***
"Just look at him, he looks worse and worse every year!"
Sigh. "…But still gorgeous."
"Do be quiet, Hannah, unless you can say something without drooling over it. I agree about Potter; wonder what's got him this year.
"Probably another nefarious scheme of You-Know-Who's that he has to foil in order to save us all. It's become tradition, hasn't it?" Ticks fingers. "First year, the Sorcerer's Stone…"
"Philosopher's."
"My apologies. As I was saying, his second year there was the Chamber of Secrets, after that was Sirius Black, the Triwizard Tournament…"
"Yes, yes, we get the point, but that still doesn't explain why Harry looks like he's just lost his favorite pet dog to the Dark Lord!" pause "Did Harry have a pet dog?"
"Don't be ridiculous; he grew up in a cupboard! Besides, I know for fact that the lovely snowy owl is his, and it's against the rules for any Hogwarts student to have more than 1.25 pets. I should know; I'm a prefect!"
"And I'm sure that you've learnt all the rules by heart, Ernie. Well I heard…"
"Hannah! What have I told you about repeating gossip!"
"Well if you'd all just listen closely I won't have to say it again, would I? Anyways, I heard that Hermione Granger is passionately in love with Harry, but Ron Weasley's absolutely mad over Hermione, and Harry Potter wants nothing to with any of it!"
Pause.
"Are you sure? I understand about Ronald, just the way he stares at her is a dead giveaway, and do you remember the little fit he threw in loo over Krum? But…"
"Oh I'm positive that Hermione like Harry. She fusses over him if he so much as twitches, and Lavender told me that she even wanted Harry to help her knit those horrid little hats with her! Remember Madam Puddifoot's?"
"I'll say. Cho ran out of there sobbing, something about Harry choosing Hermione just because she's a Gryffindor. Mind you, Cho always cried, so it mightn't have been Harry's fault."
"So he's down just because of a little quarrel?"
"But there has to be something besides all of that! Weasley and Granger squabbled throughout all of third year, and there was Sirius Black out to murder us all, and he still didn't look this horrible!"
Mutters darkly. "Perhaps You-Know-Who's planning something huge and diabolical that will forever change the whole of wizardingkind!"
"Stop being melodramatic, Ernie, I'm sure it's nothing that Harry can't take. Well, we'll find out eventually. We always do."
Mutters darkly. "When the Deatheaters storm Hogwarts, we'll see for sure."
"What was that, Ernie?"
"Nothing."
***
"I tell you for the last time, Ronald Weasley, I WILL NOT DATE YOU! Now, have you seen Harry?"
"You'll come 'round eventually, mark my words. As for Harry, I think he's still sulking in some deserted compartment. Brooding over Snuffles, see."
Muffled indignation. "Still? I know that Harry loved Sirius like his second father, but he's got to buck up! This is our final year before the N.E.W.T.S.! It's too bad that we can't sit with him; I don't see the point of this silly rule that we have to sit in the prefect's compartment!"
"Oh look, none of the other prefects have arrived yet. Now it's just you and me, 'Mione." Leer.
"NO, Ron!"
***
"Well, well, if it isn't The-Boy-Who-Won't-Die himself. Shedding tears about your dead dog? Or is widdle Potty being," dramatic sigh "gallant again and feeling remorseful over landing innocent victims in Azkaban?
Bitter laugh. "Your father was far from innocent, Malfoy. He got what was coming, and so will you."
"Ooh, I'm quaking in my fifty galleon dragonhide boots. Really, Potter, what are you going to do; have Weasley ravish me?"
Flush. "Don't swing that way, do you?"
"No, sorry, my sexual preferences exclude all houselfs, Mudbloods, Weasleys, Hufflepuffs, and, heaven forbid," shudder "Muggles."
"What, you like everyone else?"
" 'Like' is such a general word, Potter. Most everyone else I am able to tolerate reasonably…except, of course, you, Potter."
"And why not me as well?"
Withering glare.
"Oh."
"Just when I thought your skull couldn't possibly be thicker, you prove me wrong. I guess what they say is true; you CAN perform miracles."
"Shut up and screw yourself, Malfoy, before I hex you to Azkaban to join you Deatheater father."
Scowl. "This isn't the end, Potter."
***
"Did you hear: Hermione Granger and Harry Potter are dating and Ron Weasley's raving with jealousy!"
"Well I would be jealous of Hermione too, if I didn't love Terry. Harry Potter is SO incredibly handsome…those piercing eyes…!"
"Er…I think Ron's jealous of Harry, Padma."
"Oh." Pause. "I never did like Ron Weasley anyways; too much red hair and too gawky and simply no manners whatsoever. Now Draco Malfoy…"
Giggles.
Appalled look. "But he's a Slytherin!"
"Yes, yes, I know they're the enemy and all that…but just look at that hair!"
Dreamy sigh. "Wouldn't it be wonderful if the two most beautiful people at this school were together…?"
"I know Malfoy and I would make a lovely couple, but the likelihood of that is-"
"Not you, silly prat, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy!"
Pause.
Muffled giggles. "Like that's ever going to happen! They're nemeses, remember? With passionate loathing and all of those feelings that come with being worst enemies?"
"But they also play Quidditch, and you never know what hormone induced boys in tight uniforms might do on impulse. Passionate loathing may very well become just passion when the two of them are alone in the showers!"
"…"
"It's a glorious and heartwarming dream, girls, full of musk and sweat and wild animal sex, but in the end, it's all just fantasy. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are enemies, have been enemies, and will forever be enemies."
***
"Dumbledore's speeches get more melodramatic year after year; it's always the same message: be good children and don't be afraid of the big bad Dark Lord. Load of bloody nonsense it all is."
"Well, I have something that may interest you. Weasley and Granger are now officially the most disgusting couple in all of 'Hogwarts, A History'.
"You don't say!" Thoughtful snicker. "A weasel and a beaver…do you suppose their goody-goody spawn would end up as chipmunks?"
"Or ferrets, if you'd prefer."
Snarl. "Don't you EVER mention those disgusting little rodents to me again if you value your life."
"My dearest condolences to your-"
"This is the perfect time to strike against Harry Potter, comrades. Now that his groupies are busy" sneer "we can launch a full frontal attack!"
Mutterings. "Full-frontal snogging, more like"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Nothing of great importance, our cunning and perfectly groomed leader!"
Preens.
Knowing look.
***
"So Potter, still friendless? Have your little pals abandoned you for something more amusing, say…a broom closet?"
Flush. "They're not-"
"Why, are you bitter about missing out on all of the action? Or upset that Weasley bested you in winning over Granger? Mind you, I sympathize with the Mudblood; being stuck with you and Weasley couldn't have been pleasant."
"I don't like Hermione in that way-"
"Oh, so you fancy the Weasel! You've always had bad taste in looks, but then again, Merlin knows what you can see behind those absurdly thick glasses."
Darker flush. "I don't like-"
"You need someone with a sense of style by you, Potter." eyes glitter "Someone who won't ditch you for a girl…"
"Malfoy, what are you talking --- Mmmph!"
Snogging, then breathless pants.
Disbelieving stare. "Malfoy…you just kissed me!"
"So?"
"But…but…you don't even like me!"
"And I still don't, Potter."
"But…but…what will people say?"
"Let them gossip; they will anyways."
Kiss.