Chapter 5: Aftermath

            James Potter was having a miserable night.  It was near morning, actually, and he was in the Hospital Wing with one very unhappy and sullen Severus Snape.  Both boys had been thoroughly trounced by the Whomping Willow, and they were being kept for observation, and probably to discover what they knew about Remus.  James scratched under the bandages on his broken left arm, and sighed.  "Merlin, this is a disaster," he muttered.

            Snape glared at James.  "Were you in on it too?"

            James pushed himself up with his right arm.  "In on what exactly, Snape?"

            "Black's little plan to get rid of me.  Lupin must have been in on it too, and I wouldn't put it past you two imbecilic Gryffindors to know as well!" he snapped.  He kept a piece of gauze pressed against his lip, and his temple was thoroughly bruised.  

            James' face went red in anger.  "You slimy Slytherin snake.  You've known Remus for how many years now?  He would never voluntarily try to hurt you!  As for Sirius, I have no idea what is going on in his head.  And I don't think I want to.  I don't want to be in his shoes when Remus gets back.  You know Remus' temper."

            At that moment, the doors to the ward opened and Dumbledore and Pomfrey walked in, accompanying a still figure on a stretcher. 

            "Remus," James breathed, getting out of bed.

            "Sit down, Mr. Potter!" Pomfrey snapped. 

            "But…"

            "No 'but's, Mr. Potter.  Remus will be fine.  Granted, it was a more difficult transformation than he has had in a while, but he will recover quickly.  I am more concerned with what the two of you now know about Mr. Lupin," Dumbledore said gravely.

            "We know that he's a werewolf.  Has been since he was 4."

            "Who is 'we', Mr. Potter?"

            "Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and myself," he said quietly.

            "When did you find out?"

            "We figured it out in second year, sir.  We… I mean Petey and I, we noticed when the times of his illness fell, and we looked for other signs, Headmaster."

            Dumbledore nodded, then turned to Sev.  "Mr. Snape, I do not know what possessed you to attempt to enter the Whomping Willow, but I must ask, for Remus' sake, that you never reveal what you have seen to anyone."

            "Sir, he's dangerous!" Snape protested.

            "When has he ever harmed you, Severus?" Dumbledore asked.

            Snape's only response to this question was training his eyes on the floor.  "He hasn't, sir."

            "Precisely.  He is kept apart from the student body during the full moon, and every measure is taken to provide him with a safe environment, as you are given.  The Whomping Willow was planted to give that extra protection.  I know the prejudices against Remus' kind well, and I know that they are unfounded.  Remus is no less human than you are.  He is a kind and loving soul… intelligent, athletic, and he cares about your well-being, Mr. Snape.  What ever has been set down in books is wrong.  He has never posed a danger to anyone, and I am proud of Mr. Lupin… as proud as I am of any of my students.  Now… the question is, will you do right by your friend, Mr. Snape?"

            Severus touched the bump on his head accidentally and winced.  "You're asking me to set aside everything I have ever learned about Dark Creatures, sir," he said simply.  "I don't know that that is possible."

            "Is he intelligent?"

            "Yes."

            "Is he dedicated?"

            "Yes."

            "Does he deserve any less than you do?"

            "No, sir."

            "Then respect his secret.  He has had a hard life already, and without this education, it will be near impossible for him to survive on his own.  Grant him that much, Mr. Snape."

            "Of course, sir," he forced himself to say. 

            The Headmaster nodded and followed into the room where Pomfrey was treating Remus. 

            James watched Sev process this information, then he turned away.  He decided he really didn't want to know what the Slytherin was thinking.

            Severus thought hard.  'How in the hell could he have kept this from me?  All the signs were there… the scar, the periodic sickness, how I always handled the aconite in our Potions experiments…how stupid could I have been?'  He scoffed.  Next came the stunning revelation.  'He never trusted me… not enough to tell me what was going on.  He never cared about me… he just pretended… like my family does.  He never was my friend.'

            Severus Snape walked into the 6th year dorms to get his homework before avoiding his roommates again.  He hated end of year exams, and could never study in the Common Room, not with the common idiots in the Slytherin House.  He inhaled before opening the door, as though the added breath would give him strength.

            Bent over the trunk at the end of the bed next to Snape's was Remus Lupin.  His long hair obscured his face as he furiously dug through his trunk.  Every once in a while, he'd take another piece or two of clothing and stuff it into a rucksack.  He then moved to his wardrobe and resumed his packing.

            "Planning a post-exam trip?" he asked of Remus acidly. 

            "No.  Catch," Remus said, tossing a small object to Snape.

            Severus caught it deftly in his right hand.  Opening his palm flat, he found a well-polished silver and green Prefect's badge.  Remus' Prefect's badge, to be precise.  "Why are you giving this to me?"

            Remus turned, sighing.  "What is this?  Twenty Questions?  You were next up for it anyway."  He picked up another pair of shoes and stuffed them into his bag.

            "I repeat.  Planning a trip?"

            "No.  I would have thought it was obvious, Sev."  He stopped packing clothes and grabbed the bag of toiletries from his trunk.  "I'm leaving."

            "Where are you going?"

            "I don't know," he admitted, closing his bag.

            "That's a plan worthy of a Hufflepuff.  Are you planning to return?" he asked, crossing his arms.

            Remus stiffened at the insult.  "No."

            Snape sighed.  "Dare I ask why?"

            Remus tossed the bag onto the bed and moved to get his cloak.  "Fuck, Sev.  I'd have thought of all the people that I could be having this conversation with, you'd understand.  I mean, you are undoubtedly the smartest of the individuals that I call a 'friend'."  He fastened the clasp at the base of his neck and sighed.  "I'm leaving because I should never have come here in the first place.  No one was supposed to know.  I was foolish to have believed the fairy-tale promises made to me when I was 11.  I nearly killed you."

            "Yes," he responded simply.

            Remus looked away, closing his eyes.  "I never meant to hurt you, Sev.  I treasure you as a friend… and I'm…"

            "You're running away because of this?"

            Remus scoffed.  "I'd rather think of this as a tactical retreat, Severus.  We are not Gryffindors, there's no reason to pretend that this is 'running away.'"

            "Where would you go?  An uneducated werewolf.  You have no money, no credentials…"

            "Thanks for that blunt aide mémoire of reality.  Whatever will I do without you, Severus?" he snapped, eyes amber in annoyance.

            "How could I have been so blinded, Lupin.  I, your only real competition in DADA, and I failed to see what was so plainly before me."

            "You saw what you wanted to believe, Severus.  I never lied to you, I lied to Sirius.  And you didn't see Remus Lupin the werewolf, you saw the frail, tragically flawed boy Remus.  The boy with no real home, no real family, skill in every class that you did, and some that you didn't.  That's what you chose to see.  Our perceptions determine our reality, Severus.  You perceived that I was an ally… not a threat.  And so I have become just Remus to you."

            "And in the 5 years we have been friends, you never told me?  You trusted those overly juvenile miscreants, but not your Potions partner and dormmate?"

            "You stated your views on Dark creatures quite clearly, Severus.  One can only imagine what was running through your mind when you found out.  Probably thinking of all the Potions you could make with a bit of my fur, or some of my blood.  I've seen the way you look at the Dark potions that call for something like that.  You are intrigued.  We are useful, brutal, but sub-human.  That may be so, but I am still a better human being than most of the people it has been my great misfortune to meet!  I keep my promises, Severus.  I don't judge someone based on their family, or their past.  And I never use what I know to hurt someone else.  I defended Sirius my first day at this school and he did this to me," he spat.  "I was better off on the streets.  You can't be betrayed by your friends if you don't have any."  Remus set his jaw and picked up the bag.  "Farewell, Severus."

            Snape shut his eyes and waited until Remus reached the door.  "Funny."

            Remus paused.  "What is?"

            "I never had you pegged for a coward."

            "I'm a survivor, Severus."  With that, the door closed.

            "Survival is not living."

            Sirius looked at his books as he sat in the Library.  Potions.  It was Remus' favorite subject, and Sirius' worst.  And he couldn't ask his best friend any of the questions.  Remus was still avoiding him.  And the Potions final was rapidly approaching.

            Remus' exams had fallen before the full moon, in case he was too ill to study, officially.  Remus now had little to do except practice Quidditch and do his Prefect evening patrols.  Indeed, Remus had not spoken to any of the Marauders since he left the hospital.  And Sirius was almost glad.  He never again wanted to see the anger in those eyes, the harsh words yelled from Remus.

            "Hey, Sirius," James said, soberly.

            "James."

            "What's wrong?"

            "Damn Potions.  I don't know how Remus understands this shit," he muttered. 

            Peter sat down.  "Don't think that any of us do, Sirius.  You could always ask him, though…"

            "Except that he's not talking to me right now," Sirius snapped. 

            "He's not talking to any of us right now," Peter reminded.  "Although, I probably wouldn't be speaking to you if I were him."

            "It was bloody stupid of you, Padfoot," James added.

            "Knock it off!  I know.  Remus read me the riot act, and then Dumbledore called me to his office.  I'd be surprised if we even had a chance for the House Cup after this."  He sighed.  "The last thing he said to me was 'I can't believe I ever trusted a traitor like you.'  Then he told me to get out of his sight.  Merlin.  I haven't been able to get to sleep in 4 days… and I hear he asked Pomfrey to stay in the Hospital Wing until the end of term.  He won't even look at me, won't even stay in the same room with me."

            James bit his lip.  "He'll forgive you, given time, Padfoot.  I can feel it… it's just the kind of person Moony is."

            "He wasn't at meals today," Peter pointed out.

            James sighed.  "He's probably just blowing off steam."

            "No.  He's not," Snape cut in, walking from behind the bookshelves.

            "Snape, what the hell are you doing here?" Sirius snarled.

            "I know a secret, Black.  You see, I was hoping to avoid our dear dormmate, but I was unable to do so.  He gave me this," he said, pulling the badge out of his pocket and slamming it into the pages of Sirius' textbook.  "You daft, inconsiderate pillock.  He was the only one of our year who showed real mettle… the only one of us with true honor.  And now he is gone, thanks to you."

            James got to his feet.  "What are you talking about?"

            "He's cut and run, Potter.  Gone.  How much more simply can I word this?" Snape growled.  "He packed some clothes, put on his cloak and walked out.  I tried to find him, and I've just been to see the Headmaster.  He's contacted the Aurors, but there's no guarantee they'll even be able to find Remus.  He knows the Muggle world better than any other pureblood I know.  I am angry with him for not telling me.  But I am furious with you for using him to get back at me.  How dare you, Black!!!  He'll never trust anyone again.  Keep his prefect badge.  So you can have something to remember your betrayal by."  He scoffed.  "Lupin trusted you as brothers.  He chose you over me.  And you broke his heart.  He did nothing to you.  Damn you.  Damn you all."

            The trio watched him leave as Sirius fingered the familiar Slytherin crest.  He grasped it in his hand, and slammed his Potions book closed.  His next words were barely audible through the sobs as he walked away.  "What the hell have I done?"

            "Nobody needs me, nobody wants me and I don't need anyone else. I don't want to be adopted."

"But if it gets you out…"

"Sirius… what is worse? To be alone, or to be hurt?"

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If you're confused, if you have questions, even if you just want to yell at me, please, review… I like reviews.  They're nice.  I don't get enough of them on this story to feed my ego.  But it is a labor of love.  I will see it done if it's the last thing I do.  Hopefully it won't be.  Although… I don't know quite which ending I'll take.  You'll just have to wait and see.

Please, review.

Once again, I don't own anything but Romulus Allenson (the complete @$$hole from Ravenclaw) and the plot.  Oh, and some stuff not related to this story… but don't sue me for that, please.

Thanks to my reviewers.

Ralza, and Jandra

Note:  No, Jandra, I agree, I really think that there is more to Remus than Rowling shows… you couldn't live a lifetime as a discriminated Dark Creature and not kick some ass once in a while.  And I feel that he is a survivor, but as Severus points out in this chapter, sometimes surviving is not living.

I often fear that my characters are somewhat OOC, but as a friend of mine (not a fanfic writer, but a best friend here at school) is fond of pointing out, if it's believable given what you have explained in the story, then it's not OOC at all.  She has read this fic, and loves it… although, granted, she has seen more of the plot then you have.  I hate it when people write characters so OOC, like the Severitus challenge where miraculously Snape and Harry fall over crying and professing their outright happiness at their new found relationship, or when people faint for no apparent reason, then wake up and start acting possessed or something.  Those are what  I fear, and one of the greatest faux pas I think that anyone can make in fanfiction. 

Next chapter:  Answers to the question 'Where the hell did he go?' as well as 'What made him come back?'  and 'Can this fanfic author ever get on with the plot?'

S

RHF