Ah, the memories! - by Cunien
(Dedicated to Cap'n Cara and the Bloody Wench)

Sorry about any mistakes - I've been reading through the previous chapters and I've found loads of stupid ones that I've over-looked in my eagerness to post!

Mild cockney swearing, as befits a man of intrinsic worth but rough manners' like Jack.

Disclaimer: Jack Sparrow is the property of no man but himself! Governor whassisname Swan is not mine either, but any other characters are.


Chapter 4 - Jack's shadow.

It wasn't nearly as enjoyable as I'd imagined it to be - listening to some pious, beautiful young girl's sins.
If you can call them that.

It was all ooh Father Jack, last night my sister borrowed my dress and spilled wine on it at dinner and I was so angry with her, will I go to hell now Father Jack?

Ha! I felt like telling her about some of the things I've done in my life.
I felt like telling her about the Man in my hat and the whole sordid tale - then she'd know what sinning really was.

I've never been so bored in my life. Nearly fell asleep by the end - she did go on for hours though.

So there I am, almost drifting off, thinking about rum, when she says something that makes my ears prick up.

- and I feel awful about it, because he's my Father. I couldn't tell this to anyone other than you, because you're a priest and I know that I may trust you Father Jack. But I really think that dealing with these...these...ruffians is not proper for a man of his status. They are illegal rum smugglers and my father is a gentleman! I can't think why he has decided to do business with them, if you could call it business -

Then I remembered where I'd seen old Blondie and his mates before.
And suddenly there's no way I feel comfortable enough to sleep anymore.

Like I said, they'd rescued me from certain death on that island, and I'd managed to high-tail it before they realised how I'd repaid their kindness. And somehow they'd tracked me all the way to Port Royal. Something told me they weren't going to be content with a stern word and a slap on the wrist.

It all came back to me then. Old Blondie's real name was Samuel Delaney and he was about the meanest bastard you could ever hope to meet. I'd heard tales of him shooting his men for spilling even a drop of rum, let alone guzzling it like it was water.

Of course, I hadn't remembered these tales until I'd done the deed and drunk half the rum on the island. Probably wouldn't have made much difference anyway, cos when it comes to rum there's no stopping me to be honest.
Well? I'm a pirate aint I? What do you expect me to drink, bleeding milk?!

The girl was boring me to death by now though, and didn't seem to have anything more to tell me about the smugglers, though I tried to prod her for more information.

By the time I'd assured her she wasn't going to go to hell for taking a biscuit from the Cook's tray without asking I was sick to death of her, and managed to get her out of the door. Had to practically shove her out though - never thought I'd find myself pushing a woman away from me!

But before I'd got the door closed in comes this little thing, nearly knocking me over. For the second time that day I found myself with my arms full, but this time it isn't a beautiful but dull girl, but a little lad.
It was Tell-tale.

Bugger off. I says, turning my back on him and stalking back up the aisle. I wasn't in too good a mood right then, and I really needed a drink. I wasn't sure if they had Holy communion wine in the Church of England, but I'd tear the place apart looking for it anyway.

He didn't bugger off though - I could hear him padding along behind me.

So I whirl around right, and pull my most piratey face and give him an , but he just looks at me in that infuriating, wide-eyed interest again.
I yanked up my sleeve and shoved my arm under his nose. It wasn't a pretty sight I can tell you - the brand was swollen and had gone a bit yellow and crusty with puss.

Do you know what I am? I'm a Pirate. A Pirate captain - we Pirates eat little boys like you for breakfast, savvy? I says.
Oh, it's way past breakfast time - more like lunch! the lad says cheerfully.
Oh......shut up!! I spat.

And I hoisted him in my arms, went over to the door and threw him out again.

I've not gone two steps, swearing and muttering to myself, when the door opens again. So I whirled around and said If you don't get ou-ahhh-
Cos I was expecting Tell-tale, wasn't I? But it wasn't him, but this man and woman, arm in arm. Respectable looking again.

Oh, where is Father Dominic? says the man in this haughty tone that I don't like one bit.

He's gone back to England - apparently the Caribbean air didn't suit him. I said

Oh yes he always struck me as that sort. said the man, Obviously of a weak constitution. He looks down his nose at me, and suddenly I'm feeling quite protective of poor Father Dominic.

I simper at him, barely concealing my hatred.

The man was too far up his own arse to notice.

Oh! I've suddenly remembered I have business my dear! he said, turning to the woman who I assume is his wife. I was meant to meet with Governor Swan 5 minutes ago!

So that's what the Governor's name is.

Anyway, the man kisses his wife's hand in this pompous manner, and says I'll send round a man to escort you home as soon as my meeting is over, it shouldn't take half an hour.

He barely hangs around to listen to the woman's goodbye. Stupid man obviously didn't take too good a look at me did he, because even in priest's robes I don't look like the kind of man that should be left alone in the company of women.
Because my aversion to anything respectable doesn't go as far as upper class women see.

This woman is quality stuff too. She's older than the pious dull girl of before.
And this one doesn't look dull or at all pious. She's eyeing me up with a look so lecherous it would rival even mine.

My name is Isobella Edwards. she said in a spanish accent that made me go all goosepimpley.

Father Jack. I say moving towards her.

Hmm... I hope we will become as well acquainted as Father Dominic and I were.

And I'm thinking, good on you Father Dominic!

I have to say I was a bit surprised. It must be that mediterranean hot-blooded thing eh? Cos we've hardly been talking 5 minutes when she launches herself at me and things are going along just nicely thankyou.

Then suddenly I felt as though we were being watched, so I looked up and hit my head against a pew that we must have rolled under in my battle with her corset.

Oh god.. I groaned, because it was bloody Tell-tale again, my new shadow.
Couldn't you have waited for a more opportune moment, I mean after we've done...what we....were um...
Although I believe that lads should be told about the birds and the bees at a young age, or better yet, shown, he did seem a bit too young, and I wasn't really in the mood to give him the talk' right then.

Isobella seemed angry about being disturbed before anything really happened, so she straightened her dress, glared at Tell-tale and then me as though it were my bleeding fault, and then with a curt goodbye' walks out the door!

I closed my eyes and rolled back under the pew.

I stayed like that for a few minutes, hoping that my shadow would be gone by the time I emerged. But I opened my eyes and looked over, and there were these little feet in little battered shoes standing there, so I groaned and tried to get further under the pew.

I came to tell you, mister, that them men are still looking for you. They asked me if I seen you but I just says No sir, I aint seen nuffink. He dropped me and ran down the street and I didn't see nuffink.' But then they asked someone else and he said he seen you go in the church.

I tried to sit up and cracked my head on the pew again.

Well why didn't you bloody say so! I yelled, getting up and running down the aisle towards the back of the church. Remember I said those tales always had the criminals running out the back door of the church right? Like the cat who got the cream? So I'm running around like a madman looking for it, but this must be the only church ever to not have a back door of any shape or form.

So there was nothing to do but grab Tell-tale and head for the front door, hoping that my luck would hold and that Samuel Delaney wouldn't be waiting right outside for me.

He wasn't. But I went running into someone else instead. Me and Tell-tale go flying but the other man is caught by one of his mates, cos he's too respectable to be falling around in the dirt.

My little heart sank when I looked up into the face of whassisname. Governor Swan. He was smiling at me in a friendly way. I don't think anyone has ever smiled at me in a friendly way before.

I sprang up and tried to smile too.
Ah, is Father Dominic not about? he inquired.
He's gone. I said, bored of this now, He's run away to sea. It seems he wasn't suited for the life of a priest. I said.
Really? That's a bit of a surprise - he seemed quite happy here.....run away to sea did you say??
I said, To be a pirate.

Well! That is surprising.... Governor Swan trailed off, frowning at me.
Are you intoxicated Father?!? says the Governor.
No I am not! I reply.

But the Governor is looking meaningfully at the Marines he's got flocking around him. He nods and they move towards me right? So I'm there thinking, well, we're out-numbered but not by that much. Me and Tell-tale could probably take them.

But Tell-tale's scarpered, hasn't he - the bleeding traitor.

I said, For once I am not bloody drunk!
But they just kept coming at me, and the Governor was smiling at me in gentle reproach.

Now Father, I'm sorry but we must make and example of drunk and disorderly citizens - even a priest is not above the law.
He turned to his Marines. Luckily none of them seemed to have borne witness to my little escapade this morning.
Take him to the jail - he can sleep it of in a cell tonight. The Governor smiled at me again as though I was a naughty schoolboy.

Well I didn't go without a fight. They had to drag me kicking and screaming to the jail, which I admit probably didn't do much to convince them I was actually sober.

So I find myself lying locked up in this cell in Port Royal, and not for the last time either. There's someone else in there with me but by now I'm so exasperated with my rotten luck that I can't be bothered to look who it is.

I can't think why they thought I was drunk. I suppose the little swaying thing I've been told I do might look a bit as though I've had some to drink.
But the funny thing was I was actually sober. For a change.

TBC...

More soon, but the next chapter will probably be the last - we'll see how things turn out. This is already turning out to be longer than I thought it would be!
Thanks again for the lovely reviews - especially to those who've added me or this story to their favourites list - it's a great honour!

Thankyou -
Bloody Wench, A Wolf in Cairo, Marie6, Onua Wingstar, Kitty the drunken butterfly, Braveheart, Kumiko *Kaylin* Eharu, Sigil, Seraphim,
Fidin, Rat and anyone else I missed!