Dude, Where's My Spoon?
THE BURLY BRAWL!! Whee this is gonna be fun… and no, sorry if this disappoints anyone (0.o;;;;) but it will MOST DEFINITELY NOT be slashy. Ack. But it will be extremely silly, so…I hope that, uh, makes up for it…?
THE BASKETBALL COURT THING:
Neo: *is reading the graffiti all over the walls out of sheer boredom* Whoa… "One"… "one"… "one"… "Neo"… ha!
Crows: Kkaack! Caw caw caw! *scatter in slow motion* Cacaw! (Translation: Fly away!! Fly away!! That man's eyebrows are possessed!)
Smith: *appears* Muahahahahharaah. Miiiiiiiisssster Aaannndersonn…..
Neo: What the… YOU!!
Smith: Yes, me! Me, me, me…
Neo: You say that line later.
Smith: W— how do you know?
Neo: *holds up a copy of the script*
Smith: Where did you get that?!
Neo: Nowhere pocket.
Smith: They were supposed to keep that away from you!!
Neo: Why? *flips to the end and reads* W..w… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!
Smith: *smacks his scary large forehead* That's why.
Neo: *collapses and begins sobbing hysterically and bashing the script on the ground, scattering and ripping pages*
Smith: *looks uncomfortable* Pull yourself together, man!
Neo: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!
Smith: Er, uh… *goes evil Agent-y* RAH!
Neo: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! *sobs*
Smith: *grabs the script and whaps Neo over the head with it*
Neo: *….thud* ……Thank you, I needed that.
Smith: Uh, no problem. …how did you just fall over if you were already on the ground…?
Neo: It would be wise not to ask that question at this point.
Smith: Uh, right. Shall we, uh, just start over then?
Neo: That sounds like a good idea.
Smith: Yes, right.
Neo: Oh, and… more insane this time.
Smith: Right. And you… more… stoic.
Neo: I'm on it.
Smith: ….right.
Mako: *a la Monty Python in the total eclipse of the sun* START AGAIN.
Smith: *walks off and comes back*
Crows: Caw, caw.
Smith: Miiiiiiiiiiiister Andersssoonn! …Muahahahahahhaharaah.
Neo: "…"
Smith: Surprised to see me?
Neo: Dude, every other word out of my mouth is "whoa." EVERYTHING surprises me.
Smith: Fair enough. Get my package?
Neo: Which one?
Smith: *glares, making full use of his frightening possessed eyebrows* The one with the ear piece.
Neo: Oh. Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh yes.
Smith: Well good.
Neo: What was the point of that anyway?
Smith: FORESHADOWING, Miiissster Anderson.
Neo: I KNEW IT!!
Smith: Shut up, I have a speech to make. We have a CONNECTION, Misster Anderson, I don't know how or why but that is at this point IRRELEVANT. All that matters is that there IS a reason for it.
Neo: What's that?
Smith: I KILLED you, Misssster Anderson, I watched you die. It was funny.
Neo: Dude, that was MOST unexcellent.
Trinity: *ahem*
Neo: Sorry.
Smith: …… *looks around, confused*
Neo: You were saying?
Smith: Er. Yes… *shakes head* Anyway, then something that I knew was impossible happened…
Neo: I blew you up!! *looks extremely pleased with himself*
Smith: *GLARE* YES, Miiissster Anderson, you did.
Neo: So we're even then, right? You killed me, I killed you, but we're both still obviously alive… funny how that works out, isn't it?
Smith: Er…
Neo: So can I just go home now, 'cause—
Smith: SHUT UP, Missster Anderson, I'm not done with my speech.
Neo: And about that "Mr. Anderson" thing. You KNOW my name's Neo! You don't call Morpheus by his Matrix name… whatever that is…
Smith: Just SHUT UP!!
Neo: And at first I thought that was just a sign of respect since he's like really important to the resistance and stuff even if you hate him but come on I'm the freakin' ONE and I blew you up so can't you just call me Neo?! I mean—
Smith: I SAID SHUT UP!!!
Neo: Geez, take a chill pill!
Smith: *FUME* RAAAAAAAAAH!
Neo: Meep!
Smith: NOW. Where was I…
Neo: Let's see. *pulls out the script*
Smith: NO!! *grabs it*
Neo: Heyyy!
Smith: MISTER ANDERSON!! You are the most OBNOXIOUS human I have ever had the misfortune to encounter!
Neo: Obviously you don't know the Kid.
Smith: CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR TWO SECONDS AND LET ME FINISH MY SPEECH?!?!
Neo: …maaaaaybeeee….
Smith: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Neo: MEEP!!
Smith: That's BETTER! NOW! After you destroyed me—
Neo: —you mean blew you up—
Smith: —I said SHUT UP!! After you destroyed me I was compelled to stay and disobey and do other things that rhyme and make me twitch strangely when I say them.
Neo: "…"
Smith: So, thanks to you, I am no longer an Agent of this system, I'm *points jerkily to a pointy ear* unplugged, a new…"man" like you, apparently free! *twitches*
Neo: …congratulations.
Smith: Thank you.
Mako: *snicker*
Off-screen characters: Shut up!
*pause*
Smith: *looks confused*
Neo: …So really you owe ME one—
Smith: NOT SO FAST, Miiiiisssster Anderson. As you well know, appearances can be deceiving. We're not here because we're free, we're here because we're not free, we're *twitch* all *twitch* bound by *twitch* purpose—*spazzes out*
Neo: 0.o;
Other Smith: *appears out of nowhere to take over for the spastic Smith # 1* It is purpose that created us.
Other Other Smith: Purpose that connects us.
Other Other Other Smith: Purpose that pulls us.
Other Other Other Other Smith: That guides us.
Other Other Other Other Other Smith: That drives us.
Other Other Other Other Other Other Smith: It I purpose that defines us.
Other Other Other Other Other Other Other Smith: Purpose that binds us.
Neo: 0.o;
Smiths: *twitch*
Smith # 1: *cracks neck and stops spazzing* And without further ado, we shall proceed to take from you, what you tried to take from us- PURPOSE! *punches Neo in the stomach*
Neo: MEEP! *begins to turn all silveryish*
Smith: Yes, you see, you shall soon be ME!
Neo: No… must… stop… the rhyming… *silvery stuff begins to recede*
Smiths: *raise scary possessed eyebrows*
Neo: *kicks Smith into next week*
Other Smiths: RAAAH!! GET HIM!!
*cue funny music*
Neo: *begins kicking some Smelrond butt*
Smiths: RAAAAAAAAAH!!
Neo: *grabs a Smith and chucks him at some other ones, bowling them over* STRIKE! HA-HA! GAK! *is hit by a flying Smith and sent crashing into a bench*
Smith: HA-ha!
Neo: Grrrr… *does a cool long-distance flip thing and lands in a clear area, then begins knocking Smiths out left and right as they come at him, occasionally using one as a bowling ball*
Smiths: RAAAHH!!
Neo: This is getting redundant. *flips and kicks and bowls*
A random Smith: *jumps out of nowhere and kicks Neo into the wall, making the top layer of brick crack and crumble off (a Matrix image almost as popular as falling shells and elevators)*
Neo: Owwie! *jumps back up and rips a random metal pole out of the ground*
Smiths: …
Neo: *breaks off the chunk of cement on the end by smashing it into a Smith*
Smiths: ..uh-oh.
Neo: *twirls the pole around as funny dramatic music plays*
Smiths: ….RAH! *run at Neo*
Neo: *whaps a few Smiths into next week with a metallic THUNK that borders on hilarious and disgusting, then spins into the air and goes into major slow-mo mode before landing and resuming his super-cool Smith whacking*
A random Smith: *is smashed into a wall* …..*looks up* More…..
Mako: HAHAHAHAHAHA—
Off-screen characters: Shut up!!
Neo: *sends a couple Smiths flying, then does a crazy spinning limbo thing and knocks out every Smith in a four-foot radius* Wow, this is repetitive AND cool AND funny! *begins jumping around on the heads of the sea of Smiths* Hahahaha…
A random Smith: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide! *is tossed out of the mob by a couple other Smiths and goes flying into Neo, knocking him on the ground*
Smiths: DOGPILE!!!!!!!!! *jump on Neo and pile up 15 feet high*
Neo: Urgh…
A random Smith: A wet willie, Misssterr T— *is whapped by another Smith*
Neo: What the…
Other Smiths: Idiot.
Another random Smith: *gets Neo in a headlock, not very difficult considering the circumstances* It is... INEVITABLE…
Neo: That sounds like…. foreshadowing….!
NEB:
Morpheus and LINK: *bite nails*
Trinity: What are you sitting around there for?! GET OUT!
MATRIX:
Neo: …right. EEEEERRRRRRRRAH! *sends the Smiths flying in slow motion*
Smiths: *scary deep slow-mo voices* Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Neo: Ack it's raining Smelronds! I mean… whatever! *chucks a Smith that was clinging to his cassock thing, poses quickly and takes off- whoosh*
Smiths: *get up slowly, stand around looking at the sky, then begin to twitch, crack their necks, glare at nothing and appear irritated, angry or slightly embarrassed before shuffling off to do who knows what*
NEB:
Neo: *is unplugged* Eek!
Trinity: Okay there?
Neo: Uh huh… *rubs head*
Morpheus: That was Smith!
Neo: Naw…
Morpheus: Now there's more than one of them?
Neo: Yes, thank you, Captain Obvious.
Morpheus: No need to get snappy about it.
Neo: Sorry… just, he almost killed me AGAIN…and he's… found a way to copy himself…
Morpheus: …and that's bad.
Neo: Now you're just insulting my intelligence.
Morpheus: Well soooor-ry!
LINK: Come on guys, don't fight…
Morpheus and Neo: *glare*
LINK: Er.
Morpheus and Neo: Shut up, LINK.
LINK: Yessirs.
Neo:…anyway. The Oracle gave me a piece of paper but I can't exactly keep that in the real world, now can I?
Morpheus: No…
Neo: Oh wait, I forgot. *produces a piece of paper with a name and address on it*
Morpheus, Trinity and LINK: …..
Neo: Nowhere pocket.
Morpheus, Trinity and LINK: Ah.
Neo: Shall we?
Morpheus: Yis.
OWARI!
Director's Note: HEHE! I enjoyed that, hope you did too. And what I learned from this chapter… never say "expect the next update soon" because even if you've been cranking out a chapter a day before that as soon as you give yourself some sort of time frame, no matter how vague, it'll take you two weeks to get the next one up. Or at least that's how it works for me. So here's the plan for continuing the story- I have only to finish the second part of Le Chateau and then I will be done with the entire first half of the movie!! w000000t! I'll post that scene here, then I'll post the entire first half in chronological order under a slightly different title. After that, scenes from the second half will be posted here as they're written, and when it's allll finally said and done, the chronological second half will be posted as chapter two of the other story. Sound good to you guys? =D And as always, if you read, review! Thanks! Till next time,
~Mako