Chapter 26

A/N—This is a really short update, I know, but I've been thinking about this for a long time, and I wanted to write it.

Giles found Spike sitting at the kitchen table, a blank piece of paper before him, and a pen clenched tightly in his hand. This was the first time Giles had seen Spike without Buffy or Dawn hanging around him, and so he grabbed the opportunity to talk to him. He didn't know when he would get another chance like this.

"Spike? Do you mind if I join you?"

Spike shook his head without looking up.

Giles sat down across the table from the other man, and watched him quietly.

"What do you want, Watcher?"

"I would like to talk to you, Spike."

Spike sighed and looked up. "What now? Are you going to tell me that I should leave for Buffy's good? That it would be best for her if I died again? Save your breath, I don't want to hear it."

"No, Spike, that's actually not what I wanted to talk about, though I know that has been the topic of interest these past few days."

"Then what? You'll have to excuse me if I'm not exactly feeling chatty, Rupert."

"Right, then, I'll just get to it. I have made many mistakes in my life, but I'd like to think that I'm man enough to own up to them. I was wrong about you, Spike, and I'm sorry."

"Is that right?"

"Yes. I was convinced that you were a liability, and I didn't trust Buffy's judgment on the issue. She has since forgiven me…"

Spike lifted an eyebrow. "You know, Rupert, it doesn't bother me that you wanted to kill me. Better man than you have tried and failed…shoot, I've killed better men than you myself." He leaned forward and looked the old watcher in the eye. "You know what bothered me though?"

"What, Spike?"

"That you couldn't even come after me yourself. What happened to the man who went after Angelus with a flaming baseball bat?"

"That man is older, Spike. Much, much older."

"Yeah, you look it."

"I feel it too."

"Until you've lived over a century, you have no idea what old is."

"Have you made your decision? I'm not going to try to influence you, or Buffy, but I would like to know."

"Yeah, I've made my decision."

"Have you told her?"

He waved at the blank piece of paper. "Still trying to figure out how."

Giles nodded, "I see." 

"How…how is she, Rupert?"

"What do you mean?"

"She says she's ok, that she has what she wants, but I don't know…maybe she's lying."

"Would it be easier if she were lying?"

Spike shrugged. "Maybe."

"I honestly don't know, Spike. I live in England, and we don't talk as much as we should. She seems to be doing well though."

Spike nodded. "That's what I thought."

"I'm sorry Spike, but…why did you do it?"

Spike tensed, defensive. "Why did I do what? I've done a lot of things; you'll have to be more specific."

"Why did you let yourself die?"

"I didn't exactly have a lot of choices. I don't know what Buffy told you, but there was some sort of light shooting out of my chest…I was pretty much trapped."

"So you would have run if you could have?"

"No." Spike smirked. "I wanted to save the world."  Spike sighed and looked back at the empty page. "Maybe I won't try to write it down."

"Why don't you just tell her?"

"Thought it would be easier this way. Can never think of the right words anyway." Spike tossed the pen away with disgust. "You know what she told me today?"

"What?"

"She told me to do whatever I thought was best. I asked her what I should do, and that's what she said." His tone clearly conveyed that he simply could not believe that she trusted such a decision to him. "Do you know how easy it would be if she told me what she wanted?"

"Maybe she doesn't know," Giles suggested gently.

"The girl will never know what she wants. All she has to do is say the word…"

"Isn't that how it's always been, Spike? She says the word, and you jump?"

"Yeah. What's your bloody point?"

"Maybe she doesn't want to treat you that way anymore, Spike."

"It's easier when she's bossing me around."

Giles nodded. "And she's quite good at it too."

"The best," Spike agreed.

"Well, Spike, I believe this is the longest conversation we've ever had that hasn't ended in some sort of threat."

"I can try harder if you want. I've been off my game these past few days."

Giles stood up. "I have to go. I promised Dawn I'd pick her up from the mall today."

"Right. Mustn't be late for the Niblet. Oh, and Rupert?"

"Yes, Spike?"

"Take care of her, yeah? She needs you, even if she is all grown up."

"I know." Giles looked like he wanted to say more, but instead he shook his head and left Spike alone in the apartment.

Chapter 27