Today on Maury: Who's the father of my child?
Maury: Today on the show we're going to do another one of our "who's the father of my child?" Only this time there will be a slight twist!
-Audience "oooo's" in anticipation-
Maury: That's right! Instead of bring out the usual American sluts—I mean troubled mothers—we're going international!
-Audience goes silent in annoyance for this being Maury's 100th attempt to up his ratings with the DNA tests-
-Maury coughs nervously then makes a gesture to some one off stage- o_o
-A familiar, bald security guard then comes out, making his way to the back of the audience, sits, and polishes his .45 magnum-
Maury: Now, without further adieu.. Let's introduce our first international guest, Sawanoguchi Sae, straight from Tokyo, Japan!
-Sae walks out on stage dressed in white, spaghetti strap shirt and a pale pink mini skirt-
-Audience cheers excitedly in fear- O_O()
Sae: -waves happily- Hi~! What am I here for again? ^-^
Maury: -blinks some- Uh.. to hopefully find out who the father of your child is.. _
Sae: -squeals loudly- M—m—my Ch—ch—child??!! @___@v;;;;;;;
-Nanaka then comes dashing out on the stage and sits in an empty chair beside Sae-
Sae: N—Nanaka!
Nanaka: Oh Sae! I know this is still so hard on you! –gives her a big hug and whispers in her ear- You fool! Remember they told us this was a set up! Just play the part and we'll get the cash to have a club trip to Okinawa this winter! ¬_¬()
Maury: So you are the men that you'd like to introduce as a potential father?
Nanaka: -nudges Sae and whispers- Just name the people you've "been with"
Sae: -nods- Right! Um.. Lets see.. people I've been with.. OH~! The people would be Takakura Takeo, Aburatsubo Ayanojou, Aikawa Akane, and –points to Nanaka- Nakatomi Nanaka!
-Everyone, except Sae, falls to the ground anime-style-
Sae: -blinks a bit- Was the list to long? ;-;
Maury: -rubs the back of his head- W—well.. Let's bring them out!
-The others come out and sit in the empty chairs-
Nanaka: -grabs Sae by the shoulders and shakes her- Sae! You're not s'post to name all your friends! Just the people you've had "sex" with!
Takeo: -blinks some- Sex with.. O_O!!! What the Hell? I've never had sex with anyone! Although it would be nice if Sawanoguchi and I.. –goes off into a fantasy-
Sae: But Nanaka.. That one time I was at your house and we found the saki and—
Nanaka: -turns a dark red, covers Sae's mouth and sweat drops- Shhhz! I told you to forget about that! O_O()
-Audience oooo's as Takeo, Aburatsubo and Akane stare at Nanaka-
Takeo: That.. wasn't in the show briefing..
Akane: -looks at her watch- Can we hurry this up? I have to get back for a photo shoot.
Maury: -grows angry- Damn it! THIS IS NOT JERRY SPRINGER!!! _
Sae: I know, we we're already on his sh—
-All of the magic club members cover Sae's mouth-
Maury: -coughs- Sorry, lost the happy.. Before I show the results.. Takeo, what will you do for the 3-month-old Aiko if she is your child?
Takeo: Well I guess I would—wait a second… -stands up quickly, knocking his chair over and points back and forth at Nanaka and Sae- Y—you and you... NOOOOOOOOOO~!!!! T_T!!
Akane: -looks at the child's picture on the screen and sweat drops- Isn't that…
Maury: . . . Aburatsubo, what would you do if the child is yours?
Aburatsubo: -rubs Takeo's back in soothing circles- it's ok, honey. I'm still here for you. ^-^
Maury: ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION! I WILL NOT BE IGNORED ANY LONGER!! Ò_Ó
Aburatsubo: -looks at Maury- I'm gay. o.o
Maury: -grits his teeth- I'm glad you're so "happy" now answer the question..
Aburatsubo: No.. I'm gay..
-Maury makes a gesture at the security guard-
-Security guard loads the gun and takes aim-
Aburatsubo: I'm be ever so happy and do my part to be a good dad! O_O()
Maury: That's what I thought..
-Security guard sits back down, polishing the gun again-
Maury: Sae, who do wish is the father?
Sae: Nanaka. ^_^
Nanaka: x_x; Sae! Choose a male!
Sae: OH! Um.. I guess Takakura-sempai.
Takeo: -turns a dark red- Wha…?
Maury: -opens the envelope- When it comes to Sae's child, Aburatsubo.. you are…
-Maury takes his usual long pause-
Maury: Not the father.
-Audience cheers-
Aburatsubo: -mutters- I told you I was gay..
Akane: -tugs on Nanaka's arm- Um.. Nanaka-sempai…
Nanaka: Not now! Shhz!
Maury: Takeo.. when it comes to Sae's child..
-Pauses again-
Maury: You are not the father.
-Audience cheers again-
Maury: So are there any other men you'd like to bring out for a sequel, maybe?
Sae: -blinks- But you didn't give the results for Nanaka or Akane! ;-;
Maury: o_o; Right… You know it's impossible for two females to procreate, yes?
Sae: Huh? ^-^
Nanaka: God.. I so do not know her.. -.-;
Akane: Heheheh.. Yah! Well.. let's go back to Japan!
Sae: -sniffles- But I wanna know the results! ;-;
Maury: Fine. o_o; When it comes to Sae's child.. –looks at paper- Nanaka, you are not the father. Go figure.
Nanaka: Thank you, Captain Obvious. o_O;
Akane: -twitches some- Um.. um… _;
Maury: When it comes to Sae's child.. yadda yadda.. Akane, you are no— -looks at the paper and blinks- You are the father! O_O
-Audience cheers-
Sae: -claps her hands together- Yay! ^-^
Nanaka: What the Hell..? o.o;
Takeo: O_O! NOOO!!!
Aburatsubo: -nuzzles Takeo- See, hun. If they can do it so can we.. ^_^
Takeo: Eee.. @_@v;; -loses consciousness-
Akane: Damn it! _
Aburatsubo: -kisses Takeo- Wakey, wakey! ^_^
Takeo: -squeals- O_O
Nanaka: Akane.. o_o; Explain.
Akane: u.u; One of my dates got me pregnant so my agent got rid of the baby. He said he sold it to some TV show in America but I didn't think this would happen..
-Audience murmurs at the thought of all these parent test shows being fake-
Sae: Did I win a prize? ^-^
Nanaka: -fwaps Sae- Let's just all go home.
Maury: You fools! YOU REUINED MY SHOW!! _
-Maury goes ballistic and starts throwing chairs left and right whilst grunting like a wild boar-
Security Guard: Maury remind Steve of old talk show host boss.. Steve no like! STEVE BURN THINGS!
-Magic club looks at Steve, then at each other-
Nanaka: It can't be..
Takeo: No.. the same one..?
Sae: Hey! He's our friend from the Jerry show! ^-^ HI STEVE! –waves-
-Steve starts firing the gun into the air while screaming random things in gibberish-
-Audience members scream and attempt to flee while the magic club goes off stage and use their magic to get them out-
-Maury sets fire to the stage and does an Irish jig as things burn all around-
-The studio burns down.. survivors: Unknown-
~*~*~*~*~ Tokyo, Japan ~*~*~*~*~
Nanaka: I don't care how much we get offered.. I don't think we should ever go back to America..
Takeo: I hear ya..
Aburatsubo: -pinches Takeo's bum- Some of it was fun this time. ^_^
-Takeo squeals and clings to a wall-
Sae: I thought all of it was fun! ^-^ Where's Akane?
Nanaka: She left, muttering something about death and destruction towards her agent.
-------------------------End-------------------------
Nikki: Hm.. Interesting.. Oo; Its amazing what ADD and Mt. Dew can do to some one.. I will admit, not as funny as my first talk show one –shrugs- oh well I had fun writing, hope you liked it! XD Either way, please review!