"Why do things that matter the most
Never end up being our choice
Now that I find no way so bad
I don't think I knew what I had…"
-"The Hell Song" by Sum 41
Chapter 9: Never Our Choice
The bedroom was huge, Remus thought as he padded from the bathroom that he had been given, his toiletries bag in one hand. His bare feet were nearly dancing as they reached the plush green carpet surrounding the bed. And after a week of sleeping on the ground, sleeping on the bed had been heaven.
A familiar knock came at the door. "Come in," he said, placing the rucksack on his bed and replacing the smaller bag inside.
Lucius walked in, already dressed in stylish black robes, and took a dignified seat on the bed. "Leaving so soon, Remus?"
The werewolf smiled, exchanging the shirt he had slept in for another, with longer sleeves. "You know me, Lucius. I hate to impose on anyone, even as gracious a host as you. You act like I'm going to my execution. Honestly, it's not like we won't see each other again," Remus replied, folding the rumpled shirt neatly, smoothing out wrinkles.
Lucius Malfoy, member of the Inner Circle of the Eaters of Death, inwardly winced. Outwardly, he presented the younger Slytherin with a smile. "Remus, I've known you since you were 11. I worry about you."
"Luc, please. I've got half the bloody cosmos concerned with what happens to me… and I don't understand why." He straightened up and sighed. "I'm fine just continuing the way that I have been living my life. It is my life after all, and it's all I have."
Lucius stood and grasped the shorter Slytherin's arm warmly. "That's why we're concerned. Remus, you know as well as I do what's been happening between the Ministry and certain… other factions…"
Remus smiled. "Just say the name, Lucius. Voldemort and his Death Eaters. I know. I did work on Knockturn Alley after all." He sat down and pulled on a pair of warm wool socks.
"Very well. You know as well as anyone that things between the two sides are going to come to a head. And you can either ally yourself one way or the other. Or you're going to get caught in the middle, and you run the risk of getting steamrolled by either side," Lucius explained. "It was the first thing you did at Hogwarts. You made yourself someone to follow. You can't do that here; you're too small a fish in too big a pond."
"Lucius, I've got friends on both sides. James Potter is an Auror, and Merlin knows what some of my Slytherin classmates are up to," Remus explained, giving his head a quick jerk to rid his eyes of the hair that had fallen in it as he reached for a boot. "I don't want to be responsible for killing any one of them. Besides, I can't imagine that either side wants me for all that I am, only slices of me. The Light wants my Slytherin mind, and I don't know what the Dark wants, but it doesn't want me." He looked Lucius in the eyes seriously. "I'm damaged goods, Lucius."
The blonde stiffened, taking Remus' chin in his hands. "You are most certainly not. You're a Slytherin, Merlin's sakes. You can have anything you want. You can have anyone you want. It doesn't matter. What matters to me is that you seem content to eke out a meager living in a job that won't matter 10 years from now. Hell, it hardly matters now. You pal around with Black and those Gryffindors. I don't care about that. But I do want to see that you survive the coming conflict, and you can't do that if you are so worried about not hurting a few people that you don't look out for yourself. I have never met a man as self-sacrificing as you." He sighed again. "It's annoying, to put it bluntly. I mean, honestly, Remus. You don't even seem to care if you live or die."
Remus snorted. "That's just it, Lucius. At times, I don't."
Remus waved at Lucius and Narcissa as he left Malfoy Manor later that evening. "Until our next meeting, Lucius."
The blonde smiled. "Walk safely, Remus. The next time you come back this way, come visit."
Remus turned and pulled up his collar against the light rain, headed for the next town northwards. Lucius had given him an acceptable route through the woods, a shortcut, given the other natural features of the area. His boots squished against the wet forest floor, however, masking his footsteps.
One benefit of being a werewolf, his sense of smell was far more sensitive than any normal humans. Because of this, Remus could tell that he was being followed for about 5 minutes. Quietly, he tried to Apparate, before finding that there was an anti-Apparition barrier around this forest. It couldn't be natural, and there was every indication that it was recent. This was definitely not good.
He turned and sniffed the air, catching about 5 different scents, from different directions, not including ones that may have been masked by the wind. His fingers dug in his pocket for a wand, closing around it securely, and he looked from side to side.
He quickened his pace slightly and reached a clearing in the woods up ahead. He turned and drew his wand. "You may as well just show your faces. I know you're here," Remus snarled.
He was absolutely right. 5 Death Eaters in black cloaks and masks appeared, seconds later. Remus smiled darkly and cracked his knuckles. "If you were looking for an easy kill, you best look elsewhere. You picked the wrong damn wizard to play with, friends."
One of the taller Death Eaters laughed. "What makes you think that we want you dead?"
Remus smile became a smirk, and he shifted his weight from foot to foot. "Because it's the only way I'm not dangerous."
"You are only in danger if you stand at odds with our goals," another said, as the circle of wizards closed in around him.
"And they include the destruction of the Ministry and the installation of a new world order by your Lord?" he spat. "Nice goals." His hazel eyes went amber as he surrendered to the wolf-mind. "What if his world order is just as bad for me after it's come to fruition?"
"You hate the Ministry as much as our Lord does," said a third. "Merlin knows why."
Remus rolled his eyes. "Would you make a move already? I was hoping to get to the next town by Tuesday."
"You won't make it," said the first. "All our Lord wants to do is talk to you. All you have to do is come along quietly and you won't be harmed."
Remus laughed, scaring the Death Eaters. He wasn't reacting anywhere near what they expected. They drew their wands. Using his animal reflexes, he stunned two before they disarmed him. He caught another in a right cross and then used him as a shield against the Stunning spell. Silently he threw the man to the ground and threw a punch at another, leaving just one, which he grabbed and placed in a headlock after his wand had been knocked away.
"Stupefy!" came a shout from behind him, and blessed darkness claimed the struggling werewolf as he collapsed to the ground.
"Merlin, Malfoy, you wanted him to strangle me?"
Lucius smirked. "I thought that five of you were capable of handling one isolated man. I should have known that the whole lot of you was incompetent."
"He's a hell of a lot stronger than he looks, Lucius," replied one of the Death Eaters who got up, rubbing his jaw.
"Don't worry, Lord Voldemort will hear of your incompetence. Now pick him up and get moving."
Remus lay limply on a cold stone floor. No matter what he tried to do, he couldn't seem to move a single muscle that didn't involve his eyelids. His body ached from the Stunning curse that had been thrown at him and he mentally cursed as he wasn't able to move his mouth. He even invented what he thought was a new one, as he realized that he had allowed someone to sneak up on him while he was fighting.
He heard a lock slide open and a heavy door creaked on its iron hinges. Footsteps came against the stone and shadows played against the wall that he could see.
"Remus Janus Lupin. Hogwarts, Class of 1978. Slytherin House. Beater. Valedictorian, and highest marks every year of Hogwarts. And yet, mysteriously, you were the first person in 74 years to have turned down the position of Head Boy your 7th year. You gave no reason to any of your Housemates," said a drawling voice as the footsteps grew nearer and a cloaked figure appeared. He reached down and placed his hands on either side of Remus' face as he knelt. Blue eyes bored into hazel and Remus could nearly feel himself drowning as the man continued.
"Do you have any idea that aside from one of Potter's other friends and your twin brother, not a single one of my Death Eaters even so much as suspects that you ware a lycanthrope?" He paused, searching Remus' eyes even deeper. "You did know that Romulus was one of my servants, did you not?"
Remus' eyes smoldered.
"I'll take that as a yes," Voldemort replied, chuckling. "You see, Remus, I took great pains in selecting each and every one of my servants. I weighed each one of them so that I knew that they were the strongest, the best, and the most resilient. Your history makes you the strongest I have seen in years. I grew up in an orphanage as well. It taught me independence, self-reliance, and how to fight. My father abandoned me and my mother died when I was but a child, so I know about neglect. And worse, that muggle father of mine disowned me because I was a wizard, so I know about discrimination. I know how much it hurt to be alone as a child, and how you would have given anything for a loving family."
Remus' eyes went from being bright with fury and indignation to dark and empty.
Voldemort wiped moist strands from Remus' face. "That is your flaw. You wish nothing more than to be surrounded by people that will not desert you because of your condition."
Remus closed his eyes, unable to look away from the piercing sapphire gaze of the wizard known as Voldemort.
"A rather effective curse, isn't it? It's known affectionately as the ragdoll curse, in that it stops all motion in every muscle of your body, leaving you helpless. More practical than a stupefying hex if you ask me," he continued, sitting on the floor. "Open your eyes for me, Remus."
Remus complied, strangely compelled by the man holding him there.
"I have always admired your kind, Lupin. Your strength, your brutality, your spirit and your control are admirable. You cannot be employed by any reputable company in the Wizarding World. Every month, you undergo an involuntary transformation to an animal form, and then return to human form only to suffer days of nausea, pain and other illness subsequently. You see everyone around you living the lives you had always hoped for and yet you have always had enough pride to take the life given you and make it all that you could. And in your nature is the kind of darkness that my Death Eaters have never known and will likely never know. What greater strength have you shown than the ability to hold that in?"
He pulled Remus gently off the floor and leaned him up against the wall in a sitting position. He closed iron manacles and shackles around Remus' limp limbs, and added one around his throat. He then paused, placing his hands under Remus' jaw again.
"I can see it in your eyes," he hissed softly. "Your thirst for a better life, your anger at the injustice of uncaring people in this life and the knowledge that you have what it takes to set things right. They are set in your eyes like everlasting flames, beseeching to scorch your adversaries. I can give you the means to avenge yourself on those who have wronged you, but only if you do me this one favor. You must join my service," he said, wandlessly removing the restrictions on Remus' throat.
"And what makes you think that the first person I kill won't be my dear twin?" Remus spat. "Followed shortly by myself."
Voldemort smiled. "Think about my offer, Remus. I have all the time in the world. Do you?"
Remus sat in shock as the Dark wizard walked to the door and it closed behind him. The werewolf began losing the fight against hysterical nervous laughter. "Oh gods," he managed between laughs. "Am I fucked?"
--00--
So, is he fucked? I don't know. Review, and we'll see I guess.
Just kidding. I know if he is or not.
And mucho gusto thanks to my reviewers!
Piri Lupin-Snape- Hope you aren't disappointed by the Nice!Lucius and Scary!Lucius in this chapter. See you online!
Remus-Lupin- *salutes and then grabs the duct-tape in case you have more sugar issues* Hope you like this chapter.
Yoake Kaiba- I understand, hope this is soon enough.
le'Ange de Mort- That's okay. *pats you on the head, gives you a cookie and then glomps you* I love ya anyways. Um… more Remus angst coming soon… and you'll like what I am going to do to him, I think. By the way, next time you change your handle, at least email me with it. You're confusing the shit out of me (figuratively, not literally).
Well, onward to the next chapter.
Be kind, review.
8-2-03
RHF