to face him.
"William?" She frowned and looked at him. "Spike?"
"The one and only."
"They brought you back?"
"Apparently."
"How?"
"I don't know, bit. Just woke up, and here I was."
"And William?"
"He's still here…somewhere."
"Oh."
They stood with the width of the kitchen separating them. Spike was unsure of what he should do. Last year they had hardly been on friendly terms, though he liked to think that by the time he died, she didn't hate him quite so much. She took a step forward, and Spike moved aside to let her pass. Instead though, she surprised them both by throwing herself against him and wrapping her arms around him.
"You weren't supposed to die," she said against his shoulder. "You weren't supposed to die."
Spike slowly wrapped his arms around her and hugged him back. Well, at least she wasn't going to set him on fire. That was something. "Sorry, Niblet."
She took a step back from him, and looked at him with swimming blue eyes. He noted that she was as tall as him now. That also was disconcerting. "You're staying?'
"I don't know. What has Buffy told you?"
She shook her head. "Nothing. I didn't know they were bringing you back…why did they?"
Spike lifted his shirt to reveal his torso—still badly damaged and bruised, despite the fact that his body had been slowly patching itself up for several hours. "They need me to fix him up."
"Oh God," she breathed. "I didn't know it was this bad. They wouldn't let me see him, and Buffy didn't really give me any details. Who did this?"
"About a dozen vampires, apparently."
"God, I can't believe he did that."
"How did get there, Dawn?"
"He ran away. Left a note that basically said he wasn't going to stand in the way of bringing you back. Buffy had been dragging her feet on the issue, not deciding anything one way or the other. So he made the decision for her."
"What a martyr."
"You're one to talk."
"Touché Bit."
"How did he survive that anyway? It looks pretty brutal. And twelve vampires? He couldn't fight off a fly."
"I saved him."
"Wow, you're full of surprises."
"It's a good thing we ran into each other. It looks like you're about as ignorant of what's going on as I am."
Dawn sighed. "As usual. So once your body is all better, then what?"
Spike sat down, too tired to support himself any longer. "What do you want?"
"What?"
"Would you like William back? I can't imagine why you would. He's a limp, soft, sap."
"He's not," Dawn protested. "He reminds me of you."
"Yeah? How so?"
"He loves Buffy very much, but then, that's a given isn't it? I wouldn't expect any less from him."
"That all?"
"It's little things. He's you and you're him, right?"
"Not really."
"Close enough."
"So, would you like him back?"
"I don't know, Spike. How am I supposed to answer that? I like William, and I feel sorry for him."
"I feel sorry for him too," Spike admitted.
"What does Buffy want?"
"She says it's my decision."
"Not surprised, she wouldn't make it before."
"I don't think it's fair to make her now," Spike said. "I guess I should be relieved she's not falling all over herself to send me away again."
"You know, the only reason you're in this mess right now is because she missed you so much."
"I know. So then why does this have to be so bloody complicated?"
"Why are you making it complicated? I thought it would be a simple matter for you."
"It should be, shouldn't it? I mean, I can just announce that I'm not going anywhere, and everybody better get used to it."
"So why don't you?"
"I don't know," Spike answered honestly. "I guess because I'm a whole 'do the right thing' kick."
"And what's the right thing?"
"I have to get back to you on that, Bit."