"LETTUCE?!"
Moridin ducked his head in shame as Shaidar Haran bore down on him.
"You actually decided to punish your enemies by making them eat LETTUCE?"
Moridin winced. "You see," he began timidly, "I was out of good ideas, so I asked Mr. Shelly, and he thought I should give them lettuce. And Semirhage doesn't like lettuce, so that's good, isn't it?" Moridin cringed. Shaidar Haran stared. Moridin cringed some more. It's very disconcerting to be stared at by an eyeless creature.
Eventually, the Hand of Shadow moved forward, then whispered harshly, "Give me the tortoise. He is a distraction."
"Mr. Shelly?" Moridin asked. "No! You cannot have him!" The myrdaal glared once more, and weeping, Moridin handed over his beloved pet, only to watch him fade into shadow as the myrdaal dissolved.
"Stupid myrdaal," he muttered. "Does he want me to be totally clichéd here? I mean, I could just trap their souls or condemn them to the Pit of Eternal Suffering and Pain and Ouchies, but I want to do something new. Something creative. And that stupid little Fade just took Mr. Shelly away! How am I supposed to be a parody of a villain if I don't have the requisite pet with an overly cute name? How will anyone respect me?"
Moridin fumed as he stormed down the hall. Shaidar Haran would pay for this indignity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rand jumped as the door rattled.
*It's Demandred* whispered the voice inside his head. *RUN AWAY!!!*
Rand shivered.
"Open this door right this instant, you bloody wool-headed man!" The voice didn't sound much like Lews Therin's old nemesis. In fact, it rather sounded like Siuan Sanche. Out of respect for the former Amyrlin Seat, Rand moved to open the door and let her in.
*FOOL!* Lews Therin thundered. *She obviously has Demandred standing right next to her, waiting for you!*
Rand froze at that thought. "No," he shouted out, "Demandred's not coming in here!"
"You bloody fool! I made you into the Dragon Reborn! Without me, you'd still be an idiot farmer in the Two Rivers! Now let me in!"
He thought about this, and then turned inward to ask Lews Therin for advice. Unfortunately for him, Lews Therin was busy sobbing about his lost Ilyena. Caught in a moment of indecision with no wise counselors to give him support and advice, or even threaten to stick him in a box if he was bad, Rand collapsed into a ball of sobbing Rand-ness.
"Stupid man," Siuan muttered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Seinfeld!" Nyneave yelled angrily.
"Are you kidding?" Mesaana scoffed. "That show is totally dated, and you know, coming from me, I think that means something."
Nyneave tossed her braid over her shoulder, bashing Mat in the face with it. "So, then, what would you like to watch?" she asked with a poisonous sweetness in her voice.
"How about the Discovery Channel? It's fascinating and you never know what you can learn there." Mesaana realized that she had inadvertently made a reference to her career as a teacher, and she glared at the other two to see if they had caught it.
Nyneave and Mat looked at Mesaana, then exchanged identical puzzled glances. These Forsaken sure got themselves worked up over little matters like the Discovery Channel.
Mat broke the silence by announcing in the Old Tongue that he would decide what the group should watch. Seeing Mat with the remote control and fearing cheap porn, the two women got up and left the living room. On the way up the stairs they ran into Siuan Sanche coming down.
"Mat's got the remote," Mesaana warned.
"Rand's still in the bathroom," Siuan replied.
"What is it with these wool-headed men?" Nyneave wondered.
The three women stood in silence on the stair for a minute before Mesaana spoke up.
"I understand Rand locking himself in the bathroom. I mean, it's not a proper house-share story unless someone is locked in the bathroom having hysterics."
The three thought about that for a minute, before a harsh voice cut the air.
"Hey, girl who thinks she's an Aes Sedai! You're blocking my way down the stairs! Now MOVE!"
Instead of standing firm in the face of an angry Semirhage, Siuan tried to move out of the way. She backed down the stairs a step, and then another step when she realized that Semirhage couldn't get through. Eventually, Siuan just walked down the stairs to let her enemy pass.
"You know," Nyneave whispered to Mesaana, "that's just kinda pathetic."
Mesaana nodded her head in agreement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From the smallest window on the second floor of a white house with purple shutters came a pitiful whining.
"Please, Rand!" Mat yelled in the Old Tongue. "Please, just let me in!"
Moridin ducked his head in shame as Shaidar Haran bore down on him.
"You actually decided to punish your enemies by making them eat LETTUCE?"
Moridin winced. "You see," he began timidly, "I was out of good ideas, so I asked Mr. Shelly, and he thought I should give them lettuce. And Semirhage doesn't like lettuce, so that's good, isn't it?" Moridin cringed. Shaidar Haran stared. Moridin cringed some more. It's very disconcerting to be stared at by an eyeless creature.
Eventually, the Hand of Shadow moved forward, then whispered harshly, "Give me the tortoise. He is a distraction."
"Mr. Shelly?" Moridin asked. "No! You cannot have him!" The myrdaal glared once more, and weeping, Moridin handed over his beloved pet, only to watch him fade into shadow as the myrdaal dissolved.
"Stupid myrdaal," he muttered. "Does he want me to be totally clichéd here? I mean, I could just trap their souls or condemn them to the Pit of Eternal Suffering and Pain and Ouchies, but I want to do something new. Something creative. And that stupid little Fade just took Mr. Shelly away! How am I supposed to be a parody of a villain if I don't have the requisite pet with an overly cute name? How will anyone respect me?"
Moridin fumed as he stormed down the hall. Shaidar Haran would pay for this indignity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rand jumped as the door rattled.
*It's Demandred* whispered the voice inside his head. *RUN AWAY!!!*
Rand shivered.
"Open this door right this instant, you bloody wool-headed man!" The voice didn't sound much like Lews Therin's old nemesis. In fact, it rather sounded like Siuan Sanche. Out of respect for the former Amyrlin Seat, Rand moved to open the door and let her in.
*FOOL!* Lews Therin thundered. *She obviously has Demandred standing right next to her, waiting for you!*
Rand froze at that thought. "No," he shouted out, "Demandred's not coming in here!"
"You bloody fool! I made you into the Dragon Reborn! Without me, you'd still be an idiot farmer in the Two Rivers! Now let me in!"
He thought about this, and then turned inward to ask Lews Therin for advice. Unfortunately for him, Lews Therin was busy sobbing about his lost Ilyena. Caught in a moment of indecision with no wise counselors to give him support and advice, or even threaten to stick him in a box if he was bad, Rand collapsed into a ball of sobbing Rand-ness.
"Stupid man," Siuan muttered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Seinfeld!" Nyneave yelled angrily.
"Are you kidding?" Mesaana scoffed. "That show is totally dated, and you know, coming from me, I think that means something."
Nyneave tossed her braid over her shoulder, bashing Mat in the face with it. "So, then, what would you like to watch?" she asked with a poisonous sweetness in her voice.
"How about the Discovery Channel? It's fascinating and you never know what you can learn there." Mesaana realized that she had inadvertently made a reference to her career as a teacher, and she glared at the other two to see if they had caught it.
Nyneave and Mat looked at Mesaana, then exchanged identical puzzled glances. These Forsaken sure got themselves worked up over little matters like the Discovery Channel.
Mat broke the silence by announcing in the Old Tongue that he would decide what the group should watch. Seeing Mat with the remote control and fearing cheap porn, the two women got up and left the living room. On the way up the stairs they ran into Siuan Sanche coming down.
"Mat's got the remote," Mesaana warned.
"Rand's still in the bathroom," Siuan replied.
"What is it with these wool-headed men?" Nyneave wondered.
The three women stood in silence on the stair for a minute before Mesaana spoke up.
"I understand Rand locking himself in the bathroom. I mean, it's not a proper house-share story unless someone is locked in the bathroom having hysterics."
The three thought about that for a minute, before a harsh voice cut the air.
"Hey, girl who thinks she's an Aes Sedai! You're blocking my way down the stairs! Now MOVE!"
Instead of standing firm in the face of an angry Semirhage, Siuan tried to move out of the way. She backed down the stairs a step, and then another step when she realized that Semirhage couldn't get through. Eventually, Siuan just walked down the stairs to let her enemy pass.
"You know," Nyneave whispered to Mesaana, "that's just kinda pathetic."
Mesaana nodded her head in agreement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From the smallest window on the second floor of a white house with purple shutters came a pitiful whining.
"Please, Rand!" Mat yelled in the Old Tongue. "Please, just let me in!"