Ah, the memories! - by Cunien
(Dedicated to Cap'n Cara and the Bloody Wench)

Well this isn't the last chapter after all - turns out Jack has a bit more tale to tell. Believe me, when he gets going it aint half hard to shut him up!
And now his cockney-ness is rubbing off on my so I better get on with the tale, right?

Mild cockney swearing as befits a scruffy looking nerfherder like Jack Sparrow.

Disclaimer: Jack Sparrow is the property of no man but himself. I own Tell-tale, the Man in my hat and Samuel Delaney. More's the pity.

Calico Jack was a real historical figure (more about him at the very end of the tale).

Chapter 5 - Jack does time.

Well I felt pretty stupid right then. I'm no stranger to prison cells I can tell you, but this was probably the first time I'd been locked up in one for doing absolutely nothing wrong.

Well, I say that, but so far I had done quite a bit wrong - but Governor whassisname wasn't to know that, was he?

As soon as the guard turned the key in the lock and strolled off looking very pleased with himself, I fell back on the straw strewn ground and groaned.
A pirate's life for me eh?

So I'm lying there, counting everything that had gone wrong and balancing it up with all the things that had gone right, you know, trying to convince myself that the day hadn't been all that bad. I mean, I did almost have my wicked way with a beautiful spanish noblewoman, didn't I? See, these respectable married women can't resist a bit of rough on the side can they? And I'm normally more than happy to offer my services where that's concerned.

I was just remembering rolling around under them pews with Isobella with a little smile on my face when a voice cuts clean through my reminiscing.

Alright, Jack?

The voice didn't sound like it had come from someone who wanted to throttle me for some reason or other. It sounded quite friendly actually.
I raised myself up on my elbows to get a look at whoever it was who'd spoken.

As it turns out this particular person had good enough reason to want to throttle me, but Calico Jack had always been the kind of person too stupid to hold grudges. Or even realise there were grudges there in the first place.

Alright Jack? I answered. So what you in here for then?
Same as you mate, drunk and disorderly. Calico answered. Now I always address him as Jack' , but where this tale is concerned it might be a bit less confusing for me to call him Calico' to you, right? He was called this due to his always wearing the most stupidly fancy and outrageous clothes. Man looked like a bleeding walking rainbow - it hurt your eyes just to look at him. But I think he fancied he looked like a right dandy.

Looked more like a big girl's blouse to me.
Which he was, in all honesty. Nice chap though, if a bit stupid.

Me and Calico went way back - to when I was a humble cabin boy on this big old schooner called the Selkie. Calico used to have a good old laugh at me, always ordering me around and thinking himself so much better than me. Truth was he was only one up from me, and one up from nothing isn't that much at all. From this rather shaky beginning grew an easy and amiable friendship.

So you looks like you've had a bit of a career change since last we met Jack? Calico asks, eyeing up my priest's robes. So I explained the whole sorry tale to him. He's a good listener, tutting, gasping, swearing and laughing in all the right places. Not like you lot.

Anyway, there we were, chatting away, and I asked him what he sails on now, cos he's a captain like me.

Oh I'm on this Dutch Flute now. He said with understandable pride.
I whistled.
I'm guessing from your blank expression that you don't know what a Dutch Flute is, right? Well, it's a monster of a thing - 300 tons and 80 feet, but only takes a crew of a dozen, 10 at a pinch. A pirate's dream is a Dutch Flute - massive cargo capacity see? Lot's of room for treasure.

Yeah, just acquired her I have. The Adventure. She's a beauty Jack.
Well I hope you've left this beauty in capable hands - you're a fool if you haven't Jack.
Ah, don't you worry about that Jack. My first mate Andrew'll keep her in ship-shape till tomorrow.

I asked.
Yep. I'll be out of here in the morning, an we're sailing, 10 o clock sharp. Not too early, I likes me breakfast in bed! he laughed.

Here, listen Jack - you don't have room for an able seaman do you? Soon as I get my hat back I'm going to need to be out of there pretty sharpish.

There's always room for a friend, Jack. said Calico kindly, Like old times, eh? Just until you get the Pearl back, o course. Heard about that, mate - rotten luck.

I'm nodding darkly, cursing my treacherous first mate who marooned me to a hell on earth, when there's this racket over by the stairs, and this little ball of rags comes tumbling down. He springs up when he hits the floor, grinning like a bleeding maniac, and I see it's Tell-tale.

Well, my shadow has his uses after all. He came skulking over. He could almost skulk as well as me. He was obviously trying not to wake the guard, who was asleep in the room just off from the cells, but to be honest if the hullabaloo he just made falling down the stairs didn't rouse him I don't think there's much that would.

So over in the corner, curled in this manky little basket is this mangy little puppy, with a bunch of keys lying beside it. Tell-tale goes over and carefully extracts them from between it's paws, and then looks as pleased as can be.
He tripped and dropped the keys with a clatter on the way over, and we all held our breath as the guard shifted in his sleep, but he didn't stir again, and Tell-tale got the door open easy as that!

Once the door's swung open and I've stepped through to freedom, I turned round to see that Calico hasn't moved an inch.

Close the door behind you, eh Jack? he says. He's lying back on the floor, and I says, Aren't you coming then Jack?
he answered, They'll let me out in the morning, and I've got no place better to be till then. Besides, there are some shady characters out there. Out for my blood they are. This is the safest place to be.

Have it your way Jack. I said, I'll see you tomorrow - 10 o clock right? The Adventure?

10 o clock. Don't be late Jack, cos I aint waiting for you. You better be there, hat or no hat.

I nodded and was halfway up the stairs when this voice drifts up,
Oh and Jack? Good luck eh? A main aint nuthing without his hat.

Once we'd got outside, which was alarmingly easy really, we find some bushes to skulk in, and Tell-tale the little angel, hands me the bundle of clothes I left in the church. I ruffled his hair. And then wiped my hand on my robes.

I changed back into my old clothes, feeling a bit more myself, but missing the robes a bit too. I liked a nice breeze around me privates.

TBC.....


(Right, Calico' Jack Rackham was a real bona fide Pirate - some stories say his name came from his colourful clothes, which is the version I've gone with here. Others say it's because he always wore clothes of plain white calico. Which makes more sense. But doesn't fit in with my masterplan. So there!
Calico Jack fell in love with a woman called Anne Bonny. She dressed as a man and went to sea with him. They picked up another cross-dresser on the way, Mary Reid, quite by accident. When they finally got caught Calico Jack and the rest of the men hid in the ship's hold while Mary and Anne fought like men! They were eventually all sentenced to hang, but Mary and Anne were set free as they were both pregnant! That's your history lesson for today kids.)


Sorry about the dullness of the chapter. I promise the next chapter -
the last one, I think, will be more interesting!
So, will Jack find the Man in my hat, and win back said hat in time to catch his ride out of there the next morning?

Thanks for reviews - you make me smile sooo much! (Thanks to Kris for pointing out the mistake - shall be changed soon!x)