Chapter Five:

Elrond held his robe closed with tight grip as he stood in the nearby wilderness, glaring at the dark-haired merchant. "Why have you come?" he demanded of the figure before him.


Havan only smiled. "I knew you would see me from that balcony of yours. You had to take time to think, after all, once the slaves arrived."


The elven lord stifled a sigh of exasperation. "We have been through this before. Your advances, while flattering, are not wanted."  His voice turned cold yet remained calm, even respectful. "Please go, Havan. We have had a pleasant professional relation; I do not wish it to end poorly."


Havan walked up and spoke lowly. "All right, I will go sooner than planned, and if you wish me to drop this pursuit, I will."

"I wish it."

"Then tell me truthfully: you were tempted by my offer. I know it. It was in your eyes." He stepped forward, his large hands brushing against the fine cheeks.

The grey eyes shone brightly as the wind picked up, swirling the twilight hair slowly. "Yes," came the soft answer. He did not step away.


Havan laughed softly. "I knew it. Your eyes betray you, Elrond. Deny with your words if you must, but your eyes do not lie."

Elrond pulled back then. "You support slavers with what you do. The gold you give them is used to perpetuate the institution you say you despise."

The merchant frowned. "Sometimes, an army doesn't do the trick. No matter, Elrond; we can speak another time. I gave my word to leave early, and so I shall." The human turned on his heels and departed, leaving the twilight-haired elf alone.

Ereinion waited for a few moments before he emerged from the shadows. "Elrond?"

Rivendell's lord turned, startled, then sighed heavily, an apologetic smile forming. "Melethron, I am sorry. I went for a walk."

"Are you ok?"

He nodded. "Yes, just troubling thoughts. I trust your charges are well and resting?"

"Yes, they are. I had a bit of a time finding Meg. She has a tendency to wander off, apparently. She was in the supply closet, digging through things."


Elrond smiled slightly. "I hope she did not find anything she should not have. My home is not prepared for curious youth. There are weapons and fineries both in the open and stored."

"She found a rather disturbing tapestry. I told her that bad things happen, and we keep things like that around to remember them. She said she had seen wargs before."  He sighed.  "A child her age shouldn't have to know what a warg is." He paused, then continued, "From the looks of her, she's not more than ten. She reads and writes, Havan said, but doesn't speak." He sighed again. "I'm keeping her with me, until I can track down some relatives or she grows up enough to do it herself. And I know what you said about loving humans."

Elrond went to his lover's side. "If your heart can bear the loss ... then the child is blessed with your love." He paused, suddenly realizing something. "How is it you came to be outdoors?"

Ereinion smiled ruefully. "I jumped from the balcony when I heard voices. 'Tis quiet, and sound travels far where there is little wind."

Elrond smiled lightly. "Yes, I suppose that it would..." He hesitated. "My lord, did you hear anything that was said?"

"I heard you tell Havan off, yet again. I had to remind myself that I wouldn't have an alibi if I just killed the man."

The lord of Rivendell smiled in spite of himself. "Surely he does not bother you so much. Havan is unique in his methods, traveling on a path of grey... Usually, I can handle him for the time he is here."

"He's an opportunist if nothing else.  Already he's offered me the pleasures of his young men and women."

Elrond smiled and took his hand. "Perhaps he is foolish to approach you with such an offer. I imagine he believes you should have been flattered."

Ereinion rolled his eyes. "Humans."

A twinkle entered the grey eyes as he regarded his lover after his brief comment on humans. "I do not believe Man is so bad in the end."

"They're not bad at all. But they don't live long enough to grow out of such juvenile habits." It was a uniquely elvish perception.

Elrond hooked arms with his lover. "Come, let us return to my chambers. I do not wish to think of Havan any more this evening."

Ereinion nodded.  "Remind me not to jump from balconies again. It kills my knees."  They returned to Elrond's chamber using the traditionally accepted method of walking into the house and using the stairs.  Once there, Elrond had Ereinion sit down on the bed, and he pressed his fingers lightly against the injured joints and sending healing energy into them.

"I'm sorry you had to hear what you did," he whispered, "and you hurt yourself in the process."

"I'm glad I heard it. It puts me at ease."

Elrond looked up at him in disbelief. "How could you possibly be pleased with what you heard?"

The king smiled.  "I'm pleased that you're firm in your convictions about slavery, and that you're resolute in your stance on what relationship you wish to have with Havan, and that you're true to yourself even when it hurts to be so."

Elrond looked down and shook his head. "It is a dark thing. I see no good from such a truth."

"If you knew how many times I'd been tempted to do something that was less than sunshine and roses, you wouldn't say that."

Elrond smiled weakly. "You think of less honorable deeds, I think of shameful ones. They differ, my love."

"What you call shame is what I call being a living entity who has desires. If that was a crime, Illuvitar would have done something about it by now."

""If you only knew, melethron..."  Elrond took Ereinion's hands and kissed the knuckles lightly. "But you lighten my heart with such words."

"Some time soon, you and I should sit down and trade deep, dark secrets." He pulled Elrond with him, back down to the bed, and wrapped both of them up in one of the blankets. "For now, we both should rest. We've a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

Elrond let his pointed ear rest against his lover's chest. He nodded silently, his eyes watching the wax drip slowly off a nearby candle. "As you wish."

Maybe it was something in Elrond's tone, what he said or didn't say, but it made Ereinion somehow uneasy. "What's the matter, love?"

Rivendell's lord smiled gently then, fingers gliding along Ereinion's neck and shoulders. "It is nothing. You are right: we should rest, for it is late."

"Yes, it is late, but I'm concerned about you. I don't think I could rest if I knew you wanted to talk about something and couldn't."

Elrond leaned up and kissed him gently. "It is all right. We've time."

"Only if you're certain, my love..." Ereinion said, not satisfied but content to wait if that's what his love wished.

Then Elrond sighed wearily, proving Ereinion wrong. "I am not," he admitted. "You should know me better than that. It is seldom that I ever find certainty to grasp onto."

Ereinion hugged him reassuringly. "Then speak your heart."

Elrond sat up and returned to a sitting position, his feet pressing against the rug-covered floor. "At times when you are away, I find myself drawn to darker promises. Nothing as horrid as the evil we strive to defeat, mind you, but dark nonetheless. They are strange feelings that come and go. I cannot explain it to my own satisfaction, but there is a draw in the careless way Man deals with the drive for pleasure and power, and the two combined."

Ereinion nodded his understanding. He too had found himself drawn toward darker things more than he cared to admit. "It's this pull you've been fighting against."

"Yes." He turned to his royal lover, a light smile playing on his lips. "It is flattering to think such a man as Havan has interest in me, even if he has few morals and ... and would not concern himself greatly with whether I was willing or not."

"Ah," Erei said, finally fully understanding, a soft smile playing on his lips.

Elrond took Ereinion's hands in his. "It is not easy for me to release myself to passion, as you know. I often wonder what would occur if it were not my choice at all." He looked away briefly. "There are many forbidden desires that haunt my dreams, but I cannot speak them aloud. But have no doubt that I love you, my lord, and I'm happy in your presence."

"I know you are, Elrond," Ereinion said. "Otherwise you wouldn't bother to tell me this."

The elven lord hesitated and then nodded, laying back down on the bed. "I suppose we should rest then."

Ereinion didn't hesitate to hold his lover once more. "When you make control and restraint your life's work, it's very hard to set them those aside when you've finished leading the army or governing the people or negotiating the treaty. So it's logical to want to be in a position where you're not in power and don't want to be."

Elrond relaxed, though it was clear he was not truly at ease. He felt worse at having said anything, even if his lover understood. "You speak from experience?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," Erei admitted, his voice almost a whisper.

"And how do you deal with it, how do you prevent yourself from entertaining such thoughts, from wanting to do what cannot be done?"

This was the question that Ereinion had both known Elrond was going to ask, and yet had hoped he wouldn't. "What makes you think it cannot be done?" It was a deliberate dodge, a deliberate bide-time-and-save-face movement, and he cursed himself the moment the words left his lips.

Elrond rolled over, looking at his lover, his eyes shining with disbelief. "What ... what do you mean?"

Ereinion had to control his chuckling, or else he'd surely go into hysterics. His sexual experiments weren't something he talked about. When he wrote about them in his journal, it was in an archaic mode of Quenya that few could decipher. "I do not think I could tell you now, but if you're up to reading in bed by candlelight, I'll bring you my journal and you can find out for yourself."

Elrond frowned, his annoyance evident by the light gesture of pressing his teeth against his bottom lip. "Why can you not just tell me? This conversation is hard enough as it is, and we have yet to enter into specifics."

"The specifics I could give you would blow your mind," the king told him earnestly.

Elrond lifted his chin and allowed his fingers to glide over the fine features of his lover's skin. "Then you do not wish tell me?"

"I do wish to tell you, but I don't think I could do so without making a nervous wreck of myself. Just like you, my intimate experiences aren't subject for conversation."

Elrond took a breath and collected herself, and then he spoke quietly, his grey eyes examining the small designs of his comforter as he did so. "Havan's offer was to set a tent for me in his camp where he and his men would... And maybe his frequent customers too..." He smiled weakly. "He offered a blindfold so that I would not know who had been there."

"And I take it the idea was appealing." Ereinion ran his finger through his lover's hair. "I must admit to a certain liking of the idea."

"Well, you've already heard my admittance." Elrond smiled weakly, enjoying the attentions of his lover. "You like the idea of submitting yourself to such a thing?"

The actual admission was a lot easier than he thought it would be. "I have submitted, on occasion."

The grey eyes lifted to meet the elven king's gaze. "When?"

Ereinion could feel a blush creeping up his face, which made him feel even more vulnerable because he usually didn't blush about this sort of thing. "During my trip to Eregion, well before I received the rings from Celebrimbor." He sighed. "I don't know how to justify it to you. The High King of the Noldor, submitting himself to the sole remaining descendant of Feanor? Even today, I would not believe it if I had not lived it."

Elrond took a few moments to recover, then shook his head. "Perhaps it is surprising yet you need not justify yourself to me. Submitting ... it is not so dishonorable."  He hesitated, then asked, "Will you tell me of it?"