Hey minna-san! Sorry it took me so long to update. Apology accepted? I wanted to started this chapter this week since I'm going through the same hell Tsubame-chan's going through… unfortunately. My stomach hurts like hell. At least sippin' some Tang and listenin' to 'Suga Suga' by Baby Beesh and Frankie J, makes me feel better.
Disclaimer: I don't own RK no matter how much I love Aoshi-sama. This is for entertainment purposes only.
TSUBAME AND THE CRIMSON TSUNAMI
By Kawaii-chan
Chapter three: The facts of life?
NOTE: You know how Megumi said that Tsubame would have to start attaching things to her underwear? You know, the ancient version of a pad? Well, I didn't know what they used back then and I accidentally wrote it. Please ignore the fact that Megumi told her to wear the 'pads'. Thanx to KITTEN KISSES, I finally learned. The terms 'laxi pad' and 'sampon' all belong to her. I'm just trying to tie mine in with her story.
~~~~~~
After her shift at the Akebeko was done, Tsubame nervously walked to the clinic. Megumi had called her to check out some new 'inventions' she was planning to 'experiment.' Tsubame thanked the Gods that no one else was called since it had to do with those horrid demons.
Before she could even knock the shoji slid open with an ecstatic Megumi standing in front of her.
"Tsubame-chan! I'm so glad that you could make it. You don't know HOW long I wanted to try things out," Megumi pulled her in.
Tsubame looked around and found a thing that looked like a sponge with cloth wrapped around it. She picked it up and looked at it with curiosity. Was it a pillow? Was it a miniature blanket? 'This would make the perfect futon for my dolls!' Tsubame thought to herself.
"Megumi-san? What's this?" she asked still studying the object.
"It's a laxi pad! I'm going to make you wear it," Megumi started getting out some paper. Tsubame put the device on her head.
"Like this?" Tsubame was adjusting it.
"No you silly girl! You'll be wearing it down there," Megumi stressed.
Tsubame blushed and jerked it off of her head, "Gomen."
"That's alright. Okay, I want you to go and put this own down there and then tie it with this string so they don't move," Megumi handed her some red string.
'Kami-sama, what have I gotten myself into?' Tsubame contemplated.
Megumi pushed her into a private bathroom (if they had those back then). Tsubame gave her a look of fear and Megumi just raised her index finger in a-matter-of-fact fashion.
"Now, now Tsubame-chan, this is for your own good. And for the good of all women with theses curse-ed periods," Megumi reasoned. Tsubame muttered something under her breath which seemed to be an incoherent 'Why don't you try it yourself, stupid hag.'
Tsubame studied the so-called 'laxi pad' and gave it a little squeeze. The cloth seemed to have been stuck to the sponge with some kind of adhesive.
Moments later, Tsubame came out looking like a tomato. "Megumi-san, I think I'm done. Can I take it off now??" she squeaked.
"Nonsense! You will wear this for AT LEAST two hours… or until it fails, which I'm sure it won't." Megumi studied her other models of the 'laxi pad'. They heard a knock Tsubame took a seat in a chair so the people who came in wouldn't be a able to see the outline of the laxi pad.
"Hey fox-doctor, the stupid kid got some bruises from a fight we just had, so he needs to get it fixed." 'Great, it just HAD to be the stupid tori-atama. And guess who he just HAD to bring with him. Yahiko! What a great day!' Tsubame thought scowling.
"Come in. Uff Sano, Kenshin and Kaoru leave for little while and leave you in charge and you pick fights with little kids!" Megumi scolded.
"Hey! Who you callin' little?" Yahiko scowled.
"You, Yahiko-chan," Sano ruffled his spiky hair.
"Sheesh, and I thought busu horrible," Yahiko muttered.
"Hello, Yahiko-cha- I mean kun," Tsubame corrected herself.
"Hi."
"No time for chit-chat. Sit down Yahiko and let me see the bruises. Who knows what that tori-atama did to you," Megumi mumbled taking out some bandages.
"Hey, you still love me don't ya?" Sano said earning odd looks from both Yahiko and Tsubame.
"-in a sisterly way," Sano quickly added blushing. Megumi shot him a glare but then returned to Yahiko's bruises.
Tsubame intently watched as Megumi started to wipe something on Yahiko's tan, and pretty toned, stomach. Indeed, he did get some major bruises. Tsubame blushed when she caught herself staring.
Sano smirked seeing her reaction and walked over to her. He knelt down and nudged her. He gave her the look that said, 'Ha ha ha, little girl, I can see right through you.' Tsubame gave him a deathly glare and made a fist that was just about to collide with his nose. Before she could do anything, Sano got back up and pulled something about his jacket.
"Oh yeah, I also got the newspaper. You want me to read it while ya bandage the kid?" Sanosuke suggested.
"Go ahead. I don't care,"
"Alright. Hey, look, it's an article about some pill those foreigners made to cure aches and pains. It says: A new miracle pill comes out on the market for those who have muscle pains and 'head aches'. For those of you who aren't familiar with the term 'head aches' it means those brain chewing demons that attack every time people are pressured. This new pill called 'Tylenol' may also have other affects, like for fevers, menstruation cra-"
"WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Megumi cut Sano off with a shriek. Her face was red in anger and fake smoke came out of her fox ears.
"Okay let me read that for you again: This new pilled called 'Tylenol' may also have other-"
"SHUT THE HELL UP TORI-ATAMA!!!!" Megumi cut him off again. Sanosuke had the slight look of fear on his cute face.
"How dare they make a head chewing demon pill and not consult me about it!!! And they called it 'Tylenol' for crying out loud! What kind of idiot names a pill that! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE CALLED MYLENOL FOR PETE'S SAKE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO PETE IS! Those stupid foreigners have quiet the nerve to make that pill. Do you know how long I've been working at this?! Those fuc-"
"WE GET THE POINT ALREADY!!" Yahiko, Tsubame, and Sano cut of her rambling in unison. Megumi paused.
"Deep breath, kitsune… deep breath," Sano instructed. He hid the newspaper since it mentioned that 'Tylenol' may cure stomach chewing demons, which he new would get her even more angry. Tidol was her main goal. He thanked the gods that she didn't know what the word menstruation meant… yet.
"Shut up. I am calm," Megumi threatened. There was an odd silence for a few moments. Tsubame clutched her stomach pain. There it was again. Then she started to feel oddly wet 'down there'. Her leg felt wet too.
"Tsubame-chan, can you hand me that canister with the cotton balls over there?" Megumi asked.
Tsubame got up feeling EXTREMELY uncomfortable. When she reached for the cotton balls, she heard a number of gasps. She quirked her brow and she turned around, she found that everyone, except for Megumi, had their mouths wide open.
Another moment of silence…
"SHE'S BLEEDING AGAIN!!!!"
didn't last long, obviously.
Yahiko was pointing to Tsubame who didn't know what was going on.
"Uff, Yahiko, what do you mean?" Megumi asked unaware of the current situation. She was still finishing up the bandaging.
Then it hit her…
The blood was all over her new gi.
Tsubame quickly rushed over to Megumi and pulled her aside to the private bathroom.
"It failed! It failed! I… I… seeped!!" Tsubame whispered dryly.
"You mean you leaked,"
"WHATEVER! DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE?" Tsubame yelled causing Megumi to wince.
"What are you doing to Tsubame-chan? You better be patching her up instead of hurting her!" Yahiko yelled from the background.
"Shut up, Yahiko!" they both yelled back in unison.
Yahiko opened his mouth to say something but closed it back. Sano gave him a sympathetic look and put his large hand on his shoulder. While Tsubame hid in the bathroom cursing Megumi out of her wits, Megumi herself came back out fearing her life.
"Kid, I think it's about time you learned the facts of life," Sano said trying to stifle a burst of laughter.
"Sano!"
"No Megumi, I think it's time, before he caused anymore damage to Jou-chan jr," Sano silenced her, trying his best to act serious.
"The facts of life?" Yahiko asked obliviously.
"You know, like the cycle of life, where babies come from-"
"But I already know how and where babies come from. Kenshin told me. He told me it came from sleeping together," Yahiko cut Sano off. Both Sano's and Megumi's eyes widened from shock and amusement.
"He said that you sleep in the same spot and then the baby fairy comes and asks you if you want a baby and she puts a baby in the girls stomach. See I know about the facts of life!" Yahiko beamed.
Both Sanosuke and Megumi fell to the ground. Big question marks hung on top of both Yahiko's and Tsubame's heads.
"Sano, since this was your idea, you tell him the facts and I'll go get Tsubame something to change into," with that Megumi left.
There was that silence again. Megumi came back for a split second and gave Tsubame something to change into and some ripped up sheets. Then she said that she'd be back in a sec.
Tsubame came back out of the bathroom and stood in the corner.
"Jou-chan jr., I think you need to listen to this too… have a seat," and with that their childhood's ended.
The clock ticked slowly…
The room was dead silent…
The birds stopped chirping…
The air stopped moving…
And Yahiko finally shut up…
"WHAT?!!!!!! That's how it works? *gasps for air* EWW!!!"
Well at least for a couple of minutes.
Yahiko took a glance at Tsubame and turned beat read. His eyes went swirly like Kenshin's and he had a major nose bleed. He passed out.
"And thus children, is how the facts of life work. Oh yeah, Tsubame-chan, if you ever see a *ahem* bulge on Yahiko… you'll won't need to be afraid. You'll probably be the cause of it," Sano concluded.
Now it was Tsubame's turn to pass out.
When Megumi walked in she gasped, "What the hell did you do to them??"
"Er… I told them a bed time story?"
"Well it sure worked!! Now spill!"
"I told them ALL of the facts," Sano mumbled.
"YOU BAKA! You don't tell them both at the same time!! Baka, baka, baka!" Megumi rushed over to both of the unconscious children. She started shaking them violently but they still would regain consciousness.
"They're not waking up! They're not waking up!" Megumi shrieked.
"Wait, I think I know how to wake them up. But you gotta brace yourself, Kitsune," Sano said.
He slowly took of his shoe and undid the bandages of it and stuck his foot on the window sill…
right when a nice breeze was coming in.
3...
2...
1...
"KUSO! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL?!" both Tsubame and Yahiko shrieked together in horror once they regained consciousness. Sano smirked to himself and put his footing back on. He gave himself a pat on the back.
"You see, Kitsune! I am smar-" when Sanosuke turned around he found an unconscious Megumi on the floor.
"Sheesh, do they really smell that bad?"
Both Tsubame and Yahiko nodded vigorously. Sano just shrugged and picked up Megumi off of the floor.
"Er… anybody know how to wake up the fox doc with out using my feet?" Sano scratched his head.
"I think I do," Tsubame grinned wickedly. She walked over to Megumi and whispered something in her ear.
"What? Sano's taking off his shirt?! Let me at him!" Megumi woke up instantly.
"You see," Tsubame smirked. Once Megumi realized what had just happened she blushed beet red as well as Sanosuke.
Megumi glared at Tsubame who only smiled innocently.
"Okay, so what were you guys doing anyway when we came in?" Sano asked trying to change the subject as quickly as possible.
"We were experimenting,"
"With what?"
"Well I guess there's no point in not tell you since you BOTH know the facts of life. We were experimenting with laxi pads so that we would have to use ripped up sheets anymore,"
"Use ripped up sheets for what?" asked Yahiko densely.
Sano smacked him on the head in order for him to get the point. Tsubame just blushed the whole time.
"Oh… now I get your point,"
"Well, it failed, as Yahiko so bluntly pointed out," Megumi muttered. Yahiko just scratched his head
"So there's no hope for the future?" Sano asked patting Megumi on the back. Megumi just shook her head and stared at the floor sadly.
"Sano-san?"
"Yea, Jou-chan jr.?"
"What did you mean by 'bulge' when you were talking about Yahiko?" Tsubame blushed. Yahiko got another nose bleed.
"I guess I'll just have to explain to you again. Well you see, Yahiko had this thing called a penis and when he gets aroused it starts to get swollen and then it'll go into a your little whole-"
"DON'T TELL US ANYMORE!!!" they cut him off.
"Fine, fine. I, for one think it's a beautiful process," Sano said.
Yahiko and Tsubame cringed.
Megumi seemed to depressed to say or do anything. "I just wish I could invent something that would just make it easier for us women during that time of the month. We don't even get to make love during that time," Megumi sighed.
Yahiko and Tsubame cringed yet again.
"NO MORE!!! NO MORE!!!" Yahiko moaned covering his ears and closing his eyes.
They were all silent again.
Yahiko slowly opened one eye and then looked around. Seeing that everyone was quiet, he let go of his ears and sighed in relief. Just then a light bulb went off over Sano's head.
"Uh… kitsune, I know that this is kind of perverted for me to say but if a guy a made love to his woman and it was the that time of the month, wouldn't it kind of *blush* block the flow,"
"Uff, Sano, you're such a baka… *pause* AND A GENIUS AT THE SAME TIME!!" Megumi squealed. She glomped Sano and gave him a billion kisses. Sano turned swirly-eyed.
"Yup, women love me," Sano said before passing out from the pleasure over-load. Megumi giggled and Tsubame and Yahiko just turned blue.
"By sticking something that absorbs the blood up there, it'll stop it!! I LOVE YOU SANOSUKE SAGARA!!" Megumi shrieked.
Everyone's eyes widened in shock and Sano came back to life.
"I LOVE YOU TOO, KITSUNE!! LET'S GET MARRIED!" Sano chimed in.
"I'D LOVE TO! Since this was your idea, I'll call it a Sampon! And 'S' for Sano, my love!"
Then they both were all over each other causing Yahiko and Tsubame to lock them selves in the bathroom so they could hurl.
~~~ A Day Later ~~~
Tsubame stepped inside the clinic yet again for some more 'experiments'.
Megumi pulled her in and gave her a thing that looked like tube with cotton balls stuck in it.
"I want you to put this, *ahem* you know where. Okay, thanks!" and she shoved Tsubame into the bathroom before she could say anything.
Tick… tock… tick… tock… tick… to-
"ARE YOU DONE IN THERE?!" Megumi griped. She tapped her foot impatiently.
Finally Tsubame came out with a disgusted look on her face.
"Since I'm the one testing this thing, you should call it the Tampon, a 'T' for Tsubame," Tsubame said curtly.
"Don't push it! The fact that you don't have to used ripped up sheets should be a gift from the Goddesses," Megumi answered.
~~~ 4 Hours Later ~~~
They waited forever before they checked Tsubame's back side. Poor Tsubame had to wait with Megumi the whole time. Surprisingly, she felt rather… comfortable and she didn't feel wet like usual.
"Okay Tsubame-chan, cross your fingers, this check will be the last check. If it works, we'll be heroes- er… heroines!" Megumi squealed, "Okay, Tsubame-chan, stand up and turn around."
Tsubame, somewhat nervous turned around and twitched when she didn't hear anything.
"Megumi-san?"
No sound.
"Megu-"
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! IT WORKED! IT WORKED! YOU DON'T HAVE A SPOT ON YOU! WE DID IT!" Megumi squealed. She took Tsubame by the hands and twirled her around and around until they collapsed. Just then, Sano and Yahiko walked in.
"Umm… did we walk in at a bad time?" Yahiko scratched his head.
"WE DID IT!" Tsubame and Megumi screeched causing Sano and Yahiko to wince.
"Did what?! And please… enough of the screeching," Sano said with his ears covered.
"The sampon! It worked! It worked!" Tsubame exclaimed. Yahiko couldn't help but smile at the happiness on her face. Before he knew it, Tsubame had pounced on him and was cutting of his circulation. He stiffened a little but then he hugged her back.
"*ahem*!" Sano cut them off. Tsubame let go and blushed.
"I'm so sorry!" she apologized.
"I don't mind. Anytime," Yahiko mumbled unconsciously.
"Huh?"
"Er, I mean it's okay," Yahiko blushed.
"Okay everyone, party at the Akebeko, my treat!" Megumi announced.
"I'm there!" Sano joined in.
"Anywhere there's a free meal, you're there," Megumi shot him a playful glare, "But I'm not going to be ordering dessert. It's out of my budget."
"Don't worry sexy, I'll have my dessert tonight, and it will be from you, that is if you get my drift," Sano whispered into her ear. She turned beat red.
~~~ That Night ~~~
After they were all stuffed and happy, Yahiko popped the question…
"What the hell do you call me Yahiko-chan? It makes me feel little!" Yahiko asked out of the blue.
Okay, maybe it wasn't that question.
"Of all times, you bring it up now?" Megumi asked taking another sip of the sake.
"Yea,"
"Well, I guess I gotta tell ya kid. Well… Jou-chan kinda saw you in the shower…" Sano started.
"Eww! Busu, saw me? That's gross, but what does it have to do with anything," Yahiko asked obliviously.
"Well, you're kinda small,"
"Huh?"
Sano started to choke on his sake.
"Someone get a doctor!" Megumi exclaimed.
"YOU ARE A DOCTOR!" both Tsubame and Yahiko answered.
"Oh yea," Megumi smacked him on the head with her hand and he stopped.
"No that that's over, answer me!" Yahiko demanded.
"Well, your *ahem* thing where the sun doesn't shine, is pretty… ya know, er… not big," Sano answered reluctantly.
"WHAT! That busu lied! I'm plenty man!" Yahiko fumed.
"Hush Yahiko, you're making a scene!" Megumi reprimanded.
"Well it's a whole lie! Tell busu that she's flat!"
"Yahiko!" Megumi warned again.
"I bet Yahiko day dreams of Tsubame looking more *ahem* busty, all the time!" Sano laughed. Megumi pinched his arm as a warning. Yahiko tried his best not to look like a spiky haired strawberry.
"Speaking of Tsubame, where is she?" Megumi asked.
They all looked around and then looked down…
There she was on the floor, out cold with a nose bleed.
~~~ The Morning After the Next Day ~~~
"Ay, kitsune. I brought in the news paper. Want me to read it to ya while you make breakfast?"
"Go ahead,"
"Okay: Women all over Japan rejoice! No more ripped up sheets! Yes you heard me! Dr. Megumi Takani came out with a new gadget that makes it easier for women during their menstruation periods.
" She worked very hard and after experimenting, she came out with a device called the Tampon-"
"WHAT?!" Megumi fumed.
"Named after her favorite lab partner Tsubame," Sano continued. He soon stopped and raged.
"HEY! I thought you named it after me!"
" I did!"
"TSUBAME-CHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" they both yelled loud enough for the rest of Tokyo to hear.
~~~ The Akebeko ~~~
"Achoo!" Tsubame sneezed.
"Bless you,"
"Thanks, Yahiko-kun. Did you hear something?"
They both paused for a while trying to think.
"Nah!!!"
And thus people is the story of how Tampons were created. Make sure you tell your grand children that.
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A/N: Well, that's it folks. This is either the second or third to last chapter of TSUBAME AND THE CRIMSON TSUNAMI. Yea, I know it was short, and not very popular but I still enjoyed it. I hope you liked this chapter too! Anyway, PLEASE REMEMBER TO REVIEW! I don't care if you review just to say 'This stinks! Quit writing!' or 'You're just a pathetic excuse for Kitten Kisses!' but at least I know what you think. Well, gotta go people. Til next time, happy reading! Ja!