Dude, Where's My Spoon?

Re-directed today….Trinity Dream and beyond!

Mako: MEEP!

***

Pointless nonexistent intro monologue: Code…. It's green, it's full of numbers and Japanese characters, it goes up and down and all around.  But this, my friends, is code RELOADED!  Look how it sparkles.  It's preeeeeeeettiful, isn't it?  In this movie you will see more of the Matrix you have come to know and love, as well as some different stuff.  Some is good, some is bad… some is French and some is made of rubber.  But all you really need to know is, there is no spoon….

CODE dissolves into CLOCK. AUDIENCE is puzzled. CLOCK strikes twelve.

Security dude: See ya.

Other security dude: Ciao.

NEARBY BUILDING:

Motorcycle: VROOOOOOOOOM!

Hyperactive trumpets: dadadadadadada dadadada!! dadada!!

TRINITY flies through the air on MOTORCYCLE, does insane backflip off of it and lands as the MOTORYCLE crashes into a building with a big KA-BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Security dude: Holy monkeys...

Trinity: *removes helmet—(Audience: whoo it's Trinity hooray!) and kicks major security dude butt with pleather-tastic backflips and classic Matrix music*

Audience: joy...

Trinity: *picks up cell phone: reloaded*  I'm in.

*COOOOOOOOOOODE fades from Trinity to building that obsessees have seen in the trailer...*

Audience members who are as obsessed as Mako (if there are any): OH NO!!!!!

It suddenly grows quiet…

Trinity: *smashes through window, spins around and begins firing at an AGENT that jumps after her*

Audience: MEEP! Bullet-time: reloaded!  She jumps through windows a lot…

Bullet-time, bullet-time, bullet-time…

ZOOM IN on AGENT as he fires….and hits TRINITY.

Audience: *GASP!!*

CLOSE UP of TRINITY, looking surprised and suddenly very real-world-ish because her hair is no longer gelled to her head*

TRUMPETS play DOOM music as TRINITY SMASHES INTO A CAR…

Neo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Audience: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!  Whoa… okay, it was just a..… really should have seen that coming, there… still…. Okay….PHEW…

Trinity: Whaa…?  Whasgoinon…?  *yawns*

Neo: Uhh.. uhm, nothing.. I just… woke up and… was thirsty and.. it… scared… me…

Trinity: ……

Neo: So uhh I'll just go get some water then…

Trinity: …Okay hon, you do that...  zzzzz…

Neo: *tip-toes over to door, opens it, looks back and bursts out crying before running off to the kitchen-place*

KITCHEN-PLACE:

Neo: *is sniffling miserably over a metal cup*

Trinity: *walks in*  What's wrong??

Neo: Uhmm nothing!  Nothing!

Trinity: *frowns*

Neo: Why are you up anyway?

Trinity: Apparently it's morning.  Or night or… whenever it is we wake up.

Neo: Oh.  You never can tell.

Trinity: Nope.  Sure you're okay?

Neo: Yeah.

Trinity: Okay…

LINK: *appears*  There you are.  It's that time again.

Neo and Trinity: *roll eyes*  Sure, LINK.

MYSTERIOUS MATRIX BASEMENT:

Niobe: These thingies confirm the transmissions from the Osiris.

Soren: What's that?

Ghost: Thaddeus and Jue were using the Construct to---

Niobe: *loudly*  The machines are DIGGING!  Squiddies are going to blow up Zion!

Various people: No…

Ice: How many are there?

Niobe: Take a look at the Osiris' scan things.

Binary: They can't be accurate!

Tirant: A quarter of a million squiddies?!

Dr .Evil: They have freakin' laser beams on their heads!!

Morpheus: WHY NOT?  A squiddie for every wrinkly old person, inadequately dressed young adult and bald child in the cave?  Sounds exactly like the thinking of a squiddie to me.

Niobe: You think the squiddies are planning this?

Mako: Nah I just like saying squiddie.

Morpheus: Nice to see you, Niobe.

Niobe: *wink*

Ghost: *waves*

Trinity: *waves*

Neo: …what was that??

Mako: THIS IS TURNING INTO CARDCAPTOR SAKURA!  MOVE ON!!!

Morpheus: *blah blah blah blah blah*

Neo: *looks around*

Trinity: What is it?

Morpheus: (in background) *…blah blah blah blah…*

Neo: …..Agent Smelrond……

Trinity: What?

Neo: *scratches head*  I… don't know… I mean… *looks confused*

Trinity: *raises eyebrow*

Morpheus:  *…blah blah blah blah blah…*

Neo: ….I better go check it out.  *glances suspiciously at Ghost before running off*

Morpheus: *…blah blah blah blah.*

Trinity: *shakes head*

Niobe: Do you have any idea what the heck you're saying?

Morpheus: ….no, no I don't.

Ballard: You're asking one of us to disobey a direct order!

Morpheus: …was I?  *scratches head*  It does sound like something I would do…

Dude in a suit: And what happens when Lock throws you in the slammer?

Morpheus: HA!  I'd like to see 'im try.

Ballard: Yeah alright so would I.  You have 36 hours.

UPSTAIRS:

Smelrond—I mean, Smith: Muahahaha.  *steps up to door and knocks loudly*

Wurm: *slides window slot open*  We don't want any.

Sme—Smith: I'm looking for… "Neo."  You see he set me free…..

Wurm: Never heard of him.

Smith: Just give him this... *shoves box through window slot in Wurm's face*

Wurm: Yo, watch the shades!  Now buzz off!  *slams window slot*

Neo: *appears*  Who was that?

Corrupt: Some suit, sir… said you set him free.

Neo: *ponders*

Wurm: Here, he gave you a present, sir.

Neo: Paper's not green… *opens it*

Corrupt: What is it, sir?

Neo: …gelatin Elf-ear tips?

Voice from other side of door: Oops, wrong box.  *window slot magically opens, another box drops through and the slot slams again*

Neo: People really like giving me presents.

Wurm and Corrupt: Yessir.

Neo: *opens box*  …Oh, crap.

Wurm and Corrupt: Sir?

Neo: Run away!  Run away!!

Wurm and Corrupt: …..

Neo: *sighs*  Agents.

Wurm and Corrupt: Oh.  Yessir!  *run off*

Agent Fluffy: *smashes door open* Raah!

Neo: You stole that line.  Not that I care but you did.

Agent Flowers: It's him.

Agent Potpourri: The systemic anomaly inherit to the programming of the Matrix.

Dr. Evil: Who do you think you are, the freakin' Architect?!

Agent Fluffy: He's only human.

Neo: Last guy who said that got shot in the head!

Mako: Ladies and gentlemen!  ROB DOUGAN!!  *cheers from the audience as Furious Angels plays and Neo starts kicking major Agent butt*

Dr. Evil: This kid is so freakin' cool!

Neo: *does awesome tricks in his super-cool Chinese cassock thing and disposes of the Agents fairly quickly*  That bit of action better last ya, folks.

Mako: I dunno, I like the beginning!  Well aside from that whole *AHEM!* thing…

Neo: *watches ominous newspaper blow across the street tumbleweed style*  Hmm… *does a cool pose and takes off skyward*

Audience: a la Keanu WHOA!!!

Smith: *walks up to where Neo was*  Muahahaharaaah.  Time to screw with Miiiiister Anderson… exactly like before.

Other Smith: Well, not exactly.

Smith: *smile*

Other Smith: *smile*

SKY:

Neo: *does the Superman Thang*

Audience: That's.. so… COOL!!!!

Neo: *stops to pose in front of the moon before zooming into the Oracle's apartment*

Jason Alexander on answering machine: Believe it or not, the Oracle isn't at home, please leave a message at the beep…

Neo: Where are you… *clinking noise* huh?  *lifts foot*  Lovely.  *picks up spoon and flies off*

OWARI!