Chapter 7: Now Leaving Sanctuary

Lord, what a thoughtless wretch was I,
To mourn, and murmur and repine,
To see the wicked placed on high,
In pride and robes of honor shine.
But oh, their end, their dreadful end,
Thy sanctuary taught me so,
On slipp'ry rocks I see them stand,
And fiery billows roll below.

            -- Isaac Watts (1674–1748), British hymn-writer

            It was nearly Christmas in the year of 1977, and Slytherin House was home to yet another argument.  But this time, it wasn't Remus yelling at Sirius. 

            "Are you completely out of your bleeding mind, Remus?" Sev shouted.  "I can't believe that you are even considering this…"

            "Yeah, well aren't you the one who told me that friendship isn't doing what is naturally easy, but what takes some effort?" he snapped back.  "They apologized, and they've spent over 6 months in the doghouse for their mistake.  Isn't this worth letting them have another shot?"

            "Did you learn nothing from last June?  Nothing of what happens from trusting too much?  I understand.  You've told me before that you didn't have many friends as a child, but you can't give all your trust to a person who makes false promises, or no promises at all!"  Snape rubbed his forehead.  "You know as well as I do that you can't trust anyone else the way that you can trust a Slytherin!"

            "Sirius is a fucking Slytherin, Sev!" Remus countered.

            "In name only… we both know he'd make a better Gryffindor than a Slytherin," Sev said, collapsing on one of the couches.  He placed his face in his hands.

            "You're jealous," Remus said with a smile.

            "What?"
            "You're jealous that now that we have been friends for a while that you're going to lose me to them… you're jealous of Sirius and James!" he cried.

            "I most certainly am not.  Why on earth would they be worth my envy?" he asked, dangerously. 

            "Sev, nothing's gonna change, if I can help it."

            Snape sprang to his feet.  "So miraculously, Potter and Black are going to accept me as their new friend?  What kind of fantasy are you living in, Remus?"

            "Sev, listen to me for a second-"

            "No, Lupin, you listen to me.  They have hurt you, badly.  They have put your life at risk, and they have nearly destroyed everything that you have worked for your entire life.  And there is not a damn thing that will keep your precious friends from doing it again, but you.  You need to wisen up, Remus!" he said, leaning over Remus simply to intimidate him.  "This will happen again, unless you put a stop to it.  Most people in an abusive relationship believe that they will never be hurt again, unless they do something wrong.  You have done nothing wrong… you are not wrong, but you can't allow them to treat you like this."

            "Severus… how more clearly can I say this?  I trust them, like I trust you."

            Snape narrowed his eyes at the werewolf, and grabbed his bag.  "I am returning to Snape Manor for the holidays.  Do whatever you want.  Patch things up with those friends of yours, but do not make the mistake of coming to me for sympathy when they hurt you again.  Don't come crying to me, because all that you will hear is a brief 'I told you so.'  You're stronger than they are.  Better than they.  Don't allow them to push you down."  He stalked out, only barely hearing the whispered response.

            "I don't cry, Sev.  Not anymore."

*******************

            An 18 year old Remus Lupin stood packing his things in the Slytherin dungeons.  He only packed the clothes that he owned, namely two sets of robes, a few pair of jeans, shirts, socks and pants.  "Now what have I forgotten?"

            "Try your best friend in the world," Sirius said from behind him.  "You didn't think you were leaving after graduation without saying goodbye?"

            Remus turned and smiled.  "I was gonna leave a note."

            "Right.  You know I'd have to hunt you down and beat the shit out of you for that."

            "Hey, Sirius, I thought I was the bad arse in this friendship."

            Sirius smiled.  "Yeah, you were.  Look, Moony, why don't you just come and stay with me.  My mum and dad are gone, and once Rigel goes back to Hogwarts come September, I'll be horribly lonely."

            Remus could only shake his head.  "Try getting a job, you nutter."

            "Ha ha ha.  Very funny.  You know how much Sirius Black hates to work.  I am Sirius Black, therefore I don't want to work."

            The werewolf closed his trunk quietly.  "At least you have the option," he muttered. 

            "So where are you headed?  To mystery father's place?"

            Remus shut his bag.  "A room above a bookstore on Knockturn Alley.  It's not much, but the owner will let me stay there for free if I run the store for her.  And the pay is fine, since I don't have to worry about rent.  She's getting older, but she doesn't want to sell it quite yet."

            "Remmy, you're the top of our class.  You got more NEWTs than any one else… in fact, the three of us combined have less than you.  You shouldn't have to work in one of those stores.  You should be running the entirety of the Gringotts consortium," Sirius said, sighing.

            "That things are as they are, I can't change.  I can't change that anymore than I could stop the moon from waxing and waning.  You have to accept my lot in life, Siri.  I have," he said, a bit defeatedly. 

            As Remus turned to leave, Sirius blocked his way.  "You shouldn't have to settle.  You deserve more."

            Remus placed his hand on Sirius' shoulder and gave a brief smile.  "I know you want to change the world, but give it time, Sirius.  I'll owl you when I'm settled."

            "But it has to change," Sirius whispered as Remus walked out of the Slytherin dorms for the last time.  "Otherwise, what are we fighting for?"

*************

            Remus sat in a bookshop on Knockturn Alley in the late summer of the year 1981.  He wore jeans and a long-sleeved burgundy t-shirt and his brown hair was pulled back in a utilitarian ponytail.  He leaned over the counter reading the morning's copy of the Daily Prophet.  He shook his head.

            It's no wonder that Voldemort and his cronies persisted in their reign of terror in the Wizarding World.  The Ministry had just been shaken by two more assassinations and a new set of witch-hunts had begun.  Figurative, he reminded himself.  Not literal.

            He rubbed his forehead as the bell on the door tinkled, signaling the entry of another customer.  Remus knew that this was just the beginning of another post-full moon migraine and he sighed, turning the page.

            "Excuse me, sir.  I'm looking for a repository of Roman mythology," a cloaked figure said from before the counter.

            Remus looked up, frowning at the other person.  "Well, I honestly don't know.  If we do have any, they'll be in that set of shelves there," he said pointing.  "You might try Flourish and Blotts if you don't get lucky there.  It's a bit… well, mainstream for this store."

            The customer chuckled.  "Who said that I was looking for a book, Remmy?" asked the figure, lowering his cowl.

            "Jamie!" Remus said, getting to his feet.  "How the hell are you?"  He held out his hand, smiling.

            "Oh, things are good."  James firmly clasped his friend's hand. 

            "And Lily and Harry?" he asked, closing the paper.

            "They're good.  Lily's talked… about having another kid.  I don't know that I'm ready," he said, putting his hands on the counter. 

            "I don't know that the world is ready.  I mean, Harry is a great kid and all.  He's just a bit-"

            "Too much like Sirius for his own good," James said.  "Trust me, I know."

            "So what brings you to the Alley?  Not many Gryffindors come down this way these days," Remus asked, sitting back down on the stool.

            "You.  I'm sorry I didn't make it to Hogsmeade last time…"

            Remus laughed.  "It was your child's first birthday party.  Like I actually expected you to come?  You had better things to do than deal with me."

            James sighed.  "I know, but what would Harry think if he knew I broke a promise to one of my best friends?  Did Peter come?"

            "Peter was visiting his mum or some such.  You know how sickly she is."

            James' smile disappeared.  "But Sirius was with us in Godric's Hollow!  You mean to tell me that you went through the change alone?" he hissed.

            "James, it's not that big a deal," Remus countered.  "I was alone for the first 11 years, until you three got your act together."

            "Remmy, you should have said something.  Sirius or I would have come if we had known."

            "James, I was a lone wolf as a child.  You three have your own lives, and I have mine."  He shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets.

            James placed his hands on Remus' shoulders.  "You are an important part of our lives.  I don't care what kind of misplaced nobility you see in silent suffering.  You should have Flooed.  You keep declining our invitations to dinner, and now the store?"

            "Sirius told you?" Remus asked, sighing.

            "You didn't tell me.  Sirius told me at tea yesterday afternoon.  Lily and I nearly had a fit.  Why didn't you tell me that she was selling the store?" he asked hotly.

            Remus looked away.  "Because you would feel obligated to do exactly what you are doing… to try and help me out.  I didn't want that, until I was secure in what I was going to do next."

            "Remus, Lily and I want to help.  There's no obligation…"

            The werewolf sighed again.  "James, you don't understand.  This… is all I have.  It's not much, but it's mine.  I want to be independent.  I always have been.  It's a part of who I am, and I can't just start taking hand-outs.  Even from my adopted father or my best friends, Jamie.  You have to understand that."

            The Gryffindor flinched.  "Remus, what's the use of having all that I have if I can't share it with anyone?"

            "You can.  Share it with Lily.  Share it with Harry.  Besides, I've been meaning to do some traveling anyways.  You know, me, a rucksack and the open countryside."  His hazel eyes took on a dreamy gaze as though he were already gone. 

            "It's not safe, Remus.  Not anymore.  I never let Lily go out alone, mostly because she's my wife, but also because she's muggle born.  What if someone takes you and decides to use you against us?  What if something happens to you?  I don't want Harry to grow up not having known you!" James said quietly, desperately grabbing Remus' shirtsleeve.

            "I'll be fine.  The Death Eaters know enough to leave me alone… they have so far.  Most of them recognize me on sight, but know that I want nothing to do with their side of the war.  You don't think that this entire street is swarming with them?" he asked defeated.  "It's why you're wearing that bloody cloak in the middle of August."

            "Remus, I'm serious.  I don't want you going."

            "No, you're not.  You're James.  Look, every day for the past two years I have worked in this place.  And now that I have a bit of money saved up, it's closing.  There are only two ways to view this.  Either as a dead end or as an opportunity.  I see it as an opportunity for a bit of a vacation.  I haven't had one since the end of fifth year.  I might want to spend a bit of time hunting Dark Creatures for potions ingredients or catch up with old friends from my House."

            James sighed.  "Sirius is right.  You are a stubborn son of a bitch, aren't you?"

            "As always," he said mildly. 

            "Will you at least be back before Samhain?"

            Remus sighed.  "Probably not."

            "Yule then?" 

            "I suppose."

            "Good.  You'll spend it with us.  And Sirius will probably come, now that Rigel is basically living with his aunt.  The four of us," he said, smiling.  "Gods, how long has it been since Petey, Sirius and the two of us were in a room together?"

            "Graduation, I think.  Petey couldn't make Harry's Christening."

            "Have you told Sirius of your plans?"

            "No.  I… I didn't tell him.  I didn't know the best way to put it."

            "And the old man?" James asked, unknowingly referring to Dumbledore.

            "He suggested the sabbatical.  Said that I shouldn't spend the best part of my life behind a counter," Remus replied, lying.  In truth, Dumbledore had as little an idea as Sirius did.

            "Hate to say it, but he's right.  You should get to live a little.  I just wish that you would move to Wales, you know?  Be closer to Lily and Harry and I."

            "Come on, James.  I was raised in this part of London.  You can take the boy out of the city, but you can't take the city out of the boy.   I wouldn't be at home anywhere else," Remus countered.  "James, quit worrying about me."

            "I can't help it."  James glanced at his watch.  "Damn.  Remmy, I've got to get going.  I got office duty in the HQ building.  I'm actually here on my lunch break."

            Remus nodded.  "You take care now.  Don't do anything I wouldn't do," he said, getting to his feet and walking out from behind the counter.  He caught James in what was to him, a gentle embrace, and let go, smiling at him.  "Keep an eye out for the munchkin.  Merlin knows with Siri around, that child will either go mad or be traumatized by the time he's five."

            "And you were always the innocent one?"

            Remus laughed.  "No, I was the one who made sure we never got caught."

            James stepped back.  "Those were good times."  He sighed.  "You Floo me the second before you leave, okay?  I'll sic Lily on you and see if she can't talk you out of this."

            "James…"
            James just smiled.  "I mean it.  You be careful, and look after yourself!"

            "It's what I'm best at.  Give my love to Lily and the little bit.  And watch your back out there, Jamie.  It's not exactly safe for a bloke in the Ministry these days," Remus said.  "Take care."

            James nodded.  "Till next time, Moony."

*************************

            "I assure you, milord.  This is the best time possible for you to approach your latest target.  The boy is isolated, the store where he works is closing and he's planning to travel with just the clothes on his back and the money in his purse," a Death Eater reported to Lord Voldemort that night.

            "You believe that he will be amenable to my offer?"

            "Pardon for the interruption, milord, but whom do you speak of?" Lucius Malfoy cut in respectfully.

            Voldemort smiled.  "You know the boy.  Think of the most charming, forceful, powerful and intelligent Slytherin first year when you were 6th year prefect?"

            "Remus Lupin?" Lucius asked, smiling.

            "Of course.  My servant Pettigrew has been keeping rather close tabs on Lupin, and he believes that the time is right to recruit him," Voldemort said.

            "Milord, would you like me to recruit him on your behalf?"

            Voldemort smiled.  "I think that given his personal history, I would prefer to turn this… individual myself, Lucius.  We share… common bonds, and I know more of him than even you do.  I have watched the boy for years and even if he had never attended Hogwarts, I would have tutored him on my own.  Unfortunately, that Muggle-loving Dumbledore got to him first."

            "My Lord, surely you must be joking!  Remus Lupin?" a third Death Eater asked.  "His temperament is no more suited to your service than a dragon is suited for life in a thatch house."

            Voldemort turned.  "Crucio!" he spat, watching the writhing Death Eater before releasing him.  The servant lay in a pile on the floor.  "No, Romulus, I do believe he will join us.  Lucius."

            Malfoy stepped forward.  "Yes, Lord Voldemort?"

            "Lupin mentioned visiting certain of his former Slytherin friends.  While I understand that the two of you got off to a somewhat rocky start, you managed to win him over quite well over the last several years.  You will offer your mansion as a resting spot for the boy on his way.  When he arrives, you are to notify me at once.  Is that understood?"

            Lucius smiled behind his mask.  "Perfectly, milord."

****************

And now for the review responses… Thanks to both of you… You have no idea how much it means to me to have reviews on this story. 

Nooka- Um… now.  Now is good.  Just kidding.  I hope you like this chapter… I was hoping to show more of the plot.

Yoake Kaiba- Thanks.  I think he's a rather underdeveloped character, both in JKR's work and in fanfiction.  I hope you like where I'm going with this, and continue to review.

And a note.  Thanks to JKR, this story will become AU, 5th year.  Why?  Because she killed off one of the characters central to the plot line.  Hope it's okay that I am basically disregarding her work again.

Oh well, the Wizarding World is not mine to begin with.  That's your disclaimer.  Be happy with it, please.