Author's Note: I want to thank everyone for his or her review so far. I
have received a certain review that I wish to address, as it is the only
negative review I've ever received and I'd like to respond.
One. I'm sorry if anyone finds my representation of any of the X-men wrong in your own mind. However, I don't believe I differ far from how the cartoon expresses them. They're awkward teenagers going through a stage of life I am still going through, so I base them on what I know of actual teenagers.
Two. I have been writing for close to nine years. In my early years I went through a Mary Sue phase, but as I grew with my writing ability I strayed from that and instead began focusing mostly on male characters. I do tend to give my characters a few traits I have, shyness, the inability to express feelings, and small things like that, but it's been years since I have created any kind of Mary Sue character. I do not write all-powerful characters that have no weaknesses, which I believe is supposedly one quality of a Mary Sue.
Why does your character have more powers than everyone else? I thought it was obvious in the first chapter that Dustin is NOT a mutant. To quote his uncle in the first chapter, "Now nephew, be good. Remember to these people you are a mutant and your name is Dustin Tal." This is why he is so much more powerful.
Why is he so 'mysterious'? For one Dustin is shy. He's never really been around kids his own age, because the kids where he came from never really liked him. The other reason he comes off as mysterious is for his own safety. That will be explained soon.
Why does he always have the right thing to say? Sometimes he doesn't. It's really not that far into the story to be judging his character like that.
Why is he so stupidly polite? Dustin comes from a people that didn't live in 'normal' human society. They never grew out of being polite and honorable like much of the world has. His people believe in being understanding, polite, truthful, and all those good qualities that our world has pretty much lost.
Why is he un-characteristically smart? His people are just born to be very smart. They pretty much have to be. That will be explained in time.
Why does he have an unnatural hair color? Well, pointing out that he has unnatural hair color seems awful silly to me. I don't know many people that have naturally blue hair. Looking at the fandom this is written in it doesn't seem very reasonable to attack a character's hair color when there's a boy with blue fur, a kid that can multiply, and a man with an unbreakable metal grafted to his skeleton. Does purple hair really seem that ridiculous when considering all of that? I really don't think so.
I respect the opinion of Imhotep Ardeth Bey. However, I feel you have judged the story before you ever truly gave it a chance. I would have appreciated your opinion better if you had given me some example of how I was writing Scott and Xavier poorly. I must respectfully request that if you want to write another criticism, please make it more constructive criticism. Thank you.
And now, on with the story...
Dustin tensed as he felt the Danger Room atmosphere change around him. He slowed his racing heart and opened his senses to the world around him. He sensed a wall behind him and took a hesitant step forward. At that he heard something in front of him move and stopped. Taking the attention away from his other senses he focused entirely on his hearing. He heard the distinct thump-thump of someone's heart beating a few feet in front of him.
Up in the control room Jamie watched as the simulation of Toad spat slime at Dustin. He and the other mutants gasped as the slime smacked an invisible shield and slid to the ground. They watched as Toad lunged at the blind kid and Dustin simply sidestepped the older mutant. A third shock came as Dustin roundhouse kicked Toad squarely in the back sending the simulation tumbling into the hard metal wall.
"Wow, Professor is he, like, really blind?" Kitty questioned.
"Yes Kitty, he is." Xavier replied. He hid it, but he was just as surprised with Dustin's skills as everyone else.
Dustin heard the simulated opponent get up and then he heard a second opponent come to life behind him. Suddenly the ground shook and he stumbled slightly, unprepared at first. The rumble covered the sound of a third opponent coming to life somewhere to his side, but he felt the new presence anyway.
"Don't you think three is too much?" Scott asked Xavier.
"I have to see what he is capable of."
The quakes stopped and at that moment Dustin heard the third opponent dash at him. The boy was quick, but Dustin was no snail. He fell back and planted his feet in his attackers chest and sent the simulation flying into another metal wall. He flipped to his feet and then felt a presence right behind him. He heard the movement of an arm and ducked, simultaneously he grabbed the offending arm and swung his attacker into the ground with a harsh thump.
Jamie gaped as he watched the new kid decimate the Brotherhood. The simulation of Toad was laid out on the ground not moving while the simulation of Quicksilver was lying on his shoulders, neck, and head against the metal wall also not moving. The simulation of Avalanche was once more creating tremors, but Dustin seemed prepared for it this time. He flipped into the air and at the same time disappeared. A collective gasp rang in the room.
"Where'd he go?" Evan asked the question on everyone's mind.
They all watched in stunned silence as Avalanche was seemingly hit from behind and stumbled forward slightly before hitting the ground. When Avalanche didn't move Dustin reappeared looking calm and unshaken. The three defeated simulations disappeared and then Blob appeared behind Dustin.
"Professor," Jean started to argue, but didn't get any further.
Dustin could easily hear the very large, very heavy mutant charge him. A smirk filtered onto his face as he stood his ground. He could imagine those watching up in the control room yelling at him to watch out or to move. He didn't even bother to face his large opponent.
"He'll be squished." Bobby commented.
They watched on expecting to see the end of their would-be teammate. Except the unexpected happened. Blob suddenly hit the invisible shield from earlier and was actually knocked backwards off his feet.
"Wow." Jamie said in awe. Many other voices echoed his with their own comments of amazement. It was clear the whole room was impressed with his skill.
Suddenly the whole X-men team, Storm and Wolverine included, appeared in the Danger Room.
"Professor, why are you having him fight us?" Scott asked.
"That's my doin'. I wanna see just how good this kid is." Logan spoke up.
Dustin frowned as he felt the familiar people in the room with him. Then he realized they didn't feel the same. These people had no souls. This is familiar. He thought grimly. Hmmm...I get to show them I can take any of them even if I am blind.
"This will be an interesting experience." Jean mused.
At that the simulated version of Spyke threw a good number of spikes at Dustin, but they only hit a shield. Cyclopes shot an optic blast that Dustin easily dodged. Nightcrawler ported behind the young kid, but as soon as he appeared he was kicked squarely in the chin and fell to the ground.
"Ouch." Kurt murmured.
Dustin grunted in surprise as a strong wind hit him out of nowhere. He shifted his feet to get a better balance against this new challenge and then focussed his attention on the source of the problem. He activated his invisibility power and crouched low on the ground. The wind ceased as soon as he disappeared and he executed a leap that would make Toad jealous. He caught his target completely by surprise and managed to kick his opponent in the head before flipping to the ground and landing firmly on his feet.
In the control room all eyes went to Ororo who barely managed to conceal her own shock. If the kid could do that to a simulation then it was plausible he could do it to her. For some reason that was not a very comforting thought to the weather witch.
All eyes went back to the fight just in time to see the simulation of Spyke jump on his skateboard and start toward the now visible Dustin. A row of bone spikes appeared on his forearm, but in a quick move the skateboard was kicked out from under Spyke's feet and the simulation flew forward and smacked its head against the floor with resounding crack.
"Remind me not to get on this kid's bad side." Evan remarked.
Dustin panted just slightly as he cart wheeled out of the way of another optic blast. He grunted in surprise as he was suddenly in the air. He could feel the telekentic hold on him. Finally he was faced with a problem he didn't know how to deal with. He just barely got a shield up in time to deflect an optic blast. As a second one hit his shield he got an idea. At the third optic blast he used a shield on his hand to direct it right at the source of the telekentic hold. He knew he'd hit his mark when his feet hit the ground. And then another optic blast was deflected right back at source.
Scott and Jean shared surprised looks as the simulations of them both fell to the ground not moving.
Only the simulations of Rogue, Shadowcat, and Wolverine remained. The three simulations attacked at the same time. Shadowcat phased through Dustin's kick and tackled him to the ground only to be kicked off with ease. Wolverine dove for where Dustin was on the ground, but the younger boy flipped to his feet and rolled forward. Shadowcat phased up from the floor and grabbed Dustin from behind. Dustin grunted as he was lifted off his feet and struggled. He was surprised the simulation had managed that, but quickly came to the conclusion that when Shadowcat phased he could no longer smell, hear, or even feel her presence anymore. He didn't like that at all.
As he struggled he felt another presence approaching him, a hand outreached to touch his face.
Jamie shot a look at Kitty and Rouge. Kitty looked like she was trying to hide a triumphant look, while Rogue had the same scowl plastered on her face that was always there. Just as quickly the look was gone from Kitty's face and the young mutant spun to see what had happened. He gaped at the sight of the simulated Shadowcat and Rogue on the ground with the rest of their teammates and the simulated Wolverine having a ferocious, quick paced fight against Dustin.
"No way." Bobby gasped as he watched the fight.
Dustin ducked a punch and dove forward to roll between Wolverine's legs. He then tried to leg sweep the big mutant, but Wolverine leapt over it and tried to bring his claws down into Dustin's head. Dustin erected a quick shield and then rolled to his feet. He immediately had to duck a kick aimed at his head and then activated his invisibility. He stood up and then jumped back in surprise as Wolverine's claws nearly sliced him in two.
Okay, too close. Dustin thought nervously. This guy has senses like I do. How am I supposed to deal with this one? I do not want to use any more of my abilities.
_Dustin, perhaps you should let Wolverine win. None of the other students can beat him and I do not believe you should either._ Xavier's calm voice rang in his mind.
_If that is what you wish._
Dustin sighed to himself. He hated losing. He had been taught that losing meant death and not just his death, but the death of those he fights for. His Durah taught him to never lose and never give up until death drags him to the Underworld.
He ducked the next swipe of the claws and tried to kick Wolverine only to have his other foot knocked out from under him. With a surprised yelp he hit the ground and rolled as those deadly adamantium claws tried to impale him. He flipped to his feet only to receive a viscous kick to his chest. The young boy hit the ground hard and gasped for breath. A yelp of fear escaped him as he heard Wolverine approaching and prepared himself for a brutal death when he suddenly felt the room shift and change, the simulation had ended.
A stunned audience stood in the control room. Professor Xavier was the first to recover. He wheeled out of the room and the rest of the group followed him into the Danger Room. Dustin was still laying on the floor and Xavier worried to boy had been hurt by that last kick.
"Dustin, are you injured?" Xavier asked.
"Kada," Dustin swore, realizing no one would understand it. "No, but my Durah would have my head allowing a kick like that to stop me."
"Don't feel bad, none of us can beat Wolverine." Scott spoke up.
"Yeah dude, none of us can even last as long with him as you did." Bobby added.
"Are you sure you're not hurt?" Xavier asked.
Dustin frowned as Bobby and Ray helped him to his feet. "I am perfectly fine. I may bruise, but I really am not injured."
"Bruised? If Wolverine kicked any of us like that we'd have broken ribs." Kurt mused.
Without skipping a beat Dustin turned his head toward Jamie, just so the little mutant would know he was talking to him. "Do you still wish to accompany me on my walk?"
"Yeah." Jamie replied enthusiastically.
Jamie followed Dustin past the still rather shell shocked older mutants. He was still in awe himself, unable to believe the ease the blind boy had defeated everyone except Wolverine. He decided rather quickly he had to get Dustin to teach him some of that stuff. Dustin led Jamie out of the Danger Room, unaware of the unfriendly eyes that watched him.
One. I'm sorry if anyone finds my representation of any of the X-men wrong in your own mind. However, I don't believe I differ far from how the cartoon expresses them. They're awkward teenagers going through a stage of life I am still going through, so I base them on what I know of actual teenagers.
Two. I have been writing for close to nine years. In my early years I went through a Mary Sue phase, but as I grew with my writing ability I strayed from that and instead began focusing mostly on male characters. I do tend to give my characters a few traits I have, shyness, the inability to express feelings, and small things like that, but it's been years since I have created any kind of Mary Sue character. I do not write all-powerful characters that have no weaknesses, which I believe is supposedly one quality of a Mary Sue.
Why does your character have more powers than everyone else? I thought it was obvious in the first chapter that Dustin is NOT a mutant. To quote his uncle in the first chapter, "Now nephew, be good. Remember to these people you are a mutant and your name is Dustin Tal." This is why he is so much more powerful.
Why is he so 'mysterious'? For one Dustin is shy. He's never really been around kids his own age, because the kids where he came from never really liked him. The other reason he comes off as mysterious is for his own safety. That will be explained soon.
Why does he always have the right thing to say? Sometimes he doesn't. It's really not that far into the story to be judging his character like that.
Why is he so stupidly polite? Dustin comes from a people that didn't live in 'normal' human society. They never grew out of being polite and honorable like much of the world has. His people believe in being understanding, polite, truthful, and all those good qualities that our world has pretty much lost.
Why is he un-characteristically smart? His people are just born to be very smart. They pretty much have to be. That will be explained in time.
Why does he have an unnatural hair color? Well, pointing out that he has unnatural hair color seems awful silly to me. I don't know many people that have naturally blue hair. Looking at the fandom this is written in it doesn't seem very reasonable to attack a character's hair color when there's a boy with blue fur, a kid that can multiply, and a man with an unbreakable metal grafted to his skeleton. Does purple hair really seem that ridiculous when considering all of that? I really don't think so.
I respect the opinion of Imhotep Ardeth Bey. However, I feel you have judged the story before you ever truly gave it a chance. I would have appreciated your opinion better if you had given me some example of how I was writing Scott and Xavier poorly. I must respectfully request that if you want to write another criticism, please make it more constructive criticism. Thank you.
And now, on with the story...
Dustin tensed as he felt the Danger Room atmosphere change around him. He slowed his racing heart and opened his senses to the world around him. He sensed a wall behind him and took a hesitant step forward. At that he heard something in front of him move and stopped. Taking the attention away from his other senses he focused entirely on his hearing. He heard the distinct thump-thump of someone's heart beating a few feet in front of him.
Up in the control room Jamie watched as the simulation of Toad spat slime at Dustin. He and the other mutants gasped as the slime smacked an invisible shield and slid to the ground. They watched as Toad lunged at the blind kid and Dustin simply sidestepped the older mutant. A third shock came as Dustin roundhouse kicked Toad squarely in the back sending the simulation tumbling into the hard metal wall.
"Wow, Professor is he, like, really blind?" Kitty questioned.
"Yes Kitty, he is." Xavier replied. He hid it, but he was just as surprised with Dustin's skills as everyone else.
Dustin heard the simulated opponent get up and then he heard a second opponent come to life behind him. Suddenly the ground shook and he stumbled slightly, unprepared at first. The rumble covered the sound of a third opponent coming to life somewhere to his side, but he felt the new presence anyway.
"Don't you think three is too much?" Scott asked Xavier.
"I have to see what he is capable of."
The quakes stopped and at that moment Dustin heard the third opponent dash at him. The boy was quick, but Dustin was no snail. He fell back and planted his feet in his attackers chest and sent the simulation flying into another metal wall. He flipped to his feet and then felt a presence right behind him. He heard the movement of an arm and ducked, simultaneously he grabbed the offending arm and swung his attacker into the ground with a harsh thump.
Jamie gaped as he watched the new kid decimate the Brotherhood. The simulation of Toad was laid out on the ground not moving while the simulation of Quicksilver was lying on his shoulders, neck, and head against the metal wall also not moving. The simulation of Avalanche was once more creating tremors, but Dustin seemed prepared for it this time. He flipped into the air and at the same time disappeared. A collective gasp rang in the room.
"Where'd he go?" Evan asked the question on everyone's mind.
They all watched in stunned silence as Avalanche was seemingly hit from behind and stumbled forward slightly before hitting the ground. When Avalanche didn't move Dustin reappeared looking calm and unshaken. The three defeated simulations disappeared and then Blob appeared behind Dustin.
"Professor," Jean started to argue, but didn't get any further.
Dustin could easily hear the very large, very heavy mutant charge him. A smirk filtered onto his face as he stood his ground. He could imagine those watching up in the control room yelling at him to watch out or to move. He didn't even bother to face his large opponent.
"He'll be squished." Bobby commented.
They watched on expecting to see the end of their would-be teammate. Except the unexpected happened. Blob suddenly hit the invisible shield from earlier and was actually knocked backwards off his feet.
"Wow." Jamie said in awe. Many other voices echoed his with their own comments of amazement. It was clear the whole room was impressed with his skill.
Suddenly the whole X-men team, Storm and Wolverine included, appeared in the Danger Room.
"Professor, why are you having him fight us?" Scott asked.
"That's my doin'. I wanna see just how good this kid is." Logan spoke up.
Dustin frowned as he felt the familiar people in the room with him. Then he realized they didn't feel the same. These people had no souls. This is familiar. He thought grimly. Hmmm...I get to show them I can take any of them even if I am blind.
"This will be an interesting experience." Jean mused.
At that the simulated version of Spyke threw a good number of spikes at Dustin, but they only hit a shield. Cyclopes shot an optic blast that Dustin easily dodged. Nightcrawler ported behind the young kid, but as soon as he appeared he was kicked squarely in the chin and fell to the ground.
"Ouch." Kurt murmured.
Dustin grunted in surprise as a strong wind hit him out of nowhere. He shifted his feet to get a better balance against this new challenge and then focussed his attention on the source of the problem. He activated his invisibility power and crouched low on the ground. The wind ceased as soon as he disappeared and he executed a leap that would make Toad jealous. He caught his target completely by surprise and managed to kick his opponent in the head before flipping to the ground and landing firmly on his feet.
In the control room all eyes went to Ororo who barely managed to conceal her own shock. If the kid could do that to a simulation then it was plausible he could do it to her. For some reason that was not a very comforting thought to the weather witch.
All eyes went back to the fight just in time to see the simulation of Spyke jump on his skateboard and start toward the now visible Dustin. A row of bone spikes appeared on his forearm, but in a quick move the skateboard was kicked out from under Spyke's feet and the simulation flew forward and smacked its head against the floor with resounding crack.
"Remind me not to get on this kid's bad side." Evan remarked.
Dustin panted just slightly as he cart wheeled out of the way of another optic blast. He grunted in surprise as he was suddenly in the air. He could feel the telekentic hold on him. Finally he was faced with a problem he didn't know how to deal with. He just barely got a shield up in time to deflect an optic blast. As a second one hit his shield he got an idea. At the third optic blast he used a shield on his hand to direct it right at the source of the telekentic hold. He knew he'd hit his mark when his feet hit the ground. And then another optic blast was deflected right back at source.
Scott and Jean shared surprised looks as the simulations of them both fell to the ground not moving.
Only the simulations of Rogue, Shadowcat, and Wolverine remained. The three simulations attacked at the same time. Shadowcat phased through Dustin's kick and tackled him to the ground only to be kicked off with ease. Wolverine dove for where Dustin was on the ground, but the younger boy flipped to his feet and rolled forward. Shadowcat phased up from the floor and grabbed Dustin from behind. Dustin grunted as he was lifted off his feet and struggled. He was surprised the simulation had managed that, but quickly came to the conclusion that when Shadowcat phased he could no longer smell, hear, or even feel her presence anymore. He didn't like that at all.
As he struggled he felt another presence approaching him, a hand outreached to touch his face.
Jamie shot a look at Kitty and Rouge. Kitty looked like she was trying to hide a triumphant look, while Rogue had the same scowl plastered on her face that was always there. Just as quickly the look was gone from Kitty's face and the young mutant spun to see what had happened. He gaped at the sight of the simulated Shadowcat and Rogue on the ground with the rest of their teammates and the simulated Wolverine having a ferocious, quick paced fight against Dustin.
"No way." Bobby gasped as he watched the fight.
Dustin ducked a punch and dove forward to roll between Wolverine's legs. He then tried to leg sweep the big mutant, but Wolverine leapt over it and tried to bring his claws down into Dustin's head. Dustin erected a quick shield and then rolled to his feet. He immediately had to duck a kick aimed at his head and then activated his invisibility. He stood up and then jumped back in surprise as Wolverine's claws nearly sliced him in two.
Okay, too close. Dustin thought nervously. This guy has senses like I do. How am I supposed to deal with this one? I do not want to use any more of my abilities.
_Dustin, perhaps you should let Wolverine win. None of the other students can beat him and I do not believe you should either._ Xavier's calm voice rang in his mind.
_If that is what you wish._
Dustin sighed to himself. He hated losing. He had been taught that losing meant death and not just his death, but the death of those he fights for. His Durah taught him to never lose and never give up until death drags him to the Underworld.
He ducked the next swipe of the claws and tried to kick Wolverine only to have his other foot knocked out from under him. With a surprised yelp he hit the ground and rolled as those deadly adamantium claws tried to impale him. He flipped to his feet only to receive a viscous kick to his chest. The young boy hit the ground hard and gasped for breath. A yelp of fear escaped him as he heard Wolverine approaching and prepared himself for a brutal death when he suddenly felt the room shift and change, the simulation had ended.
A stunned audience stood in the control room. Professor Xavier was the first to recover. He wheeled out of the room and the rest of the group followed him into the Danger Room. Dustin was still laying on the floor and Xavier worried to boy had been hurt by that last kick.
"Dustin, are you injured?" Xavier asked.
"Kada," Dustin swore, realizing no one would understand it. "No, but my Durah would have my head allowing a kick like that to stop me."
"Don't feel bad, none of us can beat Wolverine." Scott spoke up.
"Yeah dude, none of us can even last as long with him as you did." Bobby added.
"Are you sure you're not hurt?" Xavier asked.
Dustin frowned as Bobby and Ray helped him to his feet. "I am perfectly fine. I may bruise, but I really am not injured."
"Bruised? If Wolverine kicked any of us like that we'd have broken ribs." Kurt mused.
Without skipping a beat Dustin turned his head toward Jamie, just so the little mutant would know he was talking to him. "Do you still wish to accompany me on my walk?"
"Yeah." Jamie replied enthusiastically.
Jamie followed Dustin past the still rather shell shocked older mutants. He was still in awe himself, unable to believe the ease the blind boy had defeated everyone except Wolverine. He decided rather quickly he had to get Dustin to teach him some of that stuff. Dustin led Jamie out of the Danger Room, unaware of the unfriendly eyes that watched him.