DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters. All else, you can thank J.K. Rowling for brilliantly conjuring up a story that has set the world on its tail spinning from controversies of magic & changing the thought-process of the jaded people in this world. Fiction has allowed us to escape from the regiments of real life & unleash our creativity.
The song is Numb by Linkin Park off their latest album, Meteora. I was inspired by it. A wonderful song & a great band.
i'm tired of being what you want me to be | feeling so faithless | lost under the surface | i don't know what you're expecting of me | put under the pressure | of walking in your shoes
It's easy getting people to hate you. I know. I've been doing it for years. You might even consider me an expert on this matter. Every twist, every turn, I can feel the penetrating stares of the people surrounding me. Each gaze reflects the dislike or disdain of that person. It's a normal occurrence in my life. You'd get used to it. You HAVE to. It's the only way I survived throughout my 16 years. For these gazes tell me that I'm still alive. That even for a moment in time, there is someone out there who recognizes me, by looks, by name whichever. Living? What is living when your whole life is filled with hatred? Maybe it would better for me to die. No one would care anyway. They might even rejoice at the announcement of my death, throw a celebration party, "Bring out the champagne" someone would cry. But I'm a Malfoy & Malfoys don't give up easily to death.
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow] | every step that i take is another mistake to you
Hah! How did I get this cynical? So jaded at such a young age? First would be to have a Death Eater as a father & a destroyed woman for a mother. How did the woman who gave birth to me turn out like that? My father. I remembered watching the horrors, hours upon hours, of torture inflicted on her. She endured it all just for me. Finally she broke. I was in my 5th year at Hogwarts when I received the owl, informing me that my mother had been incarcerated into the nearest mental institute. My only saviour & now she's gone. I cried silent tears for the 1st time that night & I promised it would be my last. The rest of the year passed swiftly. Father was pressing for me to get my Dark Mark. I refused, telling him in no uncertain terms would I accept the Dark Mark until I finished school. That wouldn't be long now. I have less than 2 years to make a decision. Father took my silence as an agreement.
i've | become so numb | i can't feel you there | become so tired | so much more aware | i'm becoming this | all i want to do | is be more like me | and be less like you
I had made a decision. The most obvious actually. I would not accept it. Yes, you'd heard me right. Me, Draco Malfoy, has agreed not to be a Death Eater. Why? It's a matter of principles. I don't wish for a mark to be placed permanently on my arm. To be indebted for the rest of my life. My mother spent years fighting. Who am I to flush down everything my mother had done for the sake of my father? People assumed I would follow in my father's footsteps. Maybe it's because I gave them that impression. What they don't know is I would never be like him. Ever. Yes, there was a time I had thought of doing just that. To prove to everyone that they were right about me. Follow blindly into a life that I hate. But I broke out, defying conformity. Father doesn't know it yet. Therefore I have to keep up the pretense in school. Staying as my malevolent self, bugging Potter & his sidekicks, Weasley & Granger. It wasn't hard for despite my change of heart, it wasn't enjoyment I feel when I see them. The feeling of jealousy & a little dislike had always existed which even my current situation can't change. But now, another feeling cropped up, a feeling of despair as I watch the Golden Trio go merrily on their way while I have no one.
can't you see that you're smothering me | holding too tightly | afraid to lose control | cause everything that you thought i would be | has fallen apart right in front of you
While walking towards my next class, I felt a gaze upon my back, piercing through me. I turned to face my latest victim who would receive a verbal letdown. My statuesque demeanor, my infamous smirk, my dead-cold silvery eyes were all in place. As I locked eyes with a pair of chocolaty-brown ones, I saw something in them that I would have not thought possible. In them stood out a view of understanding. It shocked me enough (though my face remains impassive) for me to fix my eyes on the owner.
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow] | and every second i waste is more than i can take
"My, my. What do we have here? Another Weasley I see?" I spat out the words as though it burnt my tongue. The youngest of the Weasley family stood rigidly, staring back at me. Taking a quick glance at her, I saw that she no longer was the frightened little chick she used to be. Her composure was calm & she held a regal air about her. She has changed just like I have. "Well, what do you want?" barking the question at her through my gritted teeth. Slowly she shook her head & in a whisper of words, said "I know how you feel Draco. You don't have to pretend." Then she took hold of my right hand & lay upon it, a kiss, on my palm. Just a tender pressure. As she dropped my hand, she flashed me a wane smile before whirling around & went on her way. I stood in the middle of the corridor, struck speechless. My senses gradually returned & I realized my right hand was close. I brought it up to my lips, unfurled my fingers & kissed the very same spot. Without another thought, I continued my way to my class.
but i know | i may end up failing too | but i know | you were just like me | with someone disappointed in you
Virginia Anne Weasley. Yes, I had just found out her name. Though years I've seen her walk by me, I had never paid much attention to the youngest Weasley before. Now she has become invaluable to me. While we might not be on talking terms yet, we share a silent agreement. The conditions are not specified but deep within both of us there is a bond. Across the Great Hall, we'd seek each other out for a mere glimpse. Catching her eye, I'd bestow a smile, the most sincere smile. It was heartwarming to see her shocked face which she quickly concealed. But I can see the twinkle in her eyes as she ate her meal. I got up to leave the Great Hall & through the many stares I receive, I could feel hers. Just the once, I was grateful. Father would not approve of my acquaintanceship with her, especially a Weasley of all but for now… I do not have a care.
i'm tired of being what you want me to be…
A/N: Now that you've read my story, tell me what you think of it. Click the blue button below. Thank you.