"I think we should convince Dumbledore to let Snape be Defense
teacher," Harry announced as he and, well, who the hell else, were all
walking down the hall.
"Where did that come from?" asked Hermione.
"Well, Proffesser Linus is just evil. In fact, I don`t really understand how you can trust any guy who majors in studying the dark arts. That`s why every guy who shows up for the job ends up being a devious liar or someone otherwise untrustworthy. But Snape is someone we can trust. And he`s always wanted that job, right?"
"Yeah," Hermione said, "but then who would teach Potions?"
"Who cares?" Ron said. "Get some dull guy with inch-thick glasses. But as long as the DADA teacher position is open all the time, it seems like we`re inviting in bad guys."
"Well, what are we going to do about it?" Hermione asked. "Start a petition or something?"
Harry, holding his girlfriend`s hand quietly, was silent for a few seconds, trying not to grin at her signature brilliance. "Um...right. That`s just what I was going to say."
"Like hell you were," Ron said.
"Right. Um. Good idea, babe. We`ll leave that up to you," he said to Hermione with a pat on her back.
"Now wait a minute - " Hermione started.
"Well, people listen to you. You`re convincing."
"Harry." She stopped walking and crossed her arms. He laughed and put his arm around her.
"No, it's a great idea," he assured. "Anyone will sign it. Slytherin is obvious. Gryffindor will sign anything as long as we're holding it. Half of the Ravenclaw kids are warming up to Snape since he set his house-elf to work in their halls after finding out the custodian wasn't on the ball about refilling toilet paper. And Hufflepuff . . . they're probably pretty worried about their Grade Point Average."
"Bloody brilliant," Ron muttered casually as they approached the entrance to the Gryffindor wing. "You know, this password business is really monotonous..."
"Shit, here comes Filch," Hermione warned quietly, and they briskly went inside.
As soon as the wall closed behind them, Harry waved his hand through the air in front of his nose. "Who`s been smoking in here? That`s bad."
"Sorry," confessed Walter Birdman, who was sprawled on one of the massive velvet sofas with a newspaper.
Coughing as she dug in her robes for her wand, Hermione said, "You could at least be considerate enough to get rid of the smell." She then waved her wand in a couple delicate circles towards the ceiling, saying precisely, "Fumorus removera." Instantly the common room`s smoky scent was replaced with a fresh floral smell. With this fixed each of the teenagers found a seat in the room.
"Well. Now that the atmosphere is nice and girly in here we might as well gather a make-out session," Walter said in his patiently masculine Australian accent.
"Shut up," Hermione said. "I had to do something cause Filch is walking around right outside. But you`re perfectly welcome to make out with yourself, Walt, considering that`s all you`d be able to get. We`ll watch."
"I was kidding. Sorry, but don`t you know that`s the only reason anyone assumes that kids our age come in the common rooms anymore? Especially you two," he said, referring to her and Harry.
"Sorry, but that`s not very romantic. Especially if someone`s smoking up all the time."
Ron laughed. "Of course not. Not nearly as romantic as you thought it would be to go into the Dark Forest by yourselves that one night. At least until you got caught, I mean."
"Shut the hell up, Ron," Harry said.
"You guys did that?" Walter chuckled.
"Yeah," Ron confirmed. "The teacher who found them out there must have yelled, 'The second chamber of secrets has been opened! I see a beast with two backs!' "
"Gross!" Hermione said. "It wasn`t like that."
"Did you run into anything really creepy while you were out there?" Walter inquired curiously.
"Nope, nothing I remember," said Harry.
"Frankly I don`t think that was what they had their minds on - " Ron started, laughing uncontrollably, only to be stopped by Harry hitting the back of his head.
"Well, let`s get this petition ready so we can start getting signatures this week," Hermione said, taking some parchment out of her bag.
Harry cleared his throat in a getting-down-to-business manner and said, "Yes, right," happy to have changed the subject.
"What are you guys doing a petition for?" asked Walter.
"To make Snape DADA professer," answered Ron.
"You guys know that this week is that field trip, right?"
"Oh, yeah," Harry said, sounding quite unenthused. "Some history museum or whatever. Sounds pretty dull. At least the hotel should be interesting. I hear there`ll be dragon fighting right outside."
"I think it sounds wonderful," said Hermione, speaking the obvious. "We get to go to Lanceltown. It used to be a great kingdom back in the middle ages. Now it`s one of the most industrial cities run by magic people."
"Dragon fighting. Hey, that sounds cool," Ron said, completely disregarding Hermione`s attempts to interest them in anything remotely educational.
Hermione sighed, getting out her quill pen. "Well, what should we write?" She started to scratch delicately on the open notebook in her lap. " 'We would like Professer Snape to please be given the occupation of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, for the reasons that he would be an outstanding expert in the specific-' "
Ron grabbed the notebook from her lap and took the quill pen, dipping it in her inkwell and instantly scratching out what Hermione had written. The others peered over at him as he wrote: "Please make Snape Defense teacher because he`s not a spychopath and he helps out Ravenclaw with their lavatory problems and he has cool hair." With that Ron ripped the page from Hermione`s notebook and put it on the table in front of them. "There. That`s about all Hogwarts students have the attention span to read."
.
The next morning Hermione perched a table in the hallway across from the entrance to the dining hall. On the table she set her cauldron, which was filled with individually wrapped pieces of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, and the petition, neatly displayed on the center of the table. She wanted to put up a banner, but decided it would call a little too much attention to their cause, and simply invited people over with an offering for chewing gum, and then threw them her little speech, opening the petition folder.
That day at 7:00:
"Snape? He`s a bloody imbecile. He`s lost three of my tests so I`m near to failing his class."
At 7:10:
"Of course I`ll sign. I think Snape`s a great teacher. I always skip his class, of course..."
At 7:20:
"What an asshole. Get that thing away from me."
At 7:30:
"What, you don`t like Professer Linus? At least you can cheat really easily in his class."
At 7:40:
"Who the hell wrote this petition?" questioned Cynthia Warbeck, the only signer so far to stop and read what Ron`s crude handwriting said.
"Well?" Ron asked Hermione later. "How many signatures did you get?"
"Six."
"What? That`s fucking shit."
"Did you hit Slytherin yet?" asked Harry.
Cringing, Hermione said, "No. Not yet . . . Honestly, do I have to? By myself?"
"Yes," Harry and Ron said, in their straightforward, no-good-reason manner that never seemed to fail.
"Ugh," she growled. "But what are you guys going to do?"
"Learn to forge signatures," Harry said physiciously, standing up to retire from the study hall.
Hermione opened her mouth as if to protest, but then gave up and sat down. She eyed the pad of paper and the six names, then slapped shut the leather portfolio she'd borrowed from Hagrid, and stood up with determination.
"Where did that come from?" asked Hermione.
"Well, Proffesser Linus is just evil. In fact, I don`t really understand how you can trust any guy who majors in studying the dark arts. That`s why every guy who shows up for the job ends up being a devious liar or someone otherwise untrustworthy. But Snape is someone we can trust. And he`s always wanted that job, right?"
"Yeah," Hermione said, "but then who would teach Potions?"
"Who cares?" Ron said. "Get some dull guy with inch-thick glasses. But as long as the DADA teacher position is open all the time, it seems like we`re inviting in bad guys."
"Well, what are we going to do about it?" Hermione asked. "Start a petition or something?"
Harry, holding his girlfriend`s hand quietly, was silent for a few seconds, trying not to grin at her signature brilliance. "Um...right. That`s just what I was going to say."
"Like hell you were," Ron said.
"Right. Um. Good idea, babe. We`ll leave that up to you," he said to Hermione with a pat on her back.
"Now wait a minute - " Hermione started.
"Well, people listen to you. You`re convincing."
"Harry." She stopped walking and crossed her arms. He laughed and put his arm around her.
"No, it's a great idea," he assured. "Anyone will sign it. Slytherin is obvious. Gryffindor will sign anything as long as we're holding it. Half of the Ravenclaw kids are warming up to Snape since he set his house-elf to work in their halls after finding out the custodian wasn't on the ball about refilling toilet paper. And Hufflepuff . . . they're probably pretty worried about their Grade Point Average."
"Bloody brilliant," Ron muttered casually as they approached the entrance to the Gryffindor wing. "You know, this password business is really monotonous..."
"Shit, here comes Filch," Hermione warned quietly, and they briskly went inside.
As soon as the wall closed behind them, Harry waved his hand through the air in front of his nose. "Who`s been smoking in here? That`s bad."
"Sorry," confessed Walter Birdman, who was sprawled on one of the massive velvet sofas with a newspaper.
Coughing as she dug in her robes for her wand, Hermione said, "You could at least be considerate enough to get rid of the smell." She then waved her wand in a couple delicate circles towards the ceiling, saying precisely, "Fumorus removera." Instantly the common room`s smoky scent was replaced with a fresh floral smell. With this fixed each of the teenagers found a seat in the room.
"Well. Now that the atmosphere is nice and girly in here we might as well gather a make-out session," Walter said in his patiently masculine Australian accent.
"Shut up," Hermione said. "I had to do something cause Filch is walking around right outside. But you`re perfectly welcome to make out with yourself, Walt, considering that`s all you`d be able to get. We`ll watch."
"I was kidding. Sorry, but don`t you know that`s the only reason anyone assumes that kids our age come in the common rooms anymore? Especially you two," he said, referring to her and Harry.
"Sorry, but that`s not very romantic. Especially if someone`s smoking up all the time."
Ron laughed. "Of course not. Not nearly as romantic as you thought it would be to go into the Dark Forest by yourselves that one night. At least until you got caught, I mean."
"Shut the hell up, Ron," Harry said.
"You guys did that?" Walter chuckled.
"Yeah," Ron confirmed. "The teacher who found them out there must have yelled, 'The second chamber of secrets has been opened! I see a beast with two backs!' "
"Gross!" Hermione said. "It wasn`t like that."
"Did you run into anything really creepy while you were out there?" Walter inquired curiously.
"Nope, nothing I remember," said Harry.
"Frankly I don`t think that was what they had their minds on - " Ron started, laughing uncontrollably, only to be stopped by Harry hitting the back of his head.
"Well, let`s get this petition ready so we can start getting signatures this week," Hermione said, taking some parchment out of her bag.
Harry cleared his throat in a getting-down-to-business manner and said, "Yes, right," happy to have changed the subject.
"What are you guys doing a petition for?" asked Walter.
"To make Snape DADA professer," answered Ron.
"You guys know that this week is that field trip, right?"
"Oh, yeah," Harry said, sounding quite unenthused. "Some history museum or whatever. Sounds pretty dull. At least the hotel should be interesting. I hear there`ll be dragon fighting right outside."
"I think it sounds wonderful," said Hermione, speaking the obvious. "We get to go to Lanceltown. It used to be a great kingdom back in the middle ages. Now it`s one of the most industrial cities run by magic people."
"Dragon fighting. Hey, that sounds cool," Ron said, completely disregarding Hermione`s attempts to interest them in anything remotely educational.
Hermione sighed, getting out her quill pen. "Well, what should we write?" She started to scratch delicately on the open notebook in her lap. " 'We would like Professer Snape to please be given the occupation of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, for the reasons that he would be an outstanding expert in the specific-' "
Ron grabbed the notebook from her lap and took the quill pen, dipping it in her inkwell and instantly scratching out what Hermione had written. The others peered over at him as he wrote: "Please make Snape Defense teacher because he`s not a spychopath and he helps out Ravenclaw with their lavatory problems and he has cool hair." With that Ron ripped the page from Hermione`s notebook and put it on the table in front of them. "There. That`s about all Hogwarts students have the attention span to read."
.
The next morning Hermione perched a table in the hallway across from the entrance to the dining hall. On the table she set her cauldron, which was filled with individually wrapped pieces of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, and the petition, neatly displayed on the center of the table. She wanted to put up a banner, but decided it would call a little too much attention to their cause, and simply invited people over with an offering for chewing gum, and then threw them her little speech, opening the petition folder.
That day at 7:00:
"Snape? He`s a bloody imbecile. He`s lost three of my tests so I`m near to failing his class."
At 7:10:
"Of course I`ll sign. I think Snape`s a great teacher. I always skip his class, of course..."
At 7:20:
"What an asshole. Get that thing away from me."
At 7:30:
"What, you don`t like Professer Linus? At least you can cheat really easily in his class."
At 7:40:
"Who the hell wrote this petition?" questioned Cynthia Warbeck, the only signer so far to stop and read what Ron`s crude handwriting said.
"Well?" Ron asked Hermione later. "How many signatures did you get?"
"Six."
"What? That`s fucking shit."
"Did you hit Slytherin yet?" asked Harry.
Cringing, Hermione said, "No. Not yet . . . Honestly, do I have to? By myself?"
"Yes," Harry and Ron said, in their straightforward, no-good-reason manner that never seemed to fail.
"Ugh," she growled. "But what are you guys going to do?"
"Learn to forge signatures," Harry said physiciously, standing up to retire from the study hall.
Hermione opened her mouth as if to protest, but then gave up and sat down. She eyed the pad of paper and the six names, then slapped shut the leather portfolio she'd borrowed from Hagrid, and stood up with determination.