Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns everything except Serena.
HEY! Reviewers! You guys rock. I feel so good!
ElsalhirErestar—I'm so glad you like my Remus.
Reisha—I can't stand those perfect perky girls either. I was trying to make Serena more human. And that dream… Sigh.
Kazeno-Taka—I got a plan, country mouse!
Chapter Eight
Remus wanted to howl. To leave this place and run until he couldn't run anymore, then to let out his pain and frustration with a howl. The moon was growing night by night, and he could feel it tugging at him.
He hated being this close to her, and yet so distant.
It was the worst kind of hunger, this craving he felt. Because of that, he had deliberately put off asking Snape for help with the Wolfsbane potion, thinking that perhaps if he let the beast inside him take over that the hunger would go away.
He knew it wouldn't.
So he avoided her. Knowing she had feelings for him, had always had them, was unbearable.
His dreams frightened him. If he hurt her in real life, the way he did in his dreams, it would destroy him.
He had decided to simplify things. If he didn't touch her, he wouldn't hurt her.
But that didn't stop the longing.
"Remus."
It was as if his thoughts had summoned her. She stepped out of the shadows nearby.
"Serena. Leave me be."
He heard her sigh. "No. You're brooding."
"I am not." He responded irritably.
She sat beside him. "You are. It's because of last night, isn't it?"
"I don't understand why you didn't tell me it was happening." He said bleakly.
"Because I knew you would get like this."
It wasn't fair that she knew him so well, when she remained such a mystery to him.
"How could you say you liked it?" He hissed, abruptly angry. "I mangled you!"
His sudden ferocity was startling. He sounded as if he was angry with her. "Because you won't touch me in real life!" She spat back. "So I took what I could get. That's pitiful, isn't it?"
He turned on her, his eyes alight with wildness. "Pathetic." He agreed with a snarl.
"Fine." She snapped. "I'm sorry I wanted you to touch me." She stood up to leave.
"Touch you?" He bit out. "I went mad and attacked you!" He surged to his feet, standing toe to toe with her. "Did you like that? That you could make me lose control?"
"Yes." She retorted. "I did."
Anger and arousal spurred him to grab her by the shoulders. He saw her eyes widen with shock just before he fastened his mouth on hers viciously.
All thoughts flew out of his head at the taste of her, and he ravaged her lips, growling low in his throat. His hands dug into her shoulders roughly, and he pulled her closer.
Her hands came up between them. But instead of pushing him away, she framed his face between her palms.
That simple touch tamed the beast. He tore his mouth from hers, his breathing ragged.
He didn't release her, but his hands gentled. He was appalled by his actions.
"Serena…" He whispered. "I'm sorry." It sounded inadequate to him, considering what had just occurred.
She met his agonized gaze. "Don't be, Remus. Please."
He let out a jagged breath. "This is why I don't dare touch you. Because I lose control and I'm afraid I'll hurt you, just as I did in the dream."
Her smile was sweet and sad. "Don't you realize that it's not me you're hurting in the dream? You're hurting yourself."
"Serena, I taste you, and I lose my mind."
His words sent a thrill through her. "And I like it. I'm not fragile, I won't break. I refuse to believe that you'd harm me, intentional or not."
"I don't want to take that chance." His voice was miserable. And yet, he still didn't release his light hold.
She leaned closer to him, pressing her cheek against his. "I'm not afraid of you."
"You should be."
"It's not your decision to make. I'm not content to watch you from afar anymore. I've waited too long, and I'm not giving up on you." She said forcefully.
He turned his head to press a gentle but desperate kiss to her soft lips. "You are aware that I'm not some harmless puppy?"
In response, she simply reached up and scratched behind his ear. "Who's a good puppy, huh? Who's a good puppy-wuppy?"
He let out a surprised laugh, ducking his head. "Cut that out."
She grinned. "Does puppikins want to go for walkies?"
He wasn't usually inclined to laugh about his condition, but her humor was infectious. "Just try to put a leash on me." He laughed. "Then you'll see what kind of puppy I am."
Her eyes glinted. "Tempting…"
"Don't get any ideas."
She sighed theatrically. "Ruin all my fun."
He just shook has head at her. "Only you would think taunting a werewolf is fun."
She grinned. "Not all werewolves. Just you."
"Great." Releasing her, he took her hand and led her back to sit on the bench. "We should talk."
"I don't know, Remus. It always seems to turn into an argument."
He opened his mouth to respond, and then saw that she was teasing him. "I'm serious."
She couldn't resist. "You're not Sirius… you're Remus."
He groaned. "What has gotten into you?" She was being so silly.
Serena bumped her shoulder against his. "I don't know. I'm just happy."
Happy. It had been a long time since he had felt that particular emotion. But right now, sitting with her in the moonlit garden, he felt…almost cheerful. There was just one thing…
"Serena. About the dream."
"Do we have to do this again, Remus?" She asked, her voice a little impatient.
"Well, I just don't understand how it's happening. How you're getting into my dream."
"It may have started out as your dream, but I let you draw me into it."
"What do you mean?"
"You called to me, Remus. In my dreams, I could hear you calling. So I went to you."
"Why?"
She sighed. "I wanted to help you. You've always seemed so alone. So sad. I wanted to make that go away."
He had the fleeting thought that she was the only one that could.
"I do have to admit, it was a bit startling the first time." She said carefully. "I had heard of things like that happening, but never thought it was true."
"And yet you let it keep happening?"
"I wanted to be with you." She replied simply. "And I thought that was the only way it would ever happen."
He was fool. To not have seen what was in front of him for so long. "I don't deserve you." He whispered intensely.
"Oh, Remus. It's me that doesn't deserve you."
He gaped at her. "You must be joking. How could you say that?"
She looked away. "You've been here all along, fighting Voldemort, protecting Harry. And all the while I've been hiding."
"Hiding?"
"I told you that Lily told me to leave the day before she was killed, but I didn't tell you why."
"Tell me now."
"Truthfully, there was more than one reason. Part of it was because of you. She said she was tired of seeing me pine away over a stupid man who didn't know what was right in front of him."
Oh, that sounded just like Lily. Remus smiled a little. She had always said he was blind about things. He had never understood what she was talking about until now.
"The other reason…" She trailed off, suddenly afraid to continue.
He took her hand. "Serena, just tell me."
"The other reason," she said slowly, "was because Voldemort's followers were trying to recruit me."
Remus went very still, absorbing that. It made sense. Voldemort would want someone as powerful as her on his side.
"So I ran away." She admitted brokenly. "And I have regretted it every day. If I had been there…"
"You may have been killed as well." Remus finished for her.
She shook her head. "But I may have been able to do something. Anything."
"You can't blame yourself Serena. I know. I think it every day. But there was nothing either of us could have done. But we can fight now."
He squeezed her hand. "We'll fight now. For Lily and James. For Sirius."
Her lips curved. "I can't believe you thought I fancied him."
"All the girls fancied him." He responded, welcoming the change of topic.
"I was never like the other girls."
He knew that well. That was why she had caught his eye so long ago. "I know you weren't."
"Oh? I thought you didn't even notice me."
He had a confession of his own to make. "I noticed you. Some days all I could see was you."
Her head came up, her eyes widening with surprise. "What?"
He smiled sheepishly.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
Shrugging, he looked down at their joined hands. "I was afraid to. Plus, I thought you were interested in Sirius."
"Silly boy."
He squeezed her hand. "So… uh, where do we go from here?"
Leaning her head against his shoulder, she shrugged. "I don't know. I suppose we can just let things happen and see where it goes."
Let things happen. With the full moon just days away, he wasn't certain what it would bring.