Chapter 29
"So, what do we have to do?" Buffy asked. She and Spike were in the middle of a large circle, surrounded by candles. Spike was laying down, his head resting comfortably on a pillow. Buffy was kneeling beside him, looking concerned and almost sick.
"Nothing," Wes answered. "He just has to lay there."
"And then?"
"We perform the spell. He'll seem to fall asleep. When he wakes up, it'll be William," Willow explained.
"Can we have a moment?" Buffy asked. Everybody nodded and cleared out, though Giles warned her that they didn't have a lot of time. There were constraints. Buffy nodded, she understood. There were always constraints.
"So this is then?" Spike asked.
"You don't have to do this. Really, you could change your mind."
"No, I want to."
"Why?"
"You…both of you…deserve it. Let me, Buffy. Let me give this to you."
"You already did. Remember? With the big firey death?"
"I won't soon forget, Buffy."
"Do you think…"
"Do I think what?"
"Do you think that maybe…your soul won't be the only thing you meet up with in Heaven?"
"Are you asking me if we'll get to be in heaven together?"
"Yeah."
"That's a strange question, isn't it luv? Never occurred to me that anybody would ask it. Almost seems wrong to put those words together."
"Does that mean no?"
Spike shook his head. "I'll find you. It wouldn't be Heaven without you, would it?"
"I wouldn't expect any less from you. I don't know how to do this, Spike. Goodbyes…"
"Not really a goodbye, yeah? More of a 'until we meet again.'"
"I can't help but worry that we won't. Nothing ever seems to go the way it should."
"We will," he vowed. "Even if I have to tear heaven and hell and every dimension in between apart with my bare hands, we'll meet again."
"You're so cheesy and over-dramatic."
"That's what you love about me. That and my amazing good looks."
"Yes, you are amazingly good looking."
"Even in this flabby body."
Buffy hit his arm. "You're not flabby."
"Watch it Slayer, that hurt."
"All of this hurts."
"Hey, don't cry. I hate it when you cry."
She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "I'm not crying. See?"
"I must be seeing things."
Buffy threaded her fingers through his hand. This time, they didn't catch on fire, though her skin still burned at the contact. He clasped he hand tightly, suddenly afraid to let her go.
"I'll hold on," she promised.
"Think it's going to hurt?"
"Doesn't everything?"
"Yeah….Don't feel bad about this ok, Buffy? Don't feel guilty, don't worry about me…focus on you and the Niblet."
"Who says I'd worry about you?"
"Just covering all my bases."
She brushed his lips with hers softly. "Thank you, Spike."
"For what?"
"For everything I should have thanked you for before. For loving me. For being my strength."
"I do what I can. Even if it never feels like enough."
"It was always more than enough."
Giles stepped into the room then. "I'm sorry Buffy. We have to do this now."
She nodded. "Right ok. Can I stay with him or do you need me to step out of the circle?"
"You need to step out," Willow said. "Unless you want to be bound to the ether too."
Buffy frowned. "Not so much." She looked down at him. "I love you."
"I know, Slayer. I love you too."
"Goodbye, Spike…" The words were just faint hints of whispers, but he caught them, and smiled.
"Ta, luv."
She stood up and stepped away from him, narrowly avoiding knocking down all the candles. Angel grabbed her arm so she wouldn't stumble, and held her by his side, offering her silent support while she watched her lover die—again.
Wes, Willow, and Giles formed a triangle outside the circle and began reciting in turn. After the light shows of before, Buffy expected a huge drama. She expected swaths of blood and gore, people screaming and crying, possibly the hand of God reaching down into Spike's chest.
You could stop this. If you do it right now. You could stop it. Buffy, say something…stop them from taking him again, stop them from taking him away. But she couldn't. As before, this was his decision, and nothing would sway him from it. It almost seemed as though he was trying to prove himself, or prove something to himself. Either way, she was reduced to a helpless spectator.
At least I got to say goodbye this time. That was something. In fact, she was sure it would go a long way towards helping her heal. There were so many people she didn't get a second chance with, so many people she didn't say goodbye too. So that was something. At least she had that. And at least her love was affirmed, announced, shared with him and the world. That would help too. The grieving process—this year long struggle to come to terms with losing everything—could finally end. She had her questions answered and her heart soothed and a life to live.
The chanted words throbbed in her head, the smoke from the candles and the incense made it difficult to breath. She grew increasingly light-headed and had to struggle to keep her eyes open. She needed to see this. She couldn't pass out, even if her stomach was rolling and her eyelids were heavy. She needed to see him leave the world because she missed it before, and she couldn't miss it again.
Because everything had been so quiet and understated—especially compared to the other spells they had tried to cast—the loud clap of thunder—how could that be—and the bright flash of light scared the hell out of her. She jumped and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she was seeing spots it had been so bright. She noticed that the Willow and the two ex-watchers were sitting on the floor, looking rather dazed. Angel was rubbing his eyes and blinking repeatedly.
And Spike's—William's—body was lying limply on the floor.
"Oh, god, is he breathing?" Buffy demanded, rushing to his side. She grabbed his wrist to check his pulse and put her head on his chest, listening desperately to hear a beat—no matter how small. It seemed like she was listening for hours, her eyes tightly shut, a small prayer ready to fall from her lips if it was needed, when she heard it. IThump thump/I.
"Buffy?"
"He's alive," she said softly. "He's alive."
Giles and Wes exchanged shocked looks that Buffy missed, but Willow caught. Frowning, she walked over and whispered in Giles' ear, "You didn't think he would make it, did you?"
"There was a slight possibility that the demon wouldn't willingly let William survive," he said softly.
"Why didn't you tell them that?"
"Spike was ready to die anyway…we didn't have an alternative, Willow."
"They should have known," she insisted.
Giles sighed. "Sometimes, Willow, ignorance truly is bliss. This would have gone on for much longer, and would have been much more painful for both of them, if Buffy knew the risk involved."
"We need to get him to a bed," Buffy announced. Willow glanced at her friend, and then back to Giles.
"Did we do the right thing, Giles?"
"I think we did the best we could. Come on, let's help Buffy get him to bed."
In the end, Buffy didn't need their help getting him into the bedroom. She wouldn't allow anybody else to touch him anyway. She laid him down gently, and covered him with a blanket so he wouldn't get cold.
"Buffy? Are you going to stay in here?"
"Yes, I want to be here when he wakes up."
"Do you want us to stay?" Willow asked.
"No, no, I'm good."
They nodded and moved out of the room—except Dawn.
"I got to say goodbye to him this time."
"Me too."
"It was hard."
"I agree."
"I love him you know."
"Me too."
"Tell me when William wakes up."
"I will."
Dawn left her sister alone then, sensing that Buffy wasn't in the mood to talk. Buffy held his hand, stroking it slightly. Who is going to be there when he opens his eyes? Did this work?
She didn't have to wait long for her answer. Only thirty minutes after the spell was over, his eyes opened wide—a crystal clear blue.
"William?"
He smiled, and his a softly accented voice answered, "Hello, Buffy."
The End(Except for the Epilogue).
Epilogue