Everything You Want
* * * * * * * * * * *
Disclaimer: Feh, I'm sick of writing this part. Please refer to disclaimer in Chapters 1 - 5.
Author's Note: OOCness alert! OOCness alert! Ryoga and Ukyo are extremely OOC! (Tell me how bad I was at portraying them in a review, 'kay?)
Another Author's Note: Hey! I'd just like to thank all of my reviewers who reviewed all during the story... I love you all! Thanks to you, I've kept on with the story! And now here's the final chapter! (That is, excluding the Ranma and Akane one that comes after this and the epilogue.) And at the end of the story are replies to all the reviews! Just like to say again...THANKS! ~ AmberWings
So anyway, you are probably tired of my psychotic-babbling... so on with the final chapter!
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Chapter 6
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"And that's how I found out...." Ukyo's tears were unmistakable, and Ryoga felt his heart go out to her.
'She lost someone, too... but she didn't have anyone to help her and get it off her chest,' he realized, causing him to respect the okonomiyaki chef even more than he had before. 'And she went through days of this! I only went through it for one!' At the reminder, he glimpsed momentarily at a clock that was hanging on the wall to his right. 'It's 11:47... have we been talking for that long?' But he cleared his mind of that thought; Ukyo needed his help, after all.
'But what can I do? I can hardly heal my own heart, never mind someone else's....' But at the thought, he punched himself mentally. 'Ryoga! How can you be such a selfish jerk? You have to help her... you might be the only one who can.... She has no one to talk to other than Ranma, and Ranma is the cause of all this!' Even thinking Ranma's name now made him angry; not a quick flash of anger, but a slow, smoldering rage that could give him the fuel to do anything. And he wasn't really sure if it was because of Akane he was this angry....
But then he saw Ukyo's shoulders spasm in silent, wracking sobs, as she covered her face from Ryoga's view, and reminded himself of Ukyo's need. 'Forget Ranma!' he shouted at himself. Forget everyone! Forget everything! Forget what happened this morning! You even have to forget Akane! The only thing that matters right now is what's happening right now! And that's Ukyo!' His resolution for never forgetting Akane faded; she didn't love him, and never would. Realizing that invoked an uncontrollable and confusing outpour of emotion: anger and misery, release and restraint, relief and strain.
Somewhere inside his mind, deep inside his mind, he knew that he would never be able to help Ukyo if he let his grief consume him. 'I won't be sad by losing Akane,' he told himself firmly, though he still felt tormented. But his will was strong, and managed to convince him to stop.
'Now that you think about it objectively, Ryoga,' his will hissed at him, 'you aren't even sure if your feelings for Akane were love. They could have been infatuation.'
'Either that,' he thought back, 'or a different sort of love that I am really not familiar with. I'm sure that this is the reason.'
Then he again realized that he had strayed off topic, and he again berated himself.
Now that his anguish was contained--barely, he knew the hold would last only temporarily, and it would have to be dealt with later--he stood up to help Ukyo. Then he realized that he was only wearing a rag and a bandanna. He quickly covered himself with the blanket, and was about to tie it over himself when his eyes fell upon an extremely large pair of pants and shirt, which Ukyo had probably left for him. The shirt wouldn't fit him, obviously, for the shoulders were too narrow. But the pants might.
He snagged it off the chair, ripped off the cloth-bandanna, and hurriedly put it on underneath the blanket. It fit, though it was still a little tight. But that didn't matter. 'I have to help Ukyo.' He stood up again, and this time walked over to Ukyo, a little hesitant of what to do. 'Okay. I decided I'd help her. Now how do I?!' He tossed the shirt off the chair, and pulled it close to Ukyo, where he sat down on it, next to her.
'What do I do now?'
* * *
Ukyo wept for everything. She grieved over her lost friend, Ranma. She mourned for her love that she had lost. She wailed for herself and her overwhelming loneliness. She cried for her frustration in the world and everything else. And she sobbed for Ryoga, the only other person whom fate seemed to despise as much her.
Just as she thought that, she heard Ryoga stand up and sit back down suddenly. She took notice of a whoosh of cloth, and the scraping of a chair against the ground. Then she sensed Ryoga sit down next to her.
Her weeping slowed and quieted, and at that moment she felt Ryoga put a trembling hand on her shoulder.
"Ukyo," was the only thing he said, and he seemed to be searching for the right words. "Ukyo," he repeated, "I... I know how you feel." His voice shook slightly, and she could tell that he was barely restraining dry, tearless sobs. "I... I know you... lost someone you love. I... have too. And I... I know how horrible it is to see someone you love, and... and know that you can never touch them. And... and Ukyo...." He paused, and she could almost feel him thinking about what to say next. "Ukyo, the old saying is 'pain shared is pain halved'."
Ukyo could hardly comprehend what he meant for a moment. But then she realized... and flung herself into his arms, where she grieved, and he held her protectively.
* * *
Ryoga was stunned for a moment. Ukyo had flung her small, narrow body into his arms, something he was never even suspecting to happen. 'What? She.... but, I, and, so--' His mind was reeling for a moment until he realized that was babbling. 'Calm down, Ryoga... you have to comfort Ukyo now.' But the pain and depression that had been hammering on his iron will finally grew too much. The combined force of both his emotions and Ukyo's managed to tear down Ryoga's barriers against Akane and her memory. And as the last scraps of his shield vanished, one thought came unbidden to his mind.
'How can I comfort her when I can't even help myself?'
* * *
Ukyo suddenly felt Ryoga's arms tremble, and a hot liquid slightly dampen her hair in an instant. 'Poor Ryoga,' Ukyo thought sadly. 'He needs someone as much as I do.' So then she put her arms around him, and embraced him tightly. 'It's a mystery how much simple contact helps...,' a detached corner of her mind mused as Ukyo felt her loneliness and distress drain out of her. Though the coldness and emptiness of her heart was still there, it was now bearable instead of overpowering.
"Hey, Ryoga...," she said, her voice slightly muffled.
"Yes?" Ryoga's voice was still quavering, probably from both sadness and shame from crying.
"There's one thing we both have in common."
"What's that?"
The coffee-haired woman smiled weakly into Ryoga's chest; had she not been so preoccupied with her thoughts, she would have realized that it was the first true smile since her meeting with Ranma. "You fell in love with Akane, and I with Ranma. We both fell in love with someone unreachable...."
Ryoga remained silent, and Ukyo could feel him grow slightly cold. She subconsciously cursed herself; why did she have to remind him of that painful memory? She might as well be cutting his wrists! "I... I'm sorry Ryoga," she whispered, feeling ashamed. And again, had she not been so engrossed with her thoughts, she would have realized that mentioning Ranma's name wasn't painful anymore.
Ryoga merely shook his head, and Ukyo could feel another flow of hot water trickling into her hair.
'Ukyo, you jackass!' she shouted at herself. 'Look what you did! Now Ryoga's upset again! Don't you remember how fragile his heart is? You keep on shattering it, over and over and over again by mentioning Akane!' She would have continued in this vein for a while if Ryoga hadn't spoken.
"I... it's... it's okay, Ukyo...."
Ukyo was shocked, even more than when she found out about Ranma's curse. 'What? He, he just says it's okay? He's not sobbing anymore? Not mourning anymore, not crying anymore? What happened?'
* * *
When Ukyo pulled him close to her, the black-haired man wasn't sure what to think. 'Why is she... why is she hugging me? Does she... does she... no. She, she's just trying to comfort me, nothing else.' But the thought made him feel a little desolate. 'Why am I feeling miserable? It's not like I... but... never mind.'
Whatever the reason, it didn't matter, because he suddenly started to feel a little better. He still felt horrible, still as if his heart and soul had been ripped out of him and shredded, but to a lesser degree.
'Ukyo... I just... thank you.'
He was about to relax the tiniest bit into the tawny-eyed woman's embrace when she broke the thick silence that they were drowning in. "Hey, Ryoga...," she said, her voice sounding a little hoarse from all the crying.
"Yes?" he replied, and to his greatest shame, his voice was shaky.
"There's one thing we both have in common," she told him, her voice steady much to his embarrassment.
Ryoga was curious. 'What do we both have in common?' he wondered. 'Well, I won't know unless I answer.' "What's that?"
"You fell in love with Akane, and I with Ranma. We both fell in love with someone unreachable...."
Ryoga's ebony eyes clouded over with regret, and he felt himself stiffen and turn cold. 'Akane?' He mourned at her name; she had slipped his mind when Ukyo hugged him. He nodded his head so that maybe she wouldn't feel his tears.
But she clearly must have felt them, for her next words were, "I... I'm sorry Ryoga."
He felt utterly depressed. 'Why should she be sorry?' Ryoga thought sadly to himself. 'She only pointed out what was obvious. It's not a crime.' He sighed mentally, and let his misery wash over him, and was about to drown in it when he realized how guilty Ukyo must have been feeling. 'I can't leave her like that, feeling guilty when she isn't. I should put her at ease.' "I... it's... it's okay, Ukyo...," he said, a little awkwardly, with a deep sorrow eating away at him like a slow, powerful acid.
Ukyo looked stunned. The black-haired man grinned dryly, an expression completely devoid of humor and cheer. It exposed his fangs, giving him the face of some sort of agonized creature. 'She didn't see that coming. Bet she thought I'd either cry or breakdown or something.'
Had Ryoga not been so focused on his whirling thoughts, he would have noticed that he was able to think about things so irrelevant and laugh at them--though it was empty of mirth--which was a sign that he was recovering from his loss from earlier that day.
* * *
'I can't believe he took that the way he did,' Ukyo told herself for the hundredth time. 'He... he must be getting over her.' She sighed gustily while an unexplainable bubble of happiness welled up inside of her. Absentmindedly she thought to herself as she squeezed Ryoga a little tighter, 'I guess I should be getting over Ranma....' She sighed again; this time Ryoga held her closer and patted her back a bit uneasily yet in a comforting way.
She smiled a little tiredly, and relaxed into his warm embrace. But as soon as she relaxed, she started feeling a little drowsy. 'Ryoga is so sweet. I like him, but how? As a friend, a brother, or something else?' A deeper examination of her thoughts proved what she felt. 'He's... and I... but.... Maybe he....'
Ukyo never got to finish the thought, for right away she fell into a not-so- deep sleep.
* * *
Ryoga felt Ukyo go limp all of a sudden. 'What? What happened?' He shifted her ever so slightly, and then realized--she had fallen asleep. Ryoga couldn't help but smile. 'After all the heart ache and pain we've been through today, she does something as simple as sleep.' Yet again, the world proved to him that women were unpredictable. 'Like Akane.'
He shook his head gently as to not wake the woman in his arms up. 'Well, I guess I should take her up to her room.' Ryoga was about to lift her up into a carrying position when he realized that it would awaken her. 'I shouldn't wake her up.... She doesn't deserve that.' He analyzed their positions, and then realized something: no matter where he moved or what he did, she'd stop sleeping. 'So what do I do?' He had a quick mental battle, and then he finally reached his conclusion. 'I won't wake her up. At least in sleep she can escape the nightmare that is reality.'
He sighed, and then realized, that since he didn't have the kind of agility and flexibility Ranma did--that if he didn't want to wake her up, he'd have to stay in the same position.
All night.
'Well, it seems like it's five in the morning,' Ryoga mused to himself. 'I can keep myself awake. What's a couple hours to some of the training I had to undergo?'
The black-haired man checked the clock on the wall, and if it weren't for the danger of waking Ukyo up, he would've fallen out of his chair. '12:14?! I'm going have to stay up for at least six hours!' He sighed, and then told himself firmly, 'I'm not that tired....' He shook his head again, but this time was suddenly overcome by a wave of dizziness. And he knew only too well what was wrong with him: fatigue. 'But I feel so awake!' he thought. But as soon as that idea was completed another wave hit him, as if his body was trying to prove himself wrong. Black-brown eyes fogged over in annoyance, and the owner could hardly stifle a groan. 'Who am I kidding? I'm exhausted! Too much has happened to me today one after the other with no break in between!'
He closed his eyes briefly to clear the blackness from his mind. He went over his options: either wake Ukyo up but have her drown in misery again, or sit here all night, awake and worn out. He was about to choose between the two when another one hit him like a stone. How about sleep here?
Ryoga immediately shouted mentally, 'No! No! No!'
But his mind asked him calmly, 'Why not? It doesn't hurt any of you.'
'I, I, I just can't, okay? It... what would people think?'
'What would they? Not like there's anyone else here other than Ukyo. And she's already decided to fall asleep on you!'
Ryoga continued to quarrel with his thoughts, but it brought up one point after another. Finally, Ryoga admitted defeat.
'Alright, alright....' He shut his eyes unwillingly, and very, very, very reluctantly rested his head upon Ukyo's. And as soon as that was done, he fell into a--thankfully blank--slumber. But just before that happened, he couldn't help but notice how sweet her hair smelled, and how warm she felt....
* * *
Ukyo slowly woke up, gaining her awareness back bit by bit. Her thoughts were fuzzy, partially formed, and not really all that understandable. After a minute they became more coherent, and her chestnut-brown hair swished side to side as she attempted to clear her head of sleep. Her first thought was, 'What day is it?' She thought back to yesterday morning, and realized that today was Sunday. A small, relieved smile tugged on her features gently, and her closed eyes seemed to smile as well. 'Good. Work won't start until twelve.'
The woman was reluctant at first to get up. She felt so warm and comfortable in her bed, especially today. 'Maybe last night was warmer than usual,' she thought drowsily. 'But I can't just lie around all day. I have to get the restaurant ready.' Ukyo was about to sit up in her bed and stretch when she felt something weighing down on top of her head. 'What?' Her eyes flicked open, their bronze irises betraying her sleepy surprise. What she saw stunned her. She wasn't in her bed at all. Indeed, she was sitting on a chair in her kitchen. Her back was aching, because she was in a slouched forward position. But the biggest surprise was that she was leaning into someone's arms, onto their bare chest. Not Ranma's either. 'Then who's...?'
Still half asleep, she half withdrew, half fell out of the pair of arms, and looked up into the face. What she saw caused her to tumble to the ground in the most ungainly manner.
"Ryoga?!" she shouted incredulously. Anger and a touch of astonishment colored her voice as the last wisps of sleep left her. But what surprised her most was the strange feeling she felt in the bottom of her stomach. 'Forget that. He was sleeping on you!' She leapt up and scowled while searching for her battle spatula. She patted her back frantically, but the spatula wasn't there; she had taken it off yesterday while she was serving the customers. While she looked for it, the maple-haired girl's anger evaporated as she realized what the emotion was. 'What? It can't be...! I- it's not possible!' A short spell of dizziness overcame her. Thankfully, Ryoga was too busy looking down at his feet, probably trying to think of an appropriate apology.
The tawny-eyed woman felt extremely shaken. 'C'mon, girl, get a grip on yourself!' She took a deep breath to calm herself, but was interrupted by Ryoga's apologetic voice. His exceedingly apologetic voice.
"Sorry, Ukyo...." Ryoga rubbed the back of his head nervously, and seemed to be torn between standing up like a man and looking properly repentant or falling on the ground and begging forgiveness. He didn't want to get hit by that over-sized spatula of hers again.
Ukyo couldn't let that go on any farther. Sure, he looked really funny like that, what with his knees shaking harder than a leaf in the wind, but he was really uncomfortable. And Ukyo felt kind of bad for him. "Hey, Ryoga," she said softly, gently. "Don't look so scared. I'm not gonna attack you or anything." She forced a smile, though it became genuine when she saw his barely concealed relief.
Ryoga laughed, and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Uh, sorry. I was just so tired, and then you fell asleep and I didn't want to wake you up, so I tried to stay awake, but I fell asleep- " Ukyo cut off his babbling with a wave of her hand.
"Ryoga, don't worry about it. Now, we have to decide what to do." Ukyo didn't realize how easily the 'we' had slipped off her tongue.
The man who was causing her so much trouble only gave her a wane smile. "Ukyo, I'll probably do what I've been trying to do for a year or more. Train so I can defeat Ranma." Was Ukyo imagining it, or did that smile contain a tinge of regret? She didn't know, because she had never known people that well. The only person that she had known well was Ranma, and Ranma tended to be a little secretive about his emotions. 'And even though I think I know Ranma, I don't. I thought I had a chance, even when I noticed how he'd always somehow be at her side when she needed help or a rescue.' Shaking her head at her stupidity, she looked back at Ryoga.
He looked almost wistful, but the expression vanished in a split second. "Well...," Ukyo said as she really thought about his leaving. "Okay, sugar. But you should at least eat some okonomiyaki before you go. And get a good shirt and pair of pants."
Ryoga smiled at her, revealing his miniature set of fangs. "Alright. That would be great."
* * *
About fifteen minutes later, Ukyo was seated at her okonomiyaki grill. She was determined to make the best of what little time she had left with her fanged guest. "What kind do you want?" she asked him.
Ryoga had gotten his normal clothing back, but from where was a mystery. He opened his mouth and started to answer, "Anything but-"
"But pork?" Ukyo grinned as she saw his flush. "Okay. I'll make you a beef one, sugar." She rapidly started to make her okonomiyaki, adding a little of this, sprinkling on a little of that, and arranging it like so. In other words, putting a lot more work into it than she'd do for a normal customer, and maybe even Ranma. 'Which is really saying something.'
She shook her chestnut hair that was bound in the back of her head to settle it, and then placed the finished beef okonomiyaki on a clean white plate. Ryoga smiled a brief thank you, and immediately started to eat, though strangely slowly. As she watched him eat it with almost a mathematical precision, she felt a sadness grow with every bite. 'When the okonomiyaki is done, he'll leave. And I may never see him again. Never.' She would have let a tear loose, had she not sworn to herself that she would never cry over another man again after Ranma.
As she fell deeper and deeper into her reverie, the maple-eyed girl hardly realized that Ryoga was almost done. But when she heard the clatter of his fork against the plate she was jerked back to awareness.
Ryoga stood up from his seat as the legs of it scraped against the floor with a dull groan. "I... I guess I should be leaving now...." He turned around and shouldered his pack, which had appeared there without explanation. He turned around and walked towards a door slowly, and then faced her. "I... maybe this is goodbye." He gave her one long, lingering gaze, the way a starved man would gaze at a feast that was just out of reach.
Then he tried to exit through the closet.
Blushing brightly, he pivoted on his foot and left through the other door, into the bustling streets of Nerima, leaving Ukyo alone, depressed, and somewhat confused.
* * *
As the raven-haired man wandered aimlessly through the dusty roads and streets, his mind, as usual, wandered as well. And finally, it settled on one subject. A chestnut-haired okonomiyaki chef who made him feel exhilarated and uncomfortable at the same time. And he knew what that meant.
He had watched it once in a traveling show, and read about it in a few books. And he had also experienced it when Akane started to take care of him as a pig. 'It can't be that true love stuff... can it?' He shook his head wildly side to side, and thought, 'It can't be! But it is!' He clamped his eyes tightly shut, and in a vain effort to dispel a headache rubbed his temples. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't escape the truth. Yes he did love Ukyo, and no, he had no idea of what to do. 'Except, maybe, tell her. But it makes no sense! I just out of nowhere walk up to her and say, Ukyo, I like you. What would she think?'
Ryoga shook his head, and continued to brood over that option. 'But it's better to tell her right away. I lost Akane because of that.' He opened his eyes again, and they seemed strangely peaceful. 'Alright. I... I'll tell her the next time I see her.'
And then again, he became preoccupied with thoughts of how exactly he'd tell her.
And as usual, his feet carried him somewhere completely unexpected.
* * *
Ukyo made herself kettle of strong tea to help ease the headache and heartache she was starting to get. The amber-eyed woman poured it into a mug, and started to sip at it delicately, for it was still piping hot. She closed her eyes, and let the steam swirl up and around her face, while thinking the situation through. It wasn't so bad; all she had to do was keep an eye out for any sudden explosions of cold water and sudden rumblings in the ground, and Ryoga would probably be nearby, probably fighting Ranma. And once she found their fight, she could always covertly shadow them until the battle finished or one of them transformed.
Already her headache was starting to leave. Smiling a smile tinged just barely with melancholy, she sat a bit more comfortably in her chair. And who said that she had to wait for them to battle? She would probably find him within a couple weeks, roaming the streets of Nerima, trying to figure out where exactly he was.
She drank the tea and drained the mug to the dregs. Feeling very relaxed and content, she leaned back in her chair and sighed with satisfaction. And who knows? Maybe by then, she would have mustered the courage to tell him. Yes, she was afraid of rejection, but she didn't want him to go off and love someone else without her having at least a chance.
Caught up in the strange sense of peace that was oh-so-rare in Nerima, she shut her hazel eyes in bliss. But they abruptly snapped back open as she heard a shout from outside.
"WHERE IN THE WORLD AM I NOW?!"
Smiling lightly, Ukyo strode to the door to collect Ryoga and bring him back in. 'And who knows? Maybe I'll muster the courage now.'
And with a slight trembling of suppressed excitement and nervousness, she went out to get the man who had so quickly turned into everything she could want.
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Bunch of Author's Notes:
Here's the part where I thank everyone who reviewed (but you should still review anyway)!
Sleeping Melody: Thanks for the compliment! Well anyway, now Ranma WILL do something about Akane's answer. Hope you like it!
AnT: Thank you so much for your reviews! They were greatly appreciated, and gave me the motivation to keep on writing.
seongmi: I think the greatest compliment a reviewer can give the author of a songfic is that the song fit perfectly! So you flattered me very much.... ^-^
Chibi Ucchan: I love Ukyo/Ryoga fics, too. And you bet I'll write more of it (but not chapter stories... I don't update enough... heh), 'cept it will be mixed with some Ranma/Akane.
murasaki ayame: Thanks for thinking my fic is 'cool'. ^-^
KannaOphelia: Thank you so much for that review! It was one of the ones that cheered ME up immensely. And I edited all my chapters due to your very helpful suggestion.
Jen of the Wildfire: Hope you like the rest of the story! When I wrote Ryoga's discovery, I was trying to keep it a little light, but some chapters... aren't.
wingzeropilot: I explain why Ryoga just randomly (well, not really random if you read the entire fic) proposed to Akane. Oh yeah, I love Akane/Ranma pairings, too.
Sporanox: You have a point there.... If I ever make a sequel (which I probably won't, too much updating... *sweatdrop*) you bet Akari will be in it trying to get back 'her' Ryoga!
dennisud: All has already been revealed.... ^-^
butterfly: Yes, I am planning on developing the Akane/Ranma story... I have it three-quarters done already, so it SHOULD be posted soon.
Ranka: I've already made the ending chapter to the Ryoga/Ukyo branch, but even better, I'm making the Ranma/Akane one, too!
Otaku by day, Goth by night: Thank you for that compliment! It really made me smile when I read it... (I mean really... my writing style, loved! ^-^).
Well that's it... for now. (And reviews are still GREATLY APPRECIATED.) ~ AmberWings
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Disclaimer: Feh, I'm sick of writing this part. Please refer to disclaimer in Chapters 1 - 5.
Author's Note: OOCness alert! OOCness alert! Ryoga and Ukyo are extremely OOC! (Tell me how bad I was at portraying them in a review, 'kay?)
Another Author's Note: Hey! I'd just like to thank all of my reviewers who reviewed all during the story... I love you all! Thanks to you, I've kept on with the story! And now here's the final chapter! (That is, excluding the Ranma and Akane one that comes after this and the epilogue.) And at the end of the story are replies to all the reviews! Just like to say again...THANKS! ~ AmberWings
So anyway, you are probably tired of my psychotic-babbling... so on with the final chapter!
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Chapter 6
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"And that's how I found out...." Ukyo's tears were unmistakable, and Ryoga felt his heart go out to her.
'She lost someone, too... but she didn't have anyone to help her and get it off her chest,' he realized, causing him to respect the okonomiyaki chef even more than he had before. 'And she went through days of this! I only went through it for one!' At the reminder, he glimpsed momentarily at a clock that was hanging on the wall to his right. 'It's 11:47... have we been talking for that long?' But he cleared his mind of that thought; Ukyo needed his help, after all.
'But what can I do? I can hardly heal my own heart, never mind someone else's....' But at the thought, he punched himself mentally. 'Ryoga! How can you be such a selfish jerk? You have to help her... you might be the only one who can.... She has no one to talk to other than Ranma, and Ranma is the cause of all this!' Even thinking Ranma's name now made him angry; not a quick flash of anger, but a slow, smoldering rage that could give him the fuel to do anything. And he wasn't really sure if it was because of Akane he was this angry....
But then he saw Ukyo's shoulders spasm in silent, wracking sobs, as she covered her face from Ryoga's view, and reminded himself of Ukyo's need. 'Forget Ranma!' he shouted at himself. Forget everyone! Forget everything! Forget what happened this morning! You even have to forget Akane! The only thing that matters right now is what's happening right now! And that's Ukyo!' His resolution for never forgetting Akane faded; she didn't love him, and never would. Realizing that invoked an uncontrollable and confusing outpour of emotion: anger and misery, release and restraint, relief and strain.
Somewhere inside his mind, deep inside his mind, he knew that he would never be able to help Ukyo if he let his grief consume him. 'I won't be sad by losing Akane,' he told himself firmly, though he still felt tormented. But his will was strong, and managed to convince him to stop.
'Now that you think about it objectively, Ryoga,' his will hissed at him, 'you aren't even sure if your feelings for Akane were love. They could have been infatuation.'
'Either that,' he thought back, 'or a different sort of love that I am really not familiar with. I'm sure that this is the reason.'
Then he again realized that he had strayed off topic, and he again berated himself.
Now that his anguish was contained--barely, he knew the hold would last only temporarily, and it would have to be dealt with later--he stood up to help Ukyo. Then he realized that he was only wearing a rag and a bandanna. He quickly covered himself with the blanket, and was about to tie it over himself when his eyes fell upon an extremely large pair of pants and shirt, which Ukyo had probably left for him. The shirt wouldn't fit him, obviously, for the shoulders were too narrow. But the pants might.
He snagged it off the chair, ripped off the cloth-bandanna, and hurriedly put it on underneath the blanket. It fit, though it was still a little tight. But that didn't matter. 'I have to help Ukyo.' He stood up again, and this time walked over to Ukyo, a little hesitant of what to do. 'Okay. I decided I'd help her. Now how do I?!' He tossed the shirt off the chair, and pulled it close to Ukyo, where he sat down on it, next to her.
'What do I do now?'
* * *
Ukyo wept for everything. She grieved over her lost friend, Ranma. She mourned for her love that she had lost. She wailed for herself and her overwhelming loneliness. She cried for her frustration in the world and everything else. And she sobbed for Ryoga, the only other person whom fate seemed to despise as much her.
Just as she thought that, she heard Ryoga stand up and sit back down suddenly. She took notice of a whoosh of cloth, and the scraping of a chair against the ground. Then she sensed Ryoga sit down next to her.
Her weeping slowed and quieted, and at that moment she felt Ryoga put a trembling hand on her shoulder.
"Ukyo," was the only thing he said, and he seemed to be searching for the right words. "Ukyo," he repeated, "I... I know how you feel." His voice shook slightly, and she could tell that he was barely restraining dry, tearless sobs. "I... I know you... lost someone you love. I... have too. And I... I know how horrible it is to see someone you love, and... and know that you can never touch them. And... and Ukyo...." He paused, and she could almost feel him thinking about what to say next. "Ukyo, the old saying is 'pain shared is pain halved'."
Ukyo could hardly comprehend what he meant for a moment. But then she realized... and flung herself into his arms, where she grieved, and he held her protectively.
* * *
Ryoga was stunned for a moment. Ukyo had flung her small, narrow body into his arms, something he was never even suspecting to happen. 'What? She.... but, I, and, so--' His mind was reeling for a moment until he realized that was babbling. 'Calm down, Ryoga... you have to comfort Ukyo now.' But the pain and depression that had been hammering on his iron will finally grew too much. The combined force of both his emotions and Ukyo's managed to tear down Ryoga's barriers against Akane and her memory. And as the last scraps of his shield vanished, one thought came unbidden to his mind.
'How can I comfort her when I can't even help myself?'
* * *
Ukyo suddenly felt Ryoga's arms tremble, and a hot liquid slightly dampen her hair in an instant. 'Poor Ryoga,' Ukyo thought sadly. 'He needs someone as much as I do.' So then she put her arms around him, and embraced him tightly. 'It's a mystery how much simple contact helps...,' a detached corner of her mind mused as Ukyo felt her loneliness and distress drain out of her. Though the coldness and emptiness of her heart was still there, it was now bearable instead of overpowering.
"Hey, Ryoga...," she said, her voice slightly muffled.
"Yes?" Ryoga's voice was still quavering, probably from both sadness and shame from crying.
"There's one thing we both have in common."
"What's that?"
The coffee-haired woman smiled weakly into Ryoga's chest; had she not been so preoccupied with her thoughts, she would have realized that it was the first true smile since her meeting with Ranma. "You fell in love with Akane, and I with Ranma. We both fell in love with someone unreachable...."
Ryoga remained silent, and Ukyo could feel him grow slightly cold. She subconsciously cursed herself; why did she have to remind him of that painful memory? She might as well be cutting his wrists! "I... I'm sorry Ryoga," she whispered, feeling ashamed. And again, had she not been so engrossed with her thoughts, she would have realized that mentioning Ranma's name wasn't painful anymore.
Ryoga merely shook his head, and Ukyo could feel another flow of hot water trickling into her hair.
'Ukyo, you jackass!' she shouted at herself. 'Look what you did! Now Ryoga's upset again! Don't you remember how fragile his heart is? You keep on shattering it, over and over and over again by mentioning Akane!' She would have continued in this vein for a while if Ryoga hadn't spoken.
"I... it's... it's okay, Ukyo...."
Ukyo was shocked, even more than when she found out about Ranma's curse. 'What? He, he just says it's okay? He's not sobbing anymore? Not mourning anymore, not crying anymore? What happened?'
* * *
When Ukyo pulled him close to her, the black-haired man wasn't sure what to think. 'Why is she... why is she hugging me? Does she... does she... no. She, she's just trying to comfort me, nothing else.' But the thought made him feel a little desolate. 'Why am I feeling miserable? It's not like I... but... never mind.'
Whatever the reason, it didn't matter, because he suddenly started to feel a little better. He still felt horrible, still as if his heart and soul had been ripped out of him and shredded, but to a lesser degree.
'Ukyo... I just... thank you.'
He was about to relax the tiniest bit into the tawny-eyed woman's embrace when she broke the thick silence that they were drowning in. "Hey, Ryoga...," she said, her voice sounding a little hoarse from all the crying.
"Yes?" he replied, and to his greatest shame, his voice was shaky.
"There's one thing we both have in common," she told him, her voice steady much to his embarrassment.
Ryoga was curious. 'What do we both have in common?' he wondered. 'Well, I won't know unless I answer.' "What's that?"
"You fell in love with Akane, and I with Ranma. We both fell in love with someone unreachable...."
Ryoga's ebony eyes clouded over with regret, and he felt himself stiffen and turn cold. 'Akane?' He mourned at her name; she had slipped his mind when Ukyo hugged him. He nodded his head so that maybe she wouldn't feel his tears.
But she clearly must have felt them, for her next words were, "I... I'm sorry Ryoga."
He felt utterly depressed. 'Why should she be sorry?' Ryoga thought sadly to himself. 'She only pointed out what was obvious. It's not a crime.' He sighed mentally, and let his misery wash over him, and was about to drown in it when he realized how guilty Ukyo must have been feeling. 'I can't leave her like that, feeling guilty when she isn't. I should put her at ease.' "I... it's... it's okay, Ukyo...," he said, a little awkwardly, with a deep sorrow eating away at him like a slow, powerful acid.
Ukyo looked stunned. The black-haired man grinned dryly, an expression completely devoid of humor and cheer. It exposed his fangs, giving him the face of some sort of agonized creature. 'She didn't see that coming. Bet she thought I'd either cry or breakdown or something.'
Had Ryoga not been so focused on his whirling thoughts, he would have noticed that he was able to think about things so irrelevant and laugh at them--though it was empty of mirth--which was a sign that he was recovering from his loss from earlier that day.
* * *
'I can't believe he took that the way he did,' Ukyo told herself for the hundredth time. 'He... he must be getting over her.' She sighed gustily while an unexplainable bubble of happiness welled up inside of her. Absentmindedly she thought to herself as she squeezed Ryoga a little tighter, 'I guess I should be getting over Ranma....' She sighed again; this time Ryoga held her closer and patted her back a bit uneasily yet in a comforting way.
She smiled a little tiredly, and relaxed into his warm embrace. But as soon as she relaxed, she started feeling a little drowsy. 'Ryoga is so sweet. I like him, but how? As a friend, a brother, or something else?' A deeper examination of her thoughts proved what she felt. 'He's... and I... but.... Maybe he....'
Ukyo never got to finish the thought, for right away she fell into a not-so- deep sleep.
* * *
Ryoga felt Ukyo go limp all of a sudden. 'What? What happened?' He shifted her ever so slightly, and then realized--she had fallen asleep. Ryoga couldn't help but smile. 'After all the heart ache and pain we've been through today, she does something as simple as sleep.' Yet again, the world proved to him that women were unpredictable. 'Like Akane.'
He shook his head gently as to not wake the woman in his arms up. 'Well, I guess I should take her up to her room.' Ryoga was about to lift her up into a carrying position when he realized that it would awaken her. 'I shouldn't wake her up.... She doesn't deserve that.' He analyzed their positions, and then realized something: no matter where he moved or what he did, she'd stop sleeping. 'So what do I do?' He had a quick mental battle, and then he finally reached his conclusion. 'I won't wake her up. At least in sleep she can escape the nightmare that is reality.'
He sighed, and then realized, that since he didn't have the kind of agility and flexibility Ranma did--that if he didn't want to wake her up, he'd have to stay in the same position.
All night.
'Well, it seems like it's five in the morning,' Ryoga mused to himself. 'I can keep myself awake. What's a couple hours to some of the training I had to undergo?'
The black-haired man checked the clock on the wall, and if it weren't for the danger of waking Ukyo up, he would've fallen out of his chair. '12:14?! I'm going have to stay up for at least six hours!' He sighed, and then told himself firmly, 'I'm not that tired....' He shook his head again, but this time was suddenly overcome by a wave of dizziness. And he knew only too well what was wrong with him: fatigue. 'But I feel so awake!' he thought. But as soon as that idea was completed another wave hit him, as if his body was trying to prove himself wrong. Black-brown eyes fogged over in annoyance, and the owner could hardly stifle a groan. 'Who am I kidding? I'm exhausted! Too much has happened to me today one after the other with no break in between!'
He closed his eyes briefly to clear the blackness from his mind. He went over his options: either wake Ukyo up but have her drown in misery again, or sit here all night, awake and worn out. He was about to choose between the two when another one hit him like a stone. How about sleep here?
Ryoga immediately shouted mentally, 'No! No! No!'
But his mind asked him calmly, 'Why not? It doesn't hurt any of you.'
'I, I, I just can't, okay? It... what would people think?'
'What would they? Not like there's anyone else here other than Ukyo. And she's already decided to fall asleep on you!'
Ryoga continued to quarrel with his thoughts, but it brought up one point after another. Finally, Ryoga admitted defeat.
'Alright, alright....' He shut his eyes unwillingly, and very, very, very reluctantly rested his head upon Ukyo's. And as soon as that was done, he fell into a--thankfully blank--slumber. But just before that happened, he couldn't help but notice how sweet her hair smelled, and how warm she felt....
* * *
Ukyo slowly woke up, gaining her awareness back bit by bit. Her thoughts were fuzzy, partially formed, and not really all that understandable. After a minute they became more coherent, and her chestnut-brown hair swished side to side as she attempted to clear her head of sleep. Her first thought was, 'What day is it?' She thought back to yesterday morning, and realized that today was Sunday. A small, relieved smile tugged on her features gently, and her closed eyes seemed to smile as well. 'Good. Work won't start until twelve.'
The woman was reluctant at first to get up. She felt so warm and comfortable in her bed, especially today. 'Maybe last night was warmer than usual,' she thought drowsily. 'But I can't just lie around all day. I have to get the restaurant ready.' Ukyo was about to sit up in her bed and stretch when she felt something weighing down on top of her head. 'What?' Her eyes flicked open, their bronze irises betraying her sleepy surprise. What she saw stunned her. She wasn't in her bed at all. Indeed, she was sitting on a chair in her kitchen. Her back was aching, because she was in a slouched forward position. But the biggest surprise was that she was leaning into someone's arms, onto their bare chest. Not Ranma's either. 'Then who's...?'
Still half asleep, she half withdrew, half fell out of the pair of arms, and looked up into the face. What she saw caused her to tumble to the ground in the most ungainly manner.
"Ryoga?!" she shouted incredulously. Anger and a touch of astonishment colored her voice as the last wisps of sleep left her. But what surprised her most was the strange feeling she felt in the bottom of her stomach. 'Forget that. He was sleeping on you!' She leapt up and scowled while searching for her battle spatula. She patted her back frantically, but the spatula wasn't there; she had taken it off yesterday while she was serving the customers. While she looked for it, the maple-haired girl's anger evaporated as she realized what the emotion was. 'What? It can't be...! I- it's not possible!' A short spell of dizziness overcame her. Thankfully, Ryoga was too busy looking down at his feet, probably trying to think of an appropriate apology.
The tawny-eyed woman felt extremely shaken. 'C'mon, girl, get a grip on yourself!' She took a deep breath to calm herself, but was interrupted by Ryoga's apologetic voice. His exceedingly apologetic voice.
"Sorry, Ukyo...." Ryoga rubbed the back of his head nervously, and seemed to be torn between standing up like a man and looking properly repentant or falling on the ground and begging forgiveness. He didn't want to get hit by that over-sized spatula of hers again.
Ukyo couldn't let that go on any farther. Sure, he looked really funny like that, what with his knees shaking harder than a leaf in the wind, but he was really uncomfortable. And Ukyo felt kind of bad for him. "Hey, Ryoga," she said softly, gently. "Don't look so scared. I'm not gonna attack you or anything." She forced a smile, though it became genuine when she saw his barely concealed relief.
Ryoga laughed, and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Uh, sorry. I was just so tired, and then you fell asleep and I didn't want to wake you up, so I tried to stay awake, but I fell asleep- " Ukyo cut off his babbling with a wave of her hand.
"Ryoga, don't worry about it. Now, we have to decide what to do." Ukyo didn't realize how easily the 'we' had slipped off her tongue.
The man who was causing her so much trouble only gave her a wane smile. "Ukyo, I'll probably do what I've been trying to do for a year or more. Train so I can defeat Ranma." Was Ukyo imagining it, or did that smile contain a tinge of regret? She didn't know, because she had never known people that well. The only person that she had known well was Ranma, and Ranma tended to be a little secretive about his emotions. 'And even though I think I know Ranma, I don't. I thought I had a chance, even when I noticed how he'd always somehow be at her side when she needed help or a rescue.' Shaking her head at her stupidity, she looked back at Ryoga.
He looked almost wistful, but the expression vanished in a split second. "Well...," Ukyo said as she really thought about his leaving. "Okay, sugar. But you should at least eat some okonomiyaki before you go. And get a good shirt and pair of pants."
Ryoga smiled at her, revealing his miniature set of fangs. "Alright. That would be great."
* * *
About fifteen minutes later, Ukyo was seated at her okonomiyaki grill. She was determined to make the best of what little time she had left with her fanged guest. "What kind do you want?" she asked him.
Ryoga had gotten his normal clothing back, but from where was a mystery. He opened his mouth and started to answer, "Anything but-"
"But pork?" Ukyo grinned as she saw his flush. "Okay. I'll make you a beef one, sugar." She rapidly started to make her okonomiyaki, adding a little of this, sprinkling on a little of that, and arranging it like so. In other words, putting a lot more work into it than she'd do for a normal customer, and maybe even Ranma. 'Which is really saying something.'
She shook her chestnut hair that was bound in the back of her head to settle it, and then placed the finished beef okonomiyaki on a clean white plate. Ryoga smiled a brief thank you, and immediately started to eat, though strangely slowly. As she watched him eat it with almost a mathematical precision, she felt a sadness grow with every bite. 'When the okonomiyaki is done, he'll leave. And I may never see him again. Never.' She would have let a tear loose, had she not sworn to herself that she would never cry over another man again after Ranma.
As she fell deeper and deeper into her reverie, the maple-eyed girl hardly realized that Ryoga was almost done. But when she heard the clatter of his fork against the plate she was jerked back to awareness.
Ryoga stood up from his seat as the legs of it scraped against the floor with a dull groan. "I... I guess I should be leaving now...." He turned around and shouldered his pack, which had appeared there without explanation. He turned around and walked towards a door slowly, and then faced her. "I... maybe this is goodbye." He gave her one long, lingering gaze, the way a starved man would gaze at a feast that was just out of reach.
Then he tried to exit through the closet.
Blushing brightly, he pivoted on his foot and left through the other door, into the bustling streets of Nerima, leaving Ukyo alone, depressed, and somewhat confused.
* * *
As the raven-haired man wandered aimlessly through the dusty roads and streets, his mind, as usual, wandered as well. And finally, it settled on one subject. A chestnut-haired okonomiyaki chef who made him feel exhilarated and uncomfortable at the same time. And he knew what that meant.
He had watched it once in a traveling show, and read about it in a few books. And he had also experienced it when Akane started to take care of him as a pig. 'It can't be that true love stuff... can it?' He shook his head wildly side to side, and thought, 'It can't be! But it is!' He clamped his eyes tightly shut, and in a vain effort to dispel a headache rubbed his temples. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't escape the truth. Yes he did love Ukyo, and no, he had no idea of what to do. 'Except, maybe, tell her. But it makes no sense! I just out of nowhere walk up to her and say, Ukyo, I like you. What would she think?'
Ryoga shook his head, and continued to brood over that option. 'But it's better to tell her right away. I lost Akane because of that.' He opened his eyes again, and they seemed strangely peaceful. 'Alright. I... I'll tell her the next time I see her.'
And then again, he became preoccupied with thoughts of how exactly he'd tell her.
And as usual, his feet carried him somewhere completely unexpected.
* * *
Ukyo made herself kettle of strong tea to help ease the headache and heartache she was starting to get. The amber-eyed woman poured it into a mug, and started to sip at it delicately, for it was still piping hot. She closed her eyes, and let the steam swirl up and around her face, while thinking the situation through. It wasn't so bad; all she had to do was keep an eye out for any sudden explosions of cold water and sudden rumblings in the ground, and Ryoga would probably be nearby, probably fighting Ranma. And once she found their fight, she could always covertly shadow them until the battle finished or one of them transformed.
Already her headache was starting to leave. Smiling a smile tinged just barely with melancholy, she sat a bit more comfortably in her chair. And who said that she had to wait for them to battle? She would probably find him within a couple weeks, roaming the streets of Nerima, trying to figure out where exactly he was.
She drank the tea and drained the mug to the dregs. Feeling very relaxed and content, she leaned back in her chair and sighed with satisfaction. And who knows? Maybe by then, she would have mustered the courage to tell him. Yes, she was afraid of rejection, but she didn't want him to go off and love someone else without her having at least a chance.
Caught up in the strange sense of peace that was oh-so-rare in Nerima, she shut her hazel eyes in bliss. But they abruptly snapped back open as she heard a shout from outside.
"WHERE IN THE WORLD AM I NOW?!"
Smiling lightly, Ukyo strode to the door to collect Ryoga and bring him back in. 'And who knows? Maybe I'll muster the courage now.'
And with a slight trembling of suppressed excitement and nervousness, she went out to get the man who had so quickly turned into everything she could want.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Bunch of Author's Notes:
Here's the part where I thank everyone who reviewed (but you should still review anyway)!
Sleeping Melody: Thanks for the compliment! Well anyway, now Ranma WILL do something about Akane's answer. Hope you like it!
AnT: Thank you so much for your reviews! They were greatly appreciated, and gave me the motivation to keep on writing.
seongmi: I think the greatest compliment a reviewer can give the author of a songfic is that the song fit perfectly! So you flattered me very much.... ^-^
Chibi Ucchan: I love Ukyo/Ryoga fics, too. And you bet I'll write more of it (but not chapter stories... I don't update enough... heh), 'cept it will be mixed with some Ranma/Akane.
murasaki ayame: Thanks for thinking my fic is 'cool'. ^-^
KannaOphelia: Thank you so much for that review! It was one of the ones that cheered ME up immensely. And I edited all my chapters due to your very helpful suggestion.
Jen of the Wildfire: Hope you like the rest of the story! When I wrote Ryoga's discovery, I was trying to keep it a little light, but some chapters... aren't.
wingzeropilot: I explain why Ryoga just randomly (well, not really random if you read the entire fic) proposed to Akane. Oh yeah, I love Akane/Ranma pairings, too.
Sporanox: You have a point there.... If I ever make a sequel (which I probably won't, too much updating... *sweatdrop*) you bet Akari will be in it trying to get back 'her' Ryoga!
dennisud: All has already been revealed.... ^-^
butterfly: Yes, I am planning on developing the Akane/Ranma story... I have it three-quarters done already, so it SHOULD be posted soon.
Ranka: I've already made the ending chapter to the Ryoga/Ukyo branch, but even better, I'm making the Ranma/Akane one, too!
Otaku by day, Goth by night: Thank you for that compliment! It really made me smile when I read it... (I mean really... my writing style, loved! ^-^).
Well that's it... for now. (And reviews are still GREATLY APPRECIATED.) ~ AmberWings