Chapter 5
B'Elanna was waiting when Chakotay returned to the hotel room. Neelix had helped them secure the parts their battle weary ship needed, as well as supplies for the crew. She had wanted to stay and supervise the repairs herself, but she knew that Chakotay needed her here. His disheveled state startled her. "What happened?" she asked.
"I had a run-in with one of the Starfleet officers. He was attacking Seven because she'd been with the Borg." Chakotay washed the blood off his hands and put a cool cloth on his bruised cheek.
"Who won?"
She was rewarded with a glimpse of his dimple. "I did," he answered with a trace of triumph, "with a little help from Tom," he admitted.
"How did the meeting with Tom go?" she asked cautiously.
"About as well as I expected. He has the codes, I'm sure, but has no intention of giving them to me. Before I could find out why, we were interrupted by Admiral Janeway."
"Janeway? What did she want?"
"She wanted the codes which we don't have. Then she asked me to surrender my ship and my crew to her so we could be shipped to a Federation Penal Colony. Under her protection, of course." Chakotay answered bitterly.
"She wanted you to just turn us over to the Federation?" B'Elanna was incredulous and angry.
"Cool as a cucumber as always, she simply asked for my surrender."
"What did you tell her?"
"I assured her that while I believed her intentions were honorable, I was finished jumping through Starfleet's hoops and I would continue fighting this war in the only way I knew how." Chakotay smiled grimly.
"How are we going to fight it without those security codes?" B'Elanna asked softly.
Cautiously Chakotay questioned, "B'Elanna, do you still have feelings for Tom?"
"No," the words were almost a whisper, "that part of my life is over."
He nodded and drew her to him in a fond embrace. "You know I love you, don't you? You're the best engineer I've ever known."
B'Elanna nodded, her head against his broad chest. She could feel the steady beat of his heart. Steady, that's what her relationship was with Chakotay, steady. "I know," she said softly.
"Well, I have to meet with the local Maquis cell again. Will you be alright until I return?" He kissed her cheek and left without waiting for an answer.
"I'll be fine, just fine," she whispered to his departing back.
***
Tom had balanced the night's receipts, closed the safe, turned the final lock on his empire and made his way to the quarters above the establishment. He felt drained, physically and emotionally. At least he wasn't drunk or hung over. Neelix had watched him closely all night, and Tom smiled at his friend's concern. He turned the lights on when he reached his front room and realized immediately that he wasn't alone.
"You were smiling when you came in, does that mean you had a profitable night?" B'Elanna asked from her place by the window.
"I'm touched that you're so concerned about my profits," he parried.
She shifted uncomfortably and moved towards him as he stared unflinchingly at her.
"What do you want, B'Elanna?" Tom asked.
"I want those codes, Tom. They are crucial to getting our ships through the Cardassian blockade." Her eyes pleaded with him to understand.
"I've told you before, this is not my war. I don't care about your cause."
B'Elanna pulled a phaser from the pocket of her loose fitting jacket and aimed it at Tom. "I don't want to shoot you, Tom, but we need those codes. Now hand them over." Her voice had a hard edge to it.
Tom stared at her with a quizzical look on his face. After a long, thoughtful pause he said quietly, "Go ahead."
"Go ahead and what?" She felt like she had just missed something very important.
"Shoot me. I don't have any intention of giving you those codes so you might as well shoot me." His voice was cool and unconcerned.
Now it was her turn to stare at him incredulously. "Don't play with me, Paris. I'm perfectly capable of shooting you!"
"I'm not playing either. If you've got the guts to shoot me, go ahead. I won't stop you," he replied seeming totally at ease.
Her hand trembled slightly as she continued to point the phaser. Then she drew back and hurled the weapon at him as fast and hard as she could. Years of practice hadn't been wasted as Tom dodged the missile, allowing it to slam into the far wall with a thud.
She looked at him with a hint of tears in her eyes. "I can't, you miserable p'taq. I can't" she whispered.
Tom moved closer to her and gave in to the impulse he'd been fighting. He took her in his arms and pressed her to his heart.
Her trembling subsided and, as he held her close, he could hear her mumbling, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
*** They sat at opposite ends of the old, ragged sofa that graced the middle of Tom's living area and drank the Antarian cider that Tom kept chilled in his quarters. They talked of old times and skirted all the important issues. Warily they chose words that revealed nothing of their emotional turmoil.
Finally tiring of the stilted conversation, B'Elanna caught Tom off-guard when she asked, "Are you angry with me? Is that what's keeping you from letting Chakotay have the codes? I know you had feelings for me before-- before we left Voyager. Is that why you won't help us?" She watched his face closely as he studied the tall glass he held in his hand. His face was still guarded so she continued.
"Tom, Voyager was a long time ago and we were two different people. Chakotay. Chakotay needs me. He has a fleet of ships that are falling apart. It takes all my time just to keep them flying. He's trying to keep our cell together and he's trying to do whatever he can to defeat the Cardassians. Those codes will make a difference, a big difference." She paused to see if her words were reaching him.
"What do you need, B'Elanna?" Tom asked quietly.
"Why does that matter?" she rejoined, cautiously.
"It matters to me. What do you want?"
"I want this damn war to be over!" Her answer held all the passion and frustration she'd felt for the last year. "I want a halfway normal life, a ship that isn't on the verge of disintegrating. Spare parts that I don't have to scrounge. What difference does it make what I want? This is where I am, where I'm needed."
"And what about us?"
"There is no 'us'. That was just a dream that two very foolish people shared-- in another life."
"Well, then why don't I feel foolish about it? Why do I just feel empty?"
His words made B'Elanna stop and think. A pain went through her heart but a plan began to form in her mind. Maybe she could get the codes for Chakotay and maybe ease the pain in her heart too. Tentatively, she looked at Tom and offered, "If I agree to stay here with you, would you let Chakotay have them?"
Anger replaced the spark of hope that had been in his eyes, "You're right, that part of our life is over. I don't want your pity, B'Elanna," he began. His voice held an edge of steel, "But I do want to know why you were willing to forget me so quickly. I thought we had something that would last."
"You betrayed us; you watched the soldiers leading us to the prison transports and you just stood there, laughing and joking with them. I saw you." She angrily told the story as she had seen it.
"And did you wind up on the prison ships?" he asked bluntly.
"No, the Maquis had a ship ready. They rescued us."
"And who do you think distracted the Starfleet people so the Maquis could change the transport coordinates? Who do you think knew enough about Starfleet protocols to thoroughly screw up the transfer? Who do you think the Maquis' inside man was on that operation?" He watched her face go from an angry red to pale, as the color drained away.
"I didn't know," she whispered.
"Chakotay knew," he answered.
"Why didn't you follow us if you were the inside man?" she challenged.
"Because Harry had just found out that Doc and Seven were about to be sent to Starfleet headquarters to be - studied. He needed my help; Doc and Seven needed my help. So I stayed and made a deal with Quark, and we wound up here. It's no paradise but at least I managed to keep a couple of friends safe."
"I'm sorry-- I should have known- "
"Yeah, I thought I'd earned your trust-- " His words held all the hurt that was still living inside him.
Now it was B'Elanna's turn to study the glass of cider in minute detail, seemingly lost in thought. After a painful inward struggle B'Elanna spoke again, "I will stay with you if you want me. Just please let Chakotay have the codes."
Tom tiredly rubbed his eyes and moved to look out the window at the barren terrain. "I don't want you to stay. Just tell Chakotay to meet me here at 0300 tomorrow and I'll give him the codes. Tell him he needs to be ready to leave." It was a full minute before he heard the door softly shut behind B'Elanna.
He turned around to look at the empty space that had become his life and with a sigh answered the blinking light on his console.
B'Elanna was waiting when Chakotay returned to the hotel room. Neelix had helped them secure the parts their battle weary ship needed, as well as supplies for the crew. She had wanted to stay and supervise the repairs herself, but she knew that Chakotay needed her here. His disheveled state startled her. "What happened?" she asked.
"I had a run-in with one of the Starfleet officers. He was attacking Seven because she'd been with the Borg." Chakotay washed the blood off his hands and put a cool cloth on his bruised cheek.
"Who won?"
She was rewarded with a glimpse of his dimple. "I did," he answered with a trace of triumph, "with a little help from Tom," he admitted.
"How did the meeting with Tom go?" she asked cautiously.
"About as well as I expected. He has the codes, I'm sure, but has no intention of giving them to me. Before I could find out why, we were interrupted by Admiral Janeway."
"Janeway? What did she want?"
"She wanted the codes which we don't have. Then she asked me to surrender my ship and my crew to her so we could be shipped to a Federation Penal Colony. Under her protection, of course." Chakotay answered bitterly.
"She wanted you to just turn us over to the Federation?" B'Elanna was incredulous and angry.
"Cool as a cucumber as always, she simply asked for my surrender."
"What did you tell her?"
"I assured her that while I believed her intentions were honorable, I was finished jumping through Starfleet's hoops and I would continue fighting this war in the only way I knew how." Chakotay smiled grimly.
"How are we going to fight it without those security codes?" B'Elanna asked softly.
Cautiously Chakotay questioned, "B'Elanna, do you still have feelings for Tom?"
"No," the words were almost a whisper, "that part of my life is over."
He nodded and drew her to him in a fond embrace. "You know I love you, don't you? You're the best engineer I've ever known."
B'Elanna nodded, her head against his broad chest. She could feel the steady beat of his heart. Steady, that's what her relationship was with Chakotay, steady. "I know," she said softly.
"Well, I have to meet with the local Maquis cell again. Will you be alright until I return?" He kissed her cheek and left without waiting for an answer.
"I'll be fine, just fine," she whispered to his departing back.
***
Tom had balanced the night's receipts, closed the safe, turned the final lock on his empire and made his way to the quarters above the establishment. He felt drained, physically and emotionally. At least he wasn't drunk or hung over. Neelix had watched him closely all night, and Tom smiled at his friend's concern. He turned the lights on when he reached his front room and realized immediately that he wasn't alone.
"You were smiling when you came in, does that mean you had a profitable night?" B'Elanna asked from her place by the window.
"I'm touched that you're so concerned about my profits," he parried.
She shifted uncomfortably and moved towards him as he stared unflinchingly at her.
"What do you want, B'Elanna?" Tom asked.
"I want those codes, Tom. They are crucial to getting our ships through the Cardassian blockade." Her eyes pleaded with him to understand.
"I've told you before, this is not my war. I don't care about your cause."
B'Elanna pulled a phaser from the pocket of her loose fitting jacket and aimed it at Tom. "I don't want to shoot you, Tom, but we need those codes. Now hand them over." Her voice had a hard edge to it.
Tom stared at her with a quizzical look on his face. After a long, thoughtful pause he said quietly, "Go ahead."
"Go ahead and what?" She felt like she had just missed something very important.
"Shoot me. I don't have any intention of giving you those codes so you might as well shoot me." His voice was cool and unconcerned.
Now it was her turn to stare at him incredulously. "Don't play with me, Paris. I'm perfectly capable of shooting you!"
"I'm not playing either. If you've got the guts to shoot me, go ahead. I won't stop you," he replied seeming totally at ease.
Her hand trembled slightly as she continued to point the phaser. Then she drew back and hurled the weapon at him as fast and hard as she could. Years of practice hadn't been wasted as Tom dodged the missile, allowing it to slam into the far wall with a thud.
She looked at him with a hint of tears in her eyes. "I can't, you miserable p'taq. I can't" she whispered.
Tom moved closer to her and gave in to the impulse he'd been fighting. He took her in his arms and pressed her to his heart.
Her trembling subsided and, as he held her close, he could hear her mumbling, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
*** They sat at opposite ends of the old, ragged sofa that graced the middle of Tom's living area and drank the Antarian cider that Tom kept chilled in his quarters. They talked of old times and skirted all the important issues. Warily they chose words that revealed nothing of their emotional turmoil.
Finally tiring of the stilted conversation, B'Elanna caught Tom off-guard when she asked, "Are you angry with me? Is that what's keeping you from letting Chakotay have the codes? I know you had feelings for me before-- before we left Voyager. Is that why you won't help us?" She watched his face closely as he studied the tall glass he held in his hand. His face was still guarded so she continued.
"Tom, Voyager was a long time ago and we were two different people. Chakotay. Chakotay needs me. He has a fleet of ships that are falling apart. It takes all my time just to keep them flying. He's trying to keep our cell together and he's trying to do whatever he can to defeat the Cardassians. Those codes will make a difference, a big difference." She paused to see if her words were reaching him.
"What do you need, B'Elanna?" Tom asked quietly.
"Why does that matter?" she rejoined, cautiously.
"It matters to me. What do you want?"
"I want this damn war to be over!" Her answer held all the passion and frustration she'd felt for the last year. "I want a halfway normal life, a ship that isn't on the verge of disintegrating. Spare parts that I don't have to scrounge. What difference does it make what I want? This is where I am, where I'm needed."
"And what about us?"
"There is no 'us'. That was just a dream that two very foolish people shared-- in another life."
"Well, then why don't I feel foolish about it? Why do I just feel empty?"
His words made B'Elanna stop and think. A pain went through her heart but a plan began to form in her mind. Maybe she could get the codes for Chakotay and maybe ease the pain in her heart too. Tentatively, she looked at Tom and offered, "If I agree to stay here with you, would you let Chakotay have them?"
Anger replaced the spark of hope that had been in his eyes, "You're right, that part of our life is over. I don't want your pity, B'Elanna," he began. His voice held an edge of steel, "But I do want to know why you were willing to forget me so quickly. I thought we had something that would last."
"You betrayed us; you watched the soldiers leading us to the prison transports and you just stood there, laughing and joking with them. I saw you." She angrily told the story as she had seen it.
"And did you wind up on the prison ships?" he asked bluntly.
"No, the Maquis had a ship ready. They rescued us."
"And who do you think distracted the Starfleet people so the Maquis could change the transport coordinates? Who do you think knew enough about Starfleet protocols to thoroughly screw up the transfer? Who do you think the Maquis' inside man was on that operation?" He watched her face go from an angry red to pale, as the color drained away.
"I didn't know," she whispered.
"Chakotay knew," he answered.
"Why didn't you follow us if you were the inside man?" she challenged.
"Because Harry had just found out that Doc and Seven were about to be sent to Starfleet headquarters to be - studied. He needed my help; Doc and Seven needed my help. So I stayed and made a deal with Quark, and we wound up here. It's no paradise but at least I managed to keep a couple of friends safe."
"I'm sorry-- I should have known- "
"Yeah, I thought I'd earned your trust-- " His words held all the hurt that was still living inside him.
Now it was B'Elanna's turn to study the glass of cider in minute detail, seemingly lost in thought. After a painful inward struggle B'Elanna spoke again, "I will stay with you if you want me. Just please let Chakotay have the codes."
Tom tiredly rubbed his eyes and moved to look out the window at the barren terrain. "I don't want you to stay. Just tell Chakotay to meet me here at 0300 tomorrow and I'll give him the codes. Tell him he needs to be ready to leave." It was a full minute before he heard the door softly shut behind B'Elanna.
He turned around to look at the empty space that had become his life and with a sigh answered the blinking light on his console.