Chapter 23

The meeting was small, on Spike's request. He said that he would tolerate Angel if he had to, and he didn't have any problems with Giles there either. He didn't know the other watcher, but Buffy seemed to trust him, so that was good enough for him. But he refused to let Willow, Xander, or the Bit in on the conversation. He wasn't comfortable with a crowd. Buffy, really left with no choice, respected that.

Dawn, however, did not. She whined like she was seven instead of seventeen. She begged. She bribed. She wanted to be in on the action, she didn't want to be left out anymore. She said that she thought Spike of all people would understand that, and why was he being such a jerk? Spike, a few years out of practice when it came to dealing with her, caved rather quickly.


She listened quietly as Buffy, with the help from the other three, caught Spike up on what had happened. Buffy explained what possessed her to attempt to bring him back, Wes explained about the prophecies and the oracle, and Giles talked about how William had adjusted to his new life with Buffy in the 21st century. Spike rarely interrupted, but his face and body language revealed more than any words could have.

Annoyance. Anger. Incredulity. More annoyance. A snort of disgust. And finally, confusion. He had hoped that once everybody explained everything to him, clearly and in great detail, his decision would be easier to make. Apparently, he had thought wrong. He remembered what it was like to be completely selfish in every way, only giving as much of himself as he needed to get some sort of reward back. Those were good times. Simple times.

Why are you doing this to me?

I'm not doing anything.

You're making me feel guilty.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

"Well, why do we have to choose?" Dawn asked suddenly. "Can't we, you know, merge them? Make a vampire/human hybrid? He can be like Blade!"

"What?"

"You know, so we don't have to choose."

"Dawnie…"

"Bit, I'm already a vampire/human hybrid. This body is still alive. And William is still here," Spike explained patiently.

"Oh. So you're like a human with super strength?"

"I guess."

"Yes," Wes said. "The body is still alive. Which means that regardless, he'll age and die like the rest of us."

"Is he still allergic to sunlight?" Buffy asked.

"I don't know. I suppose we could test it."

You love her, don't you?

More than anything.

So do I.

Spike sighed. He felt like killing something. But Buffy wouldn't let him leave because his body was still too wounded and fragile. She wouldn't let him do anything except sleep and sit around, and he was getting really bored. The kind of bored that usually led to really bad ideas and ass-kickings. The kind of bored that usually got him into more trouble than he had any right to be in. The kind of bored that made his skin itch and his blood boil and his temper rise.

He began to fidget.

And what did that wanker do anyway that was so great? Why did his girls like William so much? He honestly did not get it at all.

Because I'm a part of you.

You think that's all?

Yes.

"Spike, are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"We can stop for the day, if you're tired."

"I'm not tired. All I bloody well do anymore is sleep."

Buffy was startled by his tone. "Oh. Well, what would you like to do."

"I'd like to get out of here."

He didn't wait for her response, instead he jumped out of his seat and stormed out of the apartment, leaving five surprised people in his wake.

"Has he done that before?"

"No," Buffy answered. "He's been pretty calm and non-Spike like, actually."

"Are you going to go after him?"

Buffy stood up and stretched. "I guess so. God knows what trouble he'll find if I don't."

It took her nearly a half hour, but she found him. He had found the tobacco shop a few blocks down, and was sitting outside, fuming.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't have any cash."

"Do you think you should be smoking?"

"Yes, Slayer, I do. I think I should be smoking a lot, in fact. And drinking. And fighting. Do you even patrol anymore?"

"Not really. Angel's crew has that covered. They ask me to help occasionally, but I'm mainly retired from my Slayer duties."

"Then what the hell do you do for fun around here? This town is full of demons and vamps, you know, and you just sit around and let the bloody Ponce have all the fun?"

"Spike, I don't have a lot of time for fun. I have a job and Dawn, and slaying wasn't that fun anyway."

"Killing stuff isn't fun? You're insane. Come with me."

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to find us a nest of badies."

"Spike, we can't fight now."

"Why not?"

"Because you're weak and I don't have any weapons."

Spike scowled at her. "I am not weak. I'm just fine. And, please, like you really need a weapon."

"I haven't trained or practiced for a long time."

"What's with all the excuses? I can see that you want to go, so let's go already."

"I don't want you to get hurt again, Spike."

"No, you don't want to your precious William to get hurt again. You know if he does than I'll have to stay longer, and we can't have that."

That's it, piss her off.

Shut up.

"You wanna pick a fight with me now, Spike? Will that make you feel better?"

"Maybe."

"Ok, ok, let's fight." She punched him in face, but it was a pretty weak imitation of one, and it amused him more than hurt him.    

"You haven't trained for awhile, Slayer. Maybe it's a good thing you don't go out anymore. You'd get yourself killed, punching like that."

"What the hell is wrong with you, Spike? I don't want to fight you."

He punched her back, but his was just as gentle. She barely felt it. She rolled her eyes. "Oh, right. You're so ready to go patrol again."

"I could kick your sorry ass."

She snorted. "You never could before, you think you can now?

"I know I can."

"Fine, prove it."

He moved to punch her again, but she ducked, and he hit air instead.

"Where are your super fast reflexes, Spike?"

"Body's a bit rusty is all."

"Come back with me, Spike."

"No."

"Fine. Walk with me then."

They strolled down the block, hand in hand. Buffy paused occasionally to wave or to chat. There were a lot of people on the street even though it was late, past dusk. It was finally cool enough to emerge from their apartments and enjoy the evening.

"Have you really stopped patrolling?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I told you. They don't need me anymore and I'm busy. Plus, I'm getting old."

"Old? You're like 23!"

"That's old for a Slayer, Spike. Ancient, really. There's a reason that Slayers are always teenage girls. They're still elastic and full of energy."

"I'm sure your elastic."

"I don't feel like it anymore. Having the strength is nice, and like I said, I still help Angel, but I have to focus on other things in my life now."

"How is that going for you? Life, that is."

"Life is good. Sometimes stressful and tiring, but good. I think things will get better too."

"Is that right?"

"When I finally graduate and I have a degree to back me up, yeah. When Dawn graduates and goes to college, that'll be nice too."

"How you putting the bit through school?"

"Oh, I'm not. Apparently there's a special Wolfram and Hart scholarship for teenage girls made of mystical energy."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Am I sure sending Dawn to the best schools in the world is a good idea? Yes, I think I am."

"I hear that law firm is evil."

"Angel's in charge."

"I hear that law firm is evil."

"Ok, I'm not entirely comfortable about taking the money. But I need to do what's best for Dawn. She deserves a break for once."

"You're amazing, Buffy."

"I am?"

"You are."

"I'm not doing what millions of other people haven't done before me."

"You're still amazing."

"You sound sad, Spike."

"I'm not."

"Good, you shouldn't be sad. You're the reason I'm here, making this work."

"Me? How do you figure?"

"Oh, I don't know, by doing a little thing called saving the world."

"You did all the work Buffy, I just cleaned house a bit."

"Right, just destroying all the armies of hell is all. Did you…how did that work out for you?"

"Oh, you know, got a pass to Heaven. Don't know how that happened, but figured I shouldn't argue about it."

"Do you want to go back?"

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Me too."

"We're really, really bizarre."

"If by bizarre you mean amazing and good looking, then yes we are."

"Why did you leave the apartment?"

"Bored."

"I lead a dull life now."

"I don't think anything about you could ever be dull."

"I don't know. Laundry day is pretty dull. Scrubbing the toilet is both gross and dull."

"Is it what you always wanted Buffy? I mean, really? Is this the normal life you envisioned?"

Buffy took a deep breath. "I get bored too. And overwhelmed sometimes. But you know, I don't have to worry about Dawn being orphaned anymore because some vamp has his one good day. I get to rest."

Spike stopped walked. She stopped too and looked up at him. He kissed her lips softly and whispered, "I'm really happy for you."

His decision was made, though he wouldn't tell her now. Not yet. Not until he had to.